Gemma
May 18, 1901
Spence Academy
Here We go
Welcome to my Funeral
Without you
I don't even have a pulse
All alone it's dark and cold
With every move I die
Here I go this is my confessional
A lost cause nobody can save my soul
I am so delusional
With every move I die
Dancing with Tears in my Eyes, Ke$ha
I wake up and it is still dark outside. At first I think that I have only slept for a few minutes, but I notice a tray of food on my desk. I must have slept all day. As my eyes adjust to the dark, I contemplate my options. I want more than anything to just leave, to get away from all of this now. I have a new obligation to the realms though.
For the first time in my life I wish that I had never been given these powers. I wish I could take it all back. If it meant that Felicity would still have Pippa and I would be happily married, then it would be worth it. My door opens and one of the maids tiptoes in. I realize that I miss Brigid.
"I'm awake, you don't need to sneak around," I groan.
"Oh I am sorry Miss. Doyle. Are you feeling better?" This maid seems very jumpy. She is young, possible seventeen. I feel overwhelming sympathy for her.
"I am feeling much better. Do you think you can maybe find Miss. Bradshaw for me? I would like to speak with her."
"I will go now. Do you want me to bring you any food or drink?"
"No, I am not hungry. Thank you though." My voice sounds worn out. My body aches all over. I wish I could fall back asleep but I am up now. I wait for Ann in silence. My eyes burn when she enters with a bright candle.
"How you feeling?" Ann asks gently.
"Not great," I answer honestly. "How am I going to get through this?"
"Time heals everything. Give it some time."
"Time didn't heal Felicity," I groan.
"That is because Felicity didn't allow time to heal her. You are stronger than Fee. You are willing to be healed. Felicity, on the other hand, is a masochist. She loves the pain."
"I made her leave," I cry out, feeling the relief of honesty wash through me.
"Who? Felicity?" Ann looks into my eyes and sees the anguish. "She won't be mad at you forever."
"How do you know?"
"I've seen how much you mean to her. She relies on you so much. Did I tell you about the time I visited her in France?"
"You saw her?" I ask stunned.
"It was about a year after we all went separate ways. I was in Paris for a show. I decided to go out and find her when she didn't respond to my letter or show up for the play. I found her at a brothel—"
"The Moulin Rouge," I interrupt.
"Yes, that was it. She was at the Moulin Rouge. She wasn't a dancer, but she went to watch the show. She sat alone in a corner with a bottle of absinthe. When I approached, she smiled at me warmly. It was like she actually missed me. Anyway, we took a walk through the streets of Paris.
"She spent the whole time talking about how much it meant to see me. She said that she really missed having us around. She really missed you Gemma. It is all she could talk about."
"I just can't really see things ever going back to the way they were."
"They won't be the same as before. They will be better."
Ann's confidence is reassuring. "When did you get so confident?" I ask.
"I don't know when it happened, but I know where I learned it. You and Fee taught me everything I need to know about being self-assured." I smile at Ann. Suddenly I feel bad for being so distant these last couple of weeks.
"When is the wedding?"
"June 30. I was actually going to ask you something. Will you be my maid of honor?" I am genuinely shocked that Ann would choose me. I smile and nod my approval, but cannot help but feel a twinge of sadness. A wedding will be difficult to get through.
"I am going back to America as soon as we are finished in the realms. I guess I will plan on coming back in late June."
"When do you think we will be finished in the realms?" Ann asks.
"Hopefully very soon. I do not want to possess the magic for longer than necessary. It takes too much out of my body. Besides, it is not my magic to have. Do you mind if we skip going to the realms tonight?"
"Already covered. Adalae went earlier and told the creatures that you will not make it tonight. We will plan for tomorrow night then?"
"Yes. Tomorrow night we will make the prison and then return the magic to the land. And then I will return home."
"What about the dance?"
"The others will manage without me. I will return home as soon as possible."
"And what should I do with the dagger?"
"You have it?" I ask happy to know that someone I trust has it.
"Yes. Would you like it back?"
I think about her question. Do I want it back? Finally I answer, "Yes,"
"Very well then. I will see you tomorrow morning. It is time for vespers."
"Goodbye Ann," I say as she leaves my room. I decide to try and sleep some more even though I am not tired. As I lay in my bed I think about all the fun times we had back when we were young. Back when it was just Ann, Fee, and I, life was so easy. I remember the time we had a snowball fight. It was amazing. Kartik looked so perfect in his black cloak. The memory brings a batch of tears. I already miss him.
Soon my memories turn into dreams. I sleep peacefully.