Aries

6 Months.

Turtle's stomach grew and grew and grew. So did Maggie's - she was the unofficial leader of Hilltop, now, having displaced a weak Gregory with nothing more than a few words. The man became recluse, but still active, still commanding.

Just…nobody listened.

Maggie's son was born in the middle of the night - Turtle was woken by her cries. Much to Negan's protests she'd roused and had crept over to Harlan's.

She had to see what it would be like. She had to.

Hours and hours of hard labor left Maggie tired, bloody, and rugged - Glenn was no better. Running low on sleep, he'd stayed up to watch the birth of his son - Hershel — before crashing on Harlan's couch.

It was a disgusting, beautiful, enthralling experience that left Turtle at peace. She touched a hand to her stomach as she lay next to Negan. They'd been given a spare room inside the glorious home that had once been a history museum. Now it housed Glenn, Maggie, Negan, Turtle, and occasionally Gregory, when he wasn't feeling humble. And sometimes, Carl and a pretty girl named Enid, whom Turtle had only spoken to a handful of times. That was only when they came to visit.

They'd had six months of relative peace, and Hershel's birth was the pinnacle of it all. The result.

Something different and new.

"I brought you some soup," Turtle eased the door to Maggie's room open. She was nursing, lying on the bed, blankets hugging her form tight. She raised her eyebrows, a grin splitting across her face.

"Set it over there. Carol brought cookies, if you want some."

"Sugar is the last thing I need," Turtle laughed, setting down the soup. "This is vegetable soup. I hope you like it."
"My mother used to make that," Maggie said softly. "It's my favorite."

"Same," Turtle chuckled. She met Maggie's soft gaze, and quickly looked away. Part of her wanted to scurry away - memories if their first encounter flashes across her mind. She'd been pregnant then, and they'd tied her up like an animal.

"I forgive you, you know," Maggie said suddenly, having noticed her hesitance. "I'm not angry. Not anymore. I can't be."

"Anger only drags you down," Turtle replied. "But you have every right to be angry, and you had every right to turn Negan and I both away. You're stronger than I am - I would have never been able to do what you did."

"Pull up a chair," Maggie shifted a bit as Turtle obeyed, sitting slowly, still adjusting to the additional weight against her belly. "You know, you never told me what you're gonna name your son or daughter."

"If it's a girl, Susan. After my sister," Turtle answered, smiling a bit. "If it's a boy, William. After Negan's older brother. Where'd Hershel come from?"

"My father," Maggie said sullenly. "You and him would'a gotten along. Found some common ground - he was all about peace. And," Maggie trailed off into a chuckle, shaking her head. "He lost his foot."

Turtle laughed. "Man, we do have a lot in common," Turtle raised her bum arm. "It's strange. Being all about peace and being with Negan. Not that he can't be peaceful it's just that…well, who I am to judge. There have been plenty of times when peace was the last thing on my mind."

"We've all done things, had things happen to us-"

"Yeah, when is it all enough? That's what I wonder about and worry about."

Maggie face fell and Hershel cooed lightly in her arms. "Negan. This is about him."

"Beta, Alpha's second in command, raped him. Right in front of me and Dwight. I don't know what's worse - the humiliation or the marks Beta left on his back," Turtle sighed. "And now, he's changed. He's…different. Still crude and inappropriate but different. Quieter, less observant. Kinda like he's dazed all the time, doesn't know where he is. Or who he is."

"Does he talk about it?"
"Of course not. I didn't talk about…" Turtle stopped. She squeezed her eyes shut, letting out a breath. "My experience. I had the same thing happen to me. It happened to my sister, too. A bunch of men broke into out house, murdered my family. Negan saved me - helped kill those men. That's how we met."

Maggie nodded, holding Hershel tight. "Maybe he's afraid. He's not the type to admit anything."

"Oh, he's afraid. And he's admitted it. I just don't know what to do. People react differently - some run, some try and forget, some just let it hit them like a train."

"What did you do?"

"I'm trying to forget. I can't, but I'm trying. And it's not good, and I see them every night when I close my eyes. Feel their hands on me, their breath. I want to kill them, you know. But they're already dead and those faces? I have to tell myself that it's all just a memory."

Maggie nodded slowly. "There are things I want to forget, but can't. And it's changed me and, honestly…" Maggie sighed. She leaned back, guilt crossing her features. "I can't decide if I'd choose this life over the old way of life. Crazy, right? But you know, maybe I would have never met Glenn. Maybe I would have never had this baby. But my father, my sister, they'd still be alive."

"I think it's different for Negan," Turtle said softly. "Things were shitty for him. William - his brother - was killed during a drug deal six years before the outbreak happened. His wife was dying when everything went to shit. I think he embraced this world. It was a fresh start, for him. And now, he's regretting it."

"Does he regret what he did? To us? To our group?"

