WARNING: RATING FOR THIS CHAPTER IS MATURE (unsure if it's actually necessary but best to be on the safe side)

Angst

EPOV

Over the fortnight following mine and Bella's very successful date we fail to find time for another one as a result of our busy schedules. While Bella's new job is going well, formally she's only just finished her training period, and since one of my colleagues has been out with the flu I've had to pull quite a few extra shifts.

When I'm not working Bella comes over in the evenings, and we cook dinner and tuck Lily in together, but Bella always has to leave too soon after. Nonetheless we've still managed to fit in another few angsty make-out sessions on my sofa when we're sure Lily's asleep. It's lucky that she's a lot better at keeping her head when we're together than I am. The last time she was here I practically begged her to stay the night. I can't help it. Our hot and heavy make-out sessions are leaving me highly frustrated, and not even taking care of myself in the shower seems to be doing me much good.

On Friday night I get home from the hospital around midnight, relieving Alice from her babysitting duties. Lily has of course been asleep for hours by now, but I poke my head in to check on her before heading back downstairs to make myself a sandwich before I go to bed. The colleague I've been covering for is finally better and has agreed to take my shift on Sunday so I have the entire weekend off. I'm planning to take Lily to the zoo tomorrow. A thought springs to mind and I pull out my phone, sleepily dialling the familiar number.

The dial tone continues for so long that I'm about to hang up when she finally answers.

"Hello?" she asks groggily.

"Hey, it's me," I say.

"Edward? Have you any idea what time it is?" Bella asks grumpily.

I glance at my watch. It's almost twelve thirty. Oops.

"Crap! Sorry Bella, I just got in and I didn't think about how late it was. I'm sorry for waking you. We can talk tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Wait!" she calls. "You've woken me now. Talk to me."

I smile at the eagerness in her voice. "I was calling to say that I'm taking Lily to the zoo tomorrow and I was wondering if you'd like to come with us."

"I'd love to," she says and I can hear the excitement in her voice. "Lily loves the zoo."

"It sounds like she's not the only one," I laugh, picturing Bella excitedly running from one exhibit to the next.

She laughs with me, and then yawns loudly.

"Go back to sleep, B," I tell her. "I'll pick you up tomorrow at ten."

"'Night Edward," she says.

"Sweet dreams," I wish her, before hanging up and heading up to my own bed, looking forward to spending tomorrow with my two favourite girls.

I pick Bella up from Charlie's house at ten as promised, Lily chattering away happily in the backseat about all the animals she's going to see. The sun is shining and there's not a single cloud in the sky.

Bella rushes out of the house almost as soon as I pull up, looking beautiful as usual in casual blue jean shorts, converse and a purple v-neck t-shirt that hugs her curves, her mahogany hair falling down her back in loose, natural curls. She looks more like a college student than a mom and I'm reminded again of just how young she was when she had Lily.

She opens up the back door with a bright 'good morning' and ducks her head in to smother Lily in kisses before coming around to the passenger side door.

"Good morning to you to," I say, turning my head for my own kiss, but Bella dodges ever so slightly so that my lips land on her cheek rather than her lips. I try not to feel offended.

"Let's get going," she says excitedly. "I can't wait to see the monkeys, Lil', what about you?" She glances in the rear view mirror and enters into an enthusiastic and energetic discussion with our daughter.

By the time we arrive at the zoo an hour later I have not one, but two rippling balls of energy in my car, and their excitement in contagious.

Against Bella's protests I pay for our entry tickets and we grab a map of the various exhibitions.

"Where do we wanna start?" I ask.

"Monkeys!" Lily squeals.

"Uh, hold your horses," Bella stops us. "Sunscreen first," she says pulling two bottles from her bag, one for kids and one for adults. I blush a little. I hadn't thought of that.

Bella applies the lotion to Lily's exposed arms, legs and face while I do myself, and then I try not to watch as she rubs the cream up and down her own long, enticing legs.

"Monkeys now then," I announce when she's done, and we head off hand in hand in the direction of the furry animals that have my daughter and my unofficial girlfriend so fascinated.

The first enclosure we come upon is filled with white-headed capuchins, tiny little monkeys like the ones in Friends. Lily pulls her hands from mine and Bella's and runs right up to the edge, pressing her face against the glass, where one of the monkeys notices her and takes it upon himself to come right up to the other side of the glass to entertain her.

"What is it with monkeys anyway? Is there some back story?" I ask Bella, reaching out to take her now vacant hand in my own. She looks surprised for a second, then gives my hand a gentle squeeze and lets it fall with a conflicted expression.

"No back story," she says. "We just love monkeys. I think they remind us of Emmett."

"Bella..." I start to ask.

"Come on," she interrupts, "I want to see the flamingos next."

We enjoy the rest of the day visiting the elephants, lions, snakes and every other type of exotic animal you can think of. Although the monkeys had been Lily's favourite at the start of the day, she and Bella spend at least a half hour watching the penguins in their icy enclosure, laughing at the way they walk and entertaining themselves trying to mimic them. Bella treats us to lunch at the zoo cafe and it seems like the perfect family day out.

