Sorry for the late update, my youngest son decided to play with my laptop and managed to press some weird combination of keys, which left me with hours of fun trying to find out why my laptop won't connect to the internet anymore. Needless to say that my skills when it comes to computers are nearly none existent, so yeah... I got there in the end...
Ana - 4 months later
Oh my poor, poor feet. They look like balloons and I am sure they will never go back to normal. I knew that swollen feet are a part of pregnancy, but this is ridiculous. I have not one pair of shoes that really fits, so I am reduced to wearing flip-flops. Thank God it is still summer.
"One more week Teddy bear." I murmur and rub my huge belly. My due date is only seven days away and to be honest, I wish I already had Teddy in my arms. I've really enjoyed being pregnant, but now it is just exhausting. I'm constantly out of breath, I can't get up on my own and if I try, I look like a fat bug that has landed on its back.
Speaking of back, I'm sure Christian's back must hurt. He has to pull me up at least ten times each night, because that is how often I need to pee. Not that I really have to pee each time, but it sure feels like it with Teddy launching on my bladder. Last night I was so exhausted from not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep in and having the urge to pee constantly that I cried for almost an hour, until I had finally exhausted myself enough to sleep.
I feel like these last two or three weeks I am on pure survival mode. In addition, I can now attest to the fact that pregnant women really do start nesting once the delivery date comes closer. I think I have driven everyone in the house insane in my attempts to reorganize the nursery and going over the same things time and time again.
Other than that, the last four months have been blissfully uneventful. After John had Andrea evaluated it turned out that while she has a sick obsession with Christian, she wasn't delusional and fully aware of what she was doing, so Christian handed all evidence over to the police. Andrea was smart enough not to mention Barney, as blackmailing him would have gotten her into more trouble.
And she is in enough trouble as it is. When they searched her home they've found a bag full of rope, duct tape and a butcher knife, she had pictures of Christian everywhere and they've found chat protocols on her laptop which showed that she was trying to hire someone to kill me. So now, she is facing charges for attempt murder. The whole thing has gotten some media attention, but Christian released a short statement and after that our only reply to any question about the case has been answered with silence, so the media got bored of it.
Barney is still working in the mail department of GEH, but he seems to be okay with it and he too has seen John a couple of times, just to make sure he is not really suicidal. Overall, he seems to be doing fine, which is good, because I really like Barney.
The one person that really surprised us this summer is Anya. We all thought she was going to England to study there, but instead she enrolled at the Seattle Campus of WSU and is now living at my old apartment at Escala. I'm happy that she has decided to stay in Seattle, it is weird not to have her around and it always makes my day when she stops by unannounced just to have lunch with me or drag me out of the house to go shopping or get pampered at a spa. It might sound a bit cliché, but the older we get the more we become best friends.
Secretly, I don't think that she just decided to study in Seattle to be close to her family, but because she is in love. I have caught her texting and chatting while giggling like crazy a number of times in the last three months, so I'm convinced that she is seeing someone, but isn't ready to introduce him to her family yet.
"Baby, do you need help getting reading?" Christian asks when he saunters into our bedroom.
I sigh and look at the pair of flip-flops in my hand. Never in my life had I ever thought that at the age of twenty-three putting my shoes on would be a nearly impossible task.
"Let me." Christian says and I sit down on the bed so he can put the flip-flops onto my feet.
"Are you sure you want to wear flip-flops, baby? What if it gets chilly later?" He says and I can feel tears burn in my eyes.
"Have you seen my feet? It's either flip-flops or I have to go without shoes." I whine and he kisses me softly.
"I'm sorry, baby. I know this is exhausting for you, but you are almost at the finish line. Soon you won't have to carry the weight of our son any longer and your feet will look normal again."
"You think, because I can't imagine that right now." I murmur and he sits down next to me to pull me into his arms.
"I know it. Do you want me to call Mia? She would totally understand if you are not up to attend her birthday BBQ. We could just stay home, watch some movies and later..." He leaves the sentence open, but the meaning behind it quite clear.
"You want sex, again? Seriously, you are one kinky bastard, Christian Grey! The bigger I get the more you want to fuck, unbelievable." I huff and he laughs.
"I just want to make love to my beautiful wife as often as I can and with the birth of our son my dreaded dry spell comes closer, so how about we stay here today?"
"No, we can't miss your sister's birthday party. Now, please get me one of your shirts, I want to wear it over my dress in case it gets a little colder later."
I'm wearing a nice white summer dress, which by now is almost the only dress that I have which really fits. Since today it is warm, it's a perfect choice and I have even managed to put my hair in a nice easy looking up do. It's a nice change to wearing Christian's t-shirts and sweatpants most of the time.
"Okay, but you will get laid once we are back." He pouts and I want to roll my eyes. Even sex is exhausting these days... but maybe he can fuck me into labor, now that sounds like a good plan to me, I think smirking to myself and twenty minutes later, we are in the back of the SUV on the way to Bellevue, where Mia is celebrating her birthday at her parents' home.
