A/N: So I officially love summer because summer means no school and no school means more writing time. Here's chapter 35 for y'all...hope you like!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Chapter 35

Lauren's POV

"Are you sure you don't need anything? Some water, ice chips…anything?"

"Laurie, I swear to God if you ask me if I want ice chips one more time," Mom chuckles, lazily turning her head in my direction.

She must be the calmest "in-labor" patient in the history of, well ever. I frown at her from my chair next to her bed, giving her no indication that I'm putting up with her pretending to be okay when she's really in pain.

"Seriously honey, I'm good. This epidural is doing wonders. I'm just ready to get this baby out of me," she sighs, rubbing her belly some more. She just hit four centimeters dilation not too long ago and I'll admit she does seem "good," in all aspects of the term.

"You should have seen her in labor with you and Rin," Dad comments, walking through the doorway. "The epidural was the easy part. The screaming, and the breaking of the husband's hands, comes later."

I make a face. "Thanks Dad, for that lovely image you've just given me."

"Derek when you push two watermelons out of your vagina then you can talk, but until then…" Mom retorts as Dad kisses her head.

"Mom!" I look at her incredulously. "I did not need that image either. And thank you for comparing your daughters to fruit, by the way."

Mom doesn't respond. Instead she reaches an arm out toward me and asks, "Are you okay?"

She's talking about what just happened at school. I'm not going to say I've already forgotten – it's only been a matter of hours – but since she went into labor I've done my absolute best to push it to the back of my mind, especially since no one died, the guy(s) were caught, and my friends are all home safe.

"I'm fine," I respond a little too quickly.

"Laurie…"

"Mom, no. Right now is about you and Josie, not anything else. I don't want to talk about anything else."

She gives me this look like she's in pain, but not like physical pain.

"I don't want to talk about it," I repeat.

"Honey," Dad pipes up. "It's okay. We don't have to talk about it right now."

I exhale. "Thank you. I um, I actually think I'm gonna go walk around for a little bit, just get some air and give you two a minute…" This room is suddenly feeling very small to me, like even though my parents aren't forcing me to talk about the shooting, the subject still looms around in the air, threatening to suffocate me.

Mom opens her mouth to respond but then closes it again, as if she were about to offer to come with me but then remembered she's six centimeters away from giving birth. Honestly, this probably won't be the first time she will have to put Josie's needs before mine; newborns are completely dependent upon their mothers after all.

"Guys, it's fine. I'll be right outside," I say, standing up and giving Mom a kiss on the cheek. "Be back soon."

As I walk down the stairs toward the lobby I realize I actually have no idea where I'm going. I think about taking out my phone and calling Charlie – oh how wonderful it would be to hear his voice – but I'm still in no mood to talk about what happened at school. I don't have any messages from him yet either which I'm somewhat relieved about; he's so busy studying for finals he doesn't have time to listen to the news, and I don't want him freaking out about this, not when I'm completely okay, well physically anyway.

I find myself plopping down on a bench just outside the entrance doors to the hospital. It's not raining outside but the clouds left over from last night's storm give off a gloomy vibe. Shivering slightly, I zip up my jacket and cross my arms over my chest. I don't want to stay out too long since Mom's in labor, but I can't go back in just yet.

Sitting there alone, my mind wanders back to last May and my abortion in Connecticut. Before I can help it I'm thinking to myself what if I had the baby?

I would have given birth about three or so months ago and Josie would officially be younger than her niece or nephew…how messed up would that be?

I can't even imagine being a mother right now; every morning instead of drinking my coffee and going to school I would get up for feedings and changings and my whole life would revolve around this little person. I want children someday, I really do, but right now the thought of having one of my own scares the hell out of me. Even having a baby sister is sort of a scary thought; what if I accidentally feed her the wrong thing or drop her on her head?

I would lose favorite daughter status for sure.

No, I just know for sure that right now at this very moment, I am not ready to be a mother.

Ten months ago

"Oh my God," my best friend Hannah whispers, reaching over to hold my hand. She, my other best friends Bella and Megan, and I walk through the middle of Central Park after school on our way home; it's an unusually sunny and warm spring day in New York City and I figured this would be the best place to drop the bomb.

