Chapter 34

Michelle POV

I've only been in my room for a day but it feels like a month; every muscle is sore and people come in and out of the room in a blur. Tim, Sam, Kim and Emily are the only ones that have come in. I act normal around them but my body is numb and my chest is heaving with pain; my wolf hiding away and not voicing any opinion or advice – leaving me alone in the overly bright room.

My last convocation with Tim has bought hope though; he said he could calm the imprint bond so I can get over the pain by myself and be able to get around normally without the weak limbs and excruciating emptiness. He didn't say about the cons of what will happen with the imprint bond when it's numbed but I don't care; anything to calm the pain. I haven't heard Paul come into the house but Jared has mentioned to Sam about letting Paul speak to me, resulting in Jared being kicked from the house.

As I lie on my back looking up at the ceiling, I wonder what I've done to deserve this pain…But I can't think of an answer but I realize that all this moping won't get me anywhere, will it? I can hear Emily, Sam and Tim in the kitchen, no one else around. They've properly gave up on talking to me and left me to it.

Then it clicks.

Bella went through something like this and she found happiness didn't she? But surely the lesson I've learned from Bella is not to let the pain take over, get on with life and do not mope. Then a memory of a year ago comes to mind when I didn't care, I got on with life; I lived in peace with two close friends and my brother. I remember when I fought with Lauren in the corridor and didn't care about anything and didn't feel anything; I fought with instinct and not for emotion. Since when have I become so weak? So emotional?

Shaking my head, I get up from my bed. Walking into my wardrobe, pulling out my thigh high grey heel boots, short light pink flower dress that just covers my arse and I put on my mum's lucky locket that has a picture of the dogs we used to have as pets when I was little, one died when I was five and the other when I was ten.

Quickly straightening my shaggy brown hair, I place a cream coloured bow headband into my hair. My face looks pale as I put blushed, eyeliner, eye shadow and mascara on to give a smoky look. I add bright red lipstick to my lips. Looking at myself in the mirror, I look ready to street race but I placed money down my dress; I get stopped by a knock at the door as my heart starts thumping with adrenaline.

"Yes?" I answer but then remember that my room is soundproof. Opening the door, Jake is outside with Quil. Smiling at them, the smile feels cold on my face but strangely right as I lead them into my room, "What can I do for you, lads?"

They look at each other then back at me as if I'm crazy, "There is a bon fire. We want to know if you want to come?" Jake asks, as I nod.

"Yeah I'll come. Who's phased? I heard howls." I say, grabbing my phone that has hundreds of messages from the girls and the equal amount of missed calls and voicemails.

"Colin and Brady." Quil answers, "Are you alright, El? With Paul and all… He'll be there."

"I don't give a fuck, Quil. Paul made his choice and I've made mine to move on." I say confidently as he grins and bumps my shoulder; I know I have said a correct answer, "I'm going out after though." I announce. Jake nods knowing I'm talking about racing. He doesn't look convinced about my choice but he holds his tongue. They both seem to take the pain away from the imprint pull as they talk about general rubbish which sooths my mind as we walk out of my room and out of the house.

"Everyone is already there." Quill announces as he get into Jake's car.

"We'll walk." Jake speaks, as I nod to Quil who drives away, "Don't fuck with me, Michelle. He's your other half and you act as if he means nothing to you? That he made a choice? Tell me the truth, Michelle!"

"I'm fed up of feeling. I was too emotional. I will get over the pain my own way, Jake!" I don't mention the weird comforting pull towards Tim or the way I want to beat the shit out of my ex-boyfriend, "I'm going to end it. I can't trust him, Jake." He wraps a comforting arm around my shoulders as the beach comes into sight, "He can start a relationship with Jodie for all I care. Racing will put my mind at rest for awhile. Hopefully start getting enough money to get my own place; move away if I can."

"It will hurt you. The imprint pull?"

"Tim said he can numb the pull. I want to do it, Jake. I need to get over the betray by my own before adding the pain of the imprint pull. I can't be with someone I can't trust; not until I have the strength to listen to the entire story. I mean they have a house to do all their sex in for crying out loud!" I say, my voice getting louder, "Jared knew all along. I saw him go past me when I saw the house."

"The house was for you two, Michelle. He wanted you to move in with you." Jake mutters, as I look at him; my eyes filling with tears, "He built the house from scratch and for the pass month has been working so hard to give it to you for a birthday present."

"What?!" I sob. He nods as I stare off, completely confused, "Yeah right. You're just saying that, Jake! Go fuck yourself if you think I'm going to get back with the lying bastard. My mum would want me to be strong and move on, like she did with my dad. And I'm going to start by not feeling and first of all not bloody crying all the time!"

I turn away from him and walk quickly to the beach. He walks behind as I feel his eyes on my back. The bonfire is like normal, logs surrounding it. All the elders are on the log on my left; the imprints on the log in front and the wolves on the log on my right. Some on the floor but they seem to be in sections.

Adam and Declan are on the bench, their back to me; Tim with them. Lauren is with Adam but Leah is at the end of the long, next to Tim who's separating Declan from her. They look up when I approach; Tim giving me a wink and Leah giving me a proud grin. She also has on a tight blue body-con dress on and six inch black heels. Her hair is straight and her eyes are smoky like mine, her lips natural though.

I sit down next to her so I'm in between her and Tim. I feel everyone's eyes on me but I look at Tim and give him a soft smile, his hand give a light squeeze on my right shoulder as Leah gives me an encouraging pat on my thigh. I can see Beth rubbing her slight baby bump as I beam at the elders. Clare is on Sue's lap as she runs to jump on my lap. Kissing her forehead, she takes away all the pain or maybe Tim is secretly doing that spell thing? Looking at him, he grins crookedly at me and removes his hand from my shoulder. Jake sits with the pack that I'm refusing to look at. I wink at the girls before Billy starts the stories I've heard a million times before…

XXX

I sit in silence; watching as everyone interacts with others. Leah and I are the only ones not moving, only watching. I can feel Paul's eyes on me, never leaving me but I can also hear him talking to Jared but I don't listen in. My mind is miles away, thinking back to how happy I used to be when I wasn't in a relationship; only crushing on men:

Would my life be different if I didn't date Paul? If I didn't phase would I be happier? I should have left when mum died - like I planned - or would I have still be as miserable as I am now?

I snap out of my thoughts by Leah's voice.

"Want to go to a club I found a week back? Get smashed and find some cute guy or girl to fuck?" Leah speaks, her voice loud as everyone turns this way, she's busy staring into the fire, "Maybe start drugs? Or run away? Hell, maybe even leave this damn planet."

I look at my brother, whose talking to Paul. He's watching me with interest but also silently begging me not to do it; I turn away from his golden eyes. My mind already made, "Sure." I answer standing up and wiping the sand off my dress before stepping over the log to get off the damn beach.

"Don't Michelle! Let me explain please, it was a mistake!" Paul shouts running to me, I close my eyes and turn to him. Tim is close by and I can feel him about to use his magic to get Paul away but I just look at the man I love, the man who betrayed me with a cold expression on my face.

"You don't have to explain, Pauly." I smile, using his nickname; hoping it will seem more believable and less painful, "I was boring, I understand. Move on. Start a relationship with Jodie; I won't get in the way. Enjoy life, Paul." I walk away then, leaving his shocked and the audience stunned. I grip Leah's hand and lead her to Jake's garage to receiver my Hennessey Venom…

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