She has really turned out to be a great mom and it's so good to have her as my friend, because I can ask her all the questions that I have without feeling stupid or embarrassed.
We are almost at Bellevue when suddenly I hear this weird popping sound coming from my belly, but before I can think about what this might have been I feel liquid gushing out of me and I am sitting in a puddle that is slowly dripping down my legs.
"Holy shit." I gasp and Christian looks at me.
"What is it baby?"
"My water just broke." I tell him and suddenly I feel panic kicking in. Shit, I'm only hours away from pushing a real human being out of my vagina, can I do this? Do I want to do this?
"What? Are you sure?"
"I'm sitting in a freaking puddle, Christian! Of course, I am sure."
"Okay, Taylor change of plans, we are going to the hospital."
"NO! I don't even have contractions yet. I want to go to Bellevue, I want my mom." I whine. I don't know why, but suddenly I have this overwhelming urge to be held by my mother.
"Ana, your water broke; we need to get you to the hospital."
"I want to see my mother, Christian. Do you want to fight with me now? Call Dr. Greene and ask her." I snap at him and shuffle in my now wet seat. At least Taylor is listening to what I want and continues to drive in the direction of Bellevue.
"Ana, was the water clear or not?" Christian asks while still talking to Dr. Greene on the phone.
"I don't know, I'm sitting in it. What is dripping down my legs looks clear." I tell him and he talks some more to Dr. Greene, before he hangs up.
"Taylor, the hospital. Dr. Greene wants to check Ana and Teddy, with your water broken you have a risk for infection. I'm calling Carla so we can meet her at the hospital."
"Everyone is going to think that I have peed myself." I murmur.
"Baby, you are highly pregnant and going to the hospital, only an idiot would think that you've pissed yourself."
"Just call my mom please, I'm scared and I want my mom." I tell him and he strokes my cheek.
"You don't have to be afraid, baby. I'm not leaving your side and your mom will be there for you too."
"I don't even know why I am so scared all of a sudden; I just know that I am." I mutter slightly embarrassed and he holds my hand and reassures me with his words until we reach the hospital. To my surprise Sawyer is already there waiting for us with my hospital bag.
Inside Dr. Greene checks if Teddy is doing fine and the look on her face is telling me that something isn't right. She looks at the fetal monitor and shakes her head.
"Mrs. Grey, we have to get you ready for a c-section now, your sons heart rate suggests that he is not getting enough oxygen."
"What, oh my God... is he in danger?" I ask and now I am in full-blown panic mode.
"Mrs. Grey... Ana, I need you to stay calm; we can't have your blood pressure rising up. At this point your baby is not in danger for his life, but it would be best to deliver him now."
"So we could still opt for a vaginal birth." Christian asks and the look she is giving him tells me clearly that something is very wrong with my baby and she was just trying to calm me down.
"Just do the c-section, Dr. Greene, I'm just want my son to be fine." I tell her and than everything happens super quick. Before I know it, I am in the OR and a different Doctor is there, nurses and the last thing I remember is a doctor asking me to count and then all turns dark.
"You are one lucky little boy, you know that Teddy? Because your mommy is a really special woman. She can make you smile even when you are sad and when your mommy loves someone, it's the best feeling in the world. Because your mommy makes every single person that she loves feel extra special. And you little guy are the center of her universe now. That is how it should be, you know. I wasn't so lucky with my first mommy, but you will never have to go through something like that. You are going to be a happy a little boy who will never have to spend even a single second of his life feeling not loved. There are a lot of people who love you already. Your mommy does and I do. You have grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts and even a cousin who is just a bit older than you are. You two are going to be good friends and you have to protect her, because that's what men do when it comes to women. That's an important thing, so keep it in mind, Teddy bear."
Christian's soft voice brings me back from my deep sleep.
"Teddy... my baby." I whisper and hear Christian move closer to the bed.
"Hey baby, how are you feeling." He asks and strokes my cheek.
"Tired... Teddy... is he okay?" I ask and fight to open my eyes. At first, my vision is very blurry, but then my eyes focus and I see my husband and the little blue bundle in his arms.
"He is fine. Perfect actually, there were some problems with his cord, but he is fine now, the nurse said he started to scream right away."
"I want to hold him."
"You need to wait some more, baby. Dr. Greene wants to see you first. Here you can look at him." He says and holds Teddy so that I can finally see my son and just looking at his beautiful little face has tears streaming down my face. I reach up to touch his cheek and smile when I feel how soft his skin is.
"He looks like you." I tell Christian and he gives me a shy smile, but Dr. Greene interrupts us.
She asks me if I am in pain, if I am nauseous or having trouble to breathe, but all I really feel is that I am really, really tired and that I want to hold my baby. Dr. Greene however says it is best to wait a little longer, until I am fully awake and that I should wait some more before I can start to nurse Teddy.