Except it seems to me like Bella's keeping her distance from me. Every time that I try to so much as touch her during the day she manoeuvres away or busies herself with Lily. It makes me nervous. Maybe she's having second thoughts about dating me. Maybe she doesn't want anything more with me and just wants to go back to being friends. And if that's what it is I'd rather that she tell me now for Lily's sake.

But then there are moments when I catch her looking at me with this indescribable look on her face and I can't imagine how we could go back to just being friends and co-parents.

It's late afternoon when we decide that we've seen everything and tuck Lily into her booster seat, proudly wearing her brand new penguin cap from the zoo gift shop, for the drive back to Forks.

When we've pulled out onto the highway I put my hand on Bella's knee and ask, "Did you ladies have a good day?"

Lily starts to answer but I'm distracted by Bella lifting my hand in hers and moving it back onto the clutch with a cautious look at Lily and a glare in my direction.

"Edward, when we get back you and I need to have a talk," she says quietly, trying to keep her voice down so that Lily can't hear her.

I swallow the lump in my throat and give a quick nod, staring straight ahead at the road. I'm getting dumped before we've even had a real relationship.

We pick up a pizza for dinner on the way home, both of us feeling too exhausted to have to start cooking, and since it's still early when we're finished eating, we sit down together to watch Madagascar, Lily's new favourite movie.

It's not long however before the excitement of the day catches up to her, and she falls asleep between me and Bella.

"How about you take her up?" Bella suggests, pushing her daughter's hair off her forehead to place a kiss there.

I try not to worry about this break in our somewhat routine of tucking Lily in together when we can, and lift Lily into my arms as if she weighed nothing. I carry her up the stairs and try not to wake her as I change her into her pyjamas. I tuck her in with a kiss on her forehead and head back downstairs.

When I arrive back into the sitting room I find that Bella has opened a bottle of white wine and poured us both a glass. At least I know she isn't planning on taking off right away.

I sit down next to her and she hands me a glass, taking her own in her right hand while resting her hand on my thigh, touching me in a way that she herself had been shying away from all day.

"I don't get it Bella, are you breaking up with me?" I ask anxiously.

"Breaking up with you?" she asks, surprised. "Edward, we've been on one date."

I feel the tips of my ears get a little hot.

"But that's not what this is about," she adds.

"Then what is it?" I ask curiously. "Any time I've been near you today you've practically run away."

"I'm not running away now, am I?" she says teasingly.

"No," I say suspiciously. "So why are you so hot and cold then?"

"Think about it Edward," she encourages. "What was the common denominator today?"

I think about it for a minute, confused. And then a light bulb goes on in my head and I slap myself on the forehead for my idiocy. "Lily," I say.

"Exactly," she says, patting my thigh. "This is new Edward. Very new. And kids are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for. We have to be careful with what she sees."

"Well, so what?" I say, still a little confused. "Lily might as well get used to seeing us together. New or not, I plan on this lasting a long time."

Bella lets her hair fall down over her face a little, trying to cover her blush, but I push it back behind her ears, my thumb grazing her cheekbone, trying to convey to her with my eyes that I mean what I say.

"You say that now," she says quietly. "And I want this to work out Edward, but we can't know what the future will bring. All I know is that if anything were to go wrong I don't want Lily to get her heart broken. I'd rather she was the child of two idiotic teenagers who had a stupid one night stand than the child of a broken home, the child of two parents who can't stand to be in the same room as each other. At least if she doesn't see us together romantically then she might not notice if it all goes to shit."

I try not to let it upset me that Bella has doubts when I feel so sure about us. But part of me also suspects that this has as much to do with her own parents' divorce as her worries for Lily's situation. Of course she wants better for her own daughter. I can respect that maybe she's right about keeping Lily in the dark about our relationship, at least for a little while.

"She won't be either," I say confidently. "She'll be the child of two loving parents in a loving home, I know it. But if you want us to keep our relationship hidden from her for now, then we'll do that. I'll follow your lead, B."

"Thank you," she whispers, taking both our wine glasses and placing them carefully on the coffee table, before leaning back into me, taking my face in both her hands and kissing me deeply.

I kiss her back, knotting my hands in her hair, and as usual the air around us quickly becomes heavy. I lick her bottom lip and she opens up to give me access. Our tongues fight for dominance and I remove my left hand from her hair and trail it down her body, electricity sparking with every inch I cover. I reach her thigh and curl my hand around it, pulling it over my legs so that she's hovering just above me, straddling me.

She moans sexily and I remove my mouth from hers, trailing kisses up and down her neck, her skin scorching where it meets my tongue. I nip gently at the spot just above her collarbone and she pulls me back to her mouth greedily. She tugs forcefully on the hair at the back of my neck, making me shiver.

I pull her hips down so that they're flush with mine, and when the hottest part of her comes in contact with my growing erection we both moan loudly.

I grind into her and let both my hands, resting on her hips, travel upwards again. I trail my fingers lazily over her love handles, running them across her stomach back and forth under her t-shirt, determined to feel every inch of her skin.

