Chapter 36

Bucky's bliss

When Bucky and Zara arrived at mealtime, they were hand in hand. Sam "cleared his throat" to get Steve's attention. When Sam wiggled his eyebrows and tilted his head in their direction, Steve swung his head around to see what was going on.

He couldn't help but smile. Zara had a firm grasp on Bucky's left hand, and was reluctant to let go, even when he needed both hands to load up his dinner plate at the buffet table.

Shuri had her usual seat, and only when Zara's eyes fell upon her, did her smile fade. She head went down, and Zara redirected her attention elsewhere. Bucky waited, but Zara kept fussing.

"Are you ready yet?" He asked her.

As all her options to stall ran out, she slowly looked up at Bucky. "I'm going to eat in my room." And she turned away, determined to slink out and not be forced to smile and sit at the table with Shuri.

"Hey, wait!" Bucky caught her before she could leave. "Come and sit with us. Your seat is open."

"I don't think it's a good idea. She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, come on. Everything is worked out."

After a bit more fussing, Zara allowed herself to be escorted to the table and seated. Bucky went around to his seat and plopped down.

Steve cleared his throat. "We have strawberry ice cream for dessert tonight. I was just told that, in case anybody wanted to know."

It was Zara's favorite, but even at the mention, her head was down and her eyes were totally focused on her plate.

Shuri looked at Bucky questioningly, wondering if she should say something. Bucky frowned. "I'm working on it."

Normal conversation picked up after that. Zara just kept her head down while she ate.

"Shuri." Steve asked. "Is the meeting still on in the morning?"

"Yes. The king has you on his calendar for 9."

Steve nodded. "Zara, it looks like you are going to have a free day tomorrow; no school."

Finally, she looked up at Steve. "Everyone is going?" Her face had a sad expression.

"Uh, um, well, if you want to come to the palace with us that would be okay. Maybe we can find someone to take you to the market. How about that?"

Zara sucked in her lower lip and began chewing it. She thought about her choices; stay here alone or go to the palace and be alone. Would he trust me after the other day?

"I'll just stay here."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. She didn't deserve a trip to the market, and she wasn't sure Steve would trust her, so she made the decision to stay and save Steve the trouble. "I don't need anything from the market right now."

"Women don't have to need something to go to the marketplace. It's okay just to look, you know."

Zara frowned. "That would be a waste of time if you went to all that trouble and didn't buy anything."

Steve smiled. "There might be something new, you never know."

"It's okay; it's all good." Zara tried to look cheerful, but failed miserably.

"It's your choice. You can still change your mind in the morning. Or you could use the time to put all that stuff back in your room from the hall."

"I put it out because I don't need it anymore."

"Zara. I looked in your closet. You have kept exactly three pairs of pants and maybe 6 blouses. Why…"

"I have an idea!" Bucky cut off Steve. "I don't need to be at the meeting tomorrow. I'll help you go through everything and we can work on it together. It'll go faster that way."

Zara shrugged.

"That is a good idea, Buck. Now, how about some ice cream?"

"I'll get you some Zara." Bucky jumped up and went after a dish of ice cream for her. She jumped up and ran after him.

"I can get it myself, but I don't really want any tonight."

Bucky looked at the ice cream he had in the bowl already. He dipped the spoon in and held it out to her. "Just have one spoonful. Open your mouth and I'll feed it to you."

She shook her head no.

"Just one spoon… for me."

She gave him a pout, and took the spoon from him. She popped the sweet treat into her mouth. She could taste the bits of strawberry as the ice cream melted. It does taste good. But she wasn't about to admit it.

She handed the spoon back. "I should go work on some stuff before bedtime."

Bucky sighed. "Well, I'm going to have some ice cream. If you have some, I'll carry you to your room. Maybe I'll do "UP!" for you."

She started to smile in spite of herself. As soon as she realized it, she stopped herself.

Bucky bent down to whisper in her ear. "How about we take two bowls to your room and we can eat it there?"

She nodded; the half smile started to show again, and she quickly looked away.

"We're going to take ours to go." Bucky hollered over at Steve, before filling up the bowls and grabbing another spoon.

Bucky licked the last of the melted ice cream off the spoon and sighed. "I have to admit it; they have good ice cream here."