To drop the bomb and admit to my best friends that I need help. I got pregnant, I can't keep it, and I need help.

"Yeah," I frown, refusing to look any of them in the eye.

"I mean, I knew you and Logan were serious but I didn't think…I didn't think it was that serious," Bella says.

"Yeah well I didn't think we were 'that serious' either," I respond, using air quotes. "I didn't exactly plan for this to happen. The sex or…you know…"

"Laurie, what do you want to do here?" Megan asks.

"Well, I don't think Logan would want–"

"Laurie," Megan interrupts. "What do you want to do here? It doesn't matter what Logan thinks. This is your choice."

"Megs you sound like my mom," I chuckle. "Oh God…my mom…" I groan.

"Do you wanna tell your mom? I…I kind of think it would be a good idea," Hannah says, looking at me apprehensively. "She is a baby doctor after all."

My mind immediately goes to my parents; one didn't have to be stupid to tell their marriage hasn't been the most stable as of late, with Dad working exponentially more hours and Mom not being able to confront him without starting a fight. Any more stress and I think our house might actually explode. No, I can't tell Mom about this, because then she would tell Dad, and I wouldn't be comfortable asking her not to anyway.

"No," I say pointedly. "I don't want to tell my mom. Not now anyway. You know how things are with her and my dad right now…they don't need the extra stress."

"But you're their daughter; you're not 'extra stress,'" Megan responds.

Megan, you really should become a therapist one day.

"Right now, yeah I would be. I can't say anything. And you guys can't say anything either."

All three of them open their mouths to argue.

"Do not say anything," I repeat. "I…I can't have this baby. There's no way I could raise one now, with or without my parents' help. And Logan, he can't know about this either. No, all I want to do is play soccer; I wanna to go to college and I wanna play soccer. Nothing else." I exhale loudly.

Hannah takes a deep breath, looking deep in thought. "Okay," she begins. "I have the perfect plan of how to take care of this, so to speak."

"Go on," I tell her.

"Well you know how we're going on that camping trip to Connecticut this weekend?" She asks.

"Yeah…"

"I was just thinking – and I know you said you didn't want to tell Logan, so don't panic yet – that when we go up there, we could take my car separately and stop in New Haven, which is right on the way. We can split from the group for a little while, go to Planned Parenthood and you know…take care of it" She waves her arms around a little bit for emphasis.

I have to admit, as nervous as this plan makes me, it's not that bad. Besides, what else am I going to do? If I wait much longer it'll be too late and I'll start to show, meaning I'd have to tell everyone, including Mom, Dad, and Logan. Oh yeah, and then there's the scary thought of actually having to give birth in seven months. No, this plan was my only shot.

"Fine," I tell her. "Let's do it."

It's been almost two days and I'm still sore. They told me at the clinic I would experience some abdominal pain, but I didn't think it would be this bad. Luckily the camping trip consisted mostly of hanging out at the lake, so I could lie out on my towel most of the time and no one would say anything. No one except my best friends knew what I did last Friday.

Hannah asked if I wanted her to hang out with me at the brownstone for a while, just so I wouldn't have to be alone the first time I faced my parents – the first time since the abortion – but I told her no. I was the one who had sex too soon, I was the one who made the choice to abort the fetus; I need to face this on my own.

It's Sunday afternoon, theoretically both of my parents would be home, but when I walk through the front door it's only my mother's voice I hear. Then I remember, Dad doesn't come home from work anymore.

Mom's voice carries into the foyer from the kitchen; it sounds like she's on the phone with my uncle Archer and the kitchen – for whatever reason – is always her favorite place to chat, like she's telling a secret.

"…no Arch, I haven't seen him since Friday."

I swallow. She's talking about Dad.

"…no I haven't called him…"

I try not to make too much noise heading up the stairs, but I think I've failed since Mom stops talking abruptly and I hear her footsteps growing nearer. I take a deep breath, trying to ignore the cramping in my stomach.

As soon as Mom sees me she gives me her best smile, which I know right away means she's masking her unhappiness.

