Extra Punctuation: Lust Affairs and Love

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'LL REVISIT LAAL IF IT'LL MAKE YOU SHUT UP! But of course we know that won't work will it? Because nothing will make you shut up short of surgically removing your fucking jaw, and even then you can still drool down my ear! I've been down this road before. I delay reviewing a fic because I know the fanboys will hate the review, but they nag me to review it anyway to confirm their supersitions and level up their internet cocks. Then of course I piddle all over the game, which may come as no surprise there to someone with even the slightest grasp of pattern recognition, then the screaming fanboys start sending me hate mail saying that I apparently must have misinterpreted my own opinion.

But whatever, we'll play it your way. Here is only some of the flaws with LAAL.

1. Taking Itself Too Seriously

Whenever I mark down a story as taking itself too seriously, It means that the author was trying to hit the mark of dramatic tension and timing, but missed the mark and kept going about ten million miles too far. To put it in a way that morons will understand, it's when the tone is so angsty and so miserable and just so unbelieveably dreary that it becomes very very VERY boring to read. And if a story is boring to read, something has clearly gone wrong somewhere.

I've said time and again. Drama is all about timing, much like Comedy is. It's important to be able to recognize when dramatic description and emotion is appropriate, and when it's just unneccessary. Lust Affairs and Love simply tried to be dramatic all the time and be all serious all the time. Isn't this why every smart person in the world hates Twilight? Besides the other reasons I mean?

2. Very Slow Jump-Off Time

It's important to realize that with the limited time I can spare between schoolwork, trying to keep my job at Bhaal's game company, and general arsing around, I have limited time to read a story before other responsibilities take me away from it for too long a peroid of time to be comfortable. So when you come to a story like LAAL which is not only continuous, but very numerous in chapters, the story needs to jump of the page very quickly for me.

LAAL has about eight or nine chapters of angsting around and bitching and moaning before any of the good bits begin. This is very uncomfortable. This isn't like a Virtual Season where you can skip two or three chapters if you're in a rush, because otherwise you'll miss something important. The slow startup time is what made me quit the story 6 chapters in on my review.

3. Emo Love Story

There's always been something very weird about love stories that have so many dramatic overtones in them. Brian's Dilema, Whispering Illusion, and LAAL all have this weird, unpleasant feel to them when they try to tug our heartstrings. Brian's Dilema actually managed to do it because of all it's different plotlines. Whispering Illusion managed the same because of it's tragic ending.

To put it simply, Romantic Dramas work best if they end tragically. When they end happily, like LAAL did, it gives this weird sense that we're reading some teenage girl's fantasy written to soak themselves as much as possible.

This opinion comes from me because I prefer to enjoy what I'm reading. I like to laugh, so I prefer comedy. So when I'm badgered into reading a dramatic fic, It's incredibly painful for me to do so.

4. Fanboy Pressure

The people who like LAAL are die-hard Brian fans. The story is geared to people who want to know what goes on in Brian's head. I am not one of those people. I don't give a flying shit about Brian, and wish Family Guy would kill him off.

But that was the problem from the very beginning. I was badgered by so many people to review LAAL, and when I finally did, I pissed all over it.

But I don't care what fanboys think. Quite frankly, people who obsess about fanfiction are on the top of my list of biggest losers of all time. What they think is not important to me, and one would assume that what I think isn't important to them.

5. Brian's Dilema

Whenever I review a fic, I usually compare it to another fic of the same format. In the case of LAAL, I was comparing it to Brian's Dilema. And Brian's Dilema had a big difference to it that beat LAAL: It was funny.

With all the fourth wall gags, pokes at the author, and general one liner jokes spread out through the story, Brian's Dilema worked to make the audience love them. And the fact that it was unfinished made it even more enjoyable, because you never know when Haylias will upload another chapter.

As soon as LAAL is over, that's it. The way it ends leaves nothing to the imagination, and no way for people to still wonder what happens next. It also goes out of it's way for Masquerade Angel to say "OMG! LOOK AT ME! I'M SO SERIOUS! HOW 'BOUT THEE!" And makes the whole thing become unenjoyable to read.

6. Personal Opinion

In spite of what Ander says, I'm not going to begin every review with a statement that it's my own personal opinion. The fact that it's a public review implies that it's my own opinion. Anyone thick enough to not be able to deduce that on their own get's no sympathy from me.

All reviews are subjected to personal opinion. There is no objective review in history. But if you personally enjoy something, a negative opinion on it from someone else really shouldn't get to you. If someone not liking it really bothers you, then you obviously don't like it as much as you thought.

There, you got your bonus review. Not leave me alone already!

~Just realized he spent the entire original review calling it LAAF instead of LAAL~

~Material~