Lazy week equals early update. :)

Oh, and as a random side question of little importance, any one watching any of the ongoing series of this season, and if so what's your fave? I've got four-Mahotsukai no Yome, Children of the Whales, Just Because! and Juuni Taisen. It's the last one in that list that's my absolute favourite right now, though three of four of my faves are now dead *cries*.

But, anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! And as always, please leave feedback

Chieko

Dinner was a calm affair. By some unspoken agreement, none of us talked about the visit to Yukizome at all. Instead, Wakana asked Shizuka about her day, and Noriko and Hokuto filled in the gaps with small talk-and Noriko took all the opportunities to annoy Masashi whenever she could. So it wasn't entirely calm, if I was being honest, but after the weight of the day, it was an improvement, that was for sure. But still, I wanted to go back to bed, sleep properly and then hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling a little better, a little stronger. I wonder what we'll be doing tomorrow?

"So, hey, what are we going to do tomorrow?" Hokuto asked almost as soon as I thought that.

"Hmm…" Akira thought. "That's a good question, actually. I know I need to do some shopping, and perhaps you could do some of your washing?"

"Washing?" Masashi frowned.

"Ah. You mean our clothes?" Tyson realised. "But that's a lot of laundry, isn't it? I just brought a laundry bag, I'll take it home with me and do all the washing when I get back."

"I did the same, actually." I agreed.

Though, actually, it would be good to do some of Shizuka's stuff, like her top. I mentally grimaced at the thought of Shizuka's paint-splattered clothes-it was as if she'd been bathing in the paint. But still, one way or another, it'd wash out, and I'd washed out plenty of paint and other dubious stains in my lifetime, and this wouldn't be the last time. I could deal. The most important thing was that she'd enjoyed herself today.

The others all chimed in with similar agreements about having brought separate bags for dirty clothes.

"Besides," Wakana added afterwards. "I'm sure we've all got enough stuff for two weeks."

"Ah, that's fine. I'm going to be running a load of washing anyway, so I thought you could get some of your clothes done as well-folded clean clothes would probably take up less space than an extra laundry bag, right?"

"Well, if you put it like that…." Wakana said. "Then, perhaps I'll take you up on the offer, Kazama-Chan. But I'm paying for any extra washing powder or fabric conditioner you end up needing, okay?"

"Ah, no, that's not-"

"I insist, Kazama-Chan." Wakana said, firm but gentle. Akira nodded at that.

"Very well then. If anyone else wants to wash anything, then feel free, okay?" he told us all.

"Roger that." Masashi said. "But, what else are we doing then, now that Nanto-tan brought up the question?"

"Just another lazy day, I'd imagine? I suspect we need it." Tyson shrugged. I nodded in agreement to that.

"That works." Wakana agreed.

"Ah, but we should do something. Like, something fun and just about us, not stuck in the past li-"

Hokuto stopped rapidly, suddenly looking at me with a curious look, before glancing at Shizuka, who was thankfully very focused on her food. I shook my head slightly, and Hokuto shrugged wearily.

"You know."

"Yeah…hmm…" Wakana's eyes had….they hadn't exactly flashed, but something had shown up in them when Hokuto had said 'stuck in the past. But now, she looked like she was just considering the point.

"I agree. Let's do something fun. And family friendly, of course." Masashi put in, grinning at me hopefully, carefully. I smiled back at him, and nodded.

"Well, of course." Akira agreed.

"Oooh, I know, I know!" Noriko exclaimed suddenly. "A movie night!"

"A movie night….?" I repeated.

"Yup, a movie night!" Noriko nodded, beaming. "You know, pick some movies to watch, get some popcorn and stuff, bundle in front of the TV and marathon them all in a single night. "

"Yes," Masashi snarked. "We understand the concept."

"Well, isn't that good to know?" Noriko fired back, though she was still smiling.

"But anyway," Masashi continued. "Akira-tan's got a lotta DVDs and whatnot to select from."

"Yes, I do. I don't mind the idea. So, movie night it is, then?" Akira checked.

"Movie night?" Shizuka looked up at this point, apparently having been listening all along, if the curious but excited expression was anything to go by.

"Yes, that's right." I told her. She appeared to assess this for a moment.

"I want to come!" she declared.

