AN: I'm alive! Mexico...super fun! Lots of Don Julio!
Rated: MA
Chapter 36 – Math
Tobias's POV: Monday
Sunday was the best day I have had in weeks. When I say that, I mean I didn't run 15 miles and take down one-half of a bottle of whiskey that night. I ran 14 miles and only drank one-quarter of a bottle of whiskey that night. Fuck, yeah for progress!
Now that I have a goal in mind, I feel as if there is a ray of hope. The shitty part is that there may not in fact be a ray of hope because my conscience is getting the better of me…yet again! Currently, the plan I am mulling over is how I could possibly join forces with Carlos… I cannot, for the life of me, think of a better way to say that…. Yet, my nonsensical fear is that it would be the end of the man I hate to refer to as my father, yet he is, nonetheless, my father. And when I say end…I mean death.
If Carlos loved my mother to the extent he claims (or the extent my father says he claims), I have enough emotional and first-hand information to put Carlos over the edge. I know how I feel about Eric and I would imagine Carlos feels the same about Marcus. If I were to ever come face to face with Eric, I'm not sure I would be able to contain the part of me that is most akin to my father. That, mixed with my severe protective instincts with Tris…is literally the perfect storm for murder. As much as I hate my father, I'm self-reflective enough to know that his death, even at the hand of Carlos, would haunt me…and not just out of guilt.
Marcus has more to do with this than he was letting on, or he at least has more information… That was obvious based on his outburst at the mere mention of me paying Carlos a visit. His unnerving behavior alone showed that he's lying about something.
My hope is that I can bring this to Carlos's attention, possibly giving him enough information to decide to remove me as his target, and concentrate solely on Marcus. I can't believe I am even considering having a conversation with a homicidal criminal, let alone giving him information…about my father.
The most arduous part of this, however, has been trying to trick my mind into removing Tris as my motivating factor. This being exceptionally fucked up because my motivation does indeed revolve 100% around her. Yet, my head becomes inherently thick when she's involved so I have done my best to compartmentalize.
I had printed out everything I could find on Carlos Juares because preparation could be the secret to my success – or this may be my mind's way of instilling false confidence… It's happening either way. I have international and national news articles, conspiracy theories, suspected involvements, wikis, and I even found a fan page, which was revolting. But at least now I know what he looks like.
I left work early to take another look at all my compiled information. Having the freedom to come and go as I please feels very odd. Especially so when I accidentally asked Amar's permission. That…was embarrassing. He just laughed and shook his head. I fucking suck…
I have another blank sheet of paper in front of me now and I'm rereading everything I have on Carlos to see if I've missed something. I've even cross-referenced the paths he and my father took in search of patterns and communications.
I came to the conclusion that they met in their 20s. My father graduated from Brown University with a degree in Finance and was immediately taken under my grandfather's wing. Carlos emigrated from Mexico to open up 'business' here in the states on behalf of his father who was still in Mexico. The first time they met, I cannot pinpoint. However, they started appearing on guest lists for fundraisers and largely publicized events… I even found photos of them together.
I find it odd that an illegal arms dealer would appear in public as much as he had. But he all but disappeared from the public eye about 24 years ago, seemingly on account of the birth of his daughter.
Marcus then navigated toward the financial industry and Carlos was in line to take his father's place. Years later they had a monetary exchange on Marcus's advisement having to do with our embarrassing dickwad of an ex-governor. But what else?... What am I missing?... I can't find anything else on Carlos that, as far as I can see, has anything to do with Marcus.
I run my hands through my hair incredibly frustrated and start pacing the room until I begrudgingly go back to the table. I brace my hands on it and close my eyes.
…..
"Tris…come sit out here, please." For a minute, I don't think she will. Then I hear a reluctant sigh and she comes and plops herself down loudly in the chair across from me.
"You worried me," she states plainly.
"I didn't mean to."
"Drunk texts? Barely understood those! Drinking alone? I called you three times. You weren't even coherent enough to hear my phone calls. Zeke found you faced down and passed out on your living room floor with ¾ of a bottle of scotch gone."
She pauses and I'm not sure if she's finished. From what I know about Tris, she'll need to get it all out before I am allowed to speak. Turns out I'm right.
"No more setbacks? What the hell happened to that? Why did you even want to go to dinner? I may as well not even have been there! I didn't realize my company was that much of an inconvenience!"
" I wanted you there…I just got distracted."
"Distracted."
"Yes."
She's sitting there staring at me…making me crazy because she looks so alive that I just want to wrap her in my arms and do things to her that would make her head spin and angry at the same time because of how she is challenging me. I need space. She needs to give me space.
Her face softens...briefly. "Tobias…I'm not one to push…you know that…but you did a total 180...in my presence. Not 20 minutes before that, you gave me a speech about giving you a chance, a chance for me to tell you things I've barely told anybody. Then you pull this shit?!"
"Apparently that's exactly what I did," I say bluntly as I throw my napkin on the table in frustration.
She is staring at me in disbelief. Then she gets up and slowly walks over to me. "Well, I'm not going to stick around long enough for you to do it again," she grits out quietly as she turns on her heel to walk away.
…..
I open my eyes and stare at the seat she sat in, right across from me. Her comment hits me again. "Well, I'm not going to stick around long enough for you to do it again."
"SON OF A BITCH!" I shout in fury as I push all papers off the table. She meant that comment…and I did it to her…again. I shut her out, I closed myself off…for good reason or not…that will be the only way she'll see it. Well fuck! That was the plan all along, right? Success! Always goal-oriented!
Then Amar's voice… "A negative mind will never give you a positive life…"
I open my eyes and scrub at my face, looking at the floor briefly before bending down to pick up the mass amount of papers. I step on part of a stack and feel something small and hard under my foot, to which I find upon careful movement of said papers, to be a coffee bean. I've been finding them absolutely everywhere and it's bullshit! Picking it up, I toss it into the kitchen sink. It, of course, as if my sink were a fucking slalom, slides right back out onto the floor. And because I'm a type-A asshole, I go immediately to the kitchen en route to pick the rogue bean up and put it in its rightful home—the garbage…so it won't remind me of Tris. The guilt wracks through me with every one I throw away.
Grumbling to myself, I see that it landed on a piece of paper equally as rogue as the bean itself. It references the first and last philanthropic venture of Eaton Funds- a.k.a. The Eaton Foundation. Marcus had attempted to allocate funds to help an impoverished village in Mexico—Churimilco…
I can almost hear the synapses in my brain firing as I rush back over to the pile of papers and find the eWiki I had printed out of Carlos and see that he was in fact from the village of Churimilco. The same village that Marcus was supposedly helping rebuild…
Flashback:
"Hello, Tobias." Thomas Carter sits down across from me at the coffee house down the road from my dorm.
"Thomas."
"How have you been—"
"What is Marcus up to now?" I ask impatiently. I hate discussing anything to do with my father.
"Quite a bit. However, before we head down that road I must tell you, this will be the last issue I correspond with you on."
"And why is that?"
"Marcus has been asking too many questions."
"Questions."
"Yes… He suspects."
"Suspects."
I look him in the eyes, as I've now grown accustomed to doing. I find it gives me near instant answers. Therefore, his lack of response tells me he'll give me no further information.
"He's funneling money into an offshore account under the façade of aiding a village in Michoacan."
"As in Mexico?" Out of all the places in the world…. He chooses a small village in Mexico… I stare off not understanding, but trying desperately.
"Because of me." Now it's his turn to stare off. "Your mother had a particular soft spot for that village… She sent cash there monthly. When Marcus recently went fishing for tax write-offs, I thought his effort was legitimate and I suggested Churimilco…."
I stay silent at the mention of my mother.
"And I had a particular soft spot for your mother—"
"And?" I interrupt with a mass amount of need to change the subject.
"I never did enough to help her… That, as you may have inferred, is why I have been helping you…"
"And you think what you've done is enough to help me?"
He doesn't answer, which is as revealing as words.
"Here are the financials." He hands me a folder. "With all of that information, you should never need me again…" He rises and throws his coat over his arm. "Take care, Tobias."
I watch him exit the coffee shop and turn the corner. Then I tentatively open the folder to find every account number, access code, email account with passwords, firewall protection destabilizers - the list goes on… I close the folder and leave the coffee shop in the opposite direction of Thomas.
End Flashback
Feverishly, I rustle through all papers in search of the financials for The Eaton Foundation. It's crumpled once I find it from my frantic searching. I see the only project it ever funded was for Churimilco. But the paper trail leads nowhere near any Mexican bank, relief fund, or resident whatsoever of that village. (However, the Swiss bank it went to was probably ecstatic with its newest client.)