"Archer I'm gonna call you back. Laurie just got home." She hangs up the phone.

"Hey hon," she smiles, greeting me on the stairs. I groan inwardly, already knowing she will follow me up to my room. Oh well, have to hide those papers later. "How was the trip?"

"It was…it was fun," I give her an equally winning smile. She wraps an arm around my shoulders and I try not to stagger from the sudden added weight.

"Hannah drove safely didn't she?" Mom jokes.

"Y-yeah she did," I smile again as we head toward my bedroom. "It was fine, Mom. We just hung out at the lake."

"So I was thinking, after you got unpacked we could order in Thai," she says, running her hand down my back before sitting on the bed. "I've been craving red curry for weeks."

I have zero appetite right now, but I don't want her to know that. Especially since pad Thai is one of my favorite foods.

"Um yeah, sure, that sounds great."

"Hey," Mom stands up. "You okay, honey?"

"I'm fine," I answer a little too quickly. "Why do you ask?"

"You just seem a little…I don't know, different is all," she notes, running a hand through my hair. Honestly, the fact that she noticed something's wrong without me even saying anything makes me want to fall into her arms and cry.

"No Mommy I'm not okay! I slept with Logan without really wanting to and got pregnant, and my best friends took me to get an abortion in Connecticut last Friday!"

I would give anything to tell her, but I can't. Not when she's so unhappy already.

"I'm fine, Mom, I promise," I reassure her. "Just tired is all. Glad to be home."

She pulls me into an almost-too-tight hug and I wince from the abdominal pain again. "I'm glad you're home too, baby girl," she whispers. I think she's been very lonely all weekend. "Okay," she smiles, pulling back from the hug. "I'll go downstairs and order while you unpack."

"Sounds good," I tell her.

"Pad Thai right?" She calls from the hallway.

"Always," I shout back. Once I'm sure she's downstairs, I shut my bedroom door quietly. Unzipping my backpack, I pull out the bright yellow packet from Planned Parenthood.

Before I can even think I stuff them in one of my desk drawers before sitting back on the bed. Taking a deep breath, I try to think of something – anything – that will keep my mind off of the abortion.

Mom's downstairs ordering my favorite food, and I get to spend an entire evening with her. Those are good things right? Usually yes, but now that I have this secret, I'm not so sure.

"Oh God," I cry, burying my face in my hands. "What did I get myself into?"

I turn on to my side, lying down to face the wall, and cry. And cry. And cry. Until I hear…

"Laurie! Food's here!"

"Laurie?"

I'm brought back to my senses by a male voice I haven't heard in ages. A male voice that doesn't even live here. I open my eyes.

"Uncle Archer?" I smile, surprised, standing up to greet him. "What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same thing. What is the hospital your new hang out or something? Come here, kiddo!" He pulls me into a tight hug, which I return gratefully, even though I still have no idea why he's here. Well no, I know why he's here – probably because Mom's in labor – I just don't remember anyone ever mentioning they called and told him to come.

"I missed you," I mutter into his shoulder.

"Back 'atcha kid," he says. "Last time I saw my sister was when you had just run off on her."

I'm immediately overwhelmed with guilt, thinking back to last summer when I wasn't thinking at all.

"I…" I start.

"Don't even worry about it," he stops me, pulling back from our hug. "I'm not taking her side; I'm just saying if you know what's good for you you'll never do that again."

"Good thing I know what's good for me," I sigh. "Did Mom call you? Because no offense I think she's the only adult Shepherd who would…"

"Laurie, if only you had an older brother you'd realize that hating the sister's husband just comes with the territory," he jokes, and I roll my eyes. "But yeah she did; I wasn't planning on flying out here until she mentioned feeling early labor pain. Then I got on the first plane I could."

"What a guy," I grin. He wraps an arm around my shoulders as we walk inside. "So you know everything that's been going on around here I'm guessing?"

"Aside from the labor and you running off, no. Although why there's even a labor in the first place is beyond me…" he mumbles, probably thinking I can't hear him. I almost want to laugh…sometimes his and Dad's mutual distaste for one another really amuses me.

