A Handsome Nerd: I actually wasn't too proud of the ending of that chapter, I kinda felt like I ruined it somehow, but I'm glad you enjoyed it anyways. The reason Frank and Leo were fighting wasn't really a 'reason' at all. Usually when there's a lot of unaddressed tension, there tend to be fights more often than not. This is true for both groups and couples and whatnot else. Just imagine both are feeling guilty, both are sad and angry, they've been recording unsuccessfully all night, that's just a way to blow off steam. If you want a deeper look into how I based this off of, Metallica's 'St. Anger' documentary is a good watch.
Guest: That's a pretty good boost to my ego, so thank you! The more I write the more I think I improve, so I hope the rest will be even better.
Guest: WHAT DO YOU MEAN OVER? THERE'S LIKE, A 100 MORE CHAPTERS TO WRITE! IT CAN'T BE OVER NOW. I mean I know I'm evil with the cliffhangers and all, but I'm not that evil. Probably not.
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THE ROAD – CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR
Percy
Okay, okay. Let me explain how I ended up recording a music video so randomly.
I didn't really know what I was thinking when I told Grover to make those phone calls. Usually when musicians come together it's from mutual interest from both sides. I didn't know if there was any of that with Zoe, or if they were even aware I was alive. Ever since that talk with my mom I felt a strange need to find new musicians to play with. I did some research on her while Grover was away. From what I managed to gather, she was a new talent with a big company behind her. That reminded me of how I got my start.
Watching her videos filled me with a different kind of inspiration. I took my own guitar out of the case and walked into the recording booth in front of Grover's station. I stretched my fingers out, the cracking sound of my knuckles satisfying as always. I started warming up like I usually do – playing a riff in my head slowly, then speeding up. The more warmed up I got, the more techniques I started adding to that riff. It started with a simple scale, simply playing through it at a moderate speed. The faster I got the more I added – bending notes, sliding, sweeping up and down through the strings – those were all favorites. I was enjoying playing so much I didn't even notice Grover was back.
And luckily, he managed to make it all work. It's always a bonus when your best friend is your producer and manager. He managed to also set up a meeting with the higher ups at the studio Zoe was recording at.
As soon as we got into the building, my mind started racing. This brought back memories of my first audition years ago. I wasn't as worried if I had to try out now - I've already done it before and have gained a lot of confidence playing shows all over the country – it was the memories, the people I was seeing in my head that I thought I might never get the chance to see again. The more I thought, I realized I never even said goodbye to any of them; that made me feel even worse.
The second thing, a more logical one at that, is that I never heard of this record company before. The production of their videos and music definitely seemed very high quality, but being a musician for what felt like my whole life, the name wasn't recognizable to me. The dubbed 'Nightshade Industries' seemed like it popped to life right out of nowhere. I figured if I didn't recognize them, maybe Grover did.
"I was surprised too" He told me before he started explaining, "I never heard of them before I saw Zoe either. But they were serious on the phone, and Juniper helped me do research and said they have a strong financial backing, so it's not like they're disappearing anytime soon."
I took a deep breath, stood up, and walked back and forth from my seat, "I just want to get this part over with."
"Then go" I stopped for a second, exchanging looks with him, "You have her agent's number, don't you? Ask him where she is, I'll take care of the formalities."
I smiled, like a big stone just released its hold on my neck, "Alright. I trust you with this, G-Man" I started absentmindedly walking away, in no real direction. Just like Grover had suggested, I texted Zoe's agent, Ervin. He gave me general direction on where to go, which I followed to the best of my ability. The building wasn't as big as the Olympus Records building, but it was just as confusing. There was no indication as to which floor had what on it, which forced me to take the elevator down and stop on every single floor to get my bearings. Finally I had found the recording studio he mentioned, on the top floor.
The place reminded me more of a photography or video recording studio than a music studio. The whole floor was almost the size of a warehouse. There were big white, green and black screens spread like backgrounds on the walls. Opposite those screens was a large window, overlooking the city. The view was mesmerizing, as always. The tall buildings of New York never really intimidated me in any way, having lived here my entire life. When I was younger they symbolized my goals, and how far I wanted to go when I was older. The more I looked at them as I grew up, the closer I felt I was getting. For some reason, looking out the window now, despite the mess I had been on recently, it felt like I had finally made it – I'm now on equal ground with those skyscrapers.
