Chapter Thirty-Five

I seem to be repeating myself a lot: I'm terribly sorry for the long delay. I hope you haven't given up on me yet. I'm determined to finish this story soon. Enjoy the next part.

With every mile she'd put behind her, Marian had grown more and more convinced that she'd somehow managed to miss Robin on his way to Portsmouth. It couldn't be that she hadn't caught up with him yet. It just couldn't.

So eventually she steered the horse to a halt and stopped her mad pursuit. She dismounted and found a convenient fallen tree trunk at the side of the road that she sat down on. The horse she tied to a branch.

'What am I doing?' Finally Marian couldn't ignore the voice inside her head any longer. It had grown louder and louder, the further away from Leicester she'd gotten, and now it was screaming at her: 'Turn back! This is a mistake! Let him go! Turn back before it's too late!'

"I can't," Marian whispered and shook her head. She didn't know if it was sheer stubbornness on her part or her genuine choice, but she felt that she had to go after Robin. Perhaps it was a bit of both. She loved Robin and she didn't want to lose him. But Marian could also admit to herself that a part of her was just so very angry with him right now that she wanted to scream. How dare he make that decision for her? How dare he simply walk away?

Marian had no doubt that Robin felt like he'd done the right thing, the noble thing. Perhaps he'd hoped to make it easier for her by taking the choice into his own hands.

But… the problem was, it hadn't gotten any easier, had it?

Marian knew that nobody, not Robin and not Guy, could make that choice for her. Even if both men were to walk away, she'd still have to live with the knowledge of her feelings for both. Those feelings wouldn't simply disappear, even if the men were no longer part of her life.

Didn't Robin know that?

It was no use, trying to run away. It didn't work like that. And Marian had to explain it to him. The problem was, she had to find him first.

Guy and Crispin had left Leicester close to mid-afternoon and had rode in silence for quite a while, each of them at a loss as to what to say. Or rather, at a loss as to how to say what was on their minds. From time to time Crispin had thrown looks back, clearly waiting to see a horse coming up behind, and eventually Guy had snapped.

"Stop it! She won't come!"

Crispin had slumped in the saddle, hurt.

Silence had engulfed them again and it had given Guy too much room to think. Finally he couldn't stand it any longer. He sighed. "Stop sulking, it won't help."

"I'm not sulking," Crispin mumbled.

Guy rolled his eyes, a futile gesture since Crispin hadn't bothered to turn his head. Under different circumstances he'd have marvelled at how much the boy reminded him of himself. It was scary, seriously.

"You did well, with the horse earlier." Guy thought that perhaps praise would help get the boy to open up. He felt Crispin sit up straight but still he didn't look at him. So he continued. "It's not easy to get an unknown horse to trust you."

"I know."

"Do you have a horse? You ride well enough."

This time Crispin did throw a look at Guy. "We have one, but it's not for riding. It's a plough horse."

Guy had almost forgotten that Crispin was a peasant boy. It didn't suit him somehow. He could easily imagine him as a squire, or a servant. But not as a peasant. He said as much.

"Why not?" Crispin protested. "There's nothing wrong with being a peasant. It's good and honest work and my father is a good man. He would never kill a man like you did!"

As soon as the words had left his mouth Crispin wanted to take them back. He sucked in a harsh breath and waited for Sir Guy's angry retort. But nothing came, he only felt the man stiffen behind him.

Eventually Crispin turned his head to look at Guy. "I… I didn't mean…"

"You shouldn't have had to see that." Guy didn't meet Crispin's eyes. This was as much of an apology as he'd ever be willing to give and he quickly searched for a change of topic. But Crispin beat him to it. "I'd rather you shouldn't have had to do it."

"I…" Guy was at a loss for words. The boy surprised him time and again. "It wasn't right." There, he'd admitted it.

"No, it wasn't," Crispin agreed, face turned forward again. He didn't dare to look at Sir Guy, not when they were talking about this. "But it can't be easy, knowing what's right and what's wrong, after working for the evil Sheriff for so long."

Guy had nothing to reply. Everything that he could think of would sound like an excuse. And the truth was, nothing could ever excuse or justify the things he'd done, he knew that.

Silence threatened once again to settle over them, but before it got too long, Guy suddenly blurted out what had been on his mind ever since he'd met the boy.

"Why do you trust me?"

Crispin didn't reply, he merely shrugged.

Guy sighed. That wouldn't do. "Tell me, what's that I heard about a kindness I have shown you once. I don't…" he broke off, embarrassed.

"I knew you didn't remember," the boy kept his gaze firmly on the road ahead. "It doesn't matter. It was nothing, really."

Guy could hear the resignation in his voice. "It can't have been nothing if it made you want to rescue me from the dungeons. What was it?"

"It was stupid."

Guy leaned forward until he caught the boy's eyes. "I'm certain it wasn't stupid. Tell me." The last part came out more like a command than a plea. But Guy couldn't help it, he felt uncomfortable and out of his depths with not knowing. When Crispin remained silent, Guy repeated in a gentler tone: "Tell me."

