Chapter 34: Time
December 11, 2010

EPOV

I was shaking.

Wait…I wasn't shaking…but something was. I was too out of it to actually figure out what the hell it was. The shaking persisted and I was getting further and further out of my state of sleep.

As I came to, I opened my eyes to find out the cause of the shake. When I did, I saw the bottom half of my pajama clad daughter. She was on her knees and she was bouncing on the bed trying to wake me up.

"You awake, Daddy?" She whispered and kept bouncing.

"No, I'm sleeping." I mumbled into my pillow.

"No you're not."She said matter-of-factly and stopped her bouncing. "If you were sleeping you wouldn't be able to talk to me."

"I'm not talking."

"Nice try, Daddy." She said and started pulling on my t-shirt. "Come on, Daddy. We already had breakfast…it is almost lunch time!"

This got my attention and I shot up on the bed. I looked over at the alarm clock on my bedside table and it was 11:13. I sat up completely after seeing the time. I have been sleeping a lot lately. I think it was me making up from all the time I didn't sleep when Bella was gone.

"Why didn't Mommy wake me up earlier?" I asked Peyton.

She shrugged. "She said you needed your sleep."

I sighed. That was how Bella was lately. She was still herself, and I was so incredibly happy with her around, but her behavior has been different since she got back. I didn't really fully understand it, but she just seemed like she was always on edge. Luckily she hasn't had one drink, or even mention wanting one since she got back, and for that I was so grateful.

"Come on; let's go see your Mom." I got up from the bed and picked her up off of it and into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me as we walked out of the room. "Where is she?"

"She's in the living room with Liam doing a boring crossword puzzle." She mumbled against my shoulder and I chuckled. Liam and Peyton were total opposites when it came to stuff like that.

I jogged down the steps with Peyton and she giggled along the way. I walked to the living room and saw Bella sitting on the floor with Liam in front of the coffee table. Bella looked back at me in the doorway, and then got up from the floor.

"Peyton! Did you wake your Daddy up?" She asked almost in a panic.

"Yes, I missed him and he was sleeping and being boring." She was too cute sometimes.

I get why she missed me, because I missed her too. I ended up staying at work until 10 the night before so I barely saw her or Liam since they were in school most of the day. Today was Saturday though, so I planned on spending the day with all three of them. I also had something else planned today that involved a nice long conversation between me, Bella, and Charlie.

It has been over a week. It was time to tell her.

"Honey, I told you to let him sleep." Bella said and ran her hands through her hair.

"Love, it's fine. I shouldn't be sleeping that late anyway." She just lightly shrugged her shoulders and she looked stressed. I bent down to put Peyton down and she ran over to Liam. I walked up to Bella and immediately pulled her to my chest. "You doing okay, love?"

She wrapped her arms around my middle and rested her head on my chest. Every hug, kiss, and touch I got from her now, I cherished. I always think about all the days I never got a chance to do any of them, and it brought me back to how lucky I was to still have her with me; clean and sober.

"I'm fine."

I took my arms from around her and brought my hands to her face. I lifted her face towards mine so I could see her eyes. I ran my thumbs over the purplish bags that were underneath her beautiful eyes.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" She has been having trouble sleeping.

Every night I tried humming to her and rubbing her back for her, but nothing seemed to work for long. If I woke up for any reason in the middle of the night, she was usually awake, but she never left my arms.

She shrugged. "A little."

I sighed. "I am getting a babysitter for this afternoon. You need to relax, Bella."

She shook her head immediately. "No. No babysitter. I don't need to sleep right now, I am fine."

"Bella, you have been home for over a week now, and you work yourself too hard. There is nothing wrong with you relaxing for a couple of hours."

"Maybe not, but there is something very wrong with a mother being away from her children for more than half a year. I won't spend any time away from them unless it is absolutely necessary, like when they are in school." She said stubbornly.

"Bella, you are going to wear yourself out. The kids don't want that, love. They will be fine…they can just go over Emmett's house for a while."

