Chapter Thirty-six: Not for Me

They worked feverishly for the next few hours, hope once again restored. Speed had seen the look in Calleigh's eyes when their boss told her the news. Hagen was alive. Of course, Speed's mind was already working the angles of 'what if' and 'maybe not'. All they really knew was that Hagen was alive when the photographer snapped the photo. That didn't mean he was still alive at that precise moment. The photo could very well be a red herring, something to throw them off the trail for a little while. Build them up and then send them toppling down. He wasn't quite sure which he hated most, hope or false hope. The two of them could be so devastating, so life altering. And he should know. But somehow he put all the dark thoughts out of his mind to concentrate on whatever trace evidence passed his way. While he waited for something to do with Jesup and Hagen he worked other cases so that the lab wouldn't end up with a backlog. Horatio had told him to take a break. Big surprise that he hadn't, he just couldn't bring himself to walk around the lab while there was work to be done. There were cases that needed their attention, cases that sat on the backburner so that they could work on the kidnappings. Now that there was a little free time he started going through the evidence, burying himself in the work at hand just so he wouldn't think about life's darker side. He ran the fibers from the child molestation case, the unknown powder in the drug-bust gone wrong, and the liquid from a possible poisoning case.

The machines buzzed pleasantly while they did their jobs. With all the work off his table he felt a little more relaxed, a touch more at ease. He didn't feel so useless anymore. Maybe now he would finally be able to take that break Horatio offered him. After giving the room one more glance to make sure he hadn't missed anything, he started out the door. What he intended to do was walk around the lab, maybe catch-up with the others, see how they were fairing. Instead he found himself heading toward the reception area and the elevator. All of a sudden he wanted to be outside. He wanted the feel of the Miami afternoon all around him, the walls of the lab that felt like they were closing in on him. So much for his sanctuary. Without really even thinking about it he punched the button, rode the elevator down, and headed out into the sun, evidence of a pop-shower glistening on the drying pavement.

He started walking.

--

Delko read the report for the umpteenth time. No matter how many times he read it the results just plain refused to change. If only he could make them magically say what he wanted to read. They were used to processing evidence, finding answers where there weren't any, so why was this case proving to be so tough? He rubbed his eyes with one hand, pinched the bridge of his nose. Something had to give eventually, right? Letting out a sigh he noticed Frank walking toward him with the oddest expression on his face.

"Something wrong, Frank?" he felt compelled to ask, being a CSI he liked answers.

"Didn't Horatio tell us to stick together?"

"Yeah…why?"

Frank gestured over his shoulder. "I just saw Speed head outside. When I called to him it was like he didn't hear me. Thought maybe he was going to meet you or someone else outside."

Delko felt the increase of his heartbeat. "He wouldn't be meeting anyone. Calleigh and Horatio are in the morgue with Alexx working the bodies for any evidence that might have been missed. And last I saw Ryan was with Cooper. Speed doesn't care much for Jake so I highly doubt the two of them would be getting together."

"So he went off alone? Correct me if I'm wrong but hasn't the militia kind of targeted him once already?"

Delko didn't say anything; he just shoved the test results at Frank and bolted in the direction of the elevators. He wasn't sure if he had a plan, all he knew was that he had to find Speed before something happened to him. He didn't think he would be able to function properly if Speed was taken, too. On the ride down, the ride from hell, all manner of ideas ran through his brain and not a single one of them was pleasant. He could feel the panic building in his chest as he stepped off the elevator, making a beeline for the entrance. He knew that it would be stupid to hope Speed had just stepped out the door for a bit off fresh air and that he would still be standing there or at least close by. When he made it outside all his foolish hopes were dashed. Speed wasn't anywhere in sight. His first thought was that they'd gotten him. But he quickly banished it for an idea more logical; Speed had merely gone for a walk to get some fresh air. Delko just had to find him. Making short work of the steps he about collided with a middle-aged woman. He apologized, making sure that she was okay.

"Sure are in a hurry," the woman commented somewhat good naturedly.

"Sorry," he said, flashing his best smile. "I'm looking for a friend of mine."

"Another officer?"

"Yes…"

"I passed one at the corner," she said. "He seemed pretty lost in his thoughts."

"Thanks," Delko called as he headed down the sidewalk at a jog. He rounded the corner and by some fortune saw Speed about a yard away. As he caught up with his friend he felt overwhelming nervous, something that he wasn't used to feeling unless on a particularly violent crime scene. He hated the feeling of vulnerability. When Speed was within reach he grabbed him by the upper arm and forced him to stop. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Speed looked at him, no emotion on his face. "Getting some fresh air. The lab felt…stuffy."

"You know that you aren't supposed to go off by yourself. Are you crazy?" he said with a touch too much anger in his voice.

"I just needed to get out for some air…"

He reached out and grabbed at Speed's waist. "With your badge and gun in plain sight? Tim, these people already have an eye on you, why give them an opportunity to nab you? Have you completely lost your mind? Horatio said buddies, for everyone."

By now Speed was glaring. "I'm not a little kid, Delko. I can take care of myself and I don't need every single one of you keeping an eye on me like I am some fragile doll. Now if you'll excuse me," he said, walking around Delko, his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't bother look back as he walked even further down the sidewalk. Delko was torn between following him and giving him the space he so desperately needed. He knew that if he kept pushing that the chasm forming between them would only get wider, deeper. He could not allow that to happen. While he toyed with the idea of tailing Speed his friend reached the corner and turned right, heading down the block. Maybe he was just taking a stroll around the block and he would be back in a matter of minutes. He knew that he should follow Speed but fear of losing his best friend kept him rooted to that spot. This inability to choose was something new to him. And he didn't much care for it.