"Mmmmm…." Zara agreed.

They sat on her sofa with backs pressed up against the wall, legs stretched out in front of them.

"Why do you sleep on the sofa?"

"Ever since I got sick, I've slept out here."

"You mean since you had the pneumonia?"

"Yeah. I don't feel as closed in out here."

"Are you getting enough sleep?"

She shrugged. "Sometimes."

"You do some things that leave the doctors puzzled."

"I do? Like what?"

He frowned. "I don't remember anything specific, but you've left Steve, and Sam, and me scratching our heads too."

"Really?"

"Remember when you hugged me and called me an angel? You had no idea who I was or how I was going to react. Why did you hug me?"

"I…wanted to."

"Why do you kiss my bad shoulder?"

"I've already answered that one."

"Come here." He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. "I don't deserve someone like you; you're sweet, and kind, and gentle. I'm a bad person."

"No! You're not bad!" She threw her arms around him and smothered him in an embrace. "You're my Bucky, and I love you."

Bucky's head came up as he heard the words, and his breath caught in his lungs. She felt it and pulled her head away from him to look him in the eyes.

"I do love you. I know you don't feel the same way. I understand."

"Zara…" His words were cut off as she pressed a finger to his lips.

"Shhhh. Just hold me Bucky. Be my friend. Make all the bad memories go away. Let me feel safe, even if it's only for a moment."

He couldn't resist the sadness in her eyes and pulled her head to his chest.

They stayed that way for a long time. He just held her gently. She sighed and listened to his heart beating. They were both at peace.

When he finally had to adjust his position, she moaned softly. He realized she had fallen asleep. He tried to move her head without waking her, but she yawned and stirred. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry." She yawned again.

"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you felt safe enough to doze off, but we need to get you into bed. Go get changed."

"What time is it?"

"It's late."

"Will you tuck me in?"

"Sure."

"Go get into your pajamas and come back."

Bucky got up and went to his room to change. He padded back over in his bare feet. "You decent?" He hollered from the door way.

"Yes." She sat on the edge of the sofa, and only swung her legs around when he ushered her under the covers.

He pulled them up and kissed her on the forehead. "Get some sleep."

"I'd sleep better if you would snuggle with me."

"You'll sleep just fine."

"Okay."

"Goodnight." He flipped off the light as he exited her room. In the hallway he shook his head, and took a deep breath. An emotion he hadn't felt in a long time stirred to life deep within him. He couldn't place it just yet, but her innocent suggestion had caused a swarm of butterflies to take flight in his stomach. He exhaled heavily and forced himself to his room.

The next morning, they had the place to themselves pretty much. Steve and everyone else jetted off for the palace. Zara didn't know what the meeting was about, but she was worried nonetheless.

Bucky made her go through all her clothes, and even though she still culled some from the pile, Bucky decided he wasn't going to have them tossed. He hid them in his room in case she changed her mind later on.

After that they took a walk around the building. They talked very little; they didn't need to. There was this bond between them, a feeling they shared that took them beyond words. For this precious time, Zara felt safe. She kept a good hold on his hand as they walked.

They ended their walk back in the lounge. They sat side by side, and Zara snuggled into Bucky's shoulder.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable on my right?"

"It doesn't matter to me."

"Well, the other one is a little softer."

"Okay, if you insist." She got up and sat on his right side. "Can you make the metal pieces move again for me?"

"You never get tired of that, do you?"

She shook her head and smiled in anticipation.

Bucky put his left arm forward and made the metallic plates move and click into place. Zara's smile got bigger. "Do it again!" She whispered.

Bucky chuckled and moved the plates back. Zara bounced a little with joy. Bucky shook his head slightly. He marveled that such a mundane thing to him could bring her such happiness.

Satisfied, she snuggled into his shoulder and sighed contentedly. Bucky thought about how little he had to do to make her happy. He wondered after everything he'd been through, could he ever be like that? Would James Buchanan Barnes ever find such peace and joy ever again? Maybe I'm over-thinking this. Maybe all I have to do is stop thinking. Maybe Zara is right after all. Maybe all I have to do is…nothing!

He snuggled with her, and let his body relax. He focused on feeling her warmth, and just listened to her breathing…. And dozed off.