She shook her head again. "No, Edward."

There was no way I was letting this go. "If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me." She sighed and looked away from me. I know I was kind of hitting below the belt, but I needed her to calm down a little. "And for the kids, Bella. We don't like seeing you tired and stressed out all the time."

"What time?"

"I will call Emmett for three." I had ulterior motives of course, they weren't as important of her getting rest, but it was something that needed to be done, and I didn't want the kids here. I would make her relax at three until about six when Charlie was coming over.

She sighed. "Fine. If it will make you happy, why not?"

I bent down and kissed her. "It will make me very happy, love."

"Mom! Dad! I think it's here!" Liam yelled from the front of the house. I was in the living room watching TV while Bella was in the kitchen doing the dishes from lunch. Peyton was on the floor in front of me playing with her dolls. Liam ran into the room. "Dad! Come on! He is coming up to the door now!"

He was so overly excited to get his new baseball bat. He and I ordered it about three weeks ago, and there had been a lot of problems with the shipping, but I guess it was finally here.

I got up from the couch and right as I did, the door bell rang. Liam ran in front of me and was bouncing in his place in front of the door. I ruffled his hair and chuckled as I opened the door.

"Good afternoon, sir. Are you Edward Cullen?" The UPS guy greeted me.

"Yes I am."

"Great!" He handed me the box. "Now I just need you to sign here." He handed over the tablet PC he had and showed me where to sign. I signed my name and Liam was trying to get the box out of my hands. "Have a good day, sir."

"You too." I said and closed the door when he walked away. I turned back to Liam and I let him have the box.

"Mom! Look! It's here!" When I turned around, I saw Bella was in the foyer now with a look of interest on her face as she looked at our joyous son.

"What is it?" She asked as she walked over to him. He already had it down on the ground as he tried to open it.

"It's my new baseball bat!" He said and tried to peel some of the tape off.

I was confused when I saw Bella's face fall for a second, but she recovered quickly. She crossed her arms in front of her and smiled for Liam. It was an act though.

"Oh hurry up and open it! I can't wait to see it!"

"Dad! Help me out over here!" He said because he was getting nowhere by trying to peel the big piece of tape off.

I was snapped out of looking at Bella and trying to figure out why she looked so hurt there for a second. I walked over to the ring near the door and took my keys off of it. I used the keys to cut the tape off, and once I did, Liam was back to tearing it apart.

I laughed. "Calm down, bud."

He just ignored me and he finally made it to the bat.

"Yes!" He said enthusiastically as he pulled out the black and red Miken baseball bat.

It looked really nice. We spent at least an hour on the computer trying to find one that lived up to his standards. He was very picky when it came to his baseball stuff. He held it in his hands and traced the length of it with his hand. His face was one of awe and happiness. It was worth the $200 that I spent on it to see his face like that. He moved it so he could look at the base of it. "That is so cool!"

"What is?" Bella asked. He walked over to her and showed her the base of the bat. "Oh that is cool! It says your name!"

He handed the bat over to Bella and then ran at me. He wrapped his arms around my stomach and squeezed me. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I laughed and hugged him back. I bent my head down to kiss the top of his head. "Anything for you, kid."

He smiled at me and then ran to Bella to get his bat back. Bella was still looking off, and it was driving me crazy to see her like that. She must have noticed me staring and she looked over at me. She gave me a reassuring smile, but I saw right through it. I walked over to her and wrapped my right arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. She put her arm around my waist and rested her head on my chest.

"Peyton! Peyton, come here!" Liam called and I could hear Peyton's exasperated sigh from the living room. I laughed and so did Bella. Peyton obviously didn't want to be bothered.

She walked into the room holding one of her dolls by the legs. "I was a little busy, Liam."

"No you weren't, you were playing with dolls. Come here! Come look at my new bat!"

She sighed and walked over to him. She looked over the bat. "It's not pink."

Liam rolled his eyes. "Duh. I don't like pink."

"It would be prettier if it was pink."

