Thanks for reading and please do review.

The storm had finally arrived and Alex lay there and listened to thunder that sounded as if the whole sky was being ripped apart. She had woken moments before, her head feeling like it was wrapped in cotton wool and her cheeks still stiff from salted tears knowing she wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep. The rain that was steadily falling through their meagre chimney had made small work of their fire and she couldn't see her hand in front of her face let alone what the weather was doing to the outside; she prayed for a moment that her bees would be okay. The wind rattled round and through the house and she burrowed further down under their blankets seeking the body heat of Olivia beside her. She marvelled that Olivia could sleep through what felt like the second coming.

After sobbing on her shoulder for hours Alex had finally cried herself to sleep, too exhausted to think or feel anything more that day. Lying there now, in the cocoon of the storm, she couldn't help but start to turn over her old worries, as if crying had only helped ease the superficial cut and not the underlying wound. The wind that had once sounded comforting was now imprisoning and she started to worry that in telling Olivia her fears the older woman would feel obligated to stop them. That she wouldn't want to be intimate again and would stay out of pity or that she would and it would somehow confirm that she was only there for one thing. Alex turned them over in her head until it felt as if the room was spinning and the darkness was suffocating her. She couldn't decide which was worse; what she wanted Olivia to do and hated how dependent she had become.

Her thoughts and uneven breathing were broken when a flash of light suddenly lit up the room and the thunder that followed was so loud it managed to finally wake Olivia.

'Huh wha…'

'It's just the storm Liv, it's decided to arrive.' Alex said, laughing breathlessly at her own pounding heart and rolling onto her side towards Olivia. She felt the brunet snuggle back down beneath the blankets and thought for a moment that she had gone directly back to sleep until her sleepy voice interrupted the rain.

'You been awake long?'

'A while I guess,' Alex replied speaking in whispers to match the dark.

Although Olivia couldn't see her face she had become adept at listening to Alex's tone and knew immediately that something wasn't right. 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing…'

'You sound upset.' Olivia said managing to sound soft even in a whisper.

'I was just thinking.'

'Anything in particular?'

Alec remained silent for a moment. She didn't want to bore Olivia with the same conversation they'd had that night, with her neediness, but at the same time she found herself needing comfort and reassurance. Feeling happy that Olivia couldn't see the blush on her cheeks she asked quietly, 'was errrm… was the other day… like I mean in the bath… good for you?'

Olivia smiled to hear Alex start the conversation she had been dying to have since they had gone to sleep that night. 'It was amazing Lex.'

'Good.' Alex said shortly rolling on to her back.

'Was it good for you?' Olivia asked, in part because she wanted to continue the conversation and because she feared that Alex regretted what had happened. She smiled hearing her response.

'Yeah it was good… really good.'

'You said you'd never had an orgasm before.'

Alex felt her face grow even hotter and squirmed uncomfortably at how blunt Olivia was being. She wished she hadn't told her that part. 'I told you I've never been with anyone.'

'Not even by yourself?' Olivia wasn't going to let this go.

'No.'

'You should try it sometime.'

Alex didn't answer. Being with Olivia was about love and desire. Being with herself just felt wrong somehow, almost dirty.

'I do.'

'What.' Alex couldn't help but break her silence.

'Women who share our… proclivities can be hard to find. So yeah, I take care of myself. It's a great way to get to know your own body Lex.'

Alex raised herself up on to her elbow and looked down at where she felt Olivia to be. While the thought of touching herself was uncomfortable, the thought of Olivia doing the same was uncomfortable in an entirely different way. She unconsciously began rubbing her thighs together as she imaged how wet Olivia would be, the noises she would make. Not five minutes ago she had been worrying that sleeping with Olivia again would be too much. Now such thoughts were long gone. She didn't care what being with Olivia would mean only that she wanted to.

'Show me?'

'What?' now it was Olivia's turn to be confused.

'Show me how you do it.' The dark had made Alex bold and even though she was still blushing she felt a thrill run through her body at being in control.

'You want me to touch you again?' Olivia asked.

'No. I want you to touch yourself.'

Olivia was silent for so long that Alex thought she had crossed a line and biting her lip was about to apologise. She let out an audible sigh of relief when Olivia spoke again.

'You can't see me.'

'Then describe it.'

Olivia lay there considering what to do. She wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea. To her, masturbation was something to be done alone, there was no need when one had a partner and the thought of talking wasn't great either. She only really liked it if she was the one being talked to. But on the other hand if it would help make Alex more comfortable in her own skin it would be worth it. And she had to admit that the thought of the blonde getting turned on watching her was a turn on in its self.

Clearing her throat she started self-consciously, 'I'm running my hands down my body. Really lightly, over my stomach, my legs.

Alex lay on her side, with her head propped up on her elbow. She couldn't really see Olivia but she could feel her body move beside her and hear her shallow breathing. 'Then what?'

'I close my eyes and touch myself harder.'

'What are you thinking of?'

'You watching me.'

'What do you normally think of?'

'Old partners, people I wanted to be with.'

'Me?'

'No.'

Alex narrowed her eyes, 'why not.'

'It felt wrong. Like I was taking advantage.'

'And if I gave you permission?'

Olivia felt her breathing grow deeper and it felt as she was floating in the darkness. The storm outside was still raging but it felt muted and her senses were heighted, the feel of her rough fingers moving over the soft skin of stomach and the heat from Alex hitting her side. 'Then I'd think of you.'

