The Hunter
Chapter Thirty-Six
Author's Note: This chapter isn't new, but chapter 33 is. This one's been slightly revised to reflect the changes.
As Rin walked further and further from the village, Kohaku's words from earlier circled through her mind. He was right, of course. Either of them could die at any time whether from sickness, or disaster, or some sort of accident. Just as she had no guarantee that he would live a long and healthy life at her side, he had no reassurances either. That was the compromise they were making together, wasn't it? Promising each other a lifetime in the hopes their "someday" never came?
She exhaled a weighted sigh and stepped over a downed tree that was nearly buried by the snow. Deep down she knew he was right, but that didn't make it any easier for her to contemplate what seemed inevitable - especially in his line of work. Could she truly be happy at his side while constantly looking to the horizon expecting disaster with every mission? Could she selflessly let him go each and every time duty called and not grow to resent him and the work he did?
She stopped and rested her shoulder against the solid trunk of a pine tree. Was it enough simply to love him and hope for the best?
A tingle of awareness crept up her spine and the breath momentarily stilled in her lungs. She knew the feeling too acutely to mistake it for anything or anyone else. Turning slowly, she found him standing behind her in all his regal glory. He was dressed in vicious looking armour and had his long, silver hair pulled back off his face. He looked immaculate – just as perfect and alien as the first time she'd met him.
"What are you doing here?" she gasped.
"I could ask the same of you," he said, mimicking the words of their first meeting.
Her eyes swept over him, searching for signs this was a dream like all the others. He was vivid perfection, right down to the honeyed amber hue of his eyes. When he spoke it dispelled all doubts about this being simply another illusion. He was real and very much alive and standing directly in front of her. If he were anyone else she would have thrown her arms around him in relief, but she stood with her feet rooted to the earth while her heart hammered against her rib cage.
"I thought the Shogun's soldiers had..." she trailed off, unable to give the words life.
Sesshomaru's gaze hardened and he flexed his hand in a way that made his sharp claws gleam in the sunlight.
"The Shogun wisely reconsidered his position."
As his words sunk in she couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips. But of course he was alive. How could she have ever doubted it? The dreams she'd had of him night after night suddenly made sense. They were his way of assuring her that he was alive and well. And that he intended to find her.
"How did you find me?"
His lips gave a subtle twitch and his gaze on her was sharp, "Did you not wish to be found?"
It occurred to her then what he must have thought happened to her during the raid. How long had he searched for her? How many weeks had it taken for him to find her so many miles away? Her mind circled back to the night of the demon attack on the village. The way the creature had retreated after catching sight of her… Could it have been him? Was it possible that his power and reach were so great that even other demons did his bidding?
"It's my brothers... They found me after we left Edo," she replied and averted her eyes from his probing gaze. It wasn't a satisfactory explanation for why she'd left him without even the slightest reassurance that she was alive and safe, but it seemed the only truth he might understand.
Sesshomaru inclined his head serenely, his expression betraying nothing, "Congratulations."
"Were you the one who wrote to them?"
His brow lifted with a cool, detached sort of curiosity.
"They received a letter that told them I was under the…your…care in Edo. Did you write to them? So that I could have my family back?"
He sniffed and looked away from her into the trees, "Perhaps it was the lowly Edo-garo you'd grown so fond of."
His teasing words did not match the serious expression on his face. He lifted his head slightly as though tasting the scent on the wind and his eyes narrowed.
"He is here."
Kohaku. "Yes," she replied truthfully. There didn't seem to be any point in denying he was in the village.
"The boy and I have unfinished business."
"Unfinished-?"
The shrill sound of a sword being drawn echoed in her ears and dread quickly filled her stomach.
"So it is you." Kohaku growled as he emerged from the trees behind her. "I'd recognize that voice anywhere."
His burning gaze remained fixed on Sesshomaru as he expertly spun his sword in his hand and gripped the handle tight. Sesshomaru's lips twitched in the briefest expression of disgust.