"It's not supposed to be pretty, Peyton!" He said with a small laugh. Watching them interact was always a nice thing to see and usually had me laughing. I looked down at Bella, and she was laughing, but I saw some tears in her eyes. I really needed to talk with her. She wasn't acting like herself. She was always a crier, but crying over this?

"Oh, okay. Well then it is nice then!" Liam rolled his eyes and lifted the bat into the position he would hold it if he was hitting. He had a good stance and he looked like a pro. "Can I hold it?"

"No! No way!"

"Liam, come on. Just let her hold it for a second." I said.

He sighed. "Fine." He held the bat out to her. She picked it up and the top of it instantly hit the floor causing a loud noise to erupt. Liam cringed. "Be careful!"

"Here! I don't want it anymore! That is too heavy!" It was funny that she couldn't even hold the bat. She was just so small.

Liam took it from her. "You are such a wimp." He said.

"I know you are but what am I?" She yelled and I laughed.

I leaned over to Bella. "I taught her that one." I whispered in her ear and she laughed.

"Nice, teaching our daughter Pee-wee Herman quotes."

"Pee-wee Herman is the shit."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, babe."

I kissed her forehead and there was a loud knock on the door. "Let me in, people! It's freezing out here!" I heard my brother yell from behind the door.

"Uncle Emmett!" Liam and Peyton both yelled and ran for the door.

I kissed Bella and took her by the hand to the door with me. I didn't like her being away from me especially when we were in the same house and she didn't seem to have a problem with it.

I opened the door and Emmett walked in right away to get away from the cold. Peyton immediately jumped into his arms and he kissed her cheek.

"Uncle Emmett! Look at my new bat!" Liam said holding to bat out to him.

"Whoa, dude, that is awesome!" Liam had a proud smile on his face and I had a feeling he wouldn't let go of that bat for a long time.

"Are we going to your house now, Uncle Em?" Peyton asked him.

"Sure thing, short stuff. I just got out of work and am heading home now."

She squirmed out of his arms. "Okay! Let me go get my jacket!" She ran out of the room and Liam followed her.

Emmett chuckled and looked over to us. "Hey, guys. How's it going?"

"It's going good, man. How are you?"

"Fantastic. Life is great."

Bella wrapped her arm around my waist and I noticed she needed the support. I know Emmett didn't mean any harm when he said that, but it seemed to hurt Bella a little. This also confused me because I thought life was pretty great as well…why didn't she?

He looked at Bella. "You doing okay, Bella?"

She cleared her throat. "Yeah, I am okay. Just settling in you know."

"Good, good. It must be hard since you were gone so long, things have changed a lot over here."

I tensed when he said that. There really was no need for it. She was already struggling enough. I loved my brother, but sometimes his non-existent filter between what he is thinking and what he says really pisses me off.

"Yeah, you are right." She said and then let go of my waist. "I will go help them get ready." She walked out of the room with her arms crossed over her chest.

I turned to Emmett. "Was that really necessary, Emmett?" I whispered harshly.

"What? It was true."

"That doesn't fucking matter, Emmett. I know you may not have noticed this because you don't care to notice or whatever, but she is having a hard time. She is sober, but she isn't fully here. You don't need to remind her of it whenever you get the chance."

He stepped back from me. "Whoa, I didn't mean it to hurt her, bro. I wasn't thinking."

I stepped back as well. I was already aggravated as it was, I didn't want to start a fight with him over it. I had other way more important things on my plate.

"I know you aren't very happy with her, but she is trying. Give her a little credit, and watch what you say to her and in front of our children."

He nodded his head. "Fine, I didn't mean it like that, Edward. I swear."

I sighed. "Then I believe you, but just keep that in mind."

He nodded and Peyton and Liam both ran into the room with their jackets on. Liam hugged me around my waist and said a quick goodbye before running out the door to Emmett's car. Emmett waited at the door.

Peyton pulled on my shirt, and I lifted her up in my arms. She hugged me around my neck. She pulled away after a second and cupped her little hands around my ear. "Mommy is sad. Make her feel better, okay?" She whispered into my ear.