"Alright, let's get this sorted!" A woman walked into the room, flanked by a fleet of staff. They arrived from a door I hadn't even seen. Some of them carried musical equipment while others sprinted across the rooms – opening computers, moving tables around – everyone seemed busy, like they had been carefully instructed of exactly what to do before they entered. It felt like they were being tested. A group of them ran towards the same screens as before, setting up the white ones like a big, broad background. As soon as they finished, a second group entered and laid out the gear they had carried inside in a perfect formation. Everything was neat and very well organized. The woman started walking towards me, snapping me out of my trance.
"Mr. Jackson?" She walked over and already had her arm out, firmly extended towards me.
"Yes, that's me." I shook it timidly, still a little nervous about this woman.
"Good to know. My name's Blair, I'm in charge of this project. Come with me."
Walking behind her, she felt like she was in her late 30's, but she couldn't be older than her late 20's. She had this commanding aura to her that seemed to rub off on me from the way she ordered her staff around like troops. Her eyes were a hallucinating dark brown color, her silky straight hair reaching just below her shoulders matching that color. She had a grey suit and a skirt on, maybe that was it. She reminded me of another woman I wouldn't want to mess with. She picked up a big pile of papers and looked through a folder, handing me a few sheets neatly placed together.
"You won't need too long to memorize this" I looked through the paper as she spoke, reading through the music in my head, "Shouldn't be too hard, I've been told."
I wasn't told we were going to be playing today. I had nothing prepared with me. I wasn't really focused on anything at the moment, but she was right anyways. The music didn't seem too hard to play, which surprised me. Maybe we were taking this slowly, I figured, playing and recording the rhythm parts first and then adding leads on top of it. Before I even got a chance to ask that question, Blair disappeared, and the set was already made. A different group of people entered, switching with the previous staff almost like a play in a theater. They had lights, cameras, and laptops with them, setting up as quickly as I ever thought possible. Blair was watching them from the side, examining their every move and yelling out instructions.
This must've been how they produced such high quality material. They seemed prepared, like all their spots were predetermined depending on what they wanted to shoot and how. They snapped a few pictures on their cameras, showing them to the woman in charge. Despite how organized everything was, it felt like total chaos. I was starting to lose my focus when a timid figure entered the room, locking eyes with me.
"Good thing you're here." I turned my back to the others so only Grover could see me.
"You forgot your guitar in the car" He said and handed me the case, which indeed, I managed to forget about, "They look serious."
"They are serious; they set this whole thing up in minutes." I pointed around to the ridiculous amount of photography and music gear that was all around the room now.
"No kidding" He peeked around, studying the room as much as I was before while I kept busy with the sheet of music in my hands. The entire thing seemed to be made up of an intro, a verse, and a chorus, looping over and over. In reality, all I had to do was remember three different parts. The chords were simple too, simple enough for me to start slowly putting a melody together along with the timing of the song. Grover joined me and looked over the notes as well.
"Doesn't seem too hard" He took the paper from me and looked it over in his own hands. There was a question that bothered me that I had to ask him.
"Did you know we were going to be playing today?" Grover looked up at me, slightly nervous.
"I had no idea. They told me everything right after you left."
"Are you serious?"
"Quiet on set!" A loud male voice yelled again and all the buzzing I heard around us stopped. A brunette girl with a black jacket and jeans walked in front of the cameras, plugging her gear in. I recognized her as Zoe. Her brown eyes scanned around the room, like she was looking for something.
"Where's Jackson?" I heard a voice that I thought belonged to Blair call for me. Grover and I froze. I felt a sudden chill enter my body, completely stopping me in place. I tried my best to calm myself – it's no big deal, think positive, take it easy. I took my guitar out of my case quickly and ran towards the crowd of people. Blair scuffed at me but busied herself with her papers anyways. I took what I assumed was supposed to be my spot and stood next to Zoe.
"Okay, sound check first." The older woman instructed. As if on command, two crew members rushed behind me and plugged my guitar in. I fished the pick I had always kept in my pocket out and as instinctively, played the first thing that came to mind. It helped zone me out from all the commotion, just my pick moving through the –
"Stick to what we wrote, Jackson."
I wouldn't be able to tell you why in hindsight, but it felt like she shot an arrow directly through my chest. I felt a bad sting of pain go up my chest. Zoe looked at me and nodded her head, motioning me to start playing. If only my mind hadn't blacked out, I would've started long ago. I felt everyone's eyes stare at me, panicking me further than I wanted to feel. I closed my eyes and focused on the first chord I remember reading, then the second, until the pattern started making some kind of sense in my head. I started playing and by the looks Blair was giving me, I knew I wasn't playing the right notes. Zoe entered with her lead part regardless, soloing over my chords. The only time I opened my eyes was to look over at her. She seemed nervous too, like she was under test just like the rest of the staff that worked her.