"Rin, stay back!" Kohaku cautioned and angled his body so he stood between the two of them.
Sesshomaru lazily drew his sword from its sheath, looking utterly pleased at the prospect of a fight. The seasoned killers sized one another up, intent on a death match. Horrified, Rin threw herself between them with her arms out. As talented a demon slayer as Kohaku was, she knew without a doubt how this fight would end. Keeping her eyes fixed squarely on him, she pleaded with him to see reason.
He glared over her shoulder, his hand wrapped firmly around the handle of his short sword. Stepping in close, she placed a hand on either side of his face and waited for his eyes to meet hers. Seeing the tears glistening in them, he blinked and some of the tension left his shoulders.
"Rin…?"
"Once, not so long ago, you told me about your dream to be a simple farmer with a house built by your own two hands and fields of rice enough to feed your family."
He nodded, the rage in his eyes lessening at the memory.
"Today, I need you to be that farmer. Forget about being a demon slayer. Forget you were here. Forget you saw him. Please, please, turn around and walk away."
Realizing what she was saying, his brow furrowed and he shook his head.
"Do you know what he is?" he demanded incredulously. "Do you know what a demon like him is capable of? Don't ask me to walk away, Rin. I can't."
"Please!" she pleaded, wrapping her arms around him. "Kohaku, I am begging. Be that farmer for me today. Please go back to the village and wait for me."
"How can I when every bone in my body is telling me to stay and protect you?"
"He will not hurt me," she insisted, her tone becoming frantic.
Kohaku's body was tense, his muscles rigid and trembling with the overwhelming desire to fight and kill the demon standing before him. But she could see from the expression on his face that he was wavering in his conviction just a little.
"He is my friend," she urged one last time. "Please, trust me."
He inhaled sharply at her words but his hand eventually settled on the small of her back and he answered with a soft, "All right."
Looking thoroughly betrayed, he slowly sheathed his sword and retreated in the direction of the village. He stopped halfway to the trees and turned back to fix Sesshomaru with a long, hard look.
"If he steps a single foot closer to the village I'll cut off his head," he warned, and there was no doubt in her mind that he would try. At her nod of agreement he turned and retreated through the snow-laden trees. Rin watched him go until he was out of sight and then turned back to Sesshomaru. He had already sheathed his blade and now stood eyeing the spot where Kohaku had been.
"Such insolence…" he commented with a turn of his mouth.
"I'm not certain a liar is the best judge of character," she snapped, already feeling emotionally exhausted by the entire ordeal.
Sesshomaru had the wherewithal to look abashed.
"Is this where you tell me that it was all a misunderstanding? That you had every intention of revealing the truth?"
He glanced away, his hand resting atop the woven handle of his sword.
"I had planned to tell you that morning in the tea room."
"Why did you do it?" she demanded even though she wasn't certain she wanted to know the truth.
"Curiosity, at first," he replied evenly. "I wanted to meet the sort of human who would sacrifice her freedom for the sake of a village she'd never stepped foot into."
His eyes settled on her, their golden depths warm with admiration, "You did not disappoint. You are an intriguing creature, Rin. In all my years I have never met another like you."
He moved closer, so silently and quickly that she had scarcely blinked before he was in front of her. He caressed the side of her face with a light touch, the expression in his eyes gentler than she'd ever seen it.
"You could have told me," she insisted with a frown.
"Perhaps, but there was a level of trust you placed in me as the Edo-garo. As him I could speak to you as a man, learn about you without the hindrance of ritual and decorum. I had hoped that in time you would acclimate to life in Edo, that you would perhaps even warm to me."
"To be your friend?"
The pad of his thumb grazed suggestively across her bottom lip, "Or something more."
She remembered with sharp clarity what his kiss had felt like and how it'd set her body alight from the inside out. She exhaled a shuddering breath as he pulled his hand away.
"It was wrong," he conceded, "but I cannot honestly say that I regret it."
"What do you want from me?"
