February 3rd 2017

Chapter 34
Her Way to Share

Neither of them spoke for near on five minutes. They sat there, not knowing where to look but clearly agreeing the one place they couldn't look yet was toward one another. She didn't know what he was thinking about, but her… She tried to think about what she was now meant to say and… she had nothing. She might manage a 'sorry,' but it wouldn't be enough, not to her. So what could she say, what would she be willing to say?

"I was going to come anyway," he eventually started. "Then Zay said you'd left your bag so I went for it. I ran here as fast as I could, but you weren't there. I thought you'd gotten on the bus and left." In silence again, she sat there, asking herself what he'd still been doing there if he believed she was gone.

"I got lost," she quietly admitted. He looked at her, and she wondered if it showed on her face how afraid she had been a few minutes ago, how she was still kind of afraid now, afraid of the future. Maybe she assumed that it did, because what came from her next was a piece of truth, the kind no one in Texas had been let in on, especially her mother. "I've been lost… since we came here. It's been better lately, I've been feeling better, more like myself, and I thought I'd be okay because of that, but I'm not sure anymore."

"I'm still your guide," Lucas spoke after she had gone quiet. "If you're lost, maybe I can help…"

"What if it's too much?" she asked, her voice at once distant, as ready to run as she was. He wasn't moving. He stayed there, with her, watching. "Ever since we left New York, I've been… I've been feeling like I didn't know who I was anymore. Back home, I knew exactly who I was, or… who I needed to be. I belonged to that city. I never had a lot, but what did it matter when I had all of New York City just outside my door? It took my whole life so far to get there… and I had to start again, so it's been feeling like I left her out there. Maya Hart is in New York, and here in Austin there's… me, this," she pressed her hand to her heart, her self. "Walking around without who I was, when I was home."

"You're here now," he told her, and she knew he believed it. She smiled, weakly. "Maya, you're my friend, you're our friend, me, and Zay, and Nadine, and Asher and Dylan, but right now I'm here, so remember you're my friend, and I'm yours. And as your friend, I want you to be able to tell me if you're not okay."

She listened as he spoke, and beneath her hand she could feel her heart going in tremors, hearing the words he told her and knowing they were solid truth. Was she ready to tell him about every part of herself? Probably not, but she didn't feel she had to be so guarded anymore, and that was a rare feeling.

"I didn't mean to burst out at you guys earlier," she said, taking and letting out a breath. "I got a little…"

"Home sick?" he offered, and she nodded. That was it, wasn't it… "We were worried, that's all," he revealed. "We can go back, we'll figure something out, the three of us. If anything's wrong, you can tell me. Okay?" She reached for her bag at his feet, and when she stood he followed her. They started back toward his house, where their partner waited.

"I want us to use all the ideas," she told him. He looked at her, briefly unsure as to what she was talking about. When he remembered the project, he looked hesitant. "I know what we've been saying, but maybe it's not too much. We can find a way, without going all… stampede," she mimed what the earlier madness had felt like.

"That would be better, yeah," he agreed, then, "So you're okay now?"

"Definitely," she told him, her guarded side not quite ready to go and say she still had all her doubts cycling through the back of her mind, that feeling good mostly meant being able to tune them out. "Can we just pretend none of this happened? Like we only took a break?"

"We cleared our heads," he offered, and she nodded in agreement. "I think it helped."

"I think so, too. We're going to nail this presentation, Mr. Jiménez might even crack a smile." Lucas seemed to think this was beyond their reach. "Oh, you just wait. He's going to smile so hard his cheeks are going to hurt for months."

"Aim high, I like it."

They reached the Friar house to find Zay had been treated to the snack parade by Mrs. Friar in their absence. He looked up and, seeing them both there, he stopped with a fork in mid raise.

"Utensils down, Babineaux, it's time to get to work," Maya told him. With a frown, he hurried a few more bites before trailing after them. They had to get this presentation figured out.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners