I will never get tired of Fenris and Anders bickering. Never. I hope you enjoy!

(9) Kingsway 21st

"What do you want?" I demand of Anders, not bothering to look behind me at where he had entered the foyer.

I've been enjoying some silence, alone with my thoughts and the Mabari, while Hawke's been out. Until now. I had been grateful for Anders remaining in his room; now his presence is here to irritate me.

"I wasn't—what makes you think I want anything? Am I not allowed to walk about freely?" Anders huffs.

"No. You don't have a room. You are permitted to leave the room Hawke allows you to occupy. But you never do so without wanting something." I roll my eyes even though I know he can't see me.

The abomination walks around the chair to face me, his arms crossed. "Perhaps I was stretching my legs."

"Were you?" I raise an eyebrow at him. No chance. He wants to talk about something. He's bored. I imagine you must need a rather dull mind to become such after a brief period of time, in a room full of things. Is there nothing in his brain for him to think about?

Anders grumbles. "Well, no. But I could have been."

Not when you're as needy as you are. "Mmmhmm. Out with it then." Let's just get this over with.

"You don't have to make this so difficult. We could carry on a conversation like civil beings you know." He scowls.

"No, we cannot." I hate everything you are and represent. And you do not have an understanding of me in the slightest, nor do you wish to gain it. "Well? Either spit it out, or leave."

Anders concedes, leaning against the large fireplace. "Do you think Hawke's in the Alienage right now?"

This catches me off guard. He actually wants to talk and not just ask for something? Huh. Not convinced that's any better. "It is possible. She didn't say."

"I know things are strained between her and Merrill right now. I wasn't there, but she told me. I bet she's trying again to patch things up." Anders shrugs.

"Uh-huh." My eyes return to the fire. As much as I would like to gossip with you, I'll pass.

Not taking the hint of my disinterest, Anders continues. "It's good she didn't give her that damned thing. Merrill isn't exactly the epitome of good decision making."

I snort with amusement. And you are? Funny, you can say something I agree with, and I still I want you to shut up.

"No matter how many times I've tried to talk some sense into that girl, she doesn't listen. I warned her that blood magic is the very thing that makes us so feared. It's a weakness. She's so thick-headed. Always going on about not minding if I don't believe in her." Anders shakes his head, frustrated.

"You actually tried lecturing her? That was futile." I reply, more entertained by this than anything.

Anders drums his fingers on the mantle. "So is trying to heal a mortal wound, but I do it anyway. Same thing really."

That's… an interesting point. Still, I don't see the validity. I move my eyes to the mage. "How is offering a dying person a last flicker of hope, albeit unfounded, the same as telling someone something they already should know and clearly don't want to hear?"

The blonde man clears his throat and continues. "It's not so much in what I do, it's why. I try to save the person because it's my duty to. I'm a healer. With Merrill, I don't know that I was trying to redeem her exactly, but it felt like my duty, as a fellow mage, to explain to her the reason what she was doing was wrong."

That's fair, I suppose. "I see. Well, I can't say I'm not glad someone else tried to dissuade her. One would think that her hearing the same warnings from her entire clan and the majority of us would cause her to take pause." I pop my knuckles. "But, I can't exactly expect a logical response from a person consorting with demons in the first place."

"I don't know that I've ever seen Merrill make a logical decision." Anders snickers. "She seems to work on impulse. You know what that's like, don't you?"

Ha ha. I think through most of my decisions, these days. "As opposed to being emotional, like you?" I smirk.

Anders rolls his eyes. "I, am charming and sensitive. Ladies love that."

Says the man who sleeps alone in a closet. "Clearly." I laugh at the absurd claim that he seems to believe. Only if charming means irritating. Sensitive sure, he whines about everything. That's why the feathers on his shoulders are so big, they're full of feelings.

"You don't have to believe me for it to be true!" Anders gestures with his hand, his tone amused. "I'll have you know I've been with lots of women, and men."

I grimace. Ew.

He narrows his eyes at me. "What?"

"Just the thought of someone actually wanting you to touch them," I tell him plainly.

Anders snorts. "I could say same thing about—" He starts laughing, and his words trail off.

"Apparently not." I raise my eyebrows. What, is his type things that breathe? How disgusting.

The door to the mansion opens, and Hawke steps inside. A grin forms on her face as soon as she sees us both here and Anders laughing. "It's a miracle! You guys are getting along!"

I scowl. "No. I actually just insulted him." Kaffas.

Hawke snickers and looks to Anders.

He shrugs. "It's true."

"Eh, still better than finding one of you smashed into my wall." Hawke smiles and walks over to where I sit. "Fenris, do you want to come upstairs with me? I have something I'd like to show you."

"Of course." I stand and follow her. Anything is more interesting than what I was doing. Well, most things.

When we enter her room, she sets down the bag she was carrying and reaches into it. "I have something for you."

A gift? How unexpected. I glance at the red ribbon on my wrist. I should probably get her something... She's already given me so many things. What would she like? I should ask Isabela. And then run it by Varric to make sure she wasn't lying.

Hawke places the item in my hands, and I turn it over. "It… it's a book." I look up at Hawke, confused. Fasta vass. She doesn't know. I hadn't realized she didn't…

"Glad to see that your eyes are still working." She winks at me, excited about this gift. "It's a subject you're familiar with. The book is by Shartan, the elf who helped Andraste free the slaves. You know about him, right?"