"Return with me to Edo," he answered as though it should have been obvious.
"Go back?"
"Your place is there, not in some remote mountain village."
"But my brothers-"
He dismissed her objection with a subtle wave of his hand. "They may come as well. I am not so heartless as your demon slayer would have you believe."
Her demon slayer.
"Kohaku..." She turned her head, her eyes going to the spot where she'd last seen him. "He asked me to be his wife," she said softly.
Sesshomaru inhaled and then breathed an audible sigh, "The foolish notion of a foolish boy."
His words stung like a sharp slap and her eyes snapped to his. "Is it so foolish that someone could want me, even as damaged and used as I am?"
Sesshomaru's features flinched at the reminder of the unkind assessment he'd made of her during their first meeting in Edo.
"You misunderstand," he explained, looking uncharacteristically weary. "It is not foolish to think that a man, any man, could resist you. What is foolish is that boy thinking he could ever possibly make you happy."
"What do you mean by that?"
Sesshomaru leaned in closer until his presence practically enveloped her. His hand lightly caressed the underside of her jaw, tipping her chin upwards so her eyes were forced to meet his.
"You are a true Oiran, Rin - intelligent, beautiful, and a gifted artist. If you return to where you belong, there is no limit to what you could achieve. The world will be your canvas. The city of Edo will bow before you."
"That's ridiculous," she gasped, turning away.
"Is it?" he demanded with equal conviction. With a light touch he turned her head back to face him.
"These hands," he said, taking her small, newly calloused hands in his, "were designed to paint, not labour in the fields. And this skin should feel the touch of only the finest silks. You will have those things and more. You will want for nothing," he vowed.
"You're wrong," she whispered softly, pulling her hands from his. "I will never have a husband, or a child to call my own."
"In their place you will have the world. What can that boy offer you? A farm on a hillside? Years of backbreaking labour?" He scoffed at the thought of it. "That is not where you belong."
"That life you describe with such a note of disdain was mine once and I was happy in it. I enjoyed being an inaka brat and feeling the dirt beneath my fingernails and hearing the sound of a house filled with laughter. I want that life again."
"You are not the type to lose yourself to empty wishes."
"He loves me," she replied fiercely, certain now in that truth. She'd never felt confident enough in Kohaku's affections to utter the words aloud before, but the evidence had been there for some time. He'd loved her long before she was an Oiran, before she'd been primped and polished into some false imitation of nobility. He'd never questioned her origins or made her feel less worthy because of her time spent in the brothel. She could be her true self around him, and there was a comfort in that that she would never have in Edo.
Had she dared to look carefully then, she might have noticed the way Sesshomaru's jaw clenched tight, silencing the words he'd long wished to speak. His hand tightened around the handle of his sword, until the leather creaked in protest.
"You have accepted his proposal?" he asked, his voice sounding strained.
When she didn't reply he exhaled a low sigh and gently called her name. The way his smooth baritone caressed the single syllable made her simple name sound refined and important. The sound of it shivered down her spine and when she lifted her eyes to his she was shocked by the rawness she found in them. Whatever lies he might have spoken, there was no denying the truth staring back at her from those golden depths. He loved her too, far more than she ever could have realized.
The hand at her waist drew her close and she didn't resist when his lips brushed over hers. His mouth was soft and warm, the feel of it reassuring in the face of her uncertain future. The pressure of his lips increased and her hands slid up the fine silk covering his chest. In her own way she loved him, too. Had Kohaku not returned for her, had the Shogun's attacked not revealed his deceit, she could have been truly happy with him.
A soft gasp escaped her lips as his tongue explored her mouth and then his fingers were in her hair, gently cupping the back of her head. She held tight, her hands twisting the white silk of his kimono as the world spun around her. The taste of him was intoxicating and the way he gently nibbled at her lip sent fire rushing through her veins, hot and alive. For the first time she found herself wishing he was someone else, an ordinary man unfettered by the trappings of his rank and nobility. How different things might be if it were so…
She felt the solid earth beneath her feet once more and the world slowed to its normal rhythm. Sesshomaru released her and took a step back to give them both some space. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her chest heaved as she pulled in a much needed breath.