"Okay cool. I think we can just leave it at that," I exhale, not wanting to explain everything to my uncle right now. "You know that Mom's having the baby now though, right? Like she went into actual labor a few hours ago?"

"Wait, what?" He stops me. "You mean you're not just walking me to her office? Where I planned on surprising her?"

"Uhh, no…she's having the baby today, which is why I thought your timing was impeccable," I chuckle. "You get to surprise her in room 2315."

"How far along is she now?"

"Four centimeters last I checked. It should be a little while…Dad's in there with her now."

"Okay then good thing I got here when I did!"

"Look Mom I found a stray," I announce when I reach her room, Uncle Archer on my heels.

"Well look what the cat dragged in," Dad laughs.

"Archer!" Mom beams at the sight of him. I also find it amusing that no matter how Dad feels about Uncle Archer, she still loves him unconditionally.

"Hey Addie," he smiles at the sight of her. This has to be the longest the two of them have gone without seeing each other.

"What are you doing here?" Mom asks mid-hug.

"I had a feeling once you called and said you were feeling labor pains that I should be here," he shrugs. "Bizzy and the Captain should be downstairs by now too."

"WHAT?!" Mom shouts, trying to sit up despite the epidural, probably to hit him. I'll admit even I get a knot in my stomach; the last thing Mom needs now is my criticizing grandmother.

"Just kidding," he smirks.

"God, Archer, I swear if you sprung them on me…" Mom looks annoyed.

"She'd kill you," Dad finishes. "Not that I'd complain…"

Mom opens her mouth to speak but Uncle Archer cuts her off.

"You're one to talk, Shepherd, walking out on my sister and your kid then knocking her up again first chance you got."

I slink into the corner of the room, not really wanting to be in here for this conversation but not wanting to leave Mom either.

"Do you really think right now is the best time for this conversation?" Dad asks.

"No-" Mom starts.

"Oh I could have this conversation whenever wherever," Uncle Archer answers.

"Fine well then you'd know that Addison and I getting back together was mutual and you'd keep your mouth shut about it in front of our daughter."

"Guys!" Mom shouts. "Just…stop it, okay. This pregnancy has been difficult enough and the last thing I need is the two of you having a showdown in the middle of the hospital. The doctor says I'm supposed to be calm, does this look like calm to you? Archer, I called you because you're my brother and my best friend and I wished you could be here. Well, now you are here so kindly do me a favor and shut the hell up." She exhales loudly.

Both my father and uncle are silent. I almost want to give Mom a round of applause.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to get through the rest of this labor in peace."

"Okay," Dad sighs. "Well I think I'm gonna let the two of you catch up a little bit. I'll be right back." He leans down and kisses Mom one more time before leaving the room. I get up to follow him but Mom holds her arms out for me.

"No, you stay here this time," she says to me. I oblige, and sit next to her on the bed.

"You're really here for me, right? You're not just spying on me for Bizzy?" Mom asks Uncle Archer.

"Seriously, I am 100 percent here for you, Sis," he holds his hands up in defeat. "Is there anything I need to do to prove it to you?"

"No," Mom sighs. "I'm just…really glad to see you."

"Me too," he smiles, sitting down.

I lean back and rest my head against Mom's shoulder.

Mom smirks at her brother. "So tell me…who is she this time?"

Derek's POV

I smile to myself as I stand at the nurses' station going over some patient notes; no matter how much Archer and I loathe one another, no matter how much of an arrogant and self-righteous ass I think he can be, even I can't deny how good of a brother and uncle he is to my wife and daughter. Him being here will make Addison happy, and she's had enough unhappy throughout this pregnancy to last her a lifetime.

Right now I'm just glad that my family is safe, especially Laurie, and no one, not even Archer, can take that away.

It seems so strange though, not being in a hospital, but being in a hospital and Addison about to give birth again. It doesn't even seem like that long ago that the twins were born, both little enough to fit along my forearms. Until them, I never knew it was possible to love two people so much…so unconditionally.

Seventeen years and three months ago

It only takes a moment for Addison to feel me staring at her, still in her hospital bed holding our newborn twin daughters, only four hours old. She's just given them their second feeding.

