Aubrie had to don the Candi getup for three days before security signaled that Alex had taken the bait they'd planted. John kissed her and said. "Go get 'em, slugger."
She waited until Alex had pedaled down the road out of sight before hopping into her car and zooming past him to get to the pizza place before he showed up. She kept running the lines she was supposed to say through her mind, certain she was going to screw this up.
In her ear she heard John say. "Can you hear me?"
"So far so good." She said. "But I forget which boob is which."
"You'll be transmitting from the left, hearing us from the right."
"Right, hear; left, laugh." She said, just to try to find something to keep them straight.
She reached the pizza place and sat down. The waiter came over and stared at her breasts. Great. She was hating this already.
"Can I get you something?"
"No, thanks, I'm waiting for my…girlfriend."
About ten minutes later Alex walked through the door. He had a knapsack slung over his shoulder. He also didn't see her.
She jumped up. "Alex, is that you?" She squealed. "Long time no see."
He turned and the look on his face would have been priceless if it didn't kind of give her the willies. The kid couldn't be older than twenty.
"Miss Morgan!" he said, heading straight for her. "It's so good to see you again."
Left, laugh. She grabbed his arm so her left breast was closet to him. "How are you, sugar?"
"Just fine. But we sure do miss you at the office."
"Isn't that sweet of you to say, you silly thing." She simpered, and had to keep herself from gritting her teeth when she heard a deep chuckle in her ear. "I sure miss y'all too. Especially you, you cute thing."
The boy blushed right down to his throat, which almost made her feel bad for him. "Do you work here, too?" She asked.
"Yes. For extra money. I deliver." He said and then winked at her. Suddenly she didn't feel so bad for the kid.
"I have always wanted to know how that works." She heard in her ear.
"That is so cool, because I've always wanted to know how that works. I'm thinking of applying."
Alex glanced around, and then turned back at her. "If you want, I'll take you around tonight. It's not supposed to be allowed—you know, insurance—but I'd be happy to show you the ropes."
"That would be super!"
"Let me clock in and I'll be back and let you know what to do."
"You are just the cutest!"
Still more laughter in her ear. Jimmy disappeared and she leaned down toward her left breast. "I'm going to kill you."
"I'm sorry. Okay, go on his rounds with him. See if he drops anything more than pizza anywhere."
"Will you be following us?"
"I told you we would."
"Well, you'd better." She said. "I've already got the creeps."
"We'll be right behind you."
"You'd better be." She whispered. "Otherwise I'm suing for inflammation of character."
John's laughter filled her ear and she was torn between irritation and pleasure at the sound of his deep chuckle. No one's laugh should be that sexy. Especially when he was laughing at her.
"You owe me." She said.
"What?" Alex said beside her, looking at her strangely. Probably because she was talking directly into her left breast.
"I said my favorite pizza is pepperoni."
The laughter in her ear could possibly cause damage, Oh, John was in trouble.
"Well, I have my first five deliveries." Alex said. "I bet I could filch us a couple of slices of pepperoni for the ride."
She wanted pizza right now about as much as she wanted to get in the car with the thieving little twerp. "That would great!"
"So here's what you do." Alex said, bending lower.
Aubrie tried to surreptitiously thrust out her left breast in his direction so he came in loud and clear.
"The car is in back." Alex continued. "Go on out to the side and I'll pick you up. No windows on that side for anyone here to see you."
Aubrie smiled and wiggled out of her booth and headed out the door. "Lecherous little demon." She said.
"Sounds like he's done this before." John remarked.
"You'd better not lose me, because I've got the creeps."
"We're with you, honey. I'm not letting anything happen to you."
"Why me? Doesn't the police department have undercover females who are good at these things?"
"He knows you. Instant familiarity."
"You owe me." She said again.
"I know pepperoni. I'll buy you lots of it."
"Buy it in those long casings so I can thwap you with one."
"You're doing great. Just remem—"
"He's coming; don't distract me."
Aubrie slid her bottom into the cheap, smelly car and pretended to be fascinated. "Where are we going?"
"All of these are deliveries to Fall Church. They try to give us sections of town. I always take Falls Church. Less traffic."
"Oh, how smart of them."
Alex made four deliveries that seemed routine enough to her. But what the hell did she know? He talked about each tip and tipper, griping sometimes, elated once.
"Does this make you much extra cash?" Aubrie asked after the fourth delivery.
"Yes. I make really good money." He boasted.
"How?"
"I know the right deliveries to make." He said.
"Special pizza?"
"That and other things." He looked over at her, smiled, and then laid a hand on her leg that would have her washing it off for a week. "I make good money in lots of ways."
"Do you make that much money at Rose Cosmetics? Because I sure didn't make enough to keep me in lipstick."
