A/N: I'm finally home after a holiday that was extended unexpectedly due to vehicle breakdowns. Then family came to stay and it frustrated me no end that I couldn't get this chapter up. But I have now. Hopefully you haven't all lost interest.

I'm not sure about this one, not quite what I was after but James was pretty insistent about it - nothing else seemed to work. I'd be curious to know what you think.

** 34 **

'James,' Shepard stopped abruptly as she came through the door from the CIC.

'Commander,' James nodded and her eyes narrowed.

'What are you doing here? I thought Westmoreland was on duty.'

'She was but I'm following your orders, ma'am.'

'My orders?' She stepped towards him with a furrowed brow.

'You asked me to make sure you aren't carrying a weapon when you meet with the dignitaries.'

'I wasn't … '

'Those were your words, Shepard.' James gave her a tight-lipped smile, raised his eyebrows and she shook her head.

'So, do you want to frisk me?' She smiled and held her arms out wide.

James gulped down the lump in his throat as his hands twitched, running them over her curvaceous form played like a movie in his head. Her soft, smooth skin was silk under his fingertips, the electricity between them creating sparks as his fingers hovered over the curve of her backside and cupped her breasts. His body tingled. Colour burned his face and he focused on the scanner, struggling to bring his wayward thoughts under control.

'No, just a scan will do.'

'Okay, let's do this,' she lowered her head but James caught the smile she was trying to hide. She stepped into the scanner and it reacted, signalling the presence of a weapon. 'What the hell?' Shepard looked at the machine in disgust.

'Commander, I'll have to ask you to step back. James brought up his omnitool, 'I will have to do a manual scan.'

'This is ridiculous,' Shepard threw her arms in the air. 'Do you really think I would shoot these people?'

'Just taking precautions, ma'am,' James kept his eyes on his omnitool as he ran it up and down her body. It beeped and indicated the presence of a weapon.

'Seriously!' Shepard was dumbfounded. 'I'm not carrying anything. I think we need to have the equipment checked.'

'Sorry, Commander, but I need you to remove your jacket.' James' eyes were pleading and his discomfort must have been obvious because she scowled at him before relenting. 'Ah …, I don't think that's quite regulation Shepard.'

James looked at the bright green tank top that sat low on her cleavage, his eyes following the pale skin down into the hollow where her breasts met. His heart raced and his throat was suddenly very dry.

'Well no-one was supposed to see it, were they?' Exasperation turned to amusement as she spoke, 'but I'm gathering you like what you see,' she grinned as his gaze hurriedly moved to her face.

'What's not to like,' his eyes dropped before looking up at her from under his lashes as he ran his omnitool over her again only to have it beep and indicate a weapon.

'Oh for fuck's sake!' Shepard cursed and paced the small area. 'I'm not carrying a weapon.'

'I'm sorry, Shepard but everything says you are,' James shifted from foot to foot, his hands working on his omnitool. 'I will have to get Westmoreland in here to verify that you're not.'

'You can do it yourself,' she smirked at him and he cleared his throat before closing down his tool and pulling himself erect

'I don't think that would be appropriate, you are my CO.'

'You've seen me naked James.'

'Ah …., ' words wouldn't come. James licked his lips but there was very little moisture on his tongue. The door behind him opened and he blew out a breath.

'Where is Shep …. ' Garrus hurried in from the conference room but stopped at the sight of Shepard in a state of undress. 'Um. Should I leave,' his mandibles flared in amusement as Shepard scowled at him. 'If not when did the Alliance change the uniform colour?' He looked her up and down and glanced at James who shrugged.

'Colours make me happy okay,' she shook her head at him. 'Maybe you can make some sense out of this,' she moaned and waved her hand at James. 'James seems to think I'm carrying a weapon.'

'Are you?' Garrus' round eyes became almonds as he looked at her, 'I would be a little concerned if you threaten the Primarch.'

'NO!' She cursed them both and didn't notice the amused glances they gave each other. 'EDI, is the scanner malfunctioning?'