"What?" She smiles up at me softly.

"Nothing, nothing, I'm just…I'm in love with you is all."

Addison blushes. "Oh please Derek; I'm a sweaty exhausted mess who has no idea what she's doing."

"You look beautiful," I tell her without a second thought. "Our babies are so attached to you already."

"Honey they have to be," Addison chuckles. "I'm their primary food source." I notice she and Laurie both let out yawns simultaneously; even as I guy I find that incredibly adorable.

"But still," I argue, sitting next to her and kissing her temple. "Here, why don't I take them for a little while and you get some sleep."

Addison sighs, looking down at the twins, like she's afraid if she fell asleep even for a minute she would miss something.

"Honey, they're fed, sleepy, happy…it'll be fine. You have to sleep some time."

Addison yawns again.

"My point exactly," I say, gently picking up Rinny. "I'll go sit in the nursery with them. The nurses are all there, we'll be fine." I bend over and kiss Rinny's little forehead as she stirs in her sleep. My mom visited just a couple hours ago and even she couldn't deny this little one is a mini-Derek.

"Well…okay," Addison relents. "But you wake me up if anything-"

"Don't worry, Addie, I know," I reassure her, taking Laurie in my other arm. "Come on you two; let's let Mommy get some sleep." I stand up with them, bouncing them lightly as we leave the room.

Moments later I sit in a rocking chair in the nursery, rocking my tiny sleeping girls back and forth.

"I can't believe the two of you are finally here," I whisper to them. "You know, Mommy and I didn't plan on having a baby now, let alone twins, but I'm so glad you're here. Daddy loves you both so much."

Laurie makes little cooing noises in her sleep, turning her face in toward my chest.

"Sometimes it might seem like we have no idea what we're doing since we've never been parents before. But you've never been babies before either, so I think…maybe if we work together we can do this." I kiss both of their little heads.

"I can't wait until you're older and we can do so many fun things together. I can teach you to play soccer, to swim, to fish…basically everything Mommy hates," I smirk. I could swear I see Laurie let out a little smile, even if she's not old enough yet.

"But don't grow up too fast, okay? That's not allowed."

I pause, like either of the girls could talk back to me.

"And as far as boys go, neither of you are allowed to date until you're 40, are we clear on that? Because I know better than anyone that boys only want one thing…and I know both of you are gonna grow up to be as beautiful as your mommy."

Both girls continue to snooze in my arms, unfazed by anything I'm saying.

"I guess I should just let you sleep now, huh?" I kiss them again. "Daddy loves you both so much," I repeat.

You're both so perfect.

Addison's POV

"Well Dr. Shepherd, you only have one more centimeter to go before we can start pushing," Dr. Harrison smiles up at me like giving birth is the most fun experience in the entire world.

"Great," I groan. "Can't we just skip that part and you can just yank her out of there?"

"Addison I think you know better than anyone that I can't do that," Dr. Harrison replies. "No matter how much I wish I could. But hey, if no one gave birth, you and I would be out of a job." She winks.

"That and the human race would go extinct, no big deal," Laurie pipes up from beside me.

"I always knew it would come in handy to have a smart daughter one day," I joke, wincing from the pressure in my abdomen.

"I am going to go check on a couple things really quick and I'll be right back," the doctor announces.

"Thanks Dr. Harrison," I nod.

"Addie, you're sure you don't want Archer in here for this?" Derek asks. I can tell he's praying I'll say no, but probably thought it would be nice to ask anyway.

"Derek don't look so enthusiastic, I don't want him in here for this. Besides, I don't think he really wants to be in here either…"

Derek looks noticeably more comfortable.

"So is it slightly less daunting this time, knowing you only have to give birth once?" Laurie asks.

"A little. But if I had stopped after Rin I never would have gotten you," I smile at her. She moves to sit next to me on the bed and I take her hand.

"And we couldn't have that, now could we?"

"Absolutely not," I say, rubbing circles on her hand with my thumb. I try not to think back to yesterday, being so completely terrified again of losing her. Telling myself that if Laurie were murdered, I would give birth to Josie and then kill myself; leaving a daughter who would never remember her mother would be easier than living with another daughter killed.