Alex smiled slightly, 'what am I doing?'

'You're lying on top of me,' it was easy for Olivia to let herself imagine what she had wanted so many times. 'You're kissing me, biting my lip and I can feel your breasts against mine.'

'You reach up and pull my nipple lightly, rubbing it in your fingers.' Olivia's hand mirrored her words and Alex felt her move beside her and her small gasp of pleasure fill the air.

'You straddle my hips and you're wet already, rubbing against my stomach as you bite my neck, whispering in my ear.'

Alex wanted to know what she was saying but didn't want to break the fantasy Olivia was having. She rubbed her own thighs together trying to get rid of the ache between them but hearing Olivia moan only made the throbbing get worse and a flood wetness coat her legs.

'You put a finger inside me and I can't help but raise my hips as you thrust it in and out; too slow, you're making me wait.'

'I'm teasing you.' Alex couldn't help but ask before she could stop herself.

'It feels so good and I can't…. God. You add another finger and you get faster, sucking at my breasts till they hurt and…. Fuck.'

Olivia was panting now, barely able to get the words out between the slight mewls of pleasure. If she wasn't so far gone she might have been embarrassed by the wet noises coming from her pussy as her fingers moved faster and harder till she pounding her hand between her legs; her back arching off the bed.

Alex was breathing as hard as Olivia and the noises were only making her wetter till she began to feel light headed. She edged her body closer to Olivia till her whole side was touching soft skin and her hardened nipples brushed against Olivia's arm.

The feeling of the warm damp curls hitting her hip was too much for her. Crying out Olivia felt her walls clamp down her fingers as a rushing noise filled her ears and the feeling was so intense she felt sure she was about to pass out.

Before she had fully come down from her high she rolled off her back and raised herself over Alex. Without her usual concern and apprehension she crashed her mouth down on hers, pulling her tongue inside. Rolling on top of Alex she took her fingers, already wet with her own juices and plunged them inside the blonde.

Alex didn't know what was happening when she felt Olivia move but as soon as her mouth attached itself to hers she was more than happy for anything to happen. She was turned on to the point of pain and so when Olivia thrust her fingers inside in one smooth motion the sharp sting of her muscles being stretched was soon lost in the filling of being filled and every spot being hit. She moved her hips to match Olivia's pace and it only took a couple of hard, bruising strokes, for her to shudder and cry out into Olivia's mouth.

They lay for a moment, waiting till their panting returned to normal and with small kisses all over her face Olivia made sure Alex was okay.

She winced slightly when Olivia removed her fingers and wondered what Olivia was doing when she moved her hand to her mouth. Reaching up Alex took her arm and pulled it away, realising with shock that Olivia had been licking her fingers clean. However instead of the disgust she expected to feel she felt curious at what her juices would taste like; remembering with a pang of arousal that those fingers had been side Olivia as well.

Olivia gasped when she felt Alex flick out her tongue and taste the wetness that coated them. She licked them slowly and with light touches that reminded Olivia of a kitten before she pulled them into her mouth, sucking gently and running her tongue all over, using it split them. The sensation and surprise caused Olivia to cum gently again, amazed that her body had anything left to give. The small spasm sent a trickle of wetness down her thighs to land on Alex's mound and her own arms collapsed beneath her till she was lying completely on top of the younger woman.

Pulling her fingers free, gaining a moan of disapproval of Alex, she rolled off and lay beside her, still breathing heavily and feeling her thighs grow sticky. The storm was long forgotten as their arousal lay heavy in the air.

'Are you okay?' Olivia asked when the post orgasm haze had worn off.

'Yeah.' Alex replied with a small chuckle.

'I didn't hurt you.'

'What?'

'I mean… that was okay. I got a little carried away and I didn't mean to…'

Alex rolled over and into Olivia's side, resting her head on her chest, 'it was perfect Liv. I'd tell you if it wasn't. I promise.'

Olivia bit her lip slightly but nodded after a moment.

'Do they always feel like that?' Alex asked after a while.

'What feel like what?'

Alex felt herself blush again, 'orgasms. I mean I've only had two but they were….mind blowing.'

Olivia couldn't help but feel a little smug, 'No they don't always feel like that. They very in strength and are rarely that strong; at least for me.'

'I've barely even touched you.'

Olivia laughed and Alex heard it deep in her chest, 'Exactly! It's different because you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen and I love you.'

'You love me.' Alex said dubiously, still struggling to believe it however many times Olivia had said it.

'More than anyone.'

Alex hated how vulnerable and needy she sounded, especially after how happy she had been just seconds ago, but she couldn't help but ask. 'Sometimes I don't know who I am. What's my…. upbringing and what's me. How can you love me, when I don't even know who me is?'

Olivia was quiet for a time, her hand absentmindedly trailing down the ridges of Alex's spine. 'I love the you,' she finally said, 'that takes half an hour to get up. I love the you that is probably thinking about the bees right now.' Alex couldn't help but chuckle slightly remembering her earlier prayer. 'I love the you that went to save her brother. It may take time to discover all the small details Lex but believe me, you're more than what he raised you to be.'

Alex found herself unable to respond due to the lump in her throat so settled for nuzzling her face against Olivia's collar bone and kissing the skin there lightly.

'Do you love me?' Olivia asked after a time with a vulnerability Alex had rarely heard in her voice.

She raised herself on to her elbow slightly and blindly leaned in till her lips pressed against Olivia's, trying to put all her emotion into one small action.

'Of course. More than anyone.'