Niylah vs. Bellamy. Bellamy walks in on Clarke and Niylah. He is upset with Clarke and demands to talk to her.
When I feel alone again, I decide I am tired of it. We should be planning out how to solve these problems. The world is going to come to an end if we don't find a solution. Abby told us to go to sleep. I slept for two hours, had a nightmare and now here I am, walking to Clarke's room.
When I find her room, I open the door.
I have to look twice because she is there wrapped in someone else's arms. I know who it is from the dreadlocks on her head and the look on her face. She blushes, looks frustrated and then moves away from Clarke. Clarke puts the blanket over her bare chest and stares at me with her hair falling in her face and her body looking flushed.
I feel no embarrassment, though I want to. Instead, I feel frustrated, angry at her for choosing someone else to forget her burdens with except for me. Why would she choose anyone else? That amount of anger makes me turn to her with my arms crossed over my chest.
"Clarke, I need to talk to you," I say.
"What?" she asks. "Seriously?"
"Yes. It's important."
Niylah looks at me and then over to Clarke. Niylah presses her lips together and then nods. She grabs her clothes and puts her long dress on. She sips her shoes on but does not wear anything else as she rushes from the room. I move aside to let her run by me. Clarke sits with the sheet covering her breasts and the rest of her naked body.
"Bellamy, was that really necessary? I felt like I was talking to my dad for a second," she says. "What do you care if I sleep with Niylah?"
I roll my eyes at her and then shrug. I step toward her, wanting to stand by her. Then I remember that she is probably naked under that sheet. I grab her shirt and the dark colored sports bra that I know is hers. I smile when I hand it to her.
"Really?" she asks with sarcasm laced in her voice. She looks upset with me.
She takes the clothes from my hand. I throw her pants and then see dark blue underwear sitting right by them. I look down at them and then look to her with a smile on my face. I want to grab them and throw them on her. She looks down at them and then at me.
"I hate you," she mumbles.
I throw the blue underwear in her direction, hating myself for thinking about what she looks like if she were to drop that blanket covering her body. She stares in my direction with the clothes in her hands.
"What?" I ask.
"Turn around," she says.
"Are you serious?" I demand.
She just looks at me. So I turn around for her, though I can't help but wonder what she looks like. I keep my arms crossed over my chest, staring at the ground and wanting so badly to turn around.
"We sleep in the same bed, Clarke," I say. "You don't have to hide anything else from me. Why this?"
"Because you hide from me too," she says.
I don't respond to that. I turn back around. She crosses her arms over her now covered chest. I step closer to her without feeling strange at all this time. She waits for me to talk.
"I have to ask, why were you with Niylah?" I demand.
"I was with her because she is…because she is my distraction. I didn't feel like being alone. I am sure that you understand that given the fifteen girls you slept with in the Delinquent Camp," she says with a shrug.
"Whatever," I say.
"What did you come in here for?" she asks with some frustration on her face.
To be honest with myself, I don't remember what I came in here for. I wrack my brain as I attempt to remember where I was last. I went to sleep and then I had a nightmare about something stupid. It pissed me off and then I couldn't fall back asleep. Where do I go when I can't sleep? I find Clarke. I knew she would be here. She always welcomes me into her bed. I guess I haven't had the chance to walk in on them yet. Unfortunately, it was bound to happen at some point.
"Clarke," I say with a sadness. "I just wanted to talk to you."
"About what?" she asks with anger.
"Come on," I say, nudging her. I sit down beside her on the bed, which is only a little awkward. I nudge her again, putting my hand out for her to hold mine. She doesn't. I have to pretend that it doesn't bother me or hurt me when she leans away. I put my fist in my lap and look at her beautiful face. She then looks sympathetic and smiles a little.
"What did you want to talk about?" she asks again.
"Nothing," I say. "I can go."
I start to stand up but then she grabs my hand. She pulls it down toward herself so I sit back with her. She doesn't let go of my arm when I sit down with her. She holds onto me with some gentleness.
"Don't go," she whispers.
I can hear my heartbeat faster. Then I can feel the pain released from my body. I want to grab her into a hug and hold her body close to mine all night long.
She wants me to be honest. So here goes nothing.
"I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about what we're going to do, how we're going to save everyone. I was thinking about the water problem and how we can—"
"It's okay, Bellamy," she says, squeezing my hand. "I understood after you said you couldn't sleep."
I nod, glad that I don't have to keep rambling on. Then we both sit silently beside each other.
"So are you going to call Niylah back to have meaningless sex or are you going to ask me to stay so that we can be together and alone?" I ask her, looking right into her blue eyes.
She gives me a small smile.
"Stay," she says with a shrug and lays down on her bed, facing the wall. I lay with my chest against her back and wrap my arm around her body. She pulls me closer and holds onto my hand.
"I'll always ask you to stay," she says.
It makes me smile.
"I know."