You Are a Senpai is a cute little flash game by a little lady named Chuushi on DeviantArt. It's a visual novely sort of game, but unlike most visual novels, I was able to reach the Best Ending in a time of less than two minutes. I suspect that my time might have been a even better had I not been eating a caramel apple at the time, but oh well. More of a Visual Short Story than a Visual Novel, really, but it still lights a fire in my silhouetted heart.

The game progression is pretty simple, and the premise is equally so. You are a senpai in an ostensibly Japanese school, and you are the object of affection of the main/only girl and Author Insert, Chuushi. Also, Chuushi is CUTE!

So yeah, the choices presented in the game don't really present a challenge, but here's a hint for you wannabe ladykillers out there: Don't be a dick, and the girl will like you. Go into the game with that mentality, and you'll probably reach the best ending before you've even finished your first squee. It's not the most thrilling game out there, nor is it the deepest narrative, but it knows exactly what it sets out to be, and what it set out to be is incredibly cute.

Love Interest Chuushi's personality is what really gripped me, but I can certainly understand why she wouldn't fit to everyone's taste, but I like her, and that's all that matters to me.

Lady White Heart, I love you so, but NPCs and CPUs just don't go together. Just think how many shippers I'd piss off. So Yeah, I'm shipping myself with Chuushi now. I wonder if Piteous can set us up some how.

Oh how terrible it is that the would be recipient of my love and I are separated by the screen of a monitor. Woe is me, who slithers on the ground as some lowly worm, unworthy to even entertain the idea that he might come to be engaged in a mutually loving and equal relationship. All truths told, I am even lower than the worms, and lesser than the dirt in which the worms do reside. I am less needed than dirt. I am Representative Chet of Lowee, please come and step on me should ever I rise from the ground, forgetting my place.

I'm sorry, I though Lady White Heart beat the sad sack out of me last chapter. Seems there's some still caught in the inner recesses of my mind like a clump of dust between the TV and the bookshelf that my Swiffer can't reach. Please pardon me for a moment as I purge myself of my self-loathing tumult by vigorously head butting Mr. Pretty's cranial stone. Until I finish, why don't you listen to the sound track of Disney's The Little Mermaid. Now then….

…

An intermission….

…

Okay, so after nearly braining myself against the natural bling of a shiny saurian – and giving Mr. Pretty a nice warpaint-like streak of red down the right side of his face – I started to smile again.

"Sorry about that, Mr. Pretty. Things get weird when I'm too serious."

Mr. Pretty was quiet to that, but the look on his face seemed to want to say, "When are things not weird around you?"

"Go to hell, Mr. P. We aren't that well acquainted, yet. How dare you place judgement on me?" Though, to be fair, I'm not the most grounded silhouette around.

So Lady White Heart went off somewhere with Lady Green Heart. Something about Indie Forces at the boarder of Leanbox and Planeptune. I don't know, really. Sounded too serious, and it probably had nothing to do with me, so I didn't bother to pay attention. Hopefully, it's not anything too important.

"Mr. Pretty, why am I here with a BUM like you, and not with a cute female type?" I asked, genuinely curious.

Mr. Pretty snarled at me. Apparently not liking me calling him a BUM, but he is a BUM - Big Ugly Monster. No arguing.

"Acronyms are fun, aren't they, Mr. Pretty?" I tried talking to him, but he wouldn't give me the time of day.

All he kept doing was snarl at me, and that just made him a fine conversationalist. Growing bored of this simmering tension, I checked the news report via my handheld, but that was just as well. The only thing on the news was this breaking story about how the Indies had banded together to divide and take on the other nations. Don't they know that my daughter is missing? I don't care about shit like that, I want to see something cute, like Lady Black Heart's cosplay photos.

You know what? Fine. I'll just go watch cats on youtube.

*Da na na NAAAAAAA!*

That's my email ringer. Someone must've sent me a message. Who'd do that now? I figure any sensible person would be inside their homes, or at their workplace, huddled under a desk or something until the hostilities die down.