"I make a lot there." He said.
He was either boasting to impress her or referring to something else, because she knew for a fact that all interns made minimum wage.
"You're that good?" She asked, going for a wide-eyed and impressed.
"I know how to turn a profit. I could take you out on the town."
Over my dead body.
"Over my dead body." She heard John mutter in her ear. She smiled.
"You'd like that?" Alex asked.
"That would be cool!" She was running out of expletives.
"We have one more to go; then I want to show you something before we head back for more delivery orders."
"Excellent!"
They drove into the heart of Fall Church and Alex pulled up to a very upscale town-house complex. "I'll be right back, Candi." He said, obviously feeling they'd moved into first-name familiarity.
Aubrie was so rattled; she forgot which boob she should be talking to. So she split it down the middle. "He took his backpack with him this time."
"Where are you?"
"On a pretty side street. I'm sorry I didn't get the name. But we're right across the street from tennis courts, and what looks like a government building. Police station or something."
"Can you get a street number, at least?"
"It looks like two-eleven." She took a breath.
"Bingo. Two-eleven Park is Michael's address."
"Are you nearby? Because he's planning on showing me something I'm not sure I want to see."
"We're about a half mile away. Don't worry honey, we have your back."
"Just make certain you have my front and all points in between. I'm creeped out, John."
"Nothing will happen to you. I promise."
"This is the first time he went inside." She reported. "The last few stops\, he never made it past the porch."
"Gotcha. We're almost home."
Aubrie tried to get her breathing under control while she watched Alex approach a few minutes later. He was grinning.
When he got to the car, she said. "You look happy."
The idiot waved a twenty at her, obviously to impress her. Cheating paid well, apparently. Even for morons.
"Wow!" She said all breathy. "That was some big tip!"
"This is a relative of mine. I make sure he gets extra cheese, if you get my drift."
She got his drift, all right. The boy was cheating her brother. She wanted to strangle him.
"I think I'd like doing this job." She said. "If it pays this well."
"You probably can't expect this much money." He warned her. "Unless you think you could get your job back at Rose Cosmetics. Then we could do some serious business."
Murder was too good for him.
The last destination scared the spit out of Aubrie. The boy was steering them out to some solitary place in Great Falls. He drove them down to a dead-end street and parked.
"What are we doing here?" She asked, having a hard time keeping up her high-pitched bimbo voice.
"I thought you'd like to give me a thank-you kiss for all of the advice."
"You know." Aubrie said talking to her right boob. "You remind me of that guy in the Titanic. It's like you're the king of the world."
He tried to grab for her, but she shoved open her door and flew out. Talking to her left boob, just in case the right one was the wrong one. "This even reminds me of the Titanic!"
"Come here sweetheart." The little creep said. "One kiss."
He caught her before she could get ten feet away. "You know you want this too."
"Want this?"
He tried to grab at her breast, which was bad for many reasons. She pulled away and said. "I don't know what you mean. And I'm not that kind of girl."
"Of course you are."
She was going into a new career and it wasn't as an undercover bimbo. "I'm not."
"I'll teach you."
"As much as I'd love that lesson, you're a little young to know much. Call me in a decade or so."
"Just show me a little skin. And I'll show you what I can do with it."
Aubrie was boggled that this young kid was such a disgusting lech. She tried to wiggle around as much as she could to keep his hands from connecting with what weren't her breasts. And to possibly mess with her lifeline. "You know, you even remind me of Leonardo DiCapiro from the Titanic, dammit!" She almost screamed at her chest. "So suave and hero like."
If blaring sirens and lights hadn't blasted them right then, Aubrie feared she'd have had a serious panic attack. The boy was sick.
But just in time a police car pulled up, and a big, burly guy she didn't recognize lumbered out with a flashlight that could light up Manhattan in a pinch.
"Ma'am?"
"Yes?" She breathed, wanting to rush into the guy's arms.
"Are you Candi Morgan?"
"Who's asking?" She said, because she thought sounding tough might be a good idea.
"I'm the Maytag Repair Man." The guy said. "I hear your washer's broken. Are you Ms. Morgan or not?"
Time to get out of here. "Have you ever seen the Titanic?"
"He's a cop." Alex said, rather irrelevantly.
"The captain and I are on a first name basis." Her rescuer said.
"Yes, I am Candi Morgan."
"Well, then, ma'am, you'll have to come with me."
"Why is that?" Alex asked.
"She's wanted."
"Wanted?" She and Alex said at the same time.
"Yes, for solicitation."
"Solicitation?" Alex said.
"Yes, sir. I'm afraid she's a lady of the evening."
"Excuse me?" Aubrie said.
"She's a prostitute."
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