"I….well, it'll be late, I'm guessing…." I said slowly, considering. Ah, does it even matter? This was something that'd probably only happen once. And it was just going to be a movie night. Nothing more, nothing less. Just something fun.

"Okay, sure." I decided.

"Yay!" Shizuka beamed.

"Yeah, it'll be cool to have you there." Hokuto told her, which just made her smile more.

While finishing off our food, we debated things like movie choices and how many movies to include in our movie night.

"So, I was wondering, why don't we just do it tonight, instead?" Tyson asked after a little moment.

"Ahem, excuse me?" Noriko's eyes bugged out. "What about the popcorn?!"

"I…..popcorn?" Tyson echoed, nonplussed.

"Yes. You can't have movies with popcorn!"

"I don't like popcorn though." Shizuka objected vehemently. Noriko turned to her.

"You don't like popcorn?!" she exclaimed. "How can you not like popcorn? Well, whatever, in general. You know, popcorn, sweets, whatever."

"I have some sweets, but no popcorn, true." Akira nodded at this. "I'll buy some tomorrow, and then we'll have the movie night tomorrow. That alright?"

"I'm fine either way." Tyson said.

"Yes, I'm fine with that." I replied.

"Yes!" Noriko beamed. "Perfect, I'm so excited!"

"Yes, it will be fun, won't it?"

Though Noriko wasn't particularly raising her voice, in the hushed silence of the room, she practically sounded like she was shouting.

"Something fun, huh?" Erica asked brightly. "Something to boost the morale, I'm guessing?"

"Yes, exactly!" Noriko exclaimed. "We kinda need it, don't you think? After….everything? Just something to let us forget about it for a little while!"

"I'm not so sure forgetting will be possible, not really." Kanekatsu objected.

Kimihiro opened his mouth as if to say something, but Noriko spoke up before he could do so.

"Geez, Iwafusa-san, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant like, take our minds off of it a little." She huffed.

Kanekatsu sighed at this.

"I know….sorry, don't mind me."

"So, what sort of thing were you thinking of?" Daisuke asked.

"I…I'm not so sure." Noriko admitted.

"Why not a party?" Wakana suggested.

I blinked at her when she did. A party? I thought I got what Noriko meant in the first place, and a party certainly fitted the bill. But I kind of felt more like Kanekatsu. How could I take my mind off of anything? How?

"A party?" a few people echoed, just as confused.

"That sounds like a good idea to me," Kimihiro said. "There's certainly the space to do it, here."

"Yep, that's true!" Hokuto said. "Not to mention food…."

"This isn't going to be some fancy deal with formal clothes and all that fucking nonsense, is it?" Masashi asked.

"Nah, of course not. It can just be casual!" Noriko exclaimed. "We just gather in one of the rooms and eat food and chat about stupid stuff and have music…actually, music! What shall we do for music?"

"Oh, I can take care of that, Edano-Chan, no probs!" Kimihiro said, smiling.

"I can think of something, I'm sure." Wakana offered eagerly at the same time.

The two of them stared at each other, before they started laughing.

"We'll need to discuss this, I think." Wakana said.

"Sure, sure. Why not right now?" Kimihiro offered, getting up.

Wakana looked at me.

"Chieko-Chan, will you be alright on your own for now?" she asked with some concern. I shrugged heavily.

"It's okay, you go…"

"Ah, no sweat, we may as well go to the games room or something now, Akamine-san." Erica bounded across to us. "It's fine, Abe-san, you go on. I'm looking forward to this party."

"Well…I won't be long, Chieko-Chan. Daisuke-Chan, are you coming?" Wakana asked.

"I may as well." Came the calm response as the three left the room. I stared as they disappeared.

"A party, huh?" I murmured.

"A splendid idea, no?" Erica bent down slightly and grinned at me expectantly, before plopping down on the seat Wakana had just vacated. I could not answer her, but luckily she didn't seem to care, as she started to scribble notes on the plans for this party.

Finishing up my last mouthful, I yawned before reaching for my glass of water, gulping it down quickly and then getting up.

"Is everyone done?" I asked. "Shizuka?"

"Yep, I'm done, Mummy." Shizuka nodded as everyone else said the same and started to get up and leave.

"Good. Will you help me gather up everyone's plates, then?"

