A/N: Hey guys! I'm very sorry it has taken me soooo long to write this final chapter. Let me just say I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all your reviews and would like to thank you all for reading the story. I do hope you like this last installment and I will miss my Traynor/Shep pairing. I have loved writing it.
"...biggest Galactic event of the millennium..."
"...Commander Shepard's wedding day..."
"...going to be a huge event from start to finish..."
"...every major news company in the universe is attending..."
"...Vancouver is buzzing with every species known to mankind, trying to get the first glimpse of the bride..."
Samantha took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to block out the excited journalists chattering over the radio, nearby vid comms and every other communications device on offer in Commander Shepard's cabin. Every female member of the Normandy crew was in attendance, all dressed to the nines in their ceremonial military regalia, sipping champagne. Miranda and Doctor Chakwas were busy helping Traynor get ready for the big day, preparing her for the most anticipated wedding of the era, which would start in just four short hours. Samantha could feel butterflies churning in her stomach like a pack of Collector Swarms, making her anxious and terrified of when this girly make-up show would finally be over and she would have to walk down the aisle and marry the most famous person in the entire Galaxy, in front of the its entire population.
"...today marks the occasion when the Citadel's newest couple will grace the..."
"...Specialist Samantha Traynor, whom many had never heard of prior to her appointment on the Normandy..."
"...who's service record is miniscule compared to the Hero of the Galaxy..."
"...just who is Samantha Traynor, and how did such a plain and ordinary girl manage to bag the most beautiful, influential woman in the Galaxy? Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani has the full story..."
Samantha's legs felt like jelly, and she fought the urge to throw up as the journalist's words broke her down. "Do me a favour, Jack, and turn them off? I think I'm going to vomit."
"Sure thing, Nerd."
The tattooed babe leaned across the desktop that she was hovering beside, no longer full of datapads but of makeup, empty champagne bottles, make-up and perfume. She switched the Comms Systems off, and picked up her whiskey, continuing to drink. Samantha opened her eyes then and exhaled, feeling a little better already. It was bad enough knowing she was being talked about by every news station in the universe, but she wasn't sure she was ready to hear what exactly they had to say.
"That Al-Jilani woman has it in for you two," Miranda said, chagrined, as she helped hem up a piece of Traynor's wedding dress. Samantha had been so stressed the last few weeks that she'd lost weight and now the damn thing didn't fit her. Shepard had had a fit of laughter when she told her, and joked that the wedding was off if she flashed the entire Galaxy while walking down the aisle. Even a nip slip and the vultures would be feasting.
"I think Shepard's given her one too many punches to the head," Jack sniggered, folding her arms and resuming her impatient stance. Weddings and dresses clearly weren't her thing, but Shepard knew she'd prove a good distraction for Samantha, who had been freaking out the last few days after being hounded by reporters when they flew back to Vancouver from the Seychelles for the wedding, after visiting the new house for the first time. They'd only got to spend an hour there before being whisked away. Now all Samantha's closest military friends were standing around chatting excitedly, most pretending to be useful but really just drinking and catching up as they waited for the main event.
"You are probably right," Liara sighed, as the others laughed.
"I guess I shouldn't expect too much from her then," Sam groaned, "She'll probably paint me as a slug and Shepard as a stooge in her newest fluff piece of news."
"Sorry to tell you, dear, but it's already been done...quite literally," Doctor Chakwas informed her reluctantly. They all turned to her questioningly. She was never usually one to quote the tabloids. "I saw a cartoon of it in this week's news update," Chakwas continued, answering their stares. "They exaggerated your features rather unkindly and...forgive me...planted you in slug form in a toilet bowl with the words : 'Good thing Commander Shepard's used to taking the Galaxy's shit.'"
Liara, Miranda, Tali, Kasumi, Gabriella Daniels, Oriana and Jack all burst into fits of laughter then, as Samantha groaned painfully, feeling herself blush with embarrassment. Doctor Chakwas giggled apologetically.