My heart starts racing as I engage my rapid reading skills and find that suddenly $500,000 was wired to its proper place. This was about five years ago… Strange… $500,000 would be more money than God to an impoverished village, but for Marcus that's a drop in the bucket. That's barely worth the write-off! Then I flip to the next quarterly statement and see $5,000,000.00 still left in the account….
I swear if I had enough room in this apartment I would do a backflip. It's just a hypothesis, but I'm rolling with it… My guess is someone found out the village wasn't receiving funds and threatened to expose him so he transferred enough to appease and left the rest. The money that rightfully belongs to the village of Churimilco- Carlos Juares's village….
The smile disappears from my face as another piece of the conversation, the last conversation, in fact, I had with Thomas Carter reappears. My mother had been sending that village money- Carlos's village… The sadness that overtakes me comes as a surprise as it has been proven again that I never really knew my mother… Perception, interpretations, memories—all slowly losing meaning and some seem to be disappearing like smoke as I try, like a child, to hang onto them for dear life…
Uriah's POV: Monday
I think I went wrong…somewhere. I thought they'd be the perfect pair! What the fuck?! They are in excellent condition… Both at the physical peak of performance… Tris puttin' a couple pounds back on has helped her stamina. I have to admit a part of me was just excited to have two fine-ass women in the ring. That's hot! However, I have now come to the seriously upsetting realization that having two tough overeager female tigers in the ring is hard as fuck! There's a difference between sparring and fighting, women!
My biggest issue has been my damned girlfriend! Who seems to have a ridiculous hold over my decision-making these days, and is insistent on me letting them brawl rather than teach skill!
Shauna warned me not to train Marlene…that it never works between people in a relationship. Relationship… Still getting used to that word… But I need to prove Shauna wrong… I can do this.
I'm getting in the ring with Tris today. Thank the Lord Almighty that everything between us is out in the open. I was not a fan of lying to my pumpkin!
But I must say, this is some shit that I thought would never happen! At least not without having Four all up in my business…. But, it seems that Four doesn't care about Tris in the least… That can only be my assumption seeing as he broke up with her because she "wasn't hot enough" and "he lost interest." What…the…fuck…man? Ever since Zeke told me about that noise I haven't even been able to look at him. That man has always been a fucking role model to me. I just…do not get it…
"Ready, Uri?!" Tris yells across the gym looking way more amped up than I'm used to. This will either be awesome or terrible…
Tris's POV: Monday
"Let's do this!" I say with excitement. But judging by the look on Uriah's face, it comes across more as unstable and psychotic. "Sorry…"
"Yeah… So, um…how about we go over more basics today—"
"Fuck, no!" And…there's the look again. "Sorry…"
"Yeah… Are you sure we should be doing this today?"
I reflect back to watching Tobias stick his tongue down the throat of the girl he just slept with and then smiling cutely as she backs away. I am now left with a crushed heart and it makes me want to crush EVERYTHING!
"Yes," I answer definitively.
"Okay. Let's- Tris?" Uriah tries to make eye contact with my suddenly cloudy eyes. "You okay?"
"Stop asking me if I'm okay," I snap meaning every word of it.
"Got it… Yep, will do… Will doooo…. Ooookkkkaaaayy. Let's do some 1-2 sparring—"
"No. Full on."
"You are…not ready for that."
"Fuck, Uri! You've taught me everything-Jabs, crosses, hooks, uppercuts—"
"Yeah, on the damned bags, Tris!"
"And you need to teach me some kicks—"
"Not yet I'm not!... And no cute pouty face by you or Marlene will make me do that so don't even try your girly voodoo on me!"
"Whatever." Such a pussy…
"Ground rules. All punches allowed—"
"Yesss!"
"Listen…to…me…woman… Again, 25% power and controlled pace. Do…not…use quick offense or quick defense. If you try to block and miss, just take my punch and worry about the next one coming because we are NOT...again…we ARE NOT doing this to injure each other! No flinch blocking allowed! We are not brawling!"
"I want Marlene."
"Hell…no." The stubborn look on his face as he crosses his arms makes me crazy. "Ow!... Mmmgghhhh… What the hell did I just tell you? Ow!... Stop punching me!"
"Just showin' you what I got," I remark as I dance around him. It was a shitty move, but I have my gloves on so it didn't hurt.
"Hmmph." He narrows his eyes at me and goes for his gloves shaking his head.
I think I've pissed him off a little… Good!
He claps his gloves together twice and we start circling each other. I try to mirror Uriah's movements and I go in for a straight punch, which he blocks easily. Damn it! He chuckles at me and it completely pisses me off so I go in for the right hook, which he blocks again and gives me a ridiculously light cross punch followed by another. Damn it, again!
"Uriah!" I hear a screech from across the gym. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
"What?!" Uriah exclaims in an unmanly high-pitched voice.
I watch as Marlene stomps toward us looking exceptionally pissed.
"Don't go so damned easy on her! Jesus Christ! Why are you even teaching us this if you're going to treat us like—"
"Like what, Mar? Like two chicks who've never done this?"
"Do you have to say 'chicks'?!"
Knowing Marlene is about to turn this into a feminist rant, I turn around and hold onto the post at the corner of the ring and put my weight on my heels, pulling back and stretching out my aching shoulder muscles as the two of them bicker.
I know where Uriah is coming from, but I really need an outlet. I can't bring myself to talk to Christina about what I witnessed, running isn't working, the new class I'm taking with Kevin is doing nothing but remind me of Tobias and I can't for the life of me get past the fact that I gave away that fucking painting. And I have no idea why!
He slept with another girl… And why wouldn't he!? He broke up with me!… I want to sleep with someone else! At least I want to want to sleep with someone else… But…that's not me… Is it weird that I wish I were slutty?
I feel goose bumps run up my arms as a firm, purposeful tap on the shoulder resonates through my body. I turn and suddenly…I can't breathe, I can't move, I can barely…think…because I'm looking straight into the intense eyes of…Four. My heart picks up as he glues me in place with his glare. His scent assaults me, so I suck a breath in through my mouth to avoid it. The hard and cold look in his eyes reminds me of where I am as I recoil and back away with the ropes hitting me in the backs of the legs and under my shoulder blades. His look immediately softens and he seems almost regretful as I slide halfway through the ropes in immediate and instinctive escape—escape to get away from his cold eyes and escape from the thoughts that I have been desperately trying to hide from.
"Where the hell are you going?" he asks lightly as a shooting pain travels up my spine and the realization comes to me that he just fucking smacked me on my tailbone!
I see red as I slip back through the ropes and punch him in his shoulder—the one I know has to ache from the other day. I'm rewarded with the instant satisfaction of paybacks, triumph, and then regret as I see the physical expression of pain on his face as he sucks in a breath through clenched teeth. He definitely took the brunt of both of our weight last week and guilt hits me quickly.
"Are you—"
"Don't ask me if I'm okay," he emits harshly as he partially turns his back to me.
I don't answer as I take him in, in both confusion and longing… Fuck…. I feel like he's purposely not looking at me.
"What the hell do you want?"
He takes a deep breath and shrugs his shoulders still not looking at me.
"Awesome. Bye." I get halfway out of the ring again before he decides to use words.
"You really want Uriah teaching you this?"
"Yes."
"More than me?"
"Yes." No.
"Because you hate me?... Or because you think he's better?"
"Which hurts more, Four? A girl hating you or a bruised ego?... My guess is a bruised ego. So…then yep… It's because Uriah's better." Bam!
"You really think that hurts me more?" I look him in the eye and watch as he tries to focus on the floor but flicks his eyes from the floor to my eyes.
"With 100% certainty." Or 70%...
"And that's what you want?"
I don't answer him because my answer is a yes-no. I want him to feel what I'm feeling. But I refuse to reveal any of my emotions on this subject!
"Come on. Let me help." He tries to usher me back into the ring, but I sidestep his touch.
"Why?"
"Because Uri sucks at this."
"No, I do not! These women have…special powers!" Uriah yells from wherever the hell he is.
"Well…maybe Four is perfect for this job because he's pretty unaffected these days!" Shauna yells from wherever the hell she is.
Four narrows his eyes at her and shakes his head in almost defeat at her comment. The truth hurts, asshole!
He turns his attention to me again. "Please?" he asks smirking.
The memory of how happy he was when all he had to do was send me a text saying 'please,' in order for me to go out with him belts me and I feel…rage. Rage because I fell for that shit and rage because he thinks it would fucking work again. I observe the look he gives me as he smiles cutely- as if that would make me do whatever he wants.