'It appears to be functioning correctly,' the calm voice from the ceiling only incensed Shepard further.

'I am not carrying a weapon. As the Commander of this ship that should be good enough.'

'Under normal circumstances it would be,' Garrus spoke before James could open his mouth. 'But we have dignitaries on board and you did ask the Lieutenant to check you for weapons.'

'It was a joke,' she planted her feet, gripped her hips and glared at them both. She suddenly focused her gaze on James, 'Lieutenant, you are going to frisk me now?' She held her arms forward towards James, succeeding in making her breasts more obvious, and waited, knowing James had to follow her order.

'Get to it Lieutenant,' Garrus nodded, 'we need to be sure.'

James' eyes widened as they glued themselves to Shepard's chest and he stumbled over his words, 'I…, ah … that wasn't …..'

'Good one, Vega,' Joker's frustrated groan was clear for all to hear as Garrus and James glared at the ceiling.

'So, there was a plan,' Shepard cocked a hip and folded her arms across her chest as her eyes drilled into them both.

'Where is Shep …' Wrex barged through the door from the conference room. 'Shepard, what's going on and why are you dressed like that?' He glanced from Garrus to James, 'is there something I should know?' He looked back to Shepard, 'are you carrying a weapon?'

'Wrex.' Shepard levelled a glowering look at him and his eyes narrowed. 'You're in on this too?'

'In on what,' he feigned innocence but Shepard just shook her head.

'I'm assuming there was a bet.' Her eyes flicked to the ceiling.

'No, not this time.' Joker sighed through the com.

'So why the charade?'

'Because EDI told us your biometric readings indicated severe stress and we thought you needed to lighten up.' Garrus informed her and James nodded. 'We thought if anyone could do it, Vega could and he said something about needing payback.'

'Yeah … What?' James gaped at him, 'you said we just needed to make her laugh.'

Garrus leant against the wall, 'we knew you stood the best chance.'

'Why me?' James eyes were glancing from Garrus to Wrex.

'Because she likes you,' Wrex rolled his eyes as if he was talking to a child. 'Seeing as how we've succeeded can we get on with this, there's a war on in case you hadn't noticed.' He turned and walked back into the conference room.

James and Garrus turned their gaze to Shepard who was covering her mouth and trying not to laugh aloud. James scowled at her, Garrus simply chuckled, shrugged and returned to the conference room.

'Sorry, Shepard,' James helped her with her jacket, trying not to look at the pale, rounded curve of her breasts over her shoulder. 'They convinced me you needed to relax before this meeting, I wasn't too sure, I mean, dignitaries and all.'

'Don't be sorry,' she grinned as she turned towards him, doing up her jacket, 'I do feel more relaxed.'

'See,' Joker interrupted above their heads, 'it was a good idea.'

'Says the man who didn't get played.' James scowled and Shepard patted his arm.

'Consider it a compliment, they don't let just anyone do things like this.'

'I apologise, Shepard,' EDI sounded contrite, 'when I suggested you needed to relax this was not what I had in mind, although it was amusing.'

'Yeah, yeah, I guess I deserved it,' she looked at James who gave her a sheepish grin. She stepped through the scanner and glared at it, daring it to beep, 'make sure we're ready to go when this meeting is over.'

'Yes, ma'am,' James nodded and she groaned at him before entering the conference room.

'Hmm, excellent specimen,' Mordin looked James up and down. 'Perfect match for Shepard, although would recommend caution, weight may be problematic during sexual encounters. Shepard slight of build, would not like to see bones broken. Can assist with safe positions if necessary.'

Shepard and Garrus guffawed as James gaped at the salarian he'd just met. 'We're not … I'm not ….'

'You should have been there when he announced the same thing to me and Shepard in the mess on the Normandy.' Garrus placed a sympathetic hand on James' shoulder, 'now that was embarrassing.'

'I thought it was funny,' Shepard shrugged, still chuckling as she looked at James.

'Yes, wrong then,' Mordin glanced at Shepard, 'not wrong this time though,' his lips lifted slightly and Garrus burst into laughter again as she struggled to speak.