"Good Lord, haven't they got anything better to do?" Sam complained, feeling more nervous now than ever.
"Shall I scan the frequencies to find more uplifting comments about your relationship Specialist Traynor?" EDI offered over the Normandy's Comm System. "My drive core may overload, but I am sure I could find one."
Through more laughter, Samantha rolled her eyes, and glanced up at the ceiling. "Thank you EDI. I see though your body's gone you haven't lost your wicked sense of humour."
"Your observation is correct," EDI replied, "I will arrange to have more drinks brought to Shepard's cabin instead. Although I have never sampled it myself, I have heard that alcohol can have quite a calming effect on the nerves of Organics. Or so the Commander informed me."
"That would be better," Traynor giggled. "Speaking of Shepard, has anyone—?"
Suddenly the cabin door whizzed open and Vega came running in, face ashen with worry.
"Tray!?" His eyes lit up as Miranda and Chakwas pulled back and she spun around. "Dios mio, you look stunning!"
"Thank you, I—So do you. What's happened?" Sam asked, noticing how out of breath he was in his fine new suit, and looking as though he had been running.
I'm sure he wasn't that eager to see my gown.
"It's Shepard. She...well, I think you'd better come take a look yourself," Vega replied, sounding worried.
"But...the dress," Samantha said, staring down at herself. "I can't see her in it...I mean, I have to get ready."
"Take it off," Miranda ordered her, "I need to fix the stitching anyway otherwise you're going to flash the congregation."
"I'll do it," Tali said, placing her champagne (with a straw) down and getting to her feet. "Before I have too much to drink and I'm of no use to anyone."
"I..." Traynor bit her lip, "Ok. Give me a minute, James."
The XO waited outside Shepard's cabin until Traynor changed into something more comfortable (a pair of the Commander's military regs from her wardrobe). They both climbed into the elevator then, and took it down to the Shuttle Bay.
"What's going on?" Traynor asked, concerned.
"Ok, don't be mad, Tray," Vega began, "But we took Shepard out last night on a Stag party...or...well, you know what I mean. A hen party... but with dudes. Anyway...The guys and I took her to Sha'ira the Consorts establishment and—"
"You what!?" Traynor exclaimed, eyes wide. "A brothel!?"
"It's not a brothel, Tray. It's just a...kinda...gentleman's club," Vega chuckled.
The elevator doors sprung open and the two of them alighted.
"Ok, let's say for argument's sake I believe that," Samantha replied, following him to the nearest Alliance Shuttle that he had evidently just vacated moments before. Cortez was still at the helm, engines still running. They jumped inside and it took off, out of the Normandy's bay. "What's this all about? Get to the point, Vega. Good Lord, as if I haven't enough to worry over today. I'm a bag of nerves!"
"Sorry," James apologised. "Ok, so Sha'ira's. We took her there, had some fun. But Sha'ira said something to her that got to her, I could tell. Then Shepard got drunk."
"Big surprise."
"Yeah. She's a bit too dependent on alcohol at the minute. We've all gotten a bit used to it during the war to be honest."
"Here, here," Samantha agreed grimly. "Just tell me what happened, James. Biggest day of my life and everything. I'm stressed out enough as it is. There's crap practically running down my leg this very second, if I'm honest."
Cortez and Vega chuckled.
"Sorry, I know this is your wedding day and all but...I'm worried about her, Samantha," Vega said, looking deeply troubled again. "She seemed perfectly fine last night, laughing and joking, then she woke up this morning and we went to get breakfast. She got quieter and quieter as the day went on, too quiet for Shepard, know what I mean? I told her I'd take her to Admiral Anderson's office to get ready for the big day, but I went to the bathroom before leaving. When I came back she was... she was gone."
"Gone?" Traynor repeated, eyes wide. Her heart stopped.
Doesn't she want to get married anymore!? Good Lord! Am I about to get stood up in front of the entire Galaxy?