Crispin let out a sigh. "Alright. A few years back, in winter… do you remember coming to Knighton and having a snowball hit you straight on?"

Guy didn't, but it seemed that Crispin hadn't expected him to anyway. He went on, without waiting for Guy to answer. "It was my brother John who threw it and he and all the other children ran away. I was too slow, or too shocked, I don't remember. But I just stood there, and you came over, looking all furious and I was afraid you'd hit me."

"But I didn't?" Guy hoped that he hadn't but he still couldn't remember. Many children had thrown things at him over the years, as a dare or something.

"No, you didn't." Guy could hear the smile in the boy's voice. "You told me I was brave for not running away, and even braver for not ratting out my brother. And that I would be the bravest of them all if I retaliated in your name. And I did, the next day. John got the biggest snowball I could manage right into his face."

Guy managed a low chuckle. He would have loved to see that. But that couldn't have been all, could it? Telling a boy that he was brave and not harming him, could such a small gesture really have had that big an impact on a boy's life? So big that he'd risk his life years later?

"I said that you're brave, that's all?"

"Yes," Crispin sighed. "That's all. I know it's stupid."

Guy stared at the back of Crispin's head, not knowing what to say. He thought of everything the boy had been through in the last few days. Finally he cleared his throat and managed, softly. "It's not. You really are the bravest of them all."

Crispin beamed over his shoulder but then he grew serious again and shook his head. "No, I think Lady Marian is far braver than I am."

Guy quickly looked away. He really didn't want to talk about Marian with the boy. But, just like every time, the words were out before he could think twice. "You're right. She is the bravest of them all."

"She's braver than Robin Hood, isn't she?"

"No doubt," Guy scoffed. He had no problem admitting to that.

"You know," Crispin went on, his voice taking on a low and conspiring tone. "If she's really gone to the Holy Land, I bet it'll be her that saves the King in the end, and not Robin."

Guy's face was grim. "I bet you're right. It would serve Hood well, blithering on and on about his duty to save the King when in the end it's her who deserves the glory."

"I just hope they come back alive," Crispin whispered, once again being serious. Guy felt a stab in his chest, as if the hole he felt there had just gotten twice as big. "We'll see."

After that, silence settled once again over them and Guy would have been content to just let it be. But Crispin seemed to have finally loosened up and lost all inhibition.

"How long does it take to get to the Holy Land?" He suddenly wanted to know. "Do you know?"

Guy did, but he'd certainly not tell the boy that. He sighed and thought that perhaps it would have been better if he'd just let Crispin sulk all the way back.

Marian slowly came to – had she passed out, or fallen asleep? When? How? She opened her eyes and then blinked a few times in surprise. She was lying down on a soft bed of hay and stared up into lofty wooden rafters. She was in a barn. Huh? How did she get here? Hadn't she been on her way to Portsmouth to follow Robin?

She sat up and threw her head around. The barn was empty apart from her and the big doors were thrown wide open. Bright sunlight was streaming through. It almost hurt her eyes to look that way. But look that way she did because all of a sudden a figure appeared in the doorway. Against the sun she was only able to make out the outline of a man, but she knew him at once. She'd know him everywhere.

"Guy?" Marian tried to squint at him, shielding her eyes with one hand to her forehead. "Guy, what…?"

The lonely figure slowly stepped forward, not saying a word. Marian scrambled to her feet. It was Guy, she was sure of it. Why wasn't he saying anything? Marian made a few steps his way.

"Marian?" Guy stopped in his tracks. She could hear the confusion in his voice. "Is it you?"

"Of course it's me," Marian almost smiled. He sounded so different. So young and unsure, and nothing like the cruel henchman of the Sheriff he'd once been.

"But how can it be you?" Guy came to stand in front of her and he lifted a hand as if to touch her, then seemed to lack the courage and let it drop to his side again. He shook his head as if in denial. "You're gone. You left. You went after Hood."

"Robin," Marian suddenly remembered and looked around as if she expected to see him appear out of thin air. "I couldn't find him on the road. Have you seen him? Do you know where he is?"

Guy's usually tall figure seemed to shrink before Marian's eyes. He looked away, but Marian still caught a flash of deep pain flicker over his face. He sighed. "He's all you ever think about, isn't he? There was never really a chance for me. For us."

The pain wasn't just on his face. It rolled off his tongue with every word he spoke and Marian felt something inside her chest clench and hurt. She flinched.

"That's not true, Guy."

"Isn't it?" He crossed his arms over his chest like he always did when he was feeling defensive, or angry, or hurt, or… he really did that a lot, didn't he? Marian put a hand onto his forearm. Only then did she notice that he wasn't wearing his usual leather jacket. She felt a thin and coarse material under her fingers and her eyes flickered down. It was a blue shirt or tunic that he wore. Marian had never seen him wear it before.

Her gaze flew to his face and their eyes briefly met. But all too soon Guy turned aside. Marian's hand fell off his arm. "Guy, I…"

"Don't lie to me, Marian. Not now. You chose Robin."