"Fine." I take the gloves off and toss them to the side.
"What are you…doing?" He backs away with his hands up.
"Teach me, Four."
His jaw clenches. "Put the gloves on."
"No."
"Put the gloves on, Tris."
"No." I walk toward him as he comes to a standstill.
"I'm not going to—"
Before he can finish his sentence I deliver a roundhouse kick to his left side, then a switch kick round house to his right, subsequently throwing him off balance as I quickly lift his left leg and drive my weight into his gut landing us both on the mat. I am literally splayed out on top of him and I hear a masculine grunt in frustration as strong arms wrap around me rolling us over with me on the bottom. A jolt of fear hits me in a near debilitating wave as the full weight of a grown man attempts to pin me down. But I'm quickly brought back to reality as the familiar scent of comfort and safety seeps into my veins. So I immediately bring my knees into my chest before he can pin my legs down. Then spreading my legs with my knees verticle, lands Tobias right where I want him… He looks down at me in shock and then I instantly see the unmistakable look of longing in his eyes…
…..
"I love you….and I'm going to make this right…okay?"
"I know," I nod my head knowing he means it. I can almost feel the apprehension running through his veins at the fear of last night assaults him.
He doesn't remove his deep blue, desperate eyes from mine as he delves slowly inside me. I hold my breath and experience the full on pleasing thrust of him until he is completely inside me. I can't take my eyes off him as he clenches his jaw and swallows hard. I want to tell him how much this feels like complete love and how I feel so cherished…but I can't get the words out. The glazed over look in his eyes shows he seems to feel the same. I can feel his urgency as his muscular hips begin to grind against me and he rests his head on the pillow next to my head so our cheeks are touching….
…..
I shake my head trying to rid myself of my momentary memory, but the real feeling of his cheek against mine and his warm breath against my ear make me stop. I come to the realization that I have his shirt clutched in my hand as I feel him drag his thumb over my hipbone. I close my eyes, loving the current of electricity waving through my body… Then reality hits and I remember…everything… All the things he said to me, all the things he didn't say to me, Clare's number in his phone, his lips on…hers… Him being in this same position…with someone else. My eyes burn and go blurry as my purpose returns…
Wrapping my leg around him, I drive the heel of my foot hard into his hamstring. He grunts loudly in pain and rolls off me as I scramble up and try to collect my bearings. Then wiping under my eyes, I slide under the ropes.
"Hope I didn't reinjure your hamstring, Four! Wouldn't want you to drop anyone…"
"Tris…" he breathes out looking at me in shame.
"Plus those shower floors can get slippery, right?!" I assert in a shaky voice over my shoulder as I hear Uriah laugh and then cough loudly.
"Hey, Tris?... You should really get some sleep… Those late nights are starting to get to you…" he snarls back at me.
I stop in my tracks as my face heats up to a million degrees of anger and I storm back, sliding under the ropes wanting to punch him in the face so bad! But the glazed over look in his eyes is almost like looking into my own so I can't do it…
"I'll be mindful of that and make sure I get a good nap in while I take Tori to chemo, you fucking asshole!" I whisper roughly.
His eyes go wide and then he does what he always does when he has no idea what to say- he closes them and tightens his jaw as if that will make him disappear and not have to face reality or some shit. I stand up, but he latches onto my wrist and lifts his head to look at me.
"I…had no idea…" I'm glued to the spot as I see the sincerity in his eyes. "I'm sorry… I…" I can feel his hand slide from my wrist to hold mine.
It's at that moment that another feeling altogether crashes down on me. I miss my best friend… Not the one I can gossip with and talk about boys and crazy, irrational shit… The one I can pour out my heart and soul to, the one I can cry in front of and not feel the need to stop because I know they won't be content until I am. The one I can stay up until 5:00 AM with, talking about nothing and everything and not feeling judged or embarrassed because they accept everything about me and love me in spite of it. The one who knows the demons I fight on a daily basis and who helps me take ownership of them. I miss…that so much that it feels like my heart just broke again. I feel his thumb run over my knuckles as a tear escapes out of the corner of my eye and I pull my hand away in embarrassment because I feel half the gym staring at me.
I quickly slide under the ropes for the third time.
"Tris… We need to… I need…" I see him struggling with…I don't know because I can't fucking tell!
Does he feel like he has to say something? Because I look like I may fall apart at this moment? Out of obligation? Does he feel guilty for sleeping with someone else?...
Then I picture the sly smile on his face as he leaned in for a good-morning-can't-wait-to-do-this-again open-mouthed kiss and I probably turn green on the spot. I yank my hand free and make a break for the locker room.
Tobias's POV:
The only thing I could think to do was pack my shit up and head back to the office… And when I say shit, I mean the essentials one needs to survive when they pretty much live at their office. It will be a lot easier now that I'm moving into an even nicer one. Now I won't have to pretend that a wall doesn't exist and that I didn't make Tris come in record time on that damned sink and that she didn't actually dominate me on that fucking toilet. Will can have all that! Not that he needs to know any of that ever took place…
I'm still trying to push away my high hopes for the outcome of the Carlos situation because I have yet to find my 'in.' How do I get to him? Can't just make a damned appointment! I really don't want to involve anyone else. I thought about asking Zeke to talk to one of the detectives, but I can't even fathom the conversation I would have to have with him… Plus, with Jeanine Matthews as the captain and taking into consideration her ties with my father- Shit, it's just not going to happen…
The last minute call from Shauna about possibly filling in a self-defense class was an entirely welcomed distraction. I hope to hell Tris isn't there… Not really but I'm telling myself that…
Christ! I almost took myself up on my own suggestion to sneak onto her fire escape last night just to watch her sleep. Until I was reminded that she hasn't been coming home nights. The crushing feeling that would take over if she weren't there at 4:00 AM, wondering what she's doing and knowing exactly where my mind would take me ended up changing my mind rapidly… Or what if she was there and she was awake?… I wouldn't be able to control myself, like usual when she's around…
I enter through the glass doors of Dauntless and nod at George, who has been looking less zen than normal these days. So I add on the best smile I'm capable of as of late. He nods his head back as if it didn't phase him, so it must have been awful. Can't even be nice to George… Fuck…
I stop faster than I ever have as my fear and hope pulverize each other and I'm left with a feeling I can't explain even to myself as I take in the very real image of…Tris. Her back is to me, but…Christ, I would recognize her ass anywhere so I am sure it's her. She turns to the side and I see that she has boxing gloves on and she's talking animatedly to…Uriah. My entire body stiffens as I begin to understand what's happening…
"Nose breathing, my friend…"
I turn to look at George as he gives me a smile in understanding. Of course, Amar told him…everything. And I'm cool with that knowing his discreet nature.
"It calms the heart, thus reducing anxiety, panic and, well, in your case, earth-shattering anger…"
I don't respond as I take his suggestion, closing my eyes and backing into the hallway.
"Relaxing your jaw will also help to—"
"George," I warn as nice as possible trying to enlighten him that now is the time to shut the fuck up.
He nods his head again as his eyes flit to the gym and I see him try to hold in a chuckle. This peaks my interest as I sneak a look around the corner avoiding the small smile that I know is creeping across George's face on account of my piqued curiosity.
Tris is bouncing around switching her weight from her heels to her toes and punching Uriah- more like smacking him, really hard. And he's not doing anything to correct her! Maybe she's just antagonizing him… Sounds about right. I can feel a small smile creep across my face at the thought.
I watch Uriah turn looking very flustered as he puts his gloves on. Then in a totally dumb, clichéd, macho move he claps his gloves together twice. They start to circle each other and Tris's balance is still awful. Why isn't he correcting her?
I try to calm myself again with the knowledge that Uriah wouldn't do any more than 1-2 sparring and only with her doing the punching. I watch as she goes in for a completely awful and utterly predictable straight punch. Then I get the pleasure of observing Uriah laugh at her…which pisses me off! Don't fucking laugh at my idiotic, overeager, beginner boxer girl-…exgirlfriend!
She gets as pissed as me and goes for another stupidly predictable hook. My cheek burns from biting it as I have the honor of watching him…PUNCH HER!
I swear I'm half way to the ring in two strides before I hear the token Marlene screech and I see Shauna start to walk quickly over to me.
"Uriah! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Thank God someone is going to stop this shit before I go…ape shit!
"What?!" he exalts with his fucking stupid hands up!
I back up slowly trying to go unnoticed by anyone other than Shauna, who is already gripping my arm.