"Don't worry," James said quickly, seeing Samantha was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, wondering if the wedding was going to take place now that one of the brides had gone missing. "It took a while but I found her. She wouldn't speak to me though. It was weird. I found her on one of the collapsed sides of the building, just standing there, staring into a vent."
"A vent?"
"Yeah," James sighed, "Weird, right? I couldn't get through to her. It was like she couldn't even hear me. Tray, do you think...do you think she needs to speak to someone...you know...about the war?"
Samantha sighed. She had been wondering this herself recently. It was clear that Commander Shepard was suffering greatly from PTSD, but she would never admit it to herself, or anyone else for that matter. Traynor had seen another side to her the last while, an irritable one. Rather than stop drinking now that the war was over, she seemed to have increased her dosage.
"I do," Traynor agreed sadly. "I really do, James. Truth be told, she's been a bit all over the place. With you one second, and then gone the next."
"It's worked well for me," Vega said, revealing in that moment that he himself had been seeing a psychologist.
"Oh, James! Why didn't you tell anyone?" Samantha gushed, stunned, throwing her arms around him. He hugged her back gratefully, his massive frame stooping low so she could get her arms around him all the way. "I guess I should have known. I'm so sorry."
"Hey, it's fine," he chuckled, "It's helped me out a lot, talking about it though...I guess I didn't say anything because...Well, let's just say I can see why Shepard might be putting off going. In a way, dealing with the aftermath of the war is harder that actually fighting in it. We saw a lot of fucking stuff up there. It sticks with you, man."
Traynor pulled back then, staring up at him with tears in her eyes. She gave him a kind smile and touched his cheek affectionately. "I'm glad it's helping you," she said softly, "I really am. I'm sure it took a lot of guts to go there and talk about things with a complete stranger. Once you open that wound only then can it being to heal."
"It did," James admitted, "It's still healing. I think Shepard needs it too though, Tray. I know you've been trying to get through to her, but maybe now while she's really vulnerable, it's your best shot. She'll speak to you, I know it. Listen to what she has to say. There's definitely a reason for her staring at that vent."
Sam nodded and Vega began to walk again, leading her around the side of the Alliance building. There was Commander Shepard in the distance, standing beside a collapsed section of the dilapidated carcass. James stopped, patted Samantha on the shoulder in encouragement then and left them to it.
"Shepard?" Traynor said softly, walking towards her.
The Commander jumped at the sound of her voice, having not expected to see her today until they were standing at the altar.
"Samantha! What are you—Fuck! It's bad luck to see me before the wedding!" she exclaimed.
"I think we've had all the bad luck we're going to have, darling, don't you?" Traynor giggled.
"I...I suppose," the Commander faltered. She turned away again and began to gaze at the vent of a nearby, collapsed outpost. Traynor sidled up beside her and took her hand.
"Are you ok?" she asked, following her eyes to the seemingly mundane piece of architecture.
The Commander exhaled, looking strained. Her expression became full of regret, and it was a moment or two before she answered.
"What's on your mind?" Samantha asked, wondering if the Commander would tell her this time. To her surprised, Shepard did.
"There...There was a boy," she revealed sadly, "I can't remember if I've told you about him before but...It happened when I was trying to escape Earth. Anderson and I, we came this way to try and find the Normandy, the day the Reapers landed on Earth. I remember hearing something so I doubled back. I thought perhaps another Husk, at first. I...I looked into this vent and...I saw a little boy, no older than 8, hiding...trembling with fear. I offered to help him but..."
The Commander's voice trailed off.
"Is this the boy you've been dreaming about?" Sam asked curiously. Shepard looked surprised that she'd know that. "You talk in your sleep, sweetheart. I'm just putting two and two together."
"Oh...Yes," Shepard admitted, "I've been having nightmares about him since leaving Earth, but...fuck..."
"But what?" Sam prompted, seeing the helpless look in Shepard's eyes. She took a deep breath and shook her head in regret, glancing up at the sky as though seeing it all play out again in front of her. Vancouver held nothing but old memories for her, ones that she would rather forget.