After a while the pressure gets so bad I start taking deeper breaths. Derek reaches for the cool washcloth on the side table and rests it on my forehead. I smile at him gratefully, my gaze lingering. Just by looking at him I'm completely in awe of how far our relationship has come; from happily married, to happily married with two beautiful little girls, to devastation, to a rebuilt happiness, to distance and hostility, to separation, to reconciliation, and now to having another baby. So many steps.

None of it has been easy, but all of it has been worth it, just to be together now, no matter how we got here.

I remember being in the hospital with Derek that long winter night back in December of 1989; that long, painful, wonderful, beautiful winter night. I wasn't supposed to give birth to the twins naturally, but it turns out the girls had a different plan for me by making me go into labor early, and then by chance being in the perfect position for a natural birth.

The longest, most painful, wonderful, beautiful experience of my life.

Turning my head to look at Laurie, for a moment could swear I see a shadow next to her, a shadow of our baby Rinny, who should still be here with us. But in a way, I think she's always here with us, no matter what.

Derek seems so much calmer this time around; happy, but calm. Unlike last time…

"Oh come on Addie, just think how great it's going to be, our girls are almost here, and it's our season."

He would lean down to kiss me, so nervous he couldn't stop talking. But good old Derek, he never let on he was nervous, he was all smiles all the time. It was so late at night, or early in the morning depending on how you wanted to look at it. This time it's almost the afternoon, which tells me Josie's not going to be much of a morning person, just like her big sister Laurie.

"Oh God," I breathe, adjusting myself in bed. "I think it's almost time."

"Remember Addie, by this time with the twins you were cursing my name," Derek smiles and I hear Laurie laugh. He stands up to take my hand. "You can squeeze as hard as you need to," he whispers, leaning down to kiss me.

"I appreciate that, honey," I tell him.

"You can take mine too," Laurie stands up to take my other hand.

"Uh uh, Laurie you're gonna be a surgeon one day; you're gonna need those," Derek jokes.

"And what kind of argument is that? You're already a surgeon," she shoots back.

"Fine but don't say I didn't warn you," he says.

"Okay Addison I think it should be about time," Dr. Harrison reenters the room, followed by Izzie Stevens and Nurse Debbie, both of whom I requested out of familiarity. I notice Izzie smile over at Laurie, basically the big sister my daughter never got.

As soon as I'm put in the stirrups again I feel it; it's time. I flash back to 1989 again.

"Just hang in there hon, you're doing great," the nurse smiled at me, patting my shoulder.

"Oy…eyes on the prize," I said to myself. Derek smiled next to me, that oh so handsome smile that I hoped at least one of my babies will inherit.

"Alright Addison, on the count of three I'm gonna need you to push."

"On the count of three you're gonna push for me, alright?"

I look down; it's not Dr. Meyers, it's Dr. Harrison sitting between my legs. This isn't Laurie and Rinny, it's Josie.

Suddenly it all feels very real to me; Laurie standing on my right holding a cool cloth to my forehead, Derek standing on my left holding my hand, doctors and nurses surrounding us. And as soon as I'm done pushing, I'll have another baby girl.

Will she look like me or Derek?

Will she look like Laurie…or Rinny?

Whose eyes will she have? Whose nose? Whose smile? Whose toes?

"I can't do it," I groan.

"Yes you can, Mom," Laurie's soft voice reassures me, her hand running down my sweaty cheek. But I don't really hear her, the only thing I hear is the small voice in the back of my head, so strong I could swear it's right in front of me.

You hafta do it, Mommy.

The doctor is talking to me; I don't hear her either.

"Rin," I whisper, beads of sweat dripping down my forehead. "I can't…I can't replace you…"

You're so silly Mommy!

The voice is giggling at me.

You can't replace me! I'm right here! Just…push.

I take a deep breath, repeating Rinny's words to myself.

Just…push.

With as much strength as I have, I lean forward and push as hard as I can. The pressure is killing me, just as I remember, feeling like I'm going to rip in half.

