EDITED.

Catherine's POV

"Where are we going?"

"For the last time Cat if I tell you that it won't be a surprise anymore," Sara replies with a smirk on her lips. She takes her eyes off the road for a moment to glance at me. Since I have her attention I lean toward her and chastely place a kiss on her lips, effectively removing the amusement from her face. "It's not going to work. I'm not telling you."

I turn and watch as the city of Vegas starts to thin around us as we drive out of it. I move my eyes back to Sara and stick out my bottom lip as I cross my arms over my chest. "Not even those gorgeous blue eyes will persuade me to tell you where we are going babe. It is a surprise therefore you will just have to wait and see."

"Alright," I say and let out an exasperated sigh. Sara smiles and takes my hand in hers. I run my thumb over the soft skin on the back of her hand. "This is nice."

"What?"

I squeeze Sara's hand. "Spending time with you. It feels as if I have barely seen you outside of work," I am not going to tell her I have been counting. Counting the days I only catch a glimpse of her here and there in the halls at work. The days where we seem to miss each other in the locker room after shift. Two weeks. That's how long it's been since I last spent time alone with Sara. We went to breakfast.

Sara remains silent. Maybe because she has nothing to say or maybe because she is holding something back; I suspect the later. I lean my seat back. I have been busy with work and have had very little time to sleep, or when I did have time I couldn't sleep. I close my eyes and focus on the music drifting from the radio, and the small circles Sara is tracing with her thumb on the back of my hand.

I'm at the point between reality and dreams. Where my hearing becomes sharper causing the world around me to become louder. "I've missed you," Sara whispers. I am about to open my eyes to look at her when she takes a deep rattling breath. I know she is crying, and I know she thinks I am sleeping. I decide to wait to see if she will reveal anymore. "I know I've been distant lately baby," I can feel her eyes on me briefly, "And I wish…I wish that I could be more open with you. The way we used to be, but I watch you, and take in what you are already dealing with, and I can't…I can't bring myself to talk to you…"

I tighten my grip on her hand and answer, "I'm here when you're ready." Sara jumps with surprise, but I don't open my eyes because my exhaustion has just increased even more.

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"Cath sweetie we're almost there. Wake up." Sara rubs her hand against my cheek and I groan. I don't want to get up. "Cath." I open my eyes slowly. The light of the sun is blinding. I note that the car isn't moving. Turning my head to the side I look at Sara who has a loving smile on her lips.

I rub my eyes trying to get the sleep from them. My muscles are sore and there is a dull throb in the back of my head. A sour taste lingers in my mouth. Instantly I know that I have not gotten enough sleep to make up for the days worth of sleep I have missed.

Moving my seat back to normal I pull down the mirror and am horrified by the sight in front of me. It seems like ages since I last looked in the mirror. There are darks circles under my eyes which are bloodshot and glassy with sleep, I can pick out at least four new wrinkles on my face, and my hair is sticking up in almost every direction. If this isn't enough I can hear Sara chuckling at the expression on my face. Sara taps me on the shoulder and I look at her. She takes a hair tie off her wrist and hands it to me. "Thanks," I say my voice thick and croaky. I feel like I am coming down with something.

I pull my hair up and turn my attention to Sara. "Here," she says and passes me a bottle of water and piece of gum. I raise an eyebrow at her. She shrugs, "I knew you were tired and after a must needed rest like that I usually feel like shit so figured you might too."

I can't help but smile at her innocent expression; it is sweet. As I drink some of the water I glance around at the barren land surrounding us. "Where are we?"

"In the desert."

"No shit, I couldn't figure that one out." Sara rolls her eyes at me.

"I can't tell you yet, or it will ruin the surprise." This time it is my turn to roll my eyes.

"Here." Sara hands me a folded bandana.

"Ummm thanks hun."

"It's a blind fold. I want this to be a surprise until the very end." This again makes me wonder what Sara has in store for me. What could be out here that is worth keeping a surprise? I put the bandana on like she requests and then she checks to make sure I can't see anything.

I hear the car start again. Sitting here without being able to see makes me feel uneasy and vulnerable, but I trust Sara to keep me safe.

After about fifteen minutes the car finally stops and I can hear Sara get out of it. She opens my door and takes my hand. I let her lead me. When we stop she stands behind me. I hold back a whimper when she presses her body against mine as she removes the blindfold. She has no idea what she does to me. Pushing those thoughts aside as Sara moves away I look around. We are on a ranch; standing in the closed in area in front of us are two horses.

I can feel Sara watching me. I return her gaze with a full blown smile on my face. "Do you like it?"