Oh, interesting! That's actually something I'd love to know more about. Why does it have to be books? "A little… It's just…" How embarrassing. I sigh and walk across the room to look out her window. I have to tell her. But now she's going to feel bad for me again. Venhedis. And, I'm going look pathetic. Yet again, my past gets to damage my present. I turn back towards Hawke, and her eyes are wide with worry. She probably thinks she's offended me by bring this up. I exhale. Out with it. "Slaves are not permitted to read. I've never learned."

Hawke's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "I hadn't even thought about that… Maker, I would have never brought this up if I realized! I'm so stupid." She smacks herself in the forehead.

"I never told you. It isn't your fault." I walk back over to where she stands, near the bed, and hand her the book.

She pushes it back towards me. "Well, it isn't too late to learn, Fenris. I could teach you."

"Isn't it? Sometimes I wonder." I sigh. I don't exactly want the woman I love teaching me, like I'm some child. But… I would like to be able to read. It would be convenient to actually be able to do research. At the same time, she has enough to do without bothering with something as ridiculous as this. "I don't mean to seem ungrateful. I do appreciate the thought. I've always wanted to learn more of Shartan. Your choice in book was certainly a good one." I take a breath. "Perhaps this is my chance."

"If that's the case, I'd love to teach you. It would also give us something different to do. Might be fun." She beams brightly at me.

She took that so easily. As if it wasn't horribly demeaning and frustrating. I smile in return. "Alright then. We can give it a try." I appreciate so much the way she can overlook all the crap in my life and still want to be with me. "You're such a remarkable woman. Thank you for offering to do that." I step closer and kiss her lightly on the cheek before opening the book and glancing inside it as if nothing had happened.

Hawke looks over my arm at the text. "We probably shouldn't start with this. It might be a little difficult. I can read some of it to you if you'd like, but for our first lesson, let's just start with letters and easy things."

We're going to begin already? How… sudden. "Yes, that would make more sense." I agree. This will be so strange. "I realize it doesn't help much with this, but I can recognize a handful of Tevene words and things such as 'mage' in this tongue."

"Cool! I don't know any Tevene, so you have me beat there." Hawke replies, clearly pleased by this opportunity.

Perhaps, we could both offer something to make this more of a trade. After a pause, I put forth, "In exchange, I could teach you some. It might be useful to be able to speak a few words of it."

"That would be really great! Then I can know what it is you're always mumbling about." She eagerly accepts the proposition.

I snort with amusement. "Ah, well, that's mostly profanity."

"Hot." She giggles. "You know, I actually assumed that. What does kaffas mean?" The word is over enunciated and sounds hilariously out of place from her mouth.

"Shit." I tell her. She's not going to learn any actually useful words, I can tell already.

Hawke nods. "That's funny. I'm not used to hearing you just straight up say that."

"I've always been accustomed to Tevene. I tend to revert back to it, more so when I'm angry." I explain. "It feels off to swear like that."

She leans her weight against the footboard of her bed. "That's understandable. And it sounds badass, so win-win."

"Somehow, I doubt that." It sounds like exactly what it is, that I'm an elf from Tevinter. And that comes with the correct negative connotations.

"No, I'm serious. I really like it. Not only is it really interesting, it reminds me how much smarter you are than the rest of us." Hawke trails her fingers down my arm. "You're completely fluent in two languages. I only know this one, and you speak it with twice the eloquence that I do."

Hmm… I hadn't considered that. "I picked this language up out of necessity, to blend in and survive outside of Tevinter. I suppose it may have been a better fit for me."

"Maybe so." Hawke straightens up and moves towards the door. "Let's go to the library. I don't have many other books in here."

I begin to follow her but halt. I could do without Anders knowing what we're doing. He would hound me about this to no end. "I… would prefer to remain in here for our lessons."

"Oh, of course! This is our thing anyway. It's nobody else's business, especially not Anders'. My lips are sealed!" She nods vigorously.

As much as she believes that now, Hawke saying her lips are sealed is never convincing. I raise an eyebrow. "So, you aren't going to rush to the Hanged Man to tell Varric the next chance you get?"

"Uh…" Her forehead wrinkles with distress. "Well, no. I won't if you don't want me to."

Sure sure. I roll my eyes. "Hawke."

"What?"

"Don't make promises you can't keep when you're drunk." I lean against the footboard.

Hawke holds up her hands. "That's fair. I will try my best not to tell anyone. But I will say that you're teaching me Tevene, because that's really cool."

I snort. "Alright." Perhaps it won't come up. It will. But hopefully not.

"I'll be right back then, with a bottle of wine and a few reading materials. You're welcome." Hawke winks at me. "I know how to make you happy." Then she pulls the door open and disappears out it.

Happy… I haven't really ever thought much about happiness. Misery yes, and the absence of it. But I've never paid attention to or sought out happiness the way most people do. I've been so focused on survival and doing what is necessary that my thoughts have remained there, even now that my life isn't at stake ever moment. I suppose it makes sense; why would I need to be concerned with self-actualization when my basic needs hadn't been met. All my life that I can remember, until a few years ago, vigilance and tactfulness where all that counted. Hmm… yet I've remained in that same mindset. It has been increasingly difficult for me to adjust this more normalized life and that's why. I keep living as if I'm still that runaway slave praying to wake up a free man.

I begin to pace. Things are different now. It doesn't have to be that way. I'm allowed to find things that I enjoy and seek… happiness. I have Hawke. That is certainly on the right track. She's the first, and only thing, I've ever needed. If I could somehow sort out all the memories and put the past behind me… fix the mess I've made of us… then maybe I could be…