Noklevername's Disclaimer: Hey, hey, hey! I'm David Noklevername, and I've finally gotten someone to do a guest chapter! Guess who? I'm a Muppet of a Girl, writer of What if the boy hadn't lived and Hijacked! Yeah, I love getting others to do work for me!
I'm a Muppet of a Girl Disclaimer: Bonus Chapters for the Quite Peckish Games (Disclaimer: all characters and names and their personalities and stuff belong to you!) Warning: Content may be crap.
Kamuss and Pita in the cave (You know, that place that they never go to in the freakin' story.)
"Come back here, fiend!" I shout at the squirrel as it scampers up the trunk of a tree. I shake my fist at it. "Only cowards climb trees!" Yes, we will forget those times I climbed into trees. Shut up, Continuity Peace Helper!
I hear a groan and look down to discover that I'm standing on Pita's face. And no, not in a sexual way, you damned fan girls.
"Can you move please?" he asked.
I think about it. I don't really want to move, because Pita looks a whole lot better (Well, a whole less mind numbingly awful...) when he's trampled beneath my feet, but I guess I can't leave him down there forever, can I?
Can I?
Pita pushes me off before I come up with a genius plan on how to strap him to my feet like skis.
"So I'm bleeding to death," Pita explained. "Cano cut me when I was saving your life."
I nod. "Okay." I hope he realizes what I'm implying.
"Aren't you going to nurse me back to health with the loving tenderness that your cold-hearted character shouldn't be capable of showing?" he questions.
"No. It's not like I'm a Mary Sue or anything," I scoff, and then I glance wildly at the hidden cameras, hoping they haven't seen through me. I mean, how could they? I'm the most original person you've ever met. It's not like I'm a thinly veiled parody of an established medicine plant-named character! That would just be stupid!
"Let's go in that cave," Pita points to a convenient hole in the ground. This is the book that has sold millions, people.
"Whoa." I back away, holding my hands up. "Nuh-uh. I don't swing that way, bro." Despite what fan fiction has told you, that's true. Unless, of course, the Author decides to make this a slash fic. Knowing all the painful things I've done to him, I'm kinda expecting it.
"What way?" he asks, confused.
"I don't get involved with my stalkers," I explain. "It's against my moral code."
He looks at me. "You led a twelve-year-old girl to her untimely death, and you say you have a moral code?"
"Hey, I'm not the one who threw a spear into her gut!" I protest. Then I stop and have to think about it. "Or am I?" I can't really remember. The Author is pretty shitty with continuity.
Pita pulls me by the ankles into the cave, and I scream loud enough to bring Cano running. But it's not like he's actually looking for me or anything. He's probably just chilling in a bush somewhere. I mean, come on, it's really not that hard to find me. If he was looking, he'd find me, like, instantly. I've been scattering breadcrumbs behind me throughout the entire Games, for goodness sake!
... Yeah, I mean that literally. NOW SHUT UP AND READ THE STORY!
"Do you want to know when I first fell in love with you?" Pita asks dreamily.
I throw up in my mouth. Pita ignores me.
"We were little, and you started to sing the mountain song. You had two braids instead of one," he tells me.
"I have no recollection of any of that."
Pita frowns. "This is the part where you tell me that heartwarming story about Preim and her pet horse, and then you kiss me."
I laugh, but then I realize that he's serious. "I have a better idea," I tell him. "I'm going to go and team up with Mesh, because I actually have a chance of surviving with him."
"But we're star-crossed lovers!"
Jeez, this guy really doesn't give up, does he? You try to let a guy down easy, and he does THIS. "Look, Pita, it's not me, it's you," I tell him kindly.
He blinks away tears. "I-I don't understand."
"You're just not up to my standards." I pat him consolingly on the shoulder. "I just can't be with someone who's named after bread." He's also kind of an idiot. But I'm being nice right now, for literally no reason.
He puts his face into his hand and sobs. I leave him there and climb out of the cave, back into the daylight. I start off into the forest filled with fresh determination.
I'm going to find that squirrel, or I'll be damned.
This is her second chapter, because padding out the word length for me is AWESOME! This also shows the now canon personality of Sparkle!
-The Careers traveling through the arena-
"OMG," Sparkle screamed. "Look at this pinecone!"
"It's very nice, Sparkle," Crove said with forced patience. "Just like the last five you showed me."
"Guise," Sparkle said, suddenly panicked. "I think I dropped my cell phone. It's, like, not in my pocket anymore."
Cano went for his sword but Crove grabbed his arm, shaking her head.
"Sparkle," Crove said. "Cell phones don't exist in this time period."
Sparkle's face cleared. "Right. I totes forgot," she laughed.
"Let's just find the girl on fire," Cano grumbled.
"OH!" Mahvel stopped dead and clutched his head, his eyes staring through time.
"What's wrong with him?" Sparkle asked, frightened.
"I know that look," Crove whispered. Her eyes widened. "He's been mind-blown."
Cano and Sparkle gasped and backed away from Mahvel.
"I just realized," he breathed, "that when that forest fire came through, the Girl on Fire was literally the girl on fire."
Sparkle passed out. Crove and Cano stared at each other in awe.
"The prophecy has been fulfilled," Crove whispered.
"Guise," Sparkle said eagerly, having regained consciousness. Because, you know, plot. "I'm like, so excited for when we win! We're all going to be victors and live in mansions and get new clothes and stuff!"
Cano reached for his sword again, but Crove said slowly, "That's right, Sparkle. We're all going to win."
Sparkle smiled happily, her eyes going crossed. "I'm going to give you a totes adorbs makeover, Crove."
Just then Pita walked back into the scene.
"Luverboi," Cano said, nodding to him. "Lead us to your girlfriend while we overlook the obvious fact that you're playing us, because you've already expressed your undying love for the girl we're hunting down and even an idiot could see that you aren't going to kill her."
Pita nodded back. "Alright."
"Hey," Sparkle said uncertainly. "What if Kamuss climbs a tree, every Career's greatest weakness? And what if there's a nest of some kind of deadly insect there, and she dumps them on top of us, which leads to our ultimate demise?"
"Yeah, sure Sparkle," Crove said, walking away with Cano. She rolled her eyes at him and mouthed, "Blondes."
"I really think we should have learned to climb trees at some point in our training," Sparkle gushed on. "I mean, WTF, did we like think we'd never encounter a tree during the Games? Even I'm not that stupid."
No one was listening anymore. Sparkle shrugged and pulled out a copy of Twilight, beginning to read.
"Let's go find Kamuss," Cano said. "What could go wrong?"
Thanks for reading! I'm so glad I didn't have to write the longest chapter in the series! Please read her other works, I'm sure she'd love some more views and reviews!