June 6, 1988
"This should be interesting," David said as he slung his bag onto the hotel bed, "New Orleans is supposed to be a real party city."
"Don't get drunk or anything," Kurt said, "You're not legal and I'm way too young to be your designated driver."
"We both know you know how to drive," David snorted.
"Yes, but I'm not supposed to," Kurt said.
David laughed and unzipped his duffel bag.
"When has that stopped anyone?" David said, "And don't worry: I wasn't planning on getting drunk. Just planned on seeing the sites and eating some really good fried food. I know you'll like that."
Kurt grinned. Their mother had pretty much banned fried chicken from Westchester when she realized just how much Kurt liked it, and how fast he was putting on weight because of him. He knew it wasn't good for him, but he was just crazy about fried food. Now the only time he saw fried chicken was when Mr. Guthrie bought some in, and Kurt was too polite to just take some. One day he had the feeling the smell was going to push him past his breaking point though.
"I hear they even serve fried alligator," David said.
Kurt's jaw dropped.
"You've got to be joking," he said.
"Nope," David said, "Do you wanna get some?"
"Yes!" Kurt said, "I mean, I can't understand people who could just pass up an opportunity like that!"
David fished a new pair of jeans out of his suitcase. He threw them over the nightstand and closed up his suitcase again.
"Yeah, who could resist?" he asked.
He shoved his suitcase off his bed and onto the floor. David jumped onto the bed and stretched.
"We need to get out soon," he said, "I don't like being cooped up in the car for so long."
"You were the one who wanted to come all this way," Kurt said.
He teleported to his own bed and sat on his haunches. It had always seemed so comfortable.
"Why did you want to go to Louisiana so bad anyway?" he asked.
"I don't know, go new places," David said, "See new stuff. That's what this road trip is all about, seeing new things, leaving our old world behind."
He waved his hand vaguely. Kurt cocked his head.
"Is that why you didn't want to visit Uncle Hank, Aunt Carly, and Sharon when we went by Washington?" he asked.
David made a face at the ceiling.
"A little I guess," he said, "But if we went there then I'd probably just end up asking Sharon to come with us. Can't have that."
Kurt scratched the back of his neck.
"Why?" he said.
"What?" David asked, "Asking her or her coming with us being a bad thing?"
"Both," Kurt said.
David rolled onto his side, pulling at the blankets.
"Well, I'd ask her because we've been such great friends for years," he said, "But...really Kurt, I don't want too many people with us right now."
"And why not?" Kurt asked.
"I dunno, this is one last blowout before college starts," David said, "I'm kind of nervous about that actually."
"Why?" Kurt said.
David smiled grimly.
"Can you actually picture me as a lawyer, or at least as a pre-law freshman?" he asked, "Going out, taking statements, wearing stuffy suits, that sort of thing?"
Kurt squinted.
"Sort of," he said.
"Real reassuring," David said.
Kurt thumped the bed with his tail.
"I think you've got the mind to be whatever you want to be," Kurt said, "You're super-hardworking, and mom and dad say that that's all that really matters in life. You can do anything."
"We both know that's not true," David said.
"What?" Kurt asked.
"Nothing," David said.
He stretched again.
"But, back to Sharon," David said, "I'd prefer it if it was just you and me. She's got a lot going on anyway, and she's got her own friends, like that Rahne person now."
He winced a little and leaned his head back.
"But if I saw Sharon, well, I'd have to ask," David said, "And if she says that she'd come, and she might, it would kind of ruin the dynamic."
Kurt beamed. He could hear the unspoken trust in his brother's words.
"Do you understand?" David said.
"Yeah," Kurt said.
"I thought you would," David said, "Not many people would. People like dad."
His voice became bitter. Kurt frowned. He always felt uncomfortable when David said something about their father. Kurt didn't really understand his brother's anger. Their father had always seemed encouraging and supportive. David's sudden rejection and hate towards him had made Kurt scared when he was younger.
He understood that his father had cast the final vote that forbade David from being in the X-men. Kurt knew that was the latest, and perhaps greatest, offense. However, Kurt also couldn't think of any other offense. That couldn't be all though: David had been angry at their father for years before he was told he couldn't be part of the X-men.
Kurt had never said anything on the subject. Whenever it had been brought up his brother had just had an argument with his father and he'd needed someone to vent to. Kurt had played the part of the patient listener because he knew his brother wasn't interested in a discussion.
He debated whether or not he should say anything, but he couldn't just let that comment go. Not now that he had an opportunity.
"David, what is it between you and dad?" he asked.
His brother stiffened and rolled onto his back.
"Kurt, I'm not sure that we should talk about this right now," he said.
Kurt swallowed.
"It's just...I don't know why you're so angry all the time," Kurt said, "It worries me."