"He didn't listen to me, Samantha. The next time I saw him, he was climbing aboard one of the escape shuttles taking people to safety...It never made it," Shepard continued with great difficulty, "He...never made it."
She closed her eyes tightly and winced, reliving it all again, the grief crashing down upon her in relentless waves. Traynor felt helpless. She squeezed the Commander's scarred hand, letting her know she was there for her.
"I'm sorry. That must have been hard for you to see."
The Commander shook her head again then, this time not in disbelief, but in denial. "That's just the thing though," she said, gritting her teeth. "I-I don't know if I really did see it, Samantha. I don't know if any of it was even real."
"Of course it was!" Sam encouraged, "It's survivors guilt you have, Shepard, that's all. It's completely normal to feel this way!"
"How do I know it wasn't just the Reapers playing tricks on my mind?" Shepard asked helplessly. Evidently this is what she had really been struggling with since the end of the war. She wasn't sure what reality even was any more.
Those Reapers really did a number on you, didn't they, darling?
Traynor placed a comforting hand on her lower back then, caressing it gently, hoping that it would calm her and bring her back. "Look at me," Samantha said. "Look at me!"
She touched Shepard's face and guided it in her direction. Shepard's eyes were bloodshot from the alcohol she had consumed the night before, and empty...dead, like there was nothing behind them apart from the orange glow of her synthetic implants. She had fallen into some state of shock. The trauma she was suffering from was tormenting her, wearing her down relentlessly.
"It's our wedding day," Samantha reminded her gently, "We're getting married today, remember? Isn't this what you wanted?"
"It is," Shepard nodded, "But I'm afraid, Samantha...I...I'm afraid that the person you loved is gone and that all I am now is an empty shell. How could I do that to you?"
Traynor's brown eyes filled with tears then. "You're not an empty shell," she implored, "I can see who you are behind the pain, Shepard, and I promise you, it will get easier. It won't be long before you start to see it yourself, and I will be with you every step of the way."
This seemed to give Shepard a new lease of life. Her unfocused eyes had a bit more about them and she nodded determinedly. Traynor leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her lips, hoping it would suffice. She just couldn't put into words how much she loved her in that moment, but knew there would be time for that later.
"You're right. I..I'm being silly. Let's go get married," Shepard said, meeting Samantha's eyes. She touched the dogtags she had placed around her neck in proposal, in what seemed like another lifetime ago. "The whole universe is waiting for us."
"Well then," Traynor grinned, clutching Shepard's hand close to her heart, and a fierce passion burning in her eyes. "Let's not keep them waiting."
Epilogue
Samantha Traynor lay sprawled on her back atop the lush green grass, staring up at the scarred sky, inhaling the fresh morning air and enjoying the slight breeze as it tickled across her face. It was beautiful here. Peaceful. Best of all peaceful. She couldn't remember the last time she had just...remained still. Done nothing. For once her mind was no longer preoccupied. It was free...and that was...strange. Free. Even now, she couldn't fully come to terms with the concept. Civilian life had taken some getting used to after everything that had happened. Even during the day, in the blinding sun on an island in the Seychelles, the effects of the Reaper War were tauntingly visible, haunting those who couldn't escape them. For there was no escape from them, no matter how much they wanted, and none wanted it more Commander Shepard.
Feeling Shepard's fingers squeeze hers then, Traynor turned to her right and glanced at her through her sunglasses.
"Are you alright, darling?" she asked softly, squeezing her fingers back in response, letting her know she was still by her side. Shepard answered her with a long exhale, her chest rising and falling in once swift motion.
"This is hard," Shepard whispered hoarsely, still staring up at the concoction of firework-like scars that were shimmering through the vast blue above them. A tear trickled down the side of the Commander's face from under her own sunglasses. "I never thought..."
Her voice trailed off. She didn't need to finish the sentence, for Samantha knew what she was thinking.
She never thought she'd see any of this again.