"Should you change your mind," he offered with a coy turn of his mouth, "you know where to find me."
He gave a formal bow, making her perhaps the first person the daimyo had ever bowed to, and turned to leave.
"Wait!" she called after him and for just a moment she saw a flicker of hope in his eyes. Stepping forward, she sheepishly pulled the comb he'd given her from inside her kimono. It was still wrapped in the original silk, well cared for despite the journey.
He looked pleased to see it and held out his hand to take it from her. She was sad to let it go, but it seemed only right. It was his mother's heirloom, an irreplaceable treasure. It had no more business being in an inaka village than she did in a noble household in Edo.
Sesshomaru took the comb from its wrapping and studied it in the fading daylight. His thumb brushed over the carved sakura at its base as his eyes lingered on the relic. Then he stepped forward and slid it into her hair.
"Keep it," he instructed without hesitation. "Consider it a wedding gift."
Her hand lifted in astonishment to touch the delicate thing now sitting in her hair. She opened her mouth to object, to thank him, to say something, but no words emerged. He hesitated only a moment, his gaze sweeping over her as if committing the sight to memory, and then he was gone.
oOo
She took her time walking back to the village. Her feet plodded slowly through the snow while her mind ruminated over what'd happened in the forest. With Sesshomaru's departure a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders – the weight of not knowing, the weight of guilt, the weight of her feelings for him. She felt lighter than she had in months.
Her path now was clear and at its end stood Kohaku and the life he'd promised her. It was the life she'd wished for a thousand times since the day it'd been stolen from her by a gang of bandits. She didn't dream of fame and grandeur. She dreamt of a simple home filled with love and laughter; an uncomplicated, happy life. She could have that life with him, all she had to do was say 'yes'. A smile lit her features and she quickened her pace, eager to find Kohaku.
As she neared the village she found him seated atop a large tree stump. He looked up at the sound of her footfall crunching through the snow, but the troubled frown darkening his features remained.
"So, you're alive," he said matter-of-factly when she was near enough to hear him.
Her brows lifted and she tucked her hands into her sleeves to keep them warm.
"It's cold. Let's go inside," she offered.
It'd be better to talk somewhere private. She was certain he'd have questions and she wasn't altogether certain how a village of demon slayers would take to the news that one as powerful as Sesshomaru had been mere steps from their gate.
"I'm fine here," Kohaku insisted and wiped the back of his hand across his cheek. As he did she caught a glimpse of what looked to be tear marks.
"About before... I couldn't take the chance-"
"It's all right," he said, cutting her off. "I understand."
Her brows shot upwards in surprise. She'd expected a confrontation from him, not quiet resignation.
"I went back," he said slowly, keeping his eyes fixed on the snow at their feet. "I needed to know you were safe."
Her stomach dropped as she pictured the scene he'd walked in on – Sesshomaru's arms around her, his lips on hers…
Kohaku went very quiet and then shook his head. "Anyway… I guess I never considered that you might have developed feelings for him too."
"Kohaku, what you saw was-"
He braved a smile and got to his feet. "You don't need to explain," he said and pressed his lips together as though he was holding in words that were fighting to get out. He took her hands lightly in his and released a heavy sigh.
"I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy after everything you've been through. And if that means leaving with him-" He paused and softly cleared his throat. He forced another smile though his eyes were filled with pain
"If that means that you leave with him, well, that is something I will have to accept." His hands briefly tightened around hers and he added, "Maybe I can visit you when I'm in Edo next if he allows it."
The cheerful tone of his promise rang hollow. She looked down at where his thumb was brushing unconsciously over the back of her hand and wondered which of them he was trying to comfort. His mouth might be telling her to leave, but his eyes told a different story. The pain in them was tangible and it struck a chord somewhere deep inside of her.