"I know that look!" she says forcefully in my ear. "Don't."
Marlene marches toward them as I watch Tris intently who looks completely aggravated at Uriah having punched her, while I think of how many ways I can beat the shit out of him…
"Don't go so damned easy on her!" What the hell did she just say?! "Jesus Christ, why are you even teaching us this if you're going to treat us like—"
"Like what, Mar? Like two chicks who've never done this?"
"Do you have to say 'chicks'?!"
I don't even know what the hell else they say. All I see is…Tris. I also see red because of how pissed I am that she wants to learn this shit! I know she's tough but what the fuck?! She took some self-defense classes but, again…what the fuck?! And there is no way…in hell…I'm going to…LET…Uriah…teach…her!
"Four… … … …"
I know Shauna is saying some bullshit, but I couldn't possibly care less as I slide under the ropes and walk up behind Uriah and turn him around leveling him with my eyes and ripping the gloves off his hands. I'm assuming the look on my face tells him "if you protest I will lay you out."
Now my eyes are on her as she stretches her shoulders out. I can see the muscles in her arms elongate. The rungs of her spine are slowly exposed as her tight shirt slides up her smooth back while she puts her full weight on her heels. It takes every sliver of strength I have to not look at her ass. I try to channel my want for this woman into anger at this bullshit she's getting herself into.
Then she turns and…nothin'… I've got nothin'…
Her enticing aroma reminds me of how close she is… I want to grab her and tell her everything that's happened in the last three weeks. I want to tell her not to be stubborn, don't say a damned word, just listen to me and do everything I tell you!
Her piercing eyes flit between mine nervously as she backs away. The ropes touch her backside and it startles her, which startles me… And then I understand… I'm looking at her like I do everyone else- like Four. This is the first time I've ever truly hated that part of me.
I shake myself out of my self-hatred as I'm reminded that I am actually in this ring for a purpose. She's in fight or flight mode, and I need her in fight.
It's obvious she didn't crack her tailbone, she probably bruised it…
"Where the hell are you going?" I tap her on right on her ass. Jesus… Can I just freeze time because I would give anything to— "Mmmggghhhh….." Suddenly a shooting, near-debilitating pain radiates through my left shoulder. She fucking punched me in the shoulder!... I make eye contact with her and see the look of satisfaction. On purpose! Then I observe the near instant look of remorse and I have to look away not being able to handle it.
"Are you—"
"Don't ask me if I'm okay." Because I'm not! And I can't admit that yet!
I feel her assessing me and it's fucking unnerving.
"What the hell do you want?" she demands. You!
I try to practice my nose breathing…apparently through my mouth as I shrug my shoulders.
"Awesome. Bye." She can't leave…
"You really want Uriah teaching you this?"
"Yes." Then you're an idiot… Sorry, babe.
"More than me?"
"Yes." Still an idiot…
"Because you hate me?... Or because you think he's better?" Please…do not say you hate me…
She puts her hands on her hips as if she can't believe I'm even asking her that question. "Which hurts more, Four? A girl hating you or a bruised ego?... My guess is a bruised ego… So…then, yep…it's because Uriah's better."
I look at the floor as that retort hits home. She thinks my ego is more important than her… And why wouldn't she?
"You really think that hurts me more?" I keep my eyes trained on the floor because I don't think I can handle the look in her eyes. But mine betray me and I glance at her. Something flashes behind her eyes and she stands up straighter.
"With 100% certainty." Ow… Just, ow…
"And that's what you want?"
She doesn't answer me, but I can see the look of conflict in her eyes. It gives me some hope.
"Come on. Let me help." I urge her into the ring, but she dodges me. Damn…
"Why?" Because I love you and if you really want to learn this you have to be taught properly and-
"Because Uri sucks at this."
"No, I do not! These women have…special powers!" Shut the hell up!
"Well, maybe Four is perfect for this job because he's pretty unaffected these days!" Shauna snarks from where I left her standing.
I turn my attention away from Tris for the first time since I've been in the ring and make eye contact with Shauna thinking how much she has no fucking clue what she's talking about…
Back to Tris… "Please?"
It's my last ditch attempt at trying to help and possibly jog a happier memory… She tilts her head and takes her full bottom lip in her mouth. That…back-fired… I watch her take her gloves off and turn to me walking slowly.
"Fine."
"What are you…doing?" Seriously…what…?
"Teach me, Four." Those are her crazy eyes…
"Put the gloves on."
"No." Mggghhhh….
"Put the gloves on, Tris."
"No." What the fuck does she think is going to happen here?!
"I'm not going to—"
A sharp, swift pain accosts my left side and another equally sharp, swift pain to my right and before I can think, I'm on my back with the wind completely knocked out of me.
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! DID SHE JUST….? WHERE THE FUCK DID SHE LEARN THAT…?
She's laid out on top of me, and my primitive instincts conflict thinking that was sexy as hell, but also not willing to accept defeat. She clambers to get up, but I grab her to pin her down. I feel her body immediately tense and a swift intake of breath sounding like a whimper comes out of her. I know I've scared her, but I also know she can take it. I was right because the fear is gone quickly as she forces her knees up to her chest raking them over mine which actually…kind of hurts. Then…I'm completely on top of her… literally right between her legs. Holy shit… I'm closer to her than I've been in what feels like forever as I take in the moment… Because I know, I'll only have a moment…
…..
"I love you….and I'm going to make this right…okay?"
"I know," she says shaking her head quickly and swallowing.
Never taking my eyes off of her I enter her slowly from tip all the way to hilt letting her acclimate on the way as we both suck in deep breaths from the pressure and pleasure of it. I stay there looking in her eyes not even being able to put coherent thoughts to how good it feels to be inside her like this. The physical needs in both of us kicks in as I involuntarily start moving around inside her, feeling her walls with the tip of my shaft. I bend my head down so I can feel her soft cheek against mine. My thumb grazes over the sheen of sweat on the smooth skin of her hip bone…
…
An excruciating pain charges through the back of my leg and I arrive back to my hellish reality. Fuck… That's my cue! I move onto my side and then my back taking in the pain of a heel strike to the hamstring. I sit up trying to ignore the searing pain and it dissipates quickly as I see Tris wipe under her eyes and head under the ropes. Jesus… Too far, Tobias…
"Hope I didn't reinjure your hamstring, Four! Wouldn't want you to drop anyone…"
"Tris…"
The memory of how much I disrespected her that day returns and I so want to give her an explanation of how it would have been even shittier if we would have had amazing sex during the worst shower ever!
"Plus those shower floors can get slippery, right?!" she yells sarcastically over her shoulder. She has no idea how cruel she sounds to me… I catch Uriah's laugh, which brings me to reality. Who the hell is she to talk? Matthew?! They're probably fucking! My eyes start to burn at the image and the hypocrisy of her insinuation.
"Hey, Tris?... You should really get some sleep… Those late nights are starting to get to you…" I retort in bitterness.
Faster than I can process she is in my face seething in anger and I look up at her fully expecting a slap and willing to accept it because I don't have the energy to fight it, nor to hide the blur in my eyes.
"I'll be mindful of that and make sure I get a good nap in while I take Tori to chemo, you fucking asshole!"
I don't think I've ever wanted to bury myself more than in that moment. I know how much Tori means to her. She's the only person who gave Tris a chance. She was practically homeless at the time and Tori gave her a job knowing nothing about her. I close my eyes unable to meet Tris's, but I can feel her retreat so I instinctively grab her.
"I…had no idea… I'm sorry… I…"
I loosen my grip as I search her eyes trying with desperation to sift through what she is thinking. It's a surprising look of realization and sorrow that seems to last longer than I can handle, but I don't dare take me eyes off of her until I see a tear slip out of her eye and I become conscious of the fact that she's letting me hold her hand. I want to cradle her to me and let her cry until she has no more tears to shed. My hand quickly feels cold as she pulls it away and seems to become aware of our surroundings… And I join her, now taking notice of our audience.
"Tris… We need to… I need…"
I see the struggle on her face as she tries to decide what the hell I'm doing. If I tell her everything, it would be for no other reason than because I can't take her not being in my life. I would be disregarding her fear, her safety and her peace of mind. She needs to be ignorant of this still. I pray that I will soon have my chance to explain...
Then she's gone and heading toward the locker room picking up speed with her head down.
Shauna's POV:
I love that Max gave Uriah the official go-ahead to start his sparring "club." But, good God Uri! Could you have chosen two worse girls to start with?