'I think I'm beginning to see why Wrex likes his salarian livers raw,' James muttered.

'Ah yes,' Mordin nodded seriously, 'taste better with a little salt.'

All three of them were gaping now and Mordin looked at them for a moment before breaking into a smile, 'ah, missed this, salarians take life too seriously.'

'Mordin,' Shepard laughed and James was pleased to see some of the tension she'd been carrying drop away. 'I'm guessing you were Wrex's inside source.' He nodded as she continued. 'Where are the female krogans?'

Following the others through the complex James managed to recover from the shock of meeting Mordin. He'd read about the salarian but never expected him to be so blunt. While he found the conversation amusing he was starting to think everyone could see that he had feelings for Shepard. He really didn't think he was that obvious, maybe he needed to try harder.

Eventually they stood before a pod where a female krogan asked why they wanted to save her. He'd always pictured krogans as a strong, indomitable race, but the sadness and defeat in her voice made him realise that they had feelings and emotions just like humans. Was this how Shepard saw everyone, not as human, krogan, turian or anything else but simply as people who needed her help. It would explain a lot about her, why she had no hesitation in stepping up and taking the weight of the universe on her shoulders. His respect for her deepened even further and he knew there was no turning back for him, there hadn't been for some time.

There was one other thing James was learning about Shepard's missions. They never went to plan. This one started with Wrex and his krogan air drop and it apparently was going to end with a fight to get out. Alarms sounded around them and Mordin moved quickly into action. Before he knew it James was once again watching Shepard's back and taking down Cerberus. Life was never boring around Shepard and he loved it. Even as the atlas bore down on them, chasing them from cover to cover he found himself grinning as Shepard yelled at Wrex through the com. He glanced over at Garrus who was smiling and James knew he was home.

'Sorry doc,' James reported for his post mission medical but hesitated in the doorway of medbay, 'I'll come back when you're not busy.'

'It's fine, Lieutenant,' Chakwas lifted her head from the datapad her and Mordin were reading, 'I'll only be a moment if you wait over there.' She indicated the bed next to the female krogan.

James perched against the edge of the bed, a little intimidated by the female next to him. She was almost as big as Wrex and he had no doubt she was just as strong, and yet there was a vulnerability about her that called to him. It was only when she turned her eyes towards him that James realised he'd been staring.

'Are you okay?' James asked, partly because he wanted to know and partly to cover his embarrassment.

'I'm fine,' she nodded and the softness of her voice seemed at odds with the size of her. 'Thank you for saving me.'

'Happy to do it,' James crossed his ankles and arms as he leant further against the bed. 'I hate to think what Cerberus would have done if they'd got their hands on you.'

'I imagine it would not have been pleasant,' a laugh escaped and James found himself smiling. 'I doubt they had a krogan and turian treaty in mind.'

'Probably not, but that's not the only reason we came for you.'

'I know,' she sighed and glanced across at Mordin before continuing, 'without me, curing the genophage would be difficult.'

'Does it bother you,' he couldn't hide the concern in his voice as she lowered her head, 'the idea that you're only needed because of that?'

'No,' she looked at him with a sharp shake of her head, 'I am happy to play my part. My people have suffered for far too long.'

'Yeah, the krogan certainly deserve a break,' James nodded. 'I really hope it works.'

'Thank you, lieutenant,' she bowed her head, her calm and peaceful manner giving James hope for the krogan's future.

'James,' he grinned at her and straightened up as Chakwas approached.

'Mordin has named me Eve, a human name that he believed was fitting.'

'Alright, lieutenant,' Chakwas lifted her medical scanner, 'anything I should know.'

'No, doc, just the usual cuts and bruises.'

'One of these days you might not be so lucky and I might get to use my scalpel,' Chakwas sighed as the scanner completed it sweep.

'It is to be hoped that when that day comes you have no regrets,' Eve said softly and James wondered if she was referring to him or herself.