"It worries you," David said.
His voice was flat and irritated. Kurt looked at his feet.
"Yeah," he said, "It worries me."
Silence stretched out between them. Kurt wanted to teleport away, to pretend that he wasn't having this conversation with his brother. They'd only been talking for a few seconds, but he already regretted bringing it up.
"We don't have to-" he began.
"It worries you," David said.
He sat up and looked at Kurt, his eyes narrowed.
"That's just great Kurt," he said, "You're worried about what's happening between me and dad? Okay, let's talk about it!"
He threw up his hands, a manic expression on his face. Kurt shrank back.
"Let's talk about a dream that I've had since I was born being taken from me," he said, "Let's talk about the fact that the one person in the world who is supposed to support me pretty much gave up and let it happen. He didn't even try to work something else out!"
David's eye twitched.
"And just like that, there's that dream gone up in smoke," he said.
He clenched his fist. Kurt began to get scared again, but he forced it down. His brother was furious, but he was still his brother.
"And why? Because I'm unstable, because there's something wrong with me," David said.
His voice sounded choked and lost.
"There's nothing wrong with you," Kurt said.
"Easy for you to say," David snapped, "You don't hear people talking in your head all the damn time. I feel like I'm going crazy every day and there's nothing I can do with this. I've already dealt with six years of this. How the hell am I going to deal with six more? Ten more? Fifty more?"
"David-"
"Don't! You're the one who's worried after all," David sneered, "You don't understand. You never even wanted to be an X-man!"
Kurt shrank back a little more.
"No, but I know it was important to you," he said.
"Yeah, it was," David said, "But my sanity was important too, and I didn't really get much say in that when it got taken from me."
"You're not insane!"
"I'm well on the way there," David said, "And dad couldn't do anything about that either."
Kurt stared at his brother, wondering just what had happened to him.
"You can't blame him for that," Kurt said.
"You think I want to?" David yelled.
Kurt paused, his eyes widening. David looked like he was about to cry, his face contorted with anger, frustration, and sadness.
"Kurt, sometimes I can't tell where they end and I begin," David said, "I don't...I don't know how much of what I feel towards dad is me and how much is them. Dammit Kurt, I can't...I'm goddamned Legion and these voices keep running in my head..."
He put his hands on either side of his head.
"It's all pounding away, and I can't...I can't..." he moaned.
Kurt took a deep breath before teleporting over to his brother. David didn't look as Kurt put his hand on his shoulder.
"David, why didn't you tell me this?" he said, "Or dad? He'd be able to help-"
"Okay, by this point it's become pretty damn obvious that he can't help with this," David said, "And what am I supposed to do if I'm wrong about those emotions? What if I really do hate him and I'm just...Kurt, I don't want to make excuses for why I'm a bad son."
"You're not a bad son," Kurt said,
"Bad son, bad X-man, bad friend too probably," he said.
"I don't-" Kurt said.
"Every time I see Terry I think that she got to be an X-man and I didn't," David said.
"Why was it so important to you?" Kurt said, "There are other ways to make a difference for our cause."
"Kurt, being an X-man was how I was supposed to be a hero!" David said, "It was how I was going to find my way in the world. It was how I would-"
His brother stopped abruptly. Kurt waited, his eyes glued to his brother. Time seemed to tick by slowly.
"How you would what?" Kurt asked.
David took a shuddering breath.
"It was how I was supposed to make it up to dad, for being so damned angry all the time," he said, "Prove that I wasn't...that there was nothing wrong with me. That I could still make him proud, that it was okay, that it wasn't going to ruin anything for me."
He shook his head.
"And it just made me angry at him instead," he said, "So yeah Kurt, I'm a bad son."
"That's not true!" Kurt said.
"Please don't try to defend me," David said, "I know what I've done."
He bowed his head.
"Because there is something wrong with me Kurt," he said, "And I just see it more and more clearly every day."
He laughed bitterly.
"So yeah, you're worried about me?" he asked, "No shit Kurt. You'd be pretty dumb if you weren't."
He choked back a sob and shoved the few tears that managed to escape away.
"And here I am dumping all my shit on my brother," David said, "So I guess that makes me a pretty bad brother too."
"Don't say that," Kurt said.
David looked up, his face angry, ashamed, and Kurt could see the despair there.
"These aren't your problems to have to deal with," David said.
"You're my brother," Kurt said, "Of course they're my problems."
David stared at him for a minute before breaking into sobs. Kurt hugged him tightly, feeling more helpless and younger than he'd felt since he was eight, looking up at a cross in a dimly lit room in a hospital.
So he did what he had done then, the only thing that he could still do.
Please, Kurt prayed silently, Please, help my brother.