"Sleep, baby. Teddy and I will be right here, until you are awake. I'll tell Sawyer to tell our family, that they don't have to wait. They can come back tomorrow to meet Teddy."
"No, let them... see ... the baby." I whisper and drift off again.
The next morning I am convinced that they have accidentally given me the narcotics needed to put a little elephant to sleep. I'm still so tired, but I was told, that this is nothing unusual. About two minutes ago, a nurse helped me into the bathroom. Christian insisted that he would take me, but I told him to get Teddy from the nursery instead.
"Did you manage to nurse your son, Mrs. Grey?" The nurse asks with her back turned to me while I am sitting on the toilet.
"Yes, three times already, the first time was a little rough, but I think we have figured it out now."
"That's great, if you need any help or advice let me know. Sometimes it can be a little tricky for first time mommies."
"Still feels unreal." I muse.
"It's natural to feel that way, especially after a c-section." The nurse, I think her name is Jada, offers.
"I was so scared of going through labor, now I have missed out on that part completely, do you think I can have a natural birth with my next baby?" I ask her.
"You have to talk to Dr. Greene about it, but many women who had a c-section with their first child had a vaginal delivery with the next. Oh, did you have bowel movement?" She asks and I blush crimson.
"Yes." I whisper embarrassed and awkwardly manage to wipe myself. Oh man, I'm so sore.
"That's good. Some women need days to have the first bowel movement after a c-section. It also means you can have solid foods again." She explains and helps me to stand and pull my nightgown and panties back in their place.
I wash my hands, quickly brush my teeth and take my hairbrush with me as the nurse helps me back into suite where I settle back into the bad.
"I need to have one look at your incision, Mrs. Grey." She says and so I lie back on the bed and she quickly checks the wound.
"Nothing unusual. It looks just fine. Dr. Greene will be with you around noon. If you need anything just press the button and I'll be with you in a second." She says cheerfully and leaves the room.
Since I am alone and bored I switch the TV on and switch it right off again when I hear the annoying voice of a news anchor from an entertainment channel talking about me and that apparently I am too posh to push. I want to ignore this catty bitch and everyone else who might sees me this way, but I start to cry anyway.
"Darling, why are you crying?" I suddenly hear the voice of my mom and see her coming into the room followed by my Dad and Christian who is pushing Teddy in his crib into the room.
"Mom, hi. Have you seen Teddy? He is beautiful, right?"
"Yes, you have a precious little baby boy, my darling, but why are you crying."
"I wanted to watch some TV and flicked through the channels. Some stupid bitch from the entertainment news said that I am too posh to push. I don't even know why I am crying, I'm angry." I mutter and wipe my tears away.
"Now listen to me sweetheart. There are only two things that really matter when it comes to childbirth, one is that your baby is born healthy and safely and two is that you come out of it alive and healthy. It doesn't matter where you have to deliver your child or how, just as long you are both okay in the end. Don't let some nasty women upset you, because they know nothing. You have a beautiful and healthy son, and that is all that really matters, sweetheart." She says and hugs me careful not to squeeze me too hard.
"Thank you, Mom. That was just what I needed to hear. I guess my hormones are still all over the place, so I might need to call you every once in a while to cheer me up."
"You can call me whenever you need me, darling. Even if it is the middle of the night and you know if you need any help, just say it and I'll drop anything and be at your side as fast as I can." And that is why I love my mother so much. She can sometimes drive me insane, but whenever I need her, she is right by my side giving me all the love and support that I need.
Before I can answer, Teddy announces quite loudly that he is hungry again and I can't help but giggle when my Dad hurries out of the room, as soon as I ask Christian to hand me our son so I can nurse him.
"Oh my, your little angel has a healthy appetite." My mom giggles when Teddy latches on immediately and starts to suck as if his life was depending on it.
"He sure does, I hope I have enough milk for him."
"Oh don't worry, if you take after me, you'll have so much milk, you could feet five babies. And see, I told you your breasts would get bigger, darling." She says and I take a deep breath, before scowling at Christian who is trying to hide his laughter under a cough.
"I'll go see where your father is darling; we will be back once your little angel is fed." She says and leaves the room.
"Do you feel better, now that you have seen your mother?" He asks and runs his index finger along Teddy's soft cheek.
"Yes, it's so crazy, we are parents." I whisper while looking at Teddy. Holding your own child, it's the most amazing feeling in the world, but at the same time, it is strange, knowing that this little human being is a part of Christian and I, one that we have created together.
"I know, but he is really here with us. And he is absolutely perfect, just like his mommy." He says and leans a little forward to kiss me.
"Perfect like his daddy." I whisper against his lips, before my gaze returns to my son, who is still happily drinking. In this moment, just being alone with Christian and our son, I can honestly say that I have never been more happy and content in my entire life...
I hope no one is disappointed that I decided to let Ana have a c-section, but right now describing long hours of labor pains is really not something I want to write about... next update tomorrow :-)