"I love it." I bring our lips together and kiss her passionately. No one besides Sara would have remembered I like to ride horses.

A man clears his throat behind us and we pull away from each other. "Hi, I'm Grant. You must be Ms. Willows," there is a subtle hint of a southern accent in his voice. I return his kind smile and shake the hand he is holding out to me. "Ms. Sidle tells me you like to ride," he says with a nod of his head toward the horses.

"Well she is right." I move toward the fence and open the gate. I glance back at Grant and he nods. Entering the space I walk up to the jet black horse. I hold my hand out and it walks into it. I can hear the footsteps of Sara and Grant coming toward me.

"This one" he says patting the horse with a gleaming reddish brown coat, "Is Chestnut, and this is Black Beauty," Grant says motioning to the horse I am petting. I smile. "My daughter named him right after she had read the book Black Beauty."

"That's cute. How old is she?"

"Nine."

"Precious age."

"Do you have children?"

"We have two teenagers, Lindsay and Jay." He smiles at me, and Sara beams at my words.

"That must be a handful."

"Sometimes."

"Now Ms. Willows I know you know how to ride. Do you Ms. Sidle?"

"Of course." I look at Sara and raise an eyebrow. I didn't know she can ride. She glances at me and I can tell she is unsure about her answer under her mask of confidence.

"Well I'll leave you two to it then. When you're done taking care of the horses after riding, I would love if you would join my family for dinner."

Sara nods and thanks Grant. I thank him too and then easily hoist myself onto Black Beauty. I observe as Sara examines Chestnut. I can tell she is trying to determine the best way to get on the horse. "Approach it from the left side Sar."

She glances at me and says, "I know that," before moving away from the uneasy horse. I gently apply pressure to the girth causing Black Beauty to start walking slowly. I move closer to Sara who has her foot in the saddle, but is having trouble proceeding from there. "Do you want help?"

"No, I got it." I want to point out the obvious, but bite my tongue to hold back my words and wait for her to discover her mistake on her own.

While I wait I ride Black Beauty around the edge of the fence. Sara lets out a triumphant ha, and I turn to look at her. I stifle back my laughter the best I can and say, "Good job hun. There's one problem though."

"What?"

"Look in front of you."

She follows my directions before exclaiming, "God damnit!" She's mounted on the horse backwards.

"Sar it isn't a big deal if you need help. You had to teach me to surf."

She shakes her head, "Don't worry I can do this Cat." She is stubborn. I shrug and ride out of the closed in area, and have Black Beauty speed up a little. I look over my shoulder at Sara who is now sitting the right way on the horse and cautiously moving at snail pace. There is an expression of discomfort on her face as she bounces up and down on the saddle.

I ride over to her and have Black Beauty match her pace which doesn't make him very happy. "Do you want to move into a more open space?"

"I guess," she replies uncertainly. I send her an encouraging smile. We move in a slow trot heading in no particular direction. I can hear Sara wince every time she lands back on the saddle. As Sara gains more confidence she becomes more talkative.

"How did you arrange this babe?"

"I was talking to Nick about wanting to spend some time with you, and surprise you with something fun since we haven't spent much time together lately. I mentioned you like to ride horses and he said he had a friend that owns a few horses and that he could call his friend if I wanted."

"I should have known Nicky would have a friend that owns a ranch." Sara smiles at me.

Suddenly Chestnut breaks into a full blown gallop with Sara who has a constant stream of swears coming from her mouth. "Shit," I mumble and direct Black Beauty to chase after them. Sara's swears become louder as she becomes more frantic. She is clinging to Chestnut's neck for dear life. When I catch up to them I yank on the reins causing the horse to abruptly stop.

Sara is pale and shaking. I get off Black Beauty and help her down since she is trembling so badly. I take her hand in mine and rub her arm as I attempt to comfort her. "How about you ride with me for today?" She nods. I hold Black Beauty as she gets on and then I mount him. With one hand I hold Chestnut's reins while I direct Black Beauty with the other. Sara has her arms wrapped around my waist. When she bounces with each step of the horse she pulls me up with her, but I don't comment. I know she is nervous, and she did this for me. I just hope this hasn't stopped her from ever trying horseback riding again. It is different learning to ride a horse opposed to learning to balance on a surf board. Not to mention even though she was terrified I couldn't help but notice how cute that expression was.

After securing Chestnut back in the stable Sara and I ride Black Beauty around the enclosed area a few times. I do this in hope that Sara will feel comfortable enough before we go back out in the open. I take it as a sign when she begins to nibble on my earlobe that she is no longer nervous. I nudge her with my elbow to get her to stop, because she is distracting me.