I sign off on one of the inventory forms our head trainer has been asking for and head into the gym to watch the shit show. Tris looks…insane and Uriah looks…scared shitless. I laugh to myself as she gives him wussy punches trying to rile him up. I love Uri, but seriously…Tris? He chose Tris? Angry and sad don't mix, and Tris is both of those. Dumbass…
I still don't know what the hell happened with Four and Tris. She's not chatting it up and he's dodging me at every possible chance- purposely working out when I'm not here, barely talking to Zeke… He was so damned different with Tris… And the excuse he gave Zeke for why he broke up with her would have flown with me…before. But now…I don't know, something seems off.
Zeke thinks I'm nuts…but he has learning disabilities when it comes to feelings. I love my man, but he is…not deep. Lately, Uriah has been one-upping him in that department. Thanks, Marlene!
I wave at Christina as she finishes her yoga class and turn my attention back to check out Tris as she tries to get some punches in. I glance at George who I'm getting very worried about these days and I actually see that he's smiling… Then I see the aim of his smile. Four…
He's not looking aloof and crabby. He looks like he's…trying to stay…calm? What the hell? He sneaks a look around the corner just as I hear Tris inhale hardcore. My eyes flit to the ring as Uriah gives her what I'm assuming is now a second punch. Jesus… Why did you let her talk you into that?!...
I look back to Four… Shit! …as he is storming toward the ring with the look that reads, "I will kill you." What the fuck? What is he doing?! What is he doing?! Thanks to Marlene yelling something he stops as I haul ass to see what's up.
I take his arm because, by the look of determination on his face, he was heading straight for Uriah. "I know that look!... Don't."
He glances my way but then becomes completely damned distracted and if I were to guess entirely confused by what's happening. Why does he care anyway?... And he definitely does…care.
I'm too busy trying to figure out Four that I barely catch the tail end of the Uriah and Marlene show.
"Do you have to say 'chicks'?!" Bring it, Mar!
"I didn't mean like…ya know… chicks can't do shit… But… yes! Some shit…chicks can NOT do!"
"Are you fucking kidding me?! Tris and I are more than capable—"
I don't even know what the hell else they say because…Four's gone.
"Four… Hey!... Hey!... Don't be a dick to her!" I exert through a clenched jaw because I do not want an emotional scene on my watch… Especially since we just got the certified okay to do these lessons!
"Hey! How are ya? Whatcha starin' at? I do not love your new yoga instructor by the way- What…the…fuck is he-"
"Don't say a damned word," I snap at Christina, who is now standing next to me probably ready to be all 'girlfriend power' and lay into Four.
I've never been the type of girl to have girlfriends. So the whole giggly giddy pump-you-up shit that embodies Marlene and Christina is completely lost on me. Yet somehow we've become close friends…most likely because of Tris. That girl speaks my language and I was pissed when Four broke it off with her! I blamed Zeke…automatically assuming he had said something or done something… I don't know what… I just figured it had to be his fault.
I watch Uriah give Four a surprised and confused look as he lets Four rip his gloves off. I can't believe my eyes as I watch Uriah not make a scene and observe quietly like a good little boy, tapping Marlene on the shoulder and sliding out of the ring.
"Whassup baby?... Mmmmmmwahhhh!" Zeke smacks a kiss on my neck as I reward him with a quick smack of my hand. "Ow!"
"Pay attention!" I whisper.
Four's just standing there…in the middle of the ring…watching her. He's probably checking out her ass. But…eh…can't blame him. Then she whips around and actually looks…scared. Jesus, Four. Stop looking like yourself for once!
"Where the hell are you going?" He nods his head and taps her on the ass to which she turns and punches him in the shoulder.
"Bah! That was awesome!" Christina remarks.
"Since when is Four such a pussy?" Uriah has made his way over here as I shrug.
"Busted his shoulder sometime last week… Wouldn't tell me how…"
"Yeah, he was favoring his right arm the other day on the bags, " I add, agreeing with Zeke.
"Don't ask me if I'm okay!" Yeah, Four. Don't show weakness…. Idiot…
"What the hell do you want!?" Tris demands.
We've all inched our way closer to the Tris and Four show.
"Awesome. Bye." Don't blame you, girl… Don't put up with that silent shit! I know I don't!
"You really want Uriah teaching you this!?" Four asks in disbelief.
Zeke doesn't even try to hide his laugh.
"Yes!"
"More than me?!"
"Yes!"
Now Christina doesn't try to hide her laugh.
"Because you hate me?!...Or because you think he's better?!" Well, we all know the answer to that… Sorry, Uri…
"Which hurts more, Four?!... A girl hating you or a bruised ego?!... My guess is a bruised ego… So…then yep… It's because Uriah's better!"
Four looks seriously…hurt. Wow… And I don't think it's because Tris thinks Uriah is better… She's lying…
"Guys and their egos…," Marlene quips.
"So, does that mean she really thinks I'm better?!" Uri asks me quietly. "I don't speak girl…let alone Tris!"
"Shhhh!"
"…because Uri sucks at this!" Four exalts.
Zeke laughs again at Uriah's expense.
"No, I do not! These women have…special powers!"
Time to put him to the test. "Well, maybe Four is perfect for this job because he's pretty unaffected these days!"
And there it is. That look of you-have-no-clue-what-you're-talking-about. That comment got to him.
"True that!" Zeke agrees.
"You're an idiot!" I seethe as he backs away from me. "How is it that I know your best friend better than you do?!"
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
"Open your damned eyes, Zeke!"
"Oh…shit… Shauna… Shauna… Shauna…."
"Stop smacking me! Jesus, Christina."
"She's got her gloves off!"
"Should I warn him?..." Zeke asks. "I should warn him… Why am I not warning him?!"
"Because this is going to be fucking awesome!" Christina is almost bursting at the seams.
"Wait… He doesn't know she knows—"
Then a resounding, "Ooooooo…" comes out of all of us as Four crashes to the ground. He was just taken down by a 5'3"…girl. And I loved it!
"Well, that answers my question," Marlene finishes. "Oh… He looks mad."
"He better not punch her."
"Christina… Do not ever allow that thought to enter your mind, let alone come out of your mouth, ever again."
"Geez…Zeke. Take it down a notch." I know he's just being a good friend but, chill.
"No," Christina remarks checking out her cuticles. "I deserved that."
I watch a knowing look pass between them. Four has been through some shit…but I don't know what exactly. However…my suspicions were just confirmed.
"Um…guys?" Marlene leans her head to the side. "What are they…doing…?" Four is literally lying in between her legs on floor of the ring as she grips his shirt like she's going to rip it off. "Are they just gonna hump…like…right there?... Is that allowed?"
"Wouldn't be the first time… Right, baby?" Zeke wraps his arms around me from behind as I push him away.
"Wouldn't put it past 'em," Christina adds as she squints her eyes at them, trying to zoom in. "So…uh…is anyone else as confused as me—"
"Oh, shit!" Zeke and Uriah squeak as Uriah doubles over and continues to laugh his ass off and clap loudly.
I look back quickly enough to see Four roll onto his back and squinch his face in pain.
"Uri, shut up! That looked really painful!" Marlene looks at her dumbass in awe.
"Yep! Heel strike to the hammy'll do that, baby!"
"Hope I didn't reinjure your hamstring, Four! Wouldn't want you to drop anyone… Plus those shower floors can get slippery, right?!" Tris shouts walking away.
"I hear that… Babe? Babe?… 'member when I almost—"
"Shut up, Zeke!" I exert through clenched teeth as Uriah busts a gut right there.
"Hey, Tris?... You should really get some sleep… Those late nights are starting to get to you!" Four yells back as she freezes.
Christina, Uriah, and Marlene all suck in a deep breath and they all stay shockingly silent as the rest of the exchange plays out. What did I miss?
Tris rushes at him in a fit of crazy as she whispers something with serious anger and he hangs his head. She goes to walk away but he grabs her by the wrist and they seem to have some sort of…moment…? I don't fucking know...
Now all these assholes finally decide to be quiet and we all watch him hold her hand… Then off she goes.
Uriah's POV:
I have officially had enough of this shit! Yeah, yeah… Watching Tris kick Four's ass was pretty funny… Okay, pretty fucking hilarious! But, I was…surprisingly enough…watching the entire situation with a new take.
The I-will-kill-you-mutha-fucka look in Four's eyes when he stole my gloves is one I'm pretty used to…although this one took on a whole new meaning. That man is holding some serious shit in and I will get to the bottom of it!