She moved her hands from my ear and I kissed her forehead. "I will, baby. I promise." At least I would try…

"Thank you." She kissed my cheek. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, princess." I set her back down on the floor, and she ran over to Emmett and grabbed his hand. He gave me a smile and wave, and then they were gone.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. After I was calmed down a little, I went to go find Bella. She wasn't in the kitchen or the living room, so she must have gone upstairs. I walked up the steps slowly, and when I got closer to our room, I heard her talking…who was she talking to?

"Yes…Isabella Cullen." She said. I waited outside the door, she was on the phone with someone I guessed. "Yeah I made the order about three days ago, and I just want to cancel it." She answered some more questions with either a 'yes' or 'no'. I was confused as to what she was talking about. "Yes, it was a children's baseball bat…I have the order number somewhere, hold on…"

Oh fuck.

No wonder she looked so hurt when Liam was showing her the bat I ordered for him! She ordered him one too as a surprise and I ruined that. I knew it wasn't my fault because I had no idea and I ordered it before she was even back, but it still made me feel horrible. I could literally feel how bad she must have felt when she saw that her plan on surprising him, and buying him something for the first time in a long time didn't work out.

My poor Bella.

The phone call didn't last that much longer, and she was able to cancel the order. I was stuck in my spot outside the door and she nearly walked into my when she walked out.

"Edward! What are you doing here?" She asked nervously.

"I live here, love."

She smiled. "I know that, baby. I just mean outside the door."

"I heard you talking to someone and I didn't want to interrupt."

Her face got red. Why was she getting embarrassed in front of me? Where was my wife?

"Oh, so I guess you heard." She said without looking in my eyes.

I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face. She looked so tired and distant. "I'm sorry, love. I had no idea that you ordered that for him."

She took my hand from under her chin and laced her fingers with mine. "I know you didn't. I was just excited about it; I thought he would really like it."

"He would have!" She shook her head. "No he would have liked it." I told her again to get it through her head.

"It was green…he seemed to really like the red."

I sighed and pulled her to my chest. I kissed the top of her head. "He would have loved it just because it came from you."

She nodded her head against my chest. "I just feel like no matter what I do, I won't be able to make up for what I did. I feel like they are going to grow up and realize what a horrible mother I was…"

"You weren't a horrible mother, Bella. You were going through some stuff, and you did the best you could."

She pulled away from me.

"But that wasn't good enough!" She yelled. "It wasn't good enough! I screwed up and I ruined any kind of relationship I could have with my children. You are their constant, and they will always see you that way! Me? Me, I am just their Mom that comes and goes…they are probably just waiting for the next time I will leave!"

She was crying now and I was hurt to hear what she was feeling, but I was glad she was letting it out. "Then prove to them that will never happen again, Bella!" I said with a raised voice.

"It's not that easy!" She yelled at me with the tears falling relentlessly down her face. I knew she wasn't mad at me, she was upset with herself right now, and if yelling at me will help her, I wouldn't mind.

"Of course it's not fucking easy, Bella!" I was yelling too now. I wasn't mad at her per say…I was more just mad at the fact that she was beating herself over something that happened in the past. "Just because it isn't easy and it is going to take time does not mean you should get discouraged at every moment."

"The damage I did is permanent. I failed…"

"Bella shut up!" I yelled and she jumped. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. "What happened is in the past! There is always room for change. You say I will always be their constant, but don't you see how easily that could change?"

"You would never do that though…"

"So you are telling me that you are thinking about leaving?"

"No! No of course not! I wouldn't leave unless you told me to."

"First of all, that will never happen and second of all, if you aren't leaving, what are you so worried about?" She covered her face with her hands as her body shook with sobs. I sighed. "Oh Bella…" I stepped towards her and pulled her to my chest again but she pushed me away.

"I'm fine."

"See! You are pushing me away, love! What is the matter?"

She crossed her arms over her chest holding herself together. "I don't know, baby. I don't know what is going on with me."