"Sounds good" Blair yelled out, sending both of us into silence, "Hair and makeup will get you two changed, everyone meet back here in thirty."
Everything managed to somehow get worse. I barely had time to get the music I had to memorize before I was whisked away by the hair and makeup team, which was something I was not used to at all. Add to that that Grover was not allowed back there with me, meaning I couldn't use help to remember the music, made it all worse. The entire time the girl was messing with my hair I was dead focused on the music, not daring to take my eyes off of it for a second. It annoyed me more than anything that something this simple was giving me this much trouble.
"All done" she chirped. I hadn't even noticed what she did. I didn't feel any different, that's for sure. The woman checked her watch, counting with her fingers as if to manage her time. She quickly grabbed a matching jacket and jeans like Zoe had worn before and gave them to me to change. The jacket felt like it was pulling my shoulders back and the pants were too tight around my thighs. Add not being comfortable at all to my list of troubles.
"Better hurry" The woman said, rushing out of the room, "Two minutes left."
I left the area I was in, not even sure where I was supposed to go. I felt like a lost child, completely clueless as to what was about to happen or where I was. It felt like boot camp in the military. I wished I could be anywhere, anywhere but here. I joined everyone back on the set in front of the cameras; every glance Blair was shooting me was making me want to explode.
"We go from the top, Jackson you start."
The rest of my playing felt like a disaster. I hadn't even realized the cameras were on, which made Blair very angry. It felt very awkward to try and perform in front of a camera as well as play perfectly. When I was performing on stage it felt natural, but for a camera you had to constantly be moving. We kept recording for what felt like hours, each getting more tense and silent then the next. Grover would motion to me from the back from time to time, but I had no response, really. I wasn't focused on anything anyways. After Blair deemed that we had enough footage she let everyone on a break until…well, until she felt like it.
I packed my guitar back in its case and disappeared from there as fast as possible. I sped right past Grover and looked for the nearest bathroom to wash all the sweat off my face. I walked into the door where the entire crew came from, even though I had no idea if I was even allowed in there. The hallway had multiple rooms, the one at the end being the one I needed. I turned the faucet to the coldest water setting and soaked my face repeatedly. The door opened behind me, Grover peaking his head in silently. He stepped inside and shut the door.
"Perce, look" He started saying as I looked at him through the mirror. I've known Grover ever since I was a little kid, and ever since then we've had an inseparable connection. We both knew what the other was feeling any time we were together, which helped us both get out of uncomfortable situations for one another. He looked guilty, like he didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"It's okay"
"It's not okay, they-"
"I know!" My voice raised unnaturally, not meaning to yell at him at all, "I know. When you said you didn't know, I believed you. You never gave me a reason not to."
I dried my face off with a paper towel and threw it in the garbage when I finished. We both left the bathroom in silence, trying to get a grasp on what we had just experienced.
"I'll go see if they need us here anymore." Grover excused himself through the doors, going back into the mess of people outside. I let my back slide against the wall, settling on the cold ground beneath me. All those words I heard from before, all the bad experiences I had playing in front of all those cameras rushed back to my head. I needed an escape, I needed to get out but there was nowhere to go to. The big doors that separated me and the recording area opened, and to be honest I was expecting and wanting Grover to come back, to tell me we could go home. But it wasn't Grover, it was Zoe.
She closed the door behind her, looking shyly at the floor. There was a look in her eyes, and the more I got to see it, the more it reminded me of the crew Blair was yelling at earlier.
"I'm sorry we had to meet like this" She tucked her hair behind her ear, taking small steps towards me.
"It's fine. Don't worry about it." I tried offering a smile, but by the look on her face, I wasn't doing a very good job. She attached her back to the wall in front of me and slid down, hugging her knees to her chest. She looked vulnerable, almost scared.
"You're not the only one who doesn't want to be here." She answered me before I even had the chance to ask.
"What do you mean?"
Zoe closed up even more, but regardless, she took a deep breath and spoke, "I never really wanted to be a musician. I mean-I didn't want to be a guitarist."