She recognized that look and knew it all too well. He didn't want this. It was as clear as if he'd thrown himself down on the road and blocked her path. But he'd let her go if that's what she desired because he cared for her that much. Wasn't that the true definition of love? The moment you're willing to put another's happiness above your own?
The realization that both he and Sesshomaru loved her enough to give her up so she could find true happiness with another made her face crumple and hot tears spring to her eyes. She threw her arms around Kohaku and buried her face into his shoulder, finding she could do little more than cry as he held her.
It was all too much – saying goodbye to Sesshomaru and finally knowing without a shadow of a doubt the depth of Kohaku's feelings for her. Never in her life had she felt more loved or wanted than in this very moment.
When the tears had subsided and her throat no longer felt raw, she pulled away and wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"That's a really beautiful comb," Kohaku remarked without a hint of bitterness. He reached out as if to touch it and then pulled back. "When will he return to take you back to Edo?"
"I am not going to Edo," she told him with a shake of her head and a light sniffle. "That life... It's not what I want for myself."
It took a long moment for her words to sink in, but when they did Kohaku's arms tightened around her. His cheek came to rest against her head and she felt him hesitate before asking, "Do you love him?"
From where her palms rested lightly against his chest she could feel the way his heart was racing. Her hand instinctively moved back and forth in a soothing caress.
"Maybe I could have at one time. Maybe if you hadn't come back for me..."
She felt him nod, but he didn't say a word.
"I know who I'm supposed to be with. I don't have any doubts."
He pulled back so he could see her face, his dark eyes anxiously searching hers.
"When I was in Edo, there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think of you. Even when I was angry and hurt, even then, I couldn't bring myself to hate you. And when you did come back… When you came back for me, I didn't know what it meant. I didn't trust the feelings I had for you. I didn't understand what they were or what they meant. I understand them now. In my heart I've known it for a long time. You are my first and last love, Kohaku. It's only ever been you."
His expression rapidly morphed from guilt to disbelief to elation. Wearing an uncontrollable smile, he grabbed her up around the waist and laughed as he spun her around.
"You'll be the wife of a demon slayer?" he asked breathlessly as he set her feet back on the ground. "You're certain?"
"That part may take some getting used to," she admitted with a light laugh. "But I'm certain about wanting to be your wife."
His eyes went wide and he shook his head in disbelief. "I thought this was going to be a very different sort of conversation," he confessed and swiped a hand through his ebony hair. "My heart feels like it's going to burst."
His eyes drifted over her features, studying them adoringly in the fading daylight, as he stepped in close enough to gently cup her face between his hands.
"My wife." He breathed the words softly, almost reverently, as his thumb traced the length of her cheekbone. "I suppose we should head back and tell the others?"
She shook her head and slid her arms around his neck, "Let's stay a little while longer."
His hands slid down her back to settle at her waist, holding her close.
"Is this a dream?" he asked as his head lowered and his lips traced the curve of her jaw.
She closed her eyes and tilted her head, uttering a soft gasp of delight as his mouth settled over a particularly sensitive spot.
"Yes," she replied as her fingers threaded through his hair. "But it's ours, and I have no desire to ever wake up."
He pulled back and smiled down at her in a way that made her cheeks flush hot despite the cold. Her husband. It'd been nearly two years since she'd allowed herself feel anything close to real happiness, but she felt it now. That foreign feeling bubbled up from the depths of her chest until it couldn't be contained any longer.
"I love you," she confessed, feeling giddy with joy and relief. "More than you could ever know."
Kohaku's eyes twinkled in amusement. She so loved the colour of those eyes. She loved every part of him.
"I think I may have some idea," he replied, and then lowered his mouth to hers for a tender kiss.
Author's Note: Just a fun little fact, but the first half of this chapter was written in 2013 and has been sitting on my hard drive waiting for the rest of the story to catch up ever since. That's a truly shameful delay on my part, but I'm so thankful for those of you who have joined me on this journey. We're in the home stretch now. Happy reading :)