"I don't know," Turtle sighed. "I mean, I tell myself everyday that Negan killing those men, the men who murdered my family, was the right thing. I don't regret it, and I never will. Neither does Negan. But you…I think he felt forced to do something. The reason we kill first is to send a message."

"What if you don't have to kill first?"

"Then I guess Negan feels as if he isn't asserting dominance. Maybe he wanted to try something different, but he didn't want to appear weak. There are men out there with his charisma, with his strength and brutality."

"Trust me, I know."

Turtle nodded. "He did it out of fear. That's all he could do. And whether or not he regrets it is up to him. I won't be angry if he doesn't."

"Others might be," Maggie said, stone cold. "Rick might be."

"And if Rick doesn't want us around, we'll leave. Our days of causing trouble are over. Me, Negan and Sherry are what's left of an empire. No sense in fighting back cause we're outnumbered."

"You're welcome here, Turtle. Glenn agrees. Jesus agrees. Everyone else will have to make do," Maggie smiled. "We're putting all this behind us. The war, everything. Plus, we have another baby to focus on."

Turtle touched her bulging belly, laughing. "Negan think's its going to be a girl."

"Huh," Maggie tilted her head. "Either one is going to be a handful."

"In this world? Definitely. Little Hershel will at least have someone his age," Turtle said. "If we stick around that long."

"I hope you do stick around. I think you're a great addition to the community."

"Thank you," Turtle said softly, glancing at the ground.

"No, thank you. Especially for the company, and the soup."

When Turtle awoke the next morning, Negan was gone from her side. He'd left an indentation in the mattress, having removed one hand from Turtle's stomach sometime in the middle of the night. She'd slept through it, her entire body sore and exhausted.

Damn. He could be quiet when he wanted to be.

Turtle had dismissed it at first, rolling out of bed, dressing, and entering the hallway. Glenn was already up, still half asleep and sitting on the staircase. Turtle had slept through Hershel's cries, and Glenn had not.

"You on baby duty?" Turtle asked, standing on the staircase next to him. He glanced up and nodded, eyes tired. "Did Negan come by here?"

"No. I haven't seen him. He's not in the kitchen either - I was just there."

"He doesn't like roaming around," Turtle said, frowning. She made her way down the stairs, hearing Glenn follow behind her, his bare feet padding lightly against the wooden floorboards. She glanced behind her and said, "And he's not exactly subtle."

"Trust me, if I knew where he was, I'd tell you," Glenn shoved a lock of hair from in front of his eyes. "Maybe he went for a walk or something?"

"He hates walks," Turtle shoved the front doors of the home open, squinting as the rising sun hit her. Hilltop was awfully quiet this time of morning, and there was a cool breeze wafting through the enclosed compound.

"Where is he?"

"Not here."

Turtle jumped. Jesus matched her strides, tugging on his beanie and adjusting his gloves. They stopped at the gate, seemingly at a loss for words, until Jesus finally spoke.

"He's gone, Tess. Must'v snuck out last night. Someone - maybe Harlan - saw him go. He was too afraid to stop him because he looked angry."

"We didn't have a fight or anything," Turtle said, her heart skipping - there was absolutely no way he'd ditch out on her and his own child. That just wasn't him. Not after everything that they'd been through together.

"He'll come back, I'm sure," Glenn said. "Don't worry."

"He's not just roaming the woods. I know he's not - he has to have a reason or a goal. He wants something," Turtle narrowed her eyes. "Something important. Maybe just as important as I am."

Lucille.

Of fucking course.

"Son of a bitch," Turtle breathed. "I'll fucking kill him," at Glenn and Jesus's confused looks, she said louder, "He's going after his bat. Lucille."

"He dropped that thing back at Sanctuary," Jesus said. "That guy, Dwight, had it in his hand last. If it's even still there, it's ten fee away from the Whisperers. Does he not realize that?"

"He does and he probably doesn't care. This is Negan we're talking about," Turtle replied. "And that kind of stupidity gets you killed. Goddammit. I'm going-"

"No you are not," Jesus grabbed Turtle's arm before she could spin on her heels and storm towards the armory. "No. You're staying here while Glenn and I go."

"No. Not after - you don't have to do that. This is our problem-"

"Tessa," Jesus said slowly. His words were soft, his gaze steady. He was the only person, so far, other than Negan that had been allowed to use her real name. "We will bring him back to you. You need to stay here."

"He's right," Glenn said. "We'll bring him back. He couldn't have gotten far, especially if he's on foot."

"Unless he finds a car," Turtle snapped.

"Yeah. But we can find a car, too," Glenn reached out and grasped her hand. "Just stay here with Maggie. Rest up. I promise we'll come back."

"All three of you. Nothing less," Turtle said, keeping her tears at bay.

Glenn glanced at Jesus, who nodded.

"We promise. Nothing less."