"It's real, Hayley," Samantha consoled her, stroking the back of her hand gently, "It's all real...We made it."
She heard Shepard inhale sharper then, and saw more tears slide out from beneath her spectacles, streaming down the side of her face in streaks. Commander Shepard had completely and utterly broken down. She had nothing left to shield herself with anymore. Her guard was finally gone. Traynor sat up and reached over, taking the woman's glasses off, seeing her emerald green eyes swimming in floods of years worth of pent up emotion. Shepard bit her bottom lip as she cried tears of joy and pain, trying and failing to keep herself together. She wasn't able to bring herself to look at Samantha, instead staring up at the sky as though she had never seen anything so beautiful in all her life.
Without saying a word, Traynor leaned down and pressed her lips against hers, closing her eyes and feeling the Commander calm in her arms. When she opened her eyelids, she found Shepard finally staring back at her, the real Shepard, not the heavily shielded one she had come to know. Shepard touched her cheek, stroking it gently as though not believing Samantha's words even though the proof lay in front of her.
"Real..." she repeated, searching Samantha's soft brown eyes for the truth. Traynor smiled down at her, blinking slowly in response. Finally the Commander grinned, like she never had before, as though the realisation had come to her at last that they were saved.
"You did it," Sam whispered, full of nothing but the utmost admiration for her.
"We did it," the Commander corrected. "Together...We're both Shepards now, don't forget."
Samantha giggled. "That's still going to take some getting used to," she admitted, a little embarrassed. "I don't feel like I'm worthy of such a great name. Everyone in the Galaxy knows who we are...knows what we've done."
"May they never forget it," Shepard said, a familiar shadow crossing her face then, "For I won't."
"I know, darling," Sam said, fiddling with the Commander's short red hair. "I know you won't...But I'm going to help you try nonetheless."
Shepard grew distant then, clamming up. She had been like this ever since the wedding and Samantha knew it was her PTSD, attacking her, killing every fleeting feeling of happiness that surged up through the blackness and filling her with doubt and regret. Thankfully Shepard had begun to get some counselling at Samantha's bequest. Doctor Chakwas agreed to do it, as she was the only medically-trained person Shepard completely trusted. It had helped a little, but it was a long process, and she still suffered on days like today when it all became too much for her. Samantha released her then, and lay back down on the grass, allowing the Commander to sit up straight, withdrawing from her as she did every time she could feel the Reapers creeping back up on her.
"I'll never be free of them completely, will I?" Shepard's hoarse voice asked, as she leaned on her knees, pulling bits of the grass up out of the soil.
Sam stared her back, seeing the Commander creek her neck uncomfortably, as stress stole yet another precious moment away from them.
"No," she admitted, wishing she could have given her a better answer. Sam began to well up a little herself then, as she lay her head back down on the grass, resuming her gaze up into space. "They'll always be a part of you..."
"Then what's the point in any of this, Samantha?" Shepard sighed, shaking her head. "I won everyone's life back but my own."
"And that's why we're going to make a new one."
The Commander turned back to her then, wondering what she meant. "I don't want...I mean...I don't think I could bring a child into this world, Samantha, if that's what you mean, especially not a child bearing the name of Shepard."
Sam scoured the sun through her shades. "It isn't," she promised, having already had this conversation before when they were on their short honeymoon and knowing Hayley would have loved to give her one. Only problem was Shepard didn't have the emotional availability to raise a child now, thanks to all that she had been through. "I meant for ourselves," Samantha continued, "We're going to make a new life for ourselves."
"I'm an old soldier, Sam," Shepard replied, "A relic. I'm broken...I don't think there's anything that can fix that."
"You're wrong," Sam said, getting to her feet then and smiling. "I know something that will."