"I am going to call Julia. I am going to schedule us a joint appointment so we can get some of this sorted out. I hate seeing you like this, love."

She nodded and wiped those horrible tears off her face. "Okay. I will do anything you want me to, Edward. Anything."

I took a step closer to her. "I would do the same for you, love."

She gave me a small smile but the tears were still falling. "I know, but the only difference is that you already proved that to me."

I shook my head. "I completely disagree, but I guess we can talk about that with Julia." She nodded her head. "But for now, just let me hold you, Bella. Please."

She smiled and took a few steps toward me and I met her half way. She went to put her arms around my neck, but I bent forward and lifted her in my arms bridal style. She giggled her giggle, and I kissed her nose. She wrapped her arms around my neck as I led us to the bedroom.

"I thought you wanted to hold me, not sexify me." She said jokingly and I laughed at her.

"Do you think that's what's happening right now?"

"Well more like hoping really…"

"Nope." I walked to the side of the bed and dropped her onto it.

She was laughing hysterically and she pulled my shirt so I fell on top of her. She kissed my lips and tried to get my shirt off. I took it off, but we weren't going to be doing what she thought we were.

"Not now, love." I said against her lips.

She pulled away. "Not now? Is my husband denying me some lovin'?"

I laughed. "You're cute, and yes I am. There is plenty of time for that, right now you need rest."

"Plenty of time? What world do you live in, bucko? We have the whole house to ourselves! And you want me to rest?"

"Is there something so wrong with me wanting to just hold my wife and let her get some much needed rest?"

She pushed me off of on top of her and I fell on my back to the side of her. She scooted over so her head was on my bare chest and her fingers played with the dog tags that were resting over my heart.

She sighed. "I guess there is nothing wrong with it as long as said husband promises his wife that he will love her all good and proper tonight."

I laughed and shifted myself so I was lying on my side facing her. "I promise."

She kissed my lips and then rested her head on my chest.

She sighed. "I love you."

"I love you too, beautiful." I kissed the top of her head. "Now go to sleep, I want you to wake up with no bags under your eyes."

She lifted her head. "Is that your nice way of saying you want me to wake up looking less like an ugly old hag?"

"Shut up, Bella!" I laughed and so did she. "You know I don't think that now stop talking and go to sleep."

"Alright, alright…jeez." She rested her head against my chest again. "So bossy." She whispered and I chuckled.

I was rubbing her back, and she was rubbing mine. We were silent for a couple of moments; the only sound was the sound of each of our soft breaths.

"I really missed you, Bella." I whispered. "I missed having these moments with you."

"I know what you mean. I won't ever go back to that person, Edward. I know I have screwed up a lot and I can't promise I won't screw up ever again, but what I can promise is that I will never have another drink. Ever. I won't do it."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. The sincerity and determination in her voice had me incredibly hopeful, and I really believed she could do it.

"That's a good start, love. A very good start."

"Do you want me to come over, Edward?" Julia asked.

It was almost six, and Charlie was on his way. I called Julia because I was freaking out. I didn't know how she was going to react and I was nervous of what direction this news will push her to.

"No, Julia I couldn't ask that. I just don't know what to do. How do I even begin to tell her?"

"Edward, I can really go there, it is no big deal…"

"I'm sorry, Julia, I just think you being here will only scare her even more."

"That is true. Just relax, Edward. This isn't bad news."

I groaned. "I know, but this is life changing!"

"I already talked to Charlie about this, but I just think you should sit her down, and sit with her, Edward. You being close to her will help. Give her a brief description on what caused you to find out so she gets the entire story ahead of time, and just tell her."

"Should I be the one, or Charlie?"

"I think you should, even though Charlie is her father, she trusts you the most."

I sighed. "This is going to be so hard."

"Just take a deep breath, everything will be fine. You know if something happens, you can call me."

"Thanks Julia. I don't even know how you deal with me."

She laughed. "Trust me; your phone calls aren't as hard as my other patients." I laughed. "How is she doing though, Edward?"

