A/N: Hi guys! A few quick announcements!
1) I wanted to let you know I just started a new blog at WordPress. It's called Pixel & Crown and you can find it at (dot com, obviously).
2)I just published the first chapter of my new story over in the Legend of Zelda section. It's a Nintendo franchise crossover starring Peach and Sheik. Please go check it out, I'm really excited about it!
3)Did you know TV Tropes has a "notable fanfiction" section? Did you know none of my Mario works are listed there?! Just kidding, kinda...I'm not saying go nominate me, but if you've been a fan of my work and you're active on TV Tropes, I'd be really honored if you'd spread the word! Otherwise, I suggest checking it out because there's some REALLY talented authors and great stories on their lists.
Whelp, that's enough out of me, time to enjoy some fanfic! As always, thanks for the faves and reviews!
Iggy raised his head with narrowed eyes and inhaled deeply though his nostrils. "Hey, what's the smell? Smells good."
"Haw haw haw, Iggster, I just farted!" Roy yelled.
"Eww," Wendy cried, waving her perfectly manicured claw in front of her face, "Roy, you are, like, SO nasty!"
"Hahaha, did you all hear that? Roy just farted and Iggy said it smelled good because he's a butt sniffer who sniffs butts because he loves sniffing butts!"
"Morton, shut up, nobody farted. It smells like chocolate," Iggy replied calmly.
"Nasty!" Junior chimed in, "you just said Roy's butt smells like chocolate! That's funny because chocolate is brown like…oof." Junior doubled over as Iggy slugged him in the stomach with the ball of his scepter.
"You're so short, everything probably smells like Roy's butt from down there."
"Shut up, Iggy! One day I'm gonna be bigger and taller than all of you, then you'll all have to smell my butt all day long!"
"Like, shut up all of you about smelling butts! Gawd, why do I have to have so many annoying brothers?"
"Same reason we have such an annoying sister," murmured Larry.
"What was that?" Wendy shouted, baring her sharpened red claws, "You, like, wanna say that a little louder?"
Larry jumped back; if she clawed him now, she'd beat him up again when she realized she'd ruined her manicure. "Uh, I said I smell chocolate too! The real kind…not whatever butt chocolate you were talking about before."
All the Koopalings sniffed the air, forgetting about what Roy had said earlier.
"Do you think, like, someone is making snacks?"
"Naturally," replied Ludwig, strolling around the corner to find a group of his siblings standing around looking dim as usual in the corridor. "Upon encountering this olfactory delight, I took it upon myself to visit the kitchens and found a most peculiar scenario."
"Roy's butt chocolate!" Morton yelled triumphantly, laughing at his own joke.
Wendy scoffed, "Ugh Morton, shut up already! That joke, like, died, like five minutes ago!"
"So, what's in the kitchen, Ludo," asked Roy.
Ludwig leaned in, and raised his eyebrows, "Why…it's Father."
"KING DAD'S BUTT CHOC—Ow!"
Larry elbowed Morton in the stomach, "Shh,"
"What's dat gotta do with the chocolate?" Roy asked.
Ludwig laughed, "Father appears to be engaged in some alchemical endeavor."
"Meaning?"
Ludwig smirked, "Put simply, my dear siblings: He's baking."
Bowser grunted, smearing another streak of chocolate batter on his pink daisy-print apron (provided courtesy of Kammy Koopa).
"Stupid spatulas," he licked some batter off his finger and earned another streak on the side of his cheek from his thumb.
"Your Messiness, I'm not sure that's hygienic," Kammy glared at the Koopa King. Her favorite apron was being destroyed thanks to her lord's massive bulk and careless treatment. Also, was there chocolate batter in his eyebrow?
"You're unhygienic, worm breath. Hand me the frosting, and make it quick!"
"Sire, while I would never presume to question your great mind; you are aware that the frosting goes on after the cake has been baked, aren't you?"
Bowser frowned. Well, now that someone said it, he guessed it made sense but...
"Of COURSE I knew that, maggot brain; I'm just trying to get it prepared for when, you know, whenever we need it. After the cake has been baked."
He ripped open the oven door and shoved the cake pan inside violently, splashing some of the batter into the bottom of the oven before slamming the door shut again.
Silence overtook the kitchen and Bowser tapped his foot on the floor. He frowned. Stupid waiting, this is taking too long. Maybe if I turn up the heat, it'll go a little faster…
"Sire, what are you doing?" Kammy asked.
"What does it look like, Haggy, I'm speeding up the process, improving efficiencies, you know, king stuff." He set turned the little dial as far as it would go. Maximum power! Yes, awesome!
"Sire, I really don't think…"
"SHUT UP IN THE PEANUT GALLERY! Are you the king? I don't think so. Look Hag, I don't have all day. I need to finish this cake and get to the Mushroom Kingdom and kidnap Peach before her birthday party is over! It's very important to do stuff for your woman on her birthday; I read that in Studly Health Magazine."
"Sire, I am ever amazed you find the time to read such scholarly publications."
"Heh heh, yeah, I am simply one hell of a Koopa King," he grinned, whipping open the blazing hot oven. "Look, the cake's ready!" He dug into the oven with his bare claw to remove the pan.
Looks like he also has the time to watch scholarly TV shows…oh…oh no.
Kammy gasped as the cake came out, the outside crispy and dark brown, the middle wobbling dangerously.
"Three hours of painstaking labor, two layers of perfection, one totally awesome, filled with the power of studly love chocolate cake for my future queen…HERE. IT. COMES!"
"Sire…noooo!"
Kammy outstretched her arm as if in slow motion, but it was far too late. Bowser had already inverted the cake pan, and the gelatinous, half-baked cake had come sliding, wobbling out of its container. It came crashing down on the cake plate, breaking apart and splattering every square inch of the counter, walls, and floor with molten cake batter.
Kammy froze, dripping with dread and cake batter (primarily the latter). Bowser froze as well, still processing what had just happened. A slow clap came from the kitchen door.
"Well done, Sire!" Kamek applauded. "A lava cake! What better emblem of the Darklands could there be?"
He pulled out his wand and began hovering some of the batter off the kitchen surfaces, slowly rebuilding the cake. "It's dark, it has lava, and it was made by our king."
Bowser grunted, returning to his senses, "Of course, I had it planned that way all along. It's a meta-four."
Kammy nearly collapsed from stress, "Sire, if I may…"
"What are you still doing here?" Bowser roared, "Can't you see Kamek and I are working on Peach's cake? "
Kammy stuck her bottom lip out in indignation, "But, My Lord,"
"Ugh, what do you want, leave already! Get outta my sight!"
Kammy looked to Kamek in frusteration, "Wh-wha—"
"Bye Kammelia," he said, not bothering to look her way.
"Ooh," she huffed, stomping out of the kitchen to go clean her face and robes.
At last, Kamek had finished reassembling the cake, adding a few enhancements and decorate touches before putting it in a big pink box.
"Milord, I've had the Clown Car ready for you since this morning; I trust you'll want to be leaving right away."
"You know it!" Bowser clutched the box in his hands and sprinted off to the hangar.
This time…this time Peach is going to have the happiest birthday ever!