"But I didn't!" Marian exclaimed and tried to catch Guy's eye again. "I only wanted to stop Robin from walking away like that. He can't make that decision for me, he can't just walk away. I haven't chosen him!"

Guy swirled around and stared at her. "So you're saying that you would've come back if only I had stayed?"

Confusion crept onto Marian's face. "What are you talking about? If you'd stayed? What… where did you go? And where are we? How did I get here?"

Guy let out a soft sigh. Sadness filled his eyes and made them appear like dark pools. "I think that neither of us is really here."

"What?" Marian didn't understand. She opened her mouth to say so but then a noise from outside the barn distracted her. It was the sound of hooves, as if a horde of riders was passing, and then suddenly stopping. "Did you hear that, Guy?"

"No," he shook his head. "But seems to me we don't have much time left. So do what you came here to do, Marian. Say your final goodbyes."

Marian grabbed his arm. "I didn't come here to say goodbye! I don't want to say goodbye to you! I want…"

"What do you want, Marian?"

He fixed her with such an intense gaze that Marian couldn't speak. Her tongue wouldn't obey her, as if he was somehow holding it captive with his eyes. Then, suddenly, Guy looked to the ground. "You still don't know what you want. I see."

Although he'd released her tongue by looking away, Marian still kept silent. She couldn't find the right words.

"Be sure to figure it out quickly," Guy stated and turned towards the barn doors. "I won't wait forever." He made two steps away and then stopped, cocked his head as if listening to someone else say something, and then turned back to her again. "Right, I shouldn't lie to you."

Marian frowned and watched him approach her again. He took her in his arms and before she knew it, he'd bent down and covered her lips with his own. A sound of surprise escaped Marian, but it was swallowed by Guy's fervent kiss and soon turned into a soft moan. Then, just as quickly, Guy released her mouth again but stayed close.

"You know that for you, Marian, I would wait forever."

Marian swallowed the sudden lump in her throat.

"I will wait, if I must." Guy stepped away and added, a smirk suddenly twisting his lips. "Only, I'd rather not. I'm not exactly known for my patience. So, hurry up, my love."

Marian opened her mouth, the right words suddenly on the tip of her tongue, but before she could speak them, someone suddenly grabbed her shoulder and shook her harshly.

She jerked around with a gasp. "I will, I promise!"

"Marian?"

That hadn't been Guy's voice. In fact, he had vanished without hearing her reply. Marian opened her eyes – when had she closed them? But instead of Guy's blue eyes she was suddenly staring into the worried faces of Will and Djaq.

"Marian, wake up."

"Huh? Will? Djaq?" She blinked a few times against the sun. Slowly and painfully the realization came over her: It had been nothing but a dream. She was sitting on the tree trunk by the road. There was no barn and there was no Guy. Marian had to swallow hard. She closed her eyes again, willing the dream to come back. She had to tell him… she had to let him know…

"Marian," Will shook her again, gently. "You need to wake up!"

"I am awake!" Marian growled and shrugged off his hand. Then she stood up and looked around. She spotted Much a few paces away, holding three horses. Her own was still tied up beside her. She turned to Will again. "What are you doing here?"

"We said we'd catch up with you, remember?" He went to take his horse from Much and mounted it. "Come on, we need to go."

"We can't," Marian protested. "We need to find Robin. He…"

"He's gone ahead already."

"He what?" Marian stared back wide-eyed. The others were all ready to ride off but Marian couldn't move a muscle. She held the reigns slack in her hand. "You saw him? He was here?"

"Yes," Will shrugged and eyed her suspiciously. He seemed to have caught on to the fact that something wasn't quite as it should be. "We met him on the road. He told us about Gisborne."

Marian sucked in a harsh breath. "What did he say about Guy?"

"That he won't come with us. He's taking the boy back to his family, isn't he?" Marian saw Will send a confused look to Djaq before he turned to her again. "And then we found you here on the road, asleep, and Robin said that he'd ride on ahead, to secure us a passage on a ship, and that we should follow once you'd woken. So… let's go."

Marian frowned and mounted her horse in silence. Truth was, she didn't know what to say or even to think. Was Robin avoiding her? Where had he been? Why hadn't he waited? And, most importantly, what should she do now? Should she follow? Or should she simply accept his decision to walk away and go back to Knighton instead? To Guy?"

'For you, Marian, I would wait forever.' Guy's words from before, from her dream, found their way into Marian's thoughts and suddenly she knew what she'd have to do.

'Not forever, Guy,' she thought and hoped that he'd somehow be able to hear her. 'Only a little longer.' Then she steered her horse to follow the others down the road to Portsmouth.

What Marian didn't know was that hours later and many miles away, Guy would wake from a dream he didn't remember with a happy smile on his face and no idea why.

I can't tell you how glad I am to have this part finally out of my way. It was a pain in the a…

Now I can concentrate on the good stuff, on Guy and Crispin and Allan and Granny and all that. And I really hope that it won't take me this long again to post the two remaining chapters (plus an epilogue).