I grind into her again just as my thumb brushes the underside of her breast. She gasps loudly again and arches her back, thrusting her breast further into my hand. I reach around to unhook her bra when suddenly she yanks away from me as if pulled by an invisible rope.

I reach out for her but she puts out a hand to stop me. She breathes heavily, her arms coming up to cross over her heaving chest. She attempts to steady her breathing, the room still buzzing with electricity, exhales deeply and picks up her wine glass, downing the entire contents in a single gulp, then reaching out and downing my glass too.

I'm still in a lust-induced daze as she walks over and falls into the armchair on the opposite end of the room.

"Maybe this is something we should talk about too," she says, still gasping for air.

"Sure," I say breathlessly, getting up to make my way over to her.

"Nuh-uh, mister," she says in a strict voice, pushing herself further into the cushions to distance herself from me, "you stay right there where you can't distract me with your wandering hands."

"Okay," I laugh, falling back down onto the sofa.

"I feel like we need to have a chaperone or something," she says, putting her head in her hands and digging her thumbs into her eyes as if to wake herself up.

"We're both consenting adults Bella," I say, amused.

"Two consenting adults with no self control," she grumbles.

"Self control is overrated," I say, moving to get up again.

"You stay there!" she almost yells.

I ignore her, and get up to come and kneel on the floor beside her chair, lifting her hand and kissing it. "No. I don't want to control myself around you Bella. I wanted you so badly even before we slept together that first time, Bella. I've waited a long time to feel the connection that I felt to you that night. I've never had that with anyone else and I don't want to wait to feel it again Bella."

"I do, Edward," she whispers, and when she lifts her head her eyes are shining with tears. "I don't want you to think I don't have those feelings for you 'cause I do but we did everything wrong last time. I...I want it to work this time. I never thought I would have this chance again, and now that I do I want us to do it right. I don't want to rush it. I want us to take our time and enjoy getting to know one another. It might sound stupid but I just don't want us to crash and burn because we tried to run before we could walk."

I pull her into my arms and hug her, stroking her hair, before pulling back and looking her in the eyes. "I'll give you whatever you want, Bella," I tell her. "We'll go as fast or as slow as you want to, but no matter how fast or slow we go, it will work this time." I stroke her hair back from her face and kiss her tenderly.

We're both silent for a few minutes.

"You know it was my first time with you," she says quietly, blushing a little.

"I know," I say. "And I'm sorry it happened like that. You deserved better. But I'm not sorry I was your first."

"Me either," she smiles, squeezing my hand.

"And Edward, when we do have sex, no surprises this time. As much as I love Lily, I am not ready for another baby," she adds.

"Are you taking birth control?" I ask, a little embarrassed.

"I was on the pill before," she says blushing again, and I have to admit it makes me more than a little uncomfortable to talk about her using birth control, knowing that it was so she could be with some other man. "But I came off it like a year and a half ago."

"Okay," I say, playing absentmindedly with her fingers. "I can't actually get you a prescription myself but I'll get you an appointment with one of the physicians. And I'll make sure I have condoms with me everywhere I go," I add laughing. "No matter when or where it happens this time we'll be ready."

"Thanks," she says, relieved.

I pull her back over to the sofa where there's more space for the two of us and we spend a little while longer cuddling and kissing innocently, before she gets up to leave.

"You've been drinking," I say pointedly.

"Not that much," she says, but she sounds nervous and her eyes go distant and I know she's thinking about the accident.

"You should stay here tonight."

"I don't want Lily to question why I'm here in the morning," she protests.

"Don't be stupid," I answer. "There's a guest bedroom upstairs, you can stay there if you don't want to stay with me. We can set an alarm and tell Lily you came over for breakfast. Or just tell her you fell asleep on the sofa. She's not old enough to question what we've been up to."

Bella gives in fairly easily and we go upstairs to get ready for bed. She follows me into my room and I look for a t-shirt for her to sleep in.

"I like your room," she comments, looking around at the navy comforter and curtains and the dark wood furniture. "Very manly."

"I think it could use a woman's touch," I say teasingly, pulling her in for one last kiss.

I show her to the guest bedroom where I've thankfully remembered to change the sheets since Rosalie and Emmett stayed.

"Night," I whisper, and kiss her cheek.

I go back to my room, get into bed and pull the covers up to my chin, trying to get comfortable.

After an hour of lying on my back staring at the ceiling it seems like sleep is determined to evade me. It feels unnatural to have Bella so close and yet be unable to touch her. I turn over for the hundredth time.

There's a timid knock on the door, and it opens.

Bella comes in, looking like sin in my t-shirt that hangs to her mid-thigh, exposing the rest of her legs to me. It seems she's had the same problem with sleeping as I have. Wordlessly, I move over and pull the covers back.

She closes the door behind her and slides in beside me, burying into my chest.

She falls asleep quickly with her head on my heart, and I fall easily into a deep sleep not long after.

Sorry if you're disappointed :/ I'm not good at writing lemons/angst and I'm not all that happy with this chapter. Tell me if it's a pile of crap and maybe I'll delete it.