She was staring at a visitor in the distance, one that she had been expecting all day. Confused, the Commander followed, jogging across the garden after her to the white picket fence that surrounded them. Her vision wasn't as long-sighted as it had been before the war, retinas scarred by Reaper beams. Samantha watched her approach, and saw as the realisation of what Shepard was seeing then registered in her eyes. The Commander fell to her knees, holding out her arms as a majestic German Shepherd puppy bounded across the garden towards her, its ears flopping comically at having been let off the leash by Doctor Chakwas. Shepard was knocked over by the force, and the dog began to lick her face over and over, making her laugh like Samantha had never heard her laugh before. She rolled around on the grass, rubbing the little dog's belly and allowing it to nip her hand playfully, growling at her.
"She's amazing!" Shepard gushed, looking suddenly more carefree again. "What's her name?"
"You tell me," Doctor Chakwas said, having finally caught up with them. "She's yours."
"Mine?"
Shepard laughed and got to her feet then, with the puppy still jumping and bounding all over, already in love with her.
"Ours," Samantha corrected, wearing a huge grin. "I arranged for Karin to find one while we were on our honeymoon."
"It took a little longer than expected," Chakwas informed them, "but finally we got there. Good timing too seeing as you have just moved into your new place."
Shepard looked from one to the other then met Samantha's eyes. Suddenly she jumped to her feet and scooped Samantha off hers, spinning her around before kissing her full on the lips, trying to put her thanks into words. Sam's heart fluttered as she stood in her embrace, and she felt the knee-high dog jump up and down around them, seemingly happy with its new owners. Doctor Chakwas chuckled.
"I'll leave you three to it," she said contentedly. "I just came by to drop her off. Joker's waiting for me in the Normandy. We'll give you some time alone to get settled."
"Thanks, Karin. We'll see you soon," Sam said.
"Wait!" Shepard called, as she went to walk away. Chakwas turned back. Without another word, Shepard flung her arms around the old woman and hugged her dearly. Doctor Chakwas looked stunned at first, but that soon turned to happiness, and she closed her eyes, smiling at the affectionate gesture.
"Thank you," Shepard said. "For everything. You've been there from day one. I couldn't have done it alone."
"I know you have another mother, Commander," Chakwas said tearfully, "But I've always considered you something of a daughter myself."
"I know," Shepard replied truthfully, "And thank you."
"You've made me so proud," the doctor gushed.
"I'm glad. You and Admiral Anderson have done more for me than anyone in my entire life. I wouldn't be here without you, Karin," Shepard said, her voice cracking with emotion.
Samantha couldn't believe Shepard was finally opening up. It was wonderful to see the true woman under all that armor finally rise to the surface and show herself. She watched as the Doctor bade her goodbyes while looking rather tearful, and then Samantha found herself wrapped in her wife's arms again, the two of them alone in the garden with their new dog for company.
"So what do you think?" Samantha asked, as she stood in the Commander's embrace, their faces resting together intimately.
"I can't believe you did this," Shepard smiled, "It's been a long time since I've had something that resembles a real family, Samantha. I'm...overwhelmed."
"Let's name our new baby, shall we?" Sam joked. They both stared down at the hyperactive puppy who was barking at them, demanding their attention. "What do you think? Is she a Lady? A Cody? Or how about a Wrex?"
They both laughed.
"Definitely not a Wrex...Let's see...How about...Legion?" Shepard suggested, kneeling down and taking the dogs face in her hands.
The German Shepherd barked in response.
"Legion it is," Samantha chuckled, taking that as a yes. "Legion Shepard."
"This unit does have a soul," Shepard muttered quietly, almost to herself.
Legion barked again and when the Commander straightened up, bounded away, running across the garden towards the white house in the distance. The dog picked up a stick that had fallen from the tree, and brought it back to Shepard, who immediately took it and began to play. Samantha leaned against the white picket fence, and watch from afar, smiling to herself, unable to believe that everything she had hoped for since leaving Earth had come true. The little nerd who had found herself aboard the Normandy by nothing more than chance had succeeded against all odds and won her heart's desire. Commander Shepard was hers, for the rest of their lives. They had survived the war. They were now a family. And nothing, not even the blasted Reapers, could take that away from them.