"Okay, Mummy."

"No, let me help!" Masashi blurted hurriedly, coming to stand next to me, stacking his plate and Akira's together.

"Kita-kun?" I sputtered, confused.

"Let me help instead-you helped with all the cooking, right?" Masashi asked Shizuka. "You go and relax now."

"Yeah, come and play with us-"Hokuto exclaimed.

"Erm…." Shizuka looked from me to Masashi to Hokuto and back to me again. "Mummy?"

I stared at Masashi for a moment, wondering what his motives were, since it seemed like there was something. He was staring at me, almost expectantly, or at least that was how I was reading it. Well, there's only one way to find out, right?

"It's okay, you don't need to. I've got Kita-kun to help me."

"Okay!" Naturally, Shizuka was more than happy with that, proceeding to follow Hokuto out of the room.

…

"Shizuka-tan and I had an interesting conversation."

Masashi blurted this out the moment we were alone, and I stopped dead in the middle of the room to stare at him.

"What…do you mean?" I queried carefully, crossing over to the sink and putting the plates by the side. Masashi followed, putting down the plates he had gathered, and grabbed a tea towel, waiting to dry them as I started to wash them.

"She was a little concerned that you didn't come to pick her up." Masashi started hesitantly, before pausing.

"Okay…" I encouraged, passing him a cup.

"I just told her you were here, because you were tired, and she asked 'what kind of tired'?" Masashi explained. "Like whether it was…ah, how'd she word it again, 'sad-tired' or 'sleepy-tired', something like that. And she mentioned that she's seen you look tired before…, and she was wondering if it was something to do with Ueda-tan and the others. Well, she just said 'the dead people', but it was pretty clear what she meant."

I'd almost smiled at the mention of the distinction between 'sleepy tired' and 'sad tired', because that was a pretty smart distinction to be making, but at Masashi's claim that she'd said she'd seen me look tired before, I paused, gripping the soapy sponge tightly. Seen me? That's not possible…sure, there were moments I'd been lost in thought and she'd come to find me, and I knew, comparing myself to other mothers I didn't seem so….openly effusive. But I'd been careful. She'd never seen the worst, she didn't know anything. Then again, we spent part of this holiday going around visiting bereaved people….could she have extrapolated something more from that?

"I, ah, I told her that you were just sleepy tired, and she did seem to accept it after a little insistence!" Masashi blurted out. "I didn't tell anything, I promise."

I blinked at him.

"Ah, no, I wasn't…..no, I know you wouldn't have." The anxious look on his face melted away a little as I shook my head.

"Phew." He pulled a face. "In any case, apart from that, she seemed mostly fine, really. Worried about you, sure, but fine. Actually, do you know what she said?"

"Go on."

"She said she was 'thinking about things since coming here'." Masashi chuckled for a moment, but then serious, looking at me as he tugged the next cleaned plate from my hands to dry it.

"I….I see. Well, thanks for telling me."

"Psh, course I was going to tell you." Masashi snorted. "It'd be dumb if I didn't. Figured maybe you could talk to her a little more or whatever. I tried to think of something to say, but didn't want to put my foot in my mouth, you know? I don't know what you'd want her to know."

Nothing, if possible.

We were silent for a little moment after that, finishing the last of the dishes, and then as I wiped around the sink, Masashi cleared his throat.

"Um, I mean you're the parent and all, but I kind of think she's picking up on things a little anyway, so is it really a good idea to hide everything?"

"What?" I whipped around and stared at him. Masashi gawked, then sighed and face-palmed.

"You weren't meant to say that aloud, were you?"

When I stared at him blankly, he repeated 'nothing, if possible' at me and then it was my turn to sigh.

"No, I wasn't."

"Thought so." Masashi shrugged, watching me. I stared right back at him, and then I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment, before opening them again.

"It's not really like she mentioned anything over dinner…."

Or when she had come back, for that matter. Shizuka was usually the type to blurt out whatever came into her head, more or less whenever it came into her head. Though, that didn't necessarily mean she wasn't thinking of something, did it? Sometimes the things she asked and said came so out of the blue, just like now. But….I mean….

"It's already impossible." I sighed. "In the first place, Koutarou. "

"Yeah, I know." Masashi nodded.