Four has bailed me out of jail (never paid him back), cleaned up my puke (in his own apartment…on his bedroom carpet), picked me up off bar floors, signed-off on my detention forms, beat the hell out of some dude for calling me a name no white man should utter, and in many ways has been more of a role model to me than my brother. He's just always been there- a crabby jackass, but he's always been there…
We can't just ask him what's wrong. That much…I do know. I also know this has a shit ton to do with Tris. Even a blind man can see that mess! Then a fucking crazy take-my-life-in-my-hands idea comes to me.
"Mar?"
"Yeah?"
"Disregard everything…. Every…fucking…thing…that I'm about to say!"
"What the hell are you—"
I waltz over in my best smart-ass walk. "So are you ready to tell us what the fuck is goin' on?"
He shrugs his shoulders and hops out of the ring not taking his eyes off the locker room. "No."
"You're not into Tris, right? You were just trying to one up my skills?"
"Mmm hmm," he hums quietly now checking out the floor.
I say softly, man-to-man, "Shit... Thank God! I was just checking." I add a nice wink on the end.
"What…exactly…are you checking?" Okay… He's looking at me… Shit…
"Nothin'." I shrug my shoulders as I see his cheeks start to turn…quite red.
"Uriah…" He says it slowly and almost softly.
"It's not a big deal…"
"What's not a big deal?"
"Well, Tris and I…I mean we kinda…" Don't make me say it! Don't make me say it!
"You…kinda…" Take one for the team! Dig deep!
"Fine. I fucked her… It wasn't a big deal, total rebound and well…you know I'm always there for a good rebound—"
A white light flashes before my eyes and I actually don't feel a damned thing for a minute except I hear a lot of screaming…then the pain of a serious punch in the face…punches me in the face. I find myself on the ground with Marlene saying some shit and Zeke and Shauna keeping Four back. Success! Holy fuck that hurts!
"I knew it!" I choke out.
I see Marlene get in his face waving her hands in the air as he flinches away and gets a damned grip of the situation.
"What the fuck, Uri?!" Shauna yells. "Why the hell would you say that?!"
"Wanted to see his…reaction."
"On your face?"
"So… You didn't…?" The man I just outed is actually looking at me with shock and awe for once!
"Hell, no!" Twist the knife one…more…time… "Don't know why you would care so much anyway. What was the whole reason you broke up with her? You lost interest and she wasn't hot enough?! "
"What the fuck did you just say?!" Christina shrieks at me. "Was that…? Did you SERIOUSLY say that?!" Oh man… She's all up in Four's shit!
We all look to him as his eyes go wider than I've ever seen them and he goes racing after the slammed locker room door.
"Well… That'll get him to talk to her! You're welcome!" I'm…awesome…
Tobias's POV:
My heart is racing and I have an icy feeling running through my veins as I watch Uriah writhing on the floor.
"Get the fuck off me!" I scream as I scramble to get to Uriah again, I have his shirt collar until a pain shoots through my shoulder as Zeke wrenches my arm up behind my back. I can't…believe…he would… Uriah?... I grab onto someone's shoulder trying to right myself and avoid passing out from pain both physical and emotional.
"Four! Four!" Marlene shrieks in my face. "He didn't, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't!" I notice she has tears in her eyes. I'm gonna vomit…
"What the fuck, Uri?! Why the hell would you say that?!" Stop screaming…Shauna…
"Wanted to see his…reaction." Wait… What..?
"On your face?"
"So… You didn't…?" I wonder at my idiot friend as it clicks what he was trying to do and my gag reflex slowly subsides.
"Hell, no! Don't know why you would care so much anyway. What was the whole reason you broke up with her? You lost interest and she wasn't hot enough?! "
That statement rains down on me like liquid shame. Then a flash of blond to my right catches my eye and I see a horrified and embarrassed look appear on…Tris's face. She turns on her heel and runs to the locker room as I race after her. I don't even bother calling her name. I just concentrate on getting to her. I can handle her hating me for a number of reasons- other women, a perceived lack of reciprocal feelings and being a fucking asshole being some of many… But I will not have her confidence torn down over some stupid comment because that is some fragile shit!
I can hear her wheeze when she runs—a cross between exertion from running and crying. I grab the back of her shirt as she sucks in a deep breath and pull her to me in a rather forceful bear hug…
"Pleaaaasssseeee…." she whines as she tries to lean forward in defeat. I feel a tear drip onto my forearm and I have to grit my teeth to hold my own back as I straighten both of us up.
"No."
I stand there for a moment and feel her body tremor beneath my iron grasp trying to control whatever emotion she's feeling. Her warmth and her scent overflow my senses and I lose myself for a moment, but not enough to let my grip slide. I swallow thickly as I try to gather my words, but our proximity is not helping things. Neither is the fact that, based on her performance in the ring, I know if she really wanted to get out of this position…she could. I feel her relax beneath my grip, but her heart doesn't slow down. It's pulsing rapidly, in time with my own, from where my fisted hand rests. I don't know if I imagine it, nor which of us is doing it, but she's pressed closer to me than before and I can feel the entire backside of her body flush with mine. Her hands, where before they were fisted like mine, relax and lay flat and tense on my thighs. I relax my hands and do the same, slowly and softly until my palm is resting on the flat expanse of her abdomen. I feel her swallow and let out a shaky breath then the slightest of movements of her thumbs on my inner thighs. My lower extremities begin to respond and I feel her soft hair against my forehead as I rest it on her head and she leans back into me. A wave of feeling home and feeling relief courses over me and I pull her in even tighter running my thumb over her stomach.
"Please, stop," she requests softly as she lifts her hands off my thighs.
Not being able to ignore the pleading in her voice, I let her go. She doesn't walk away…. She just turns and faces me. Inches away from my face she stands and I've never wanted to kiss her so badly. But the part of me that cares for her more than words can describe wins out…and I don't.
"None of that was true." I swallow and shake my head. "The reasons… What Uriah said—"
"It doesn't matter."
"It matters."
"Why? It's done. And it's nothing I haven't been telling myself anyway so it didn't come as a big fucking shock! So who gives a shit about the reasons?"
"Because the reasons…" …are completely inaccurate!
"Finish your fucking sentences! God—"
"Look…all you need to know is what he said isn't true! Damn it!"
"Well, he sure as hell got it from somewhere! Did he make it up?... You lost interest, you got bored, I'm not hot enough—"
"Fuck! Tris… That is...beyond untrue."
"Then what's the truth?!" she shouts.
I can't answer her…because I can't tell her the truth…yet.
Zeke's POV:
We all scatter away from the locker room and pretend to do shit as Tris makes a run for the exit and Four stomps past us. The asshole doesn't even bother to tape his hands as he starts to beat the shit out of the bags. I watch his stupid face scrunch each time he uses his left arm… But, of course, that doesn't stop him from working it equally as hard as his good arm.
Uriah gets up from doing push-ups in front of the water cooler as Marlene and Christina hop off the treadmill they were fighting over. I feel a burning hot fire raging on my neck as I turn, slowly meeting the glare of my girlfriend.
"So, I may have misread this situation…"
"Ya think?!... Everybody…my office…" She whips her hands around, demanding action…and she gets it. "Get your brother some ice, Ezequiel!"
"Fuck…" I huff under my breath as I head to the training room to grab some ice for my way-more-perceptive-than-me brother.
How did I miss it?!
…..
I stroll through the locker room and just about walk right past Four. The dude is sitting on the floor leaning up against the lockers.
"What the hell are you doin', man? Let's go."
I start walking out to the gym thinking that I need to have a serious discussion with him. He said some shit on Sunday that even my less-than-perceptive mind picked up on. I look behind me and he is…not present. So I walk backward retracing my steps and lean my head back to see him in the same spot.
"I'm coming."
"What's up? What the fuck're you doin'?"
"I don't know."
I back all the way into the locker room and try to get him to acknowledge me on a level that is less than dickhead. "Are you gonna be a moody bitch? Cause I can't take that shit for two classes straight."
He doesn't answer, which is nothing new with this jackass so I just do me and keep pissing him off.
"Damn. The last time you taught self-defense in a foul ass mood you about got Shauna fired, so pick your shit up and—"
"Fuck you."
"Whoa. I'm just playin'. What's your deal?"
He runs his hands through his hair and sighs out…hard.
"Whatever, man. Tell me, don't tell me, I don't give a—"
"Tris and I. We…broke up."
"What?!... She dumped you?!... You told me you did not fuck Kir-STEN!"
He runs his hands down his face that looks like absolute shit now that I am officially interested.
"…No…." He lets out a pissed-off laugh and looks up at the ceiling. "I broke up…with her."