'You're clear to go,' Chakwas informed him.

'Thanks, doc,' he grinned and headed for the door.

He wandered into the mess, grabbed a couple of energy bars and made his way to the starboard observation lounge. The stars outside were stunning, their beauty astounded him and he regretted not spending more time looking at them. Now that he was out here they'd lost some of their shine to reality, knowing that there were alien worlds out there somehow diminished the mystery. Still, gazing at the stars had always relaxed him, gave him a sense of peace. It was something he'd done with his uncle when he was a kid and he'd always been intrigued by the sheer magnitude of the universe. Eve's words haunted him as he realised how many opportunities he'd missed to thank his uncle for the time he'd given to make sure James had a future and now he might not get the chance. Regrets, yeah he had a few.

'Vega, didn't realise you were in here.'

James turned to see Joker with a coffee in hand paused in the doorway. 'Do you want the room?'

'Nah, I'm happy to share if you are,' he walked forward and settled himself on a lounge close to the window. He stared at James for a moment, 'something on your mind?'

'Maybe,' James moved to sit beside him. 'Eve said something and it's got me thinking.'

'About what?'

'Regret.' James glanced at Joker as he shifted beside him and was surprised to see his shoulders slump and his gaze fall to the floor. 'Sorry, Joker, didn't meant to upset you.'

'I guess I know a thing or two about regret,' Joker's normally strong voice came out as a whisper and James almost had to strain to hear him.

'Fuck,' James sat forward and ran his hand through his hair, 'I'm sorry, forget I mentioned it.'

'I killed her you know.' Joker sat forward, hunched over and placed his elbows on his knees. He spun the coffee cup in his hands, his fingers opening and closing around it as his eyes closed.

'Not what I hear,' James had some idea of the unrelenting guilt Joker must feel. His guilt ate at him, after Fehl Prime, still did. It was something he would never forget or forgive himself for. 'I hear you saved lives.'

'All except one,' Joker scoffed.

'You know it couldn't have happened any other way.'

'I thought it might at the time,' he sat back with a loud exhale.

'You were planning to go down with the ship,' James' eyes widened at the realisation as he sat back and looked at Joker.

'Why not, it would have been easier. I wouldn't have made it to an escape pod in time, can't move all that fast you know.' Joker sipped his coffee and avoided looking at James.

'Bullshit!' James angled his body as he slid to the edge of the lounge and Joker looked up in surprise. 'You had no intention of even trying.'

'I just wanted to give Shepard time to escape, she was supposed to escape. I didn't matter, she did. I thought she'd just go, follow Kaidan.'

'There was no way in hell she would leave you behind, I wouldn't have left you behind.' His hands waved in the air as he emphasised his point. 'How many times have you taken risks so someone wasn't left behind?'

'I know,' Joker dropped his head back against the lounge, 'damn you marines and your code of not leaving anyone behind. Why do you think it eats at me? I should have known better but I just wanted her safe. Instead she ended up dead.' He lifted his head and met James' eyes, 'so yeah, I understand regrets.'

'She doesn't blame you,' James settled back beside him. 'I wouldn't have blamed you either. You were doing your job, you allowed the crew to escape. Besides, it's the captain's job to go down with the ship, not yours.'

'Damn Vega, you could at least let me have a moment of glory,' Joker's lips lifted in the ghost of a smile.

'You have plenty of those, without dying,' James nudged him gently with his shoulder and stood up. 'I'd better go and finish my mission report.' He was almost at the door when Joker called to him.

'Hey Vega, tell her how you feel, before it's too late.' Sadness tinged his voice as he stared out the window.

James was going to argue, tell him that he was imagining things but he couldn't bring himself to lie to Joker. He respected him too much. Instead, he simply nodded and left. Maybe Joker was right, he could regret never telling her, the question was how and when. Was she ready to hear it or would it drive her away. Was he willing to take the risk? He focused his thoughts on the report he had to write, trying to get his mind off the emotional turmoil caused by just thinking of Shepard. He had time to think about it, at least he hoped he did.