And if I wanted her to be completely ignorant, I'd have left her at home with Dad. But….it's like Ana-san said, it's nice for her to be around people who knew him. Because isn't everything that happened part of her identity too? But that's not fair, she's too little for it. To be hurt by it. Protecting her has to be my priority, but….but…..

Koutarou, what would you do?

"Akamine-tan?"

"Huh?" I shook my head slightly. "Oh, sorry."

"It's okay, Akamine-tan." Masashi said firmly. "It's up to you, what you do. I just thought you should know. "

"You were right, thank you for that."

"I….just….Chieko, are you sure there isn't anything that I could do, anything at all?"

He seemed almost pleading as he looked me in the eyes, his eyes searing.

"Because, if there is anything at all, then I'll do it. For you, for Shizuka-tan too."

"I…Kita-kun…" I swallowed, touched once again, and trying to find better words for it. Ah, how easily they get stolen from me.

"Thank you, Kita-kun," I decided upon eventually. "It's what I said, knowing you and the others are there is enough for now. And….the fact you keep asking, that you care enough to ask….right now, that means a lot. But this in particular, I can't really get anyone to help with, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Masashi muttered, looking red and embarrassed. He stretched, and yawned, and then turned away to amble out of the kitchen.

"Right, whatever, I'm knackered. See you in the morning."

"Ah, yeah, goodnight." I said to his retreating form, thinking that it was time for me to head up too.

And as I did, it occurred to me-did he just call me by my name? It was pretty out of the blue, and he hadn't seemed to notice it.

Oh well, I shrugged to myself. That's not what's more important now.

…

I shut the book firmly, and got up to put it away.

"Alright, that's the last story for tonight." I announced to Shizuka, who didn't seem too pleased by this.

"Just one more?" she pouted.

"Aren't you tired already?" I asked her. "In any case, it's time for bed now, okay?"

"Why? Are you tired too?" Shizuka asked.

"Well, yes…"

I trailed off, thought of what Masashi had told me, and scanned Shizuka's face for any sign of those thoughts or concerns. Anything obvious, that would leave me with no choice but to take the plunge and tell her something.

"Which is why we need to sleep." I concluded instead, decisively putting the book away.

Shizuka pouted theatrically, but obligingly laid down, snuggling into the sleeping bag. But she kept her eyes on me as I went to switch off the light. Is this the obvious?

"Mummy, are you sad?"

"A…about what?" I asked carefully. Shizuka just shrugged, and after looking over to see what Wakana was doing-listening to music on her phone, eyes closed-I knelt back down by the sleeping bag.

"What about, Shizuka?" I tried

"About Daddy and your other friends." Shizuka said , half mumbling.

"Well….yeah," I sighed eventually. "It's hard not to be. I…I manage, though. "

Understatement of the year, but it would do. Shizuka regarded me.

"By finding things to help you put away the sad?" she asked.

"Huh…yes, actually." I responded, surprised.

"Oh, okay." Shizuka nodded gravely. "Akira-san does that too, you know. He cooks or goes to work or talks to his friends if he's feeling sad. Do you do those things?"

"I….well, sort of. I suppose." I said after a beat, wondering when Akira had had a conversation with Shizuka about grief.

"…." Shizuka frowned at me. "But what else is there to stop you from being sad?"

Isn't that the question, I mused. Because there wasn't really anything that was a cure-all. I didn't expect there to be. But….if there's one thing, one thing that I would fight it all for, then….

"You."

Shizuka's eyes went round and wide as she processed this.

"Me?" she half-whispered.

"Yes, you." I smiled, patting her hair.

"Ohhh." Shizuka nodded at this, and then hugged Yosa close to her and closed her eyes. "Thanks, Mummy. I'm going to go to sleep now."

I smiled wider at that, and got up.

"Alright then. Goodnight, Shizuka." I told her, going to switch off the light.

I took off my pyjama trousers and climbed into bed, pulling the quilt over me. Wakana turned over, and I noticed she was still listening to music.

"Everything okay?" she asked quietly, her eyes still closed.

"Yeah." I told her. "It is. Goodnight, Wakana-Chan."

"Goodnight, Chieko-Chan." She replied softly before turning back over.

And as I did the same and closed my eyes to go to sleep, I hoped I had said enough.