"My mom was very strict with me. She forced me to pick up an instrument before I could even do basic math problems. I played piano along the way and I really enjoyed it, but she didn't really care. She thought the guitar was the best way to go and forced it on me." She explained. The story of a strict mother, demanding excellence from her child, it reminded me of someone else. Someone I really missed.
"I grew up without a dad. I never got the chance to meet him. The more she forced me to play, the more I resented it. I didn't have a choice, no matter what I tried. And the more I grew up, the more I felt like she was addressing her insecurities into me. I wondered all the time if she was trying to achieve what she couldn't through me."
Zoe's head was fixed at the ground, and I wasn't sure she noticed the knowing nod I gave her.
"Now that I'm older I can somewhat resist her. I managed to block out some of the things I've learned, but…I don't really have a choice. She's created this whole record company just to push me. I don't even write the songs that I play. All the videos, all the editing, it's all a fad."
So that was it. I never would have guessed, especially not with her. When she first walked in today she looked stern, confident and ready. It took me by surprise that this was the reality of her life. By her technique, I had assumed she was very much like me. But the scared girl sitting in front of me right now, dropping her mask, showed a completely different story.
"It's okay. I understand."
She shook her head and started pushing herself up to her feet, "It's not. I mean, I shouldn't bother someone like you with my problems."
"It's okay" I said again, stopping her in her tracks. Her eyes were on the verge of tears, but she looked at me anyways. "Just because I'm 'famous' doesn't mean I'm not a human being. I want to listen"
Zoe's eyes widened in disbelief; I tried smiling, to help ease her in. She sat back down, but let her legs spread forward more comfortably. Her arms were still crossed on her chest, looking at her feet.
"I was there for your first show." She started speaking, but her words really caught my attention, and made me blush, "Some of my friends convinced me to go. And I remember watching you play like that stage was your own. I guess you can say I was star struck. And when I went home I wanted to be like you but my brain was in too much of a mess to let me be me. I felt like I had to answer to someone, constantly. And I kept listening to your music and believing that maybe one day I can be like that too. And then I heard what happened…"
She trailed on her last words, bringing more painful memories back to me, "I'm sorry".
"You shouldn't be. It happened, now it's history."
She still seemed uncomfortable, adjusting her back against the wall and crossing her legs one over another. I thought about what she had said before, about aspiring higher.
"You know, it's not too late for you." I told her. She looked up at me, surprised and scared.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you're good. You have the technique; you just need someone to teach you what's beyond that. And I think we have a lot of time left before we get to go."
Her eyes lit up, the first sign of happiness I'd seen from her. "You'll do that?" She smiled, widely and brightly.
Of course I would. Zoe showed me the way to one of the soundproof rooms. Of course, it had some instruments in there. Since she already understood all the advanced techniques, I decided I should help teach her music theory. Theory is what dictates music and why it works, and must have been one of the most annoying things I have ever had to study. But teaching it to someone, despite it being the very basics of it, showed me how satisfying it was. The more we talked the more talkative and expressive Zoe got, putting together different riffs together that she said she's never really done before. Those bingo moments when something works, something you created in your own head, and it sounds good, that was what made music the most amazing thing in the world to me.
"That's why this scale works, because these notes make it up." I circled around the notes of one of the scales I drew out for her. She inspected the page and plucked through the notes on the guitar in her lap, experimenting with it slowly. She smiled shyly and tried hiding it as I watched her, doing my best to encourage her.
"That was bad."
"That was not bad at all." I corrected her. She placed the guitar away and stood up, stretching her arms over her head, "You'll get used to it."
She smiled, and our eyes met again. To think this Zoe I was looking at was the same Zoe from a few moments ago, timid and scared and lost, those two people didn't seem the same. She looked more alive, like the color in her was restored. She was completely re-energized.
"Thank you." She walked towards me and gave me a short hug, "It's nice to talk to someone real."
I was about to help her wrap up the equipment we had used when the sound of rushing feet dashed towards us faster, the sound of doors opening and shutting alerting me. Grover swung the door open, his eyes wide and panicked.
"Perce, we have to go" he rushed out, barely audible through the breathless state he was in. I tried slowing him down to understand what had happened, but he was already running the other way.
"What's going on?"
"No time" He rushed out tiredly, "We have to go".
He started running towards the exit. He never gave me a reason not to believe him, so I followed, not asking any questions, running full speed after him.
A/N: Yet another cliffhanger, and a big update. Your reviews inspired me to write so much, so a huge thank you goes to everyone who did.