Author's note: I do not own these characters...but I'm having a great time with them! Read, enjoy and review! :)

Chapter 36

Dean did his best not to be antsy, but it just wasn't in his nature. Finally, after snapping at Sam for the third time over something trivial, he gave Sam the head-tilt/eye-point combo that clearly said, "I need to talk to you alone and somewhere other than here."

Meranda had been helping Sam in the kitchen while Dean leaned in the doorway pretending to watch. In actuality his mind, heart and gut were having an argument and his focus had been in a whirlwind trying to keep up. He knew he was going to have to vent some of what had been building or risk looking like a lunatic when something stupid like another innocent look from Sam set him off...again.

"Meranda, do you mind taking this over? It seems I need to have a chat with my brother," Sam asked, doing his best not to let his aggravation with Dean cause him to be short with her.

"Of course! You two take your time. These have got quite a while to go," she said with a genuine smile.

Sam excused himself from the kitchen with a smile and nod and met Dean in the living room.

As soon as Dean saw him step from the kitchen, he started for the hallway and Sam, naturally, followed. He led them through her bedroom and back out onto the patio where he closed the sliding glass door behind them. Sam flipped the switch closest to the door and the lights on the gazebo came to life, casting a soft white glow on the table beneath it.

"What's up?" Sam asked, his brow creased with concern.

"Sit down, Sammy," Dean said, taking a seat himself.

Sam's concern grew as he sat in the chair he'd been in less than an hour ago. "You okay? You're starting to worry me a little."

"I dunno, Sam," he confessed. "I've got some big decisions to make and I feel like time's closing in on me, you know?"

"No, Dean. I don't know. What the hell are you talking about?"

"Meranda. She explained something to me and it kinda changes everything," Dean replied vaguely.

"Dude, I need more than that. She told you something...like what?"

"Like every time I've ever gotten laid, I've given open, unfettered access to my soul to whoever happens to be with me at the time...and as fucked up as that seems, I can kinda get a handle on that. But, Meranda..." he fell silent, his eyes troubled as if he were inching along the thin ledge of a mountainside that might give way at any moment.

Sam knew that he could easily just pretend that he didn't know what was eating at his brother and watch him suffer longer, but it was almost painful to watch even this much. Instead, he leaned back in his chair and searched for the right words to open the dialog.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you're thinking maybe you've got real feelings for her. Am I right?"

"Well that's part of the problem. I don't know if what I'm feeling is really me or part of what she is! She says that she's not affecting the way I feel, but how do I know for sure?" Dean's exasperation was palpable.

Sam smiled at him, but it was clear that he was holding back a chuckle. "Are you even listening to yourself, Dean? If it were her causing you to have these feelings, you wouldn't question them at all! Hello! Succubus? It's what they do, Dean!"

Dean just looked at him while rolling Sam's words around in his mind. She'd said the same thing so at the very least he could take comfort in the fact that Sam had just confirmed it for him. Bottom line was, this meant that he really did feel these things for her which, quite to his dismay, didn't necessarily solve his problems. It actually opened a whole new set of them…just fucking peachy! Now not only did he have to deal with The Feelings – the very thought of the phrase made his skin crawl and his stomach knot up – he would also have to deal with all the new issues that were waiting to attack and potentially destroy him behind a door marked "What Now".

"Dean, breathe," Sam said, seeing the sheer panic in his brother's eyes. Fleetingly, he thought of how ironic it was that he'd seen his big brother charge at and kill things that would make most men cower in a corner, crying and pissing their pants, yet something as natural as having feelings for a woman had him quaking in his boots. He couldn't help but feel sorry for him, but at the same time, he also knew that this was something Dean was going to have to deal with. More importantly, he knew that Dean knew and he had come to Sam for support.

"I promise you, Dean, it's not as bad as you're making it out to be," Sam said, hoping to offer a measure of solace.

"I don't think you get it, Sammy. If I have feelings for her, I'm gonna wanna feel her and in order to do that, I give her access to my soul."

"Dean, it's no different than before you knew, is it?"

"But it is different Sam! I…" his voice cracked and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I've been thinking about making the connection with hers. I've given quite a lot of thought actually."

"What do you mean?"

"Christ on a cracker, Sammy! Did you not pay attention to anything?"

"Enlighten me," Sam said.

"She said that the connection has only been mutual once," Dean replied, looking hopeful that this would explain it enough that he wouldn't need to go further. But Sam just continued to look at him as though none of this was ringing any bells for him. It was times like this that something in Dean's gut told him Sam was playing him, that he knew, but wanted to see Dean suffer anyway. Of course, he couldn't exactly prove that theory so he did the only thing he saw as an option – he pushed forward.

"I've thought about…about making it twice," Dean said, almost angrily.

Sam didn't say anything in return, but his face said that his silence was from shock and not to annoy. This was big for Dean…hell, "big" was the understatement of the year. It was incredibly momentous and absolutely not what Sam was expecting. Sam had believed that Dean was in this panic because he simply didn't know how to deal with having feelings for her. He had no idea that it ran so deep. This could actually be viewed as sort of a commitment since Dean would actually be able to feel her very soul. Without malice, Sam felt just the slightest tinge of envy. That act would have to be the closest two people could possibly get without becoming one single being. What would that be like?

"Say something damn it! Am I losing my mind here? I mean, is this crazy?" The desperation in his voice and in his eyes had escalated.

"Dean, I'm just…I dunno…shocked I guess. I mean, I'm happy for you, but I just wasn't expecting it, is all," Sam offered honestly.

"Yeah, well if you weren't expecting it, how do you think I feel? I mean, everything about her just feels…right somehow. I can't explain it. And it's like my mind keeps saying things like, 'she's only half-human', but my heart keeps saying, 'I don't care, I wanna be with her' and my gut is saying, 'it's okay, just make a decision', but I don't know what's okay or what to decide!" He put his elbows on the table and his face in his hands. He began rubbing his eyes as though he believed if he did it long enough he could get the answer to appear. When it didn't work, he rested his forehead in his palms.

"Do you feel anything for her, Sam?" Dean's voice was slightly muffled.

Sam thought a moment and then answered. "I do but not like what you're feeling. I mean, I like her…and I'd definitely protect her. She still makes me feel safe, which I'll admit I find a little odd, but I like it enough not to question it too much. You wanna know my theory on the subject?"

"Yeah, Dr. Strangelove, let's hear it."

"Alright, I think that her power intensifies feelings, not create them. I think that she basically put our emotions on the 'fast track' so to speak. This is where we'd be, emotionally, if given enough time. I think what we feel is real and it's actually the time frame we're having the trouble with."

Dean let this idea wash over him and, surprisingly, found it to be rather calming. For some odd reason, it brought to mind her wound and the way that it had taken mere days to heal to a point that should've taken weeks.

Sam watched the panic on Dean's face and in his eyes subside and relaxed a little himself. "Well?" he asked, hoping to get a verbal confirmation.

"Yeah…okay…that makes sense, I guess," Dean finally responded. He'd wanted to think it through one more time before committing to it and despite using a wavering phrase like "I guess", for Dean this was a commitment.

"So, when are you gonna tell her," Sam asked with narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow, as if he knew he was breaking bad news to Dean.

Dean released a deep sigh, looked down at the table and slowly shook his head.

"You are gonna tell her, right? I mean, if my theory's right, is this something that you can struggle with another four or five days without dealing with it? Because that's what we agreed to," Sam reminded him.