"Okay, okay, good," Dr. Harrison brings me back to the present. "Stop there, wait for the next contraction."

I feel Derek's hand in mine; hear him telling me how great I'm doing. The next contraction comes and I'm pushing again, until I physically have to take another breath.

"Good, good!" Dr. Harrison says again. "We've got the head out!"

Head; I wonder what color hair she has? Brown? Red? Both? "Hair…" I breathe.

"I'm not looking down there 'til all the blood's gone," Laurie comments, pressing the cloth to my forehead again. I wish I were in a state to laugh at her; she's always said she would never become an OB.

Just a few more. I push again and again.

"There's Katherine," Derek smiled down at me. I lay eyes on the little head of dark hair - my Katherine.

"There's Josie."

I come to. Placed right on my chest is another little dark-haired baby, Josie. Derek's smiling widely down at me again, leaning to kiss my forehead. I hear Josie's cries and I'm immediately overwhelmed, not with grief, but with love; a love that explodes within me.

"Oh my God," I cry, tears streaming down my cheeks already. "Oh my…hi. Hi baby girl, hi Josie." I press a kiss to her tiny head as Derek cuts the umbilical cord, like he did for our other two daughters.

I can't stop crying, looking at this beautiful creature my husband and I created together. A nurse immediately takes a towel, wiping her off and swaddling her. I place as many kisses on her little head as possible, and as soon as she tilts her face up toward mine it's like no one else exists but Josie and me. Josie, who looks just like her big sister…

Katherine.

It's only when Izzie takes her to get weighed and I deliver the afterbirth that I remember there are other people in the room. Laurie takes my hand again and I look up at her – she's crying too.

"She looks just like Rin," she says through her tears. I hold my arms out for her, an embrace which she happily falls into.

"I think the bad stuff is gonna stop now," I mutter into her hair. "It seems like only yesterday this was you."

Derek sits next to us, pulling me into his arms. "She's perfect," he says, and I turn to kiss him on the lips, with all the love I have for him.

"Thank you," I whisper into the kiss. Thank you for everything. "She looks just like her daddy."

I hold Laurie close as Izzie brings the baby back to us.

"Seven pounds, nine ounces, 18 inches long, ten fingers, and ten toes," she grins. "You have a very healthy baby girl. Congratulations, guys."

"Thanks so much Izzie, for everything," I tell her as she hands me my daughter.

Laurie runs the back of her hand along Josie's soft cheek. The baby coos, opening her eyes a sliver.

"Hiya Sis," Laurie greets her. "You know you were supposed to be the little brother I begged for, but I think you'll do." She leans down to kiss her forehead and I'm overwhelmed with love for my girls. Josie opens her eyes wider now, only for a moment, taking in her father, sister, and me. Right away I see a deep, beautiful blue, just like her big sister…

Lauren.

I let Derek hold her and bond with her for a moment before she starts opening her mouth like she wants to nurse. I had been nervous for a while, thinking I wouldn't remember how or even that it wouldn't feel right with this new baby, but now I think taking care of this little one is going to feel completely natural.

As I take Josie back into my arms, Laurie announces she's going to go get Archer, who's been waiting patiently in the waiting room…probably hitting on all the nurses, I think to myself.

"You've got the greatest big sister in the entire world, Josie," Derek says to her.

"Yes you do, baby girl," I agree. "I just hope you like soccer."

"And The Godfather," Derek adds.

"Ha no. I am not letting you expose her to that any time soon," I laugh. However, I actually love the bond Derek and Laurie have and would love nothing more than for Josie to have the same…except it wouldn't hurt to have at least one ally when it comes to The Godfather.

Derek pulls us into his arms again as I stare down at my newest little girl.

"I love you, Josie. I always wanted you," I whisper, hesitating only a moment before leaning down and nuzzling my nose against hers, just like I used to do with Rinny. The baby twitches and coos some more, not expecting the contact.

Josie; so beautiful, so perfect.

Josephine Margaret Montgomery Shepherd

March 10, 2007

7 lbs, 9 oz.

Josie's here! Reviews are always welcome :)