After an hour we ride back into the stable. I show Sara how to brush Black Beauty and feed him while I take care of Chestnut.

After we finish we walk hand in hand toward the house.

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"Jesus Christ," Sara grumbles. I am trying my hardest not to laugh at her as she hobbles around like an old woman. By the time we had left Grant's she was starting to get sore, but now, well now she is a hilarious sight.

I unlock my front door and she walks in. I watch her disappear into the hallway as I shut the door behind me and remove my shoes. Following the random curses I find Sara right before she collapses on my bed. I watch as she begins to unbutton her pants. "I figured you'd be in too much pain for that sweetie, but if you want to," I send her a devilish smile.

"My pants are rubbing against my legs pervert." I open my mouth in mock shock.

"Me a pervert. Never." I cross the room and grab a pair of boxers from my dresser. I toss them and they land on Sara's face. "You're the perv sweetie. I never said one thing about sex."

"You were hinting at it though."

"Was not."

"Then what were you hinting at?"

"Sleeping…" She removes the boxers from her face and raises an eyebrow at me.

"You wouldn't be able to take my shoes off for me would you?"I help Sara with her shoes and then slide her jeans off. There are angry red and dark purple splotches on her skin where bruises are beginning to form and her pants were rubbing against her legs.

"What did you do to get so many bruises?"

Sara looks at me and says, "I don't know," her voice is dripping with sarcasm causing me to smile. Sara slides on the boxers and pulls herself up to the top of my bed. "Hope you don't mind I think I might be stuck here for a while."

"Not at all. You are right where I want you." I get on the bed and crawl over to Sara as I kiss her I straddle her waist.

Sara pulls out of the kiss and breathlessly says, "I love you."

I gaze down into her chocolaty eyes. I know the longer I wait the more I am hurting her. I lean in to kiss her and she turns her head to the side. I grab the headboard to steady myself as she shifts beneath me until she is sitting propped up against it. "Why won't you say it?" There is hurt and insecurity in Sara's voice. Her emotions pierce me like a knife.

"I…," Her eyes are on me trying to understand; trying to decide. "I…I guess that I feel like if I admit that I care about you, that I care about more than almost anyone in my life, you'll leave. Lindsay and Jay don't have that option, but you do. You can just leave if you want to." Sara cups my check with her hand. Her lips caress mine bringing me comfort, and pulsing her love into me.

"After all that we have been through and you still believe that I am going to leave you?" I look up and there is a smile on her lips which only makes me feel worse. Sara must sense this because she takes my hand in hers and with her other hand lifts my chin so that I am looking into her eyes. "Lately when I have been clingy, or when I pulled away from you so that we couldn't spend time together," I open my mouth to protest and she shakes her head. "There is a reason we haven't been together Cath. I was pulling away. I didn't want to be around you, because I have been afraid that I am going to hurt you. That you are going to leave, and that you are going to hate me. I have been having dreams…" She turns her head away from me and I make her look into my eyes again.

"You have been having dreams about what?"

"Nightmares. In every one of them I either do something, or cause something to happen that makes you hate me, or disappear, or I…" When she cuts off her sentence I know that she has no will to explain further but I need to know. This is the first time she has opened up to me in so long, and I don't want to lose her again. I don't want her to retreat into herself anymore. She needs to know that I am here. That I refuse to leave.

"You what?"

"I…I kill you." Her last words come as a shock to me. She is watching me cautiously with fear in her eyes.

"Those are just dreams though Sara. Only dreams." I place a light kiss on her lips. "I know you would never hurt me, and I could never hat…"

The door creaks open and I glance over my shoulder. Jay is standing in the doorway looking tired and defeated. "Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll go."

"No sweetie it's fine. What do you need?"

"It doesn't matter. I can wait," she replies before shutting the door and walking away.

"She's still not any better?" I shake my head.

"She's depressed, and I don't know how to help her. I should. I've been depressed before, but I've never been through what she has." I gaze at Sara for a moment. "Maybe you should talk to her."

"Me?" I nod. "Why?"

"Because you know what it's like Sara to have the people you are supposed to be able to trust betray you, and you've survived abuse countless times."

"You want me to tell her about my parents." I nod again. She looks unsure. Nervous.

"You can help her Sara. You out of anyone understands almost exactly what she must be going through. Jay won't tell anyone what you tell her." Sara looks at me, but her eyes are distant. I wait patiently.

"Okay," she says quietly. I move from her lap. She stands up and I grab her arm. She focuses her attention on me and I kiss her.

"Good luck."

She gives me a small smile. "Thanks."

Sara limps across the room and opens the door, "Sara." She stops and turns around. I smile at her and say, "I love you."

TBC...