He's shaking his head as if… I don't know… like he can't believe he did it.
"What the fuck!?" My jaw is clenched tight because… I don't even know…."You gonna tell me why?"
"No."
"And why the fuck not?... I've gotta tell Shauna something!... She will hand your ass to you on a platter… And then somehow it will be my fault!"
The stubborn ass just shrugs his shoulders as if the wrath of Shauna Myers doesn't scare the shit out of him. The look on his face is just weird… It's a blank stare…not bitch-ass…just blank.
"Lemme guess. You lost interest? She wasn't hot enough for you? She didn't live up to the standards of the mighty Four? You got bored? What the fuck man?!"
He snaps his eyes up at me and he stands, walking over to his locker and spinning the combo to lock it.
"Yep. All those things."
"Well, that's just fucking great! So all that shit you said about maturity and being in a committed relationship… Man, I let you punch me in the face for that chick!"
I'm getting nothing from him- not one damn expression…or even eye contact!
"You didn't mean any of it?!"
"I meant it."
…..
Oh, I fucked up… Real bad!
Grabbing the ice pack out of the freezer, I head back into the office. I look at Four who I can tell is not desiring the presence of any human. So I hang my head in shame (Yes! Like a dog with his tail between his legs!) ready to face the one thing I fear most in the world- Shauna. I lean on the doorframe as she gets started.
"So are we gonna let this play out or interfere—"
"Interfere," everyone interrupts at the same time…including myself.
"And I volunteer as Will's proxy!... He votes 'interfere,'" Christina adds.
"Who has any information to add to this scenario?" My lady is such a leader!
"Me!" Christina raises her hand. "Just to clarify… I am on team Tris—"
"Me too!" Marlene agrees. Shit… This is not good for my boy…
"No. There is no Team Tris and no Team Four. There is only team…FourTris."
"Good one, baby." I smile and wink…which doesn't work.
"Fine… But she's my bestie. So…sorry, no guarantees."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Shauna… I realize it sure as shit looks like he still…ya know…loves her in his weird 'Four' way… But if he fucked anyone else, I don't think I can forgive that!... And I know she definitely won't!"
Suddenly my throat feels exceptionally dry and I start coughing.
"Zeke…?" I continue to cough. "That's your nervous cough… What…did you…do?" Shauna levels me with her eyes.
"I may have…set the scene…?"
"Explain!"
"I pretended I was drunk and had him pick me up and he showed up drunk and continued to drink and then took Kirsten back to his place."
"Kirsten?... Ex-Kirsten?... ZEKE!" Ooooohhhh…. The Shauna Shriek!
"Team Tris!" Christina and Marlene pronounce with their hands in the air.
"Okay, stop!" Uriah yells looking fucking annoyed as he holds ice up to his seriously bruised face. "I'm on team let's-find-out-what-the-fuck's-wrong-with-Four. If it happens to be Tris…and if they happen to get back together…bonus!" When did he get so smart?
"So…are we all kind of on the same page? Christina? Mar?" Please say yes to my lady!
"I am willing to look at this situation differently…" Thank you, Christina! "But honestly, if I found out Will slept with someone else two weeks after we broke up when he supposedly still loved me…I would not get over it!... So I will not defend him on that issue if it comes up!"
We all nod our heads.
"So now what?"
Tris's POV:
I walk rather unsteadily from the girls' bathroom to our table at Callahan's. I really needed this. I've been drinking alone way too much. It feels great to just be with the girls. They haven't brought up Four's name at all so I'm assuming this is a let's-distract-Tris-from-the-daily-hell-she-lives in party! And I'll take it! I'm a little tipsy…but the feel-good kind.
By the time I get back to the table Christina has her selfie stick out and is using it…thoroughly.
"Do you have to take a selfie everywhere we go? Don't you know what the hell you look like?!"
"Shauna? Do you have any other flavor besides sarcastic tonight? Geez!"
I wrap my arms around Shauna's neck from behind. "I think you're funny!"
"Whoa! Hiya, Tris!"
"Sup?" I plop down and take a long drink of my tasty alcohol.
"You're looking extra cute tonight BT dubs!" Christina remarks.
"I do?"
"Yes! You're rockin' the boho look!"
"What the fuck is that?"
"Casual, trendy, hipster…"
"I was just going for casual… But, okay—"
"So… Is it just me?... Or was today pretty weird?" Oh God… "Why did Four react that way? Hmmmm… Sooooo strange… Don't you think, Tris?"
"Seriously?" Christina lowers her chin, directing her glare at Marlene in obvious annoyance at her non-sequitor.
"Nope!" I retort "It's called 'guy-code.' Ya know…bros before hoes and all that crapola!" Whatever…
"No. This was not 'guy-code.' I know that man and he looked like he was going to pass out from shock rather than beat Uriah to a pulp."
"Well, Miss Shauna! I thought I knew that man, too! But…hell! Things change! People change… I'm sure as hell gonna change!"
"No, you're not," Christina states…plainly.
"I know," I sigh out. "I'm all fuckin' talk. I want to rebound… But, as it turns out, I even suck at that!"
"Alright, I'm just gonna ask!" Shauna interjects. "Why the hell did he break up with you?... I mean… Did he tell you? Did you ask?"
"You… Shauna… Should ask…him…" I wink.
"He won't tell me…" She narrows her pretty brown eyes at me. "Something…is not…adding up. And…Miss Tris, you know it…" She sits back with a self-satisfied look on her face.
"Ya know what? If the words don't add up, it's usually because the truth isn't in the equation."
We all stare at Marlene in shock at her fairly profound statement that completely resonates with me. "If the words don't add up, it's usually because the truth isn't in the equation."
Christina interrupts our trance. "Wow, Mar—"
"Let's go up to the bar! Our server sucks! That is one benefit to having Four with us when we have a chick for a server—"
"Marlene!" Christina smacks her. And the moment has passed…
"What?! Am I wrong?"
"Nope! And turns out female servers are exactly his type!" I exalt.
"So, you know about the other night?" Shauna asks innocently. "I have to tell you, Zeke was the instigator! He knows Four and Kirsten have a sorta history so he... Anyway, my boyfriend is clearly on the douche bag list!"
I pause at this piece of information. I was definitely only referring to his drunken shenanigans the night of the never-actually-happened pregnancy scare. That's just…great! Clare, Kirsten…
"Tris? Oh God... You didn't-"
'Well, I do now! So, fuck… Maybe we should just invite Four! He can bone every one of them and then we'll get great service!" I comment flippantly.
"I'm in!" Marlene exalts.
"Tris… You know he's not like that—"
"Anyway! Yes, Shauna! We should go up…to the bar." I get up and walk quickly to the bar to avoid any more conversation with Shauna about Four's sexual habits. God… I can't believe it… It hurts like hell... Don't lose it, Tris… Don't lose it, Tris... I picture Tobias looking at the girl from his apartment, who was apparently Kirsten, the same way he looked at me when we were making…sex.
"What can I get you ladies?"
"Four drinks!" I answer the nice bartender man as I sniff loudly enough that one would have thought I just did a line of cocaine.
"….of….what?"
"Oh…" I look down at my half empty drink. "What was I drinking?" I whisper.
"Your friend there got you a Crown and coke," he whispers back, smiling.
"Hmmm… Sorry… I'm used to straight whiskey. This just feels wrong…" I hold my glass up to the light…for no reason whatsoever. "Mixin' it and shit…"
"Straight whiskey, huh?"
"Ha…yeah. Lemme guess… You don't know many girls that drink whiskey… Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… Because I have to tell you—"
"I was going to ask you which whiskey happens to be your favorite."
"Oh, sorry…"
"It's all good… Here…" He pours an inch of Knob Creek in a glass for the two of us and holds his glass up. "To cute girls who drink whiskey." Was that a compliment? It was…yes... Right?
"Um…yes. Okay…" I return his cheers as he shakes his head at me. "What?"
"I'll tell ya in a minute."
"O…kay," I answer as he goes to help Shauna.
"These drinks are on Zeke tonight, girls!... He kind of owes us, don't you think?" She starts a tab with a card that can only assume is Zeke's as Marlene and Christina both give a, "Hell, yes!"
"Well, hers are on me," the bartender says, looking my way. "My name's Tre, by the way!" I look over my shoulder at who he's shouting at.
"Her name's Tris!" Christina announces way more loudly than necessary with an eye roll added.
He chuckles and walks away as I become instantly embarrassed.
"Dude!" She slides down and elbows me in the rib cage.
"Ow!"
"He's hot!"