"She is okay, I guess. She has her moments though. Her self-esteem is really low, and it is causing her to restrain a little I guess."

"Is it intimacy issues?"

"Not exactly, I mean we have been intimate since she came back, but sometimes she just doesn't want me to touch her, or she pushes me away. She is always on edge and thinking she has to make up for so much." It was surprising how comfortable I was talking to Julia about stuff like that. She has been a really good help through all of this.

"I think a joint session would be best, if you are willing."

"Yes, of course I am. I actually mentioned it to her earlier and she agreed."

"Great! Call the office tomorrow and we can schedule you both an appointment as soon as possible. I have to go now, but good luck, Edward. Everything will be fine."

"Thanks, Julia. Have a good night." We both said goodbye, and I hung up.

I sat down on the couch and rested my elbows on my knees. My right knee was bouncing because of my nerves as I waited for Charlie. Bella was still sleeping, and I didn't want to wake her up, but this waiting was also killing me.

I jumped when I heard soft knocks on the front door. I got up and wiped my sweating hands off on my jeans. I took the hoodie, I had on, off because I was sweating. I placed it on the hook next to the door and opened it. Charlie was on the other side not looking any better than I was.

He walked in silently and I shut the door.

"Is she here?" He asked.

"She is sleeping; she hasn't been sleeping lately so I don't really want to wake her." I told him.

"Is she sick or something?" He asked worriedly.

He really did love Bella already. He called me every day to check up on her, and I saw it was killing him knowing that she had no idea he was her father.

"No, nothing like that. She is just having trouble settling in I guess."

He nodded. "Right, I mean it makes sense. She hasn't been home in so long…"

"Yeah, it is just tough to see her so lost all the time."

"That's because you love her. Maybe I could help her. I mean, I went through something similar. I was in rehab as well, you know."

I never really thought of it like that until that moment. Charlie will be a great person for Bella to have. Not only do they share the same blood, but they also share similar experiences.

I was getting even more hopeful. "I know."

We walked into the living room and Charlie sat down on the chair. "What if she doesn't want anything to do with me?"

I sighed. "I don't think that will happen."

"What do you think will happen?"

"I don't know."

He groaned. "How could you not know?" He was getting impatient, and I understood why.

"I haven't exactly had to tell her that I found her father that she never knew and that her mother kept from her, Charlie."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I am just nervous that's all."

"It's understandable."

He buried his face in his hands. "I am just freaking out. I am just so scared." His voice cracked at the end and I felt bad. I couldn't even imagine what was going through his head at that moment.

"Don't be. I can't tell you what will happen today, but I know things will eventually work themselves out. It will just take some time."

"You're right. I just hope things do go well today." I nodded my head and we sat in silence. "I went to Leah's grave today."

"You did?"

He nodded. "Sue, Seth, and Destiny spent the whole day with me because I was a mess all day. They all helped, they really did, but there were two people missing…my daughters." He looked up at me, and he saw he had my full attention. "I just went there and asked her to look out for Bella. I told her that Bella was going to find out today, and I wanted her to make sure that no matter what happens, Bella will always be okay." He wiped the sides of his eyes and he was close to breaking down. I got up from the couch and stood beside him.

I put my hand on his back. "Thank you, Charlie."

Both of our heads snapped up when we heard footsteps coming down the steps. I patted Charlie on the back once and then sat down on the couch.

It was time.

So yeah, you know. lol This wasn't such a bad cliffie right? *nervous laugh*

I just couldn't keep going! I felt like it didn't really fit in with the tone of this chapter! I am also contemplating writing the big reveal in Bella's POV, but that is not a definite yet, just a possibilitly. I am going to be updating as soon as I can, though so no worries!

Thanks to my FFBFF Alexa for pre-reading this for me even though she is not feeling good. I really appreciate it and I really hope you feel better soon!

Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Americans and Happy Rest-of-the-Week to everyone else! I will update ASAP.

Review and I will reply!