"To the honorable Representative Chet," the message read, leading me to assume that its sender didn't know shit about me. "Thank you for the tea, Mr. Representative."

"Thank you for the tea?" I thought aloud because I still haven't kicked the habit from chapter four, or whatever. "When was the last time I had tea with anyone?"

Yeah, the message confused me. I was ready to write this off as the sort of harassment letter I get every now and again from one of my ex-girlfriends. Not unlike those letters from my exes, attached to it was a picture of a child the sender claimed to be mine. Normally, I'd look at the piccy, see a little silhouetted babe or child, delete the message, block the sender, and never think about it again.

Unfortunately, the little girl on my screen was my little Novella, sitting and looking not visibly unhappy, but not smiling at a table I vaguely remember from my time at Exec Cottage.

Petrified with my thoughts and imaginings to haunt me, I began to wonder what had happened to my little girl…. Actually, I didn't wonder. I knew who this sender, G, was, and he's an asshole.

My daughter has been kidnapped by an asshole from the Indies. I could have broken down at that point there, but I don't feel like going on with another Daddy's Princess chapter. Not right this moment, anyway.

I couldn't ask the CPUs for their help, they were all busy with all the noise the Indies have been striking up. I don't want to see what this news'll do to Lady Histoire. I don't even know what Tekken-sensei's doing, but she's probably busy with all the turmoil outside. The only one to help me now was Mr. Pretty, but he seems generally apathetic to me…. I guess he's just too serious, and I'm too not….

Oh fuck this, my daughter's been kidnapped. Let's get serious.

"Hey, Mr. P, Do you think you could spare a moment." And then I punched him in his cranial stone because serious people punch things to show how serious they are. "Good, good. Let's chat."

My blow must have been sufficient to wake him up. His eyes were wide like he had been caught off guard by a camera flash, and the gems of his armored hide shone with a faint orange light upon contact with my fist. Not sure why he was shining, but I don't guess that's none too important.

"Look, I know that I can be a bit of a dullard. More to the point, I'm a horrible person, but I want you to overlook that and hear me out." I have Mr. Pretty's wrapped attention. I know that my arm is numb from punching him, but so long as I can have his help, I should be fine. "Whatever your feelings toward me, I have a daughter. Do you remember that pink haired little cutie? Braided hair, cute little bottom? That's her. She's in trouble now, and I have no one I can rely on at this moment. Wisden and RB are back in Lowee, and all the female types are busy being effectual. That leaves me with just your ugly mug, and let's face it, you are huge! So help me out, and I'll find a way to repay you for your efforts, deal?"

I've never heard of Thunderheads being particularly intelligent. They're effective war mounts, yes, but I always thought that that was due to their size and armor, but I think he and I had come to an understanding. At least that's the vibe I get from that funky smile of his. I think that's a smile, anyways. It's hard to tell with BUMs sometimes.

…

Leading the charge were the CPUs of our four nations and a combined military force opposing the aggressing Indie Coalition Amy. Right away, I noticed Lady White Heart in her full HDD state, which I don't think has made an appearance since the very first chapter. While I'd love to sit and gawk at her beautiful flat chest, I've got a daughter to rescue.

"Make a hole!" I yelled while crouching atop Mr. Pretty's armored head, my whip now repurposed as a set of reigns in his mouth.

We were a blur. I had no idea that Mr. Pretty's species could run this fast, but that might have something to do with the both of us glowing bright orange as we steamrolled through enemy ranks just to get passed them all. Some thing about the stones of his armor reacted with my comedy protagonist aura, bolstering it, and my aura bolstered him in return.

We pass NPC and CPU alike in our charge. I couldn't stop to make proper eye contact with Lady White Heart, but I could see that she was taken aback by my sudden leap into the fray. It looked like she couldn't even recognize me.

Oh, well. Novella, sweetheart, sit tight. Daddy's coming….