I look past her and see that he is…yes…what she said…. Well-fitting jeans with a black T-shirt, messy blond hair, cute smile… Shit…he smiled at me… Shit!
"What?"
"He smiled at me."
"Yes, pumpkin…. People do that when they like you!"
"Like me—"
"So, Tris… The cute girl who drinks whiskey," the bartender quips. I forgot his name.
"Yessss…"
"You have polished off the Knob. Regard me?"
"Huh?"
He laughs. "Can I pour you another?"
"Sorry… Sure."
"It's okay… You have a nice smile, ya know… Don't hide it."
I laugh lightly. "Thank…you."
"Shall I join you?"
"Sure!"
He smiles cutely as my cheeks turn red from my overeager response. "So… Here you go…" He adds more to my glass. "I was going to tell you something before…"
"Yes, you were." We cheers glasses and take a drink as he turns to grab a different bottle.
"I called you cute and I take that back!" he says over his shoulder as he grabs two shot glasses. I have nothing to say to that so I just…stand there. "It was disingenuous and I only said it because I was subtly hitting on you." I still just…stand there. He spreads his arms in a wide stance on the bar and leans in. "I am most definitely not hitting on you."
"That's fine… I was just—"
"You see the truth is, you're kind of, well, beautiful… And it doesn't count as being hit on if it's genuine—"
"It absolutely…counts," says a deep voice over my shoulder as a towering presence puts his hand down on the bar forcefully right next to me. That voice is like butter I hate it so much…
The bartender what's-his-face jumps back as Four brings his face right next to mine from behind and whispers, "Right, Tris?" Goose bumps… They're attacking me!
"I wouldn't know."
"Pretty sure you would." He slides into the seat next to me and pulls the one next to him out for me to sit on. I look away ignoring his gorgeous-as-fuck, sexy existence that I hate and love more than anything and why is he torturing me?! "I'll have whatever the fuck you just poured her."
What's-his-name looks at me and I don't respond with a yes or no look because I am CONFLICTED! But he grabs a rocks glass and pours a Knob Creek neat putting it on the bar harder than necessary in front of Four.
"I hit on her the first night we met," he addresses…Tre. Yes, Tre! "It was genuine…and successful I might add. Indeed…successful…"
"Not as successful as he thinks." I retort as he stiffens next to me in discomfort.
"Sorry, man. I didn't know she had a boyfriend—"
"I don't." I watch Four's adam's apple move as he swallows. "And genuine isn't a word I would use."
"I don't give a shit what word you would use, Tris!" Great! He's a drunk asshole... Shit... I might be drunk... Bad combo.
"Look, you don't have to be a dick," Tre announces. "And I sure as hell don't have to serve you!"
"Oh…he's not being a dick!" Christina leans over the bar on her crossed forearms. "He's just being himself… This one here," she nods toward me, "is one of the few who speaks 'Four.'"
"Speaks 'Four'?"
"Yes. It's practically a dead language- like Latin!... Right, guys?... Come on, Trissy! Translate!... It's like a game, Tre. Come on, Four… Say something awful…and Tris will—"
"Christina… Thank you, that'll do," I say trying to defuse a rumble.
"No problem! Just gave myself an idea for a new drinking game… Thanks, Four!"
"I aim to please."
An awkward silence passes between us as Tre goes to help someone else. We haven't stood in awkward silence since the first night we met… Then he leans down and quietly tries to unnecessarily and rapidly explain himself.
"I only meant that it doesn't matter what word you use because it doesn't make it any less true—"
"Yeah, yeah… Enough! I speak 'Four', remember?... Christ!"
He takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair. It's so damned adorable!
"Did you want to start a tab?" Tre asks with an annoyed look.
"Yeah. Put hers on my tab."
"She's drinking for free."
"No, she's not."
"Yes… She is."
"Just upcharge him, Tre!..." I toss back my drink as he refills it. "So, what's the deal, Four? There are many other people to talk to in this bar… Look at all the hot women! And you never know…they may actually hold your interest—"
"You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about." He takes his drink down in one gulp and turns his bar stool to face me.
"I know exactly what I'm talking about… Unless you've already found someone to hold your interest… Cute girl, about 5'4", brown hair—"
"Tris…"
"Don't 'Tris' me! God! Why am I even talking to you about this?! Why are you even here?!"
"Well…this sure as hell wasn't my idea! Thanks a shit ton, Zeke!"
"Always gotch'yer back man!"
"Yeah… NOT!" Shauna yells.
I'm out of there at that comment and before I know it I'm on the sidewalk heading toward the bus stop until I realize I left my phone in the bar. I turn around and smack right into a rock hard torso and plummet backward…right onto my damned tailbone!
"Damn it!" Four yells. "Stop turning around!"
"You're an asshole!... Stop chasing me!"
"I wasn't chasing you!... I was walking…stealthily! Fuck!" He crouches down to help me up and actually tries to rub my butt. I smack his hand away as he stifles a laugh. What a bastard!
"What…is…your…deal? Tell me…now." He doesn't say a word. He just starts pacing like a fucking fool. "Tired of this conversation? Lost interest? Well…let me turn around because we know I'm not hot enough—"
"I never said that! Zeke said it!… And I just…agreed—"
"Why?!"
"Because I… Fuck! I can't talk about this shit…right now. Just trust me I don't feel… I didn't. Damn it!..." He puts his hands behind his head and faces away from me. My eyes migrate to his perfectly fitting jeans. Oh… Oh…. Oh…. "Just tell me you believe me… Please…"
Crossing my arms, I shrug my shoulders and say nonchalantly, "I believe you."
"Really?" He slowly turns and tries to read my expression.
"Really." God… He never stops underestimating me!
"Okay, so…" He narrows his eyes at me. "You knew the whole time, didn't you!?" he shouts while pointing at me.
"Yes! Those aren't your damned words! Oh… 'She's not hot enough… I'm not feelin' it.' Are you fucking kidding me?!... That has Zeke written all over it!... And as much as I can't stand your god-damned face right now…" I take a huge breath. "I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't dis-res-pect," I poke his chest with my finger, "…me like that!... And I can't fucking stand that you think I'm so stupid as to buy into that!"
I feel the liquid courage setting in…real fast.
"You're an idiot if you think I think you're stupid!"
"That makes…no sense!"
"It makes perfect sense if you don't think about it!"
"That's an oxy-moron…you moron!" He pauses as if to assess his drunken semantics. "And…thank you so much for that snippet into your thoughts! Care to share any more?"
"Yes," he states quickly and matter-of-factly.
"What?!"
"Stop seeing Matthew."
I stare at him as my blood starts to boil. I'm pretty sure I'm shaking…or there's an earthquake. It sucks either way!
"Are you… !? That's what you… !? Oh… I get it. You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me… But you can go and FUCK anyone—"
"I NEVER SAID I DIDN'T WANT YOU!" I've never heard him yell louder as he rounds on me.
"You broke up with me!" I push him away, which only makes me bounce back. "Right in my own damned bed! The bed I get to sleep in every night! So I think about it…every night! You did that! You broke my FUCKING HEART!" I scream equally as loud. Bring on the damned tears!
He stops pacing and looks at me…reading me… "Is that what happened? Is that how it played out in your head?" he asks quietly…too quietly. "Because I don't remember it happening like that!" he suddenly shouts. "You claim you know me well enough to 'know my words'. Well, Tris…if that's the fucking case, then you would know I would NEVER be able to tell you I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU! Those were your damned words—"
"That was your out and you TOOK IT! You did that! You walked out the damned door and drove off, no explanations-"
"You wouldn't let me explain!"
"As if you would anyway?!" I take exactly two deep breaths because I'm hyperventilating. "I've barely been able to function! And you…well, shiiiiitttt! We both know you're doing JUST FINE!"
"You know NOTHING about how I'm doing!" he practically chokes on his words.
With that, he turns and storms the other direction. I watch as he turns and starts walking backward, still yelling at me.
"Did you ever think maybe this has nothing to do with you?! Go back to the beginning! Day mother fucking one! Every damned moment!... And do the math, Beatrice!"
"Don't fucking call me Beatrice!"
"Don't call me Four!… Beatrice!"
"Fuck you!"
"No, Fuck…mggghhhh!"
And he storms away. I watch after him, willing him to turn and look at me once more until he rounds the corner at the next block and disappears.
The mass influx of PMs with concern over my safety from the hurricane was...insane! Sorry if some of my responses were short!
A guest reviewer wanted to know what time zone I live in. I'm outside of Chicago...so Central timezone...
Hope you liked the chapter!