Chapter 36: Knowing

"Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body and mind. It is intended for their mutual joy – and for the help and comfort given to one another in prosperity and adversity. But more importantly – it is a means through which a stable and loving environment may be attained."

Emily found irony in the old minister wizard's words. She glanced at the vast number of guests attending the wedding, all of which were from notable pureblooded families. More than half most likely went through an arranged marriage and didn't know the meaning of love. To these people there was no such thing as love. They were only with their spouses to because they were both purebloods and just wanted a powerful name for themselves.

Emily turned back to face the alter and looked between Lucius and Narcissa thoughtfully; taking in the looks in their eyes as they gazed at each other. They at least looked to be in love, Emily thought. Narcissa, Emily knew, was deeply in love with the blond man in front of her, but Lucius… He just didn't seem the type to harbor any type of emotions relative to love and compassion… Emily's thoughts trailed off and she looked toward the audience once more, her eyes meeting Regulus's.

He smiled and she smiled back. Even from far away she could see the trust in his eyes. The unchangeable trust and love for her that made the question that always plagued her mind rise up: did she love him back?

She looked away quickly, unable to look at him anymore. She looked back to the couple getting married. She'd much rather question their relationship than her own.

Emily could feel her legs sweating from the immense heat the many layers of her fluffy black dress was causing to the added summer heat. The bridesmaid dresses were beautiful, but they were giving a temperature imbalance, too much heat on the legs, but not enough for her arms and neck. The neckline was also far to low for Emily's taste and the little bow on the front was definitely not Emily's style. But who was she to complain, it was what Narcissa wanted – no doubt a small ploy to make sure no one would find a bridesmaid more attractive than the bride – and what Narcissa wanted she got and Emily was not going to tell her she didn't like the dress.

Emily spotted a familiar hunched figure standing beside the refreshment table, a goblet of wine in his hand, and smirked. She purposely strode over to him, picking up a goblet of her own and standing beside him.

"I just love weddings, don't you Snape?" She spoke smoothly

Snape glowered at her.

Emily smirked and continued, her eyes roaming the dance floor. "They're just such a happy occasion, and I'm lucky enough to be frequently invited to so many. My brother, you know him, right, James?" She asked mockingly, raising an eyebrow.

"Unfortunately." Snape said with disdain.

"Oh, I suppose you would." She laughed. "How could I forget? Such the prankster he is, wouldn't you say?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Anyway, it seems James will be getting married soon."

"Is he? Poor girl." He drawled with disinterest.

Emily smiled in amusement. "Now, I wouldn't be thinking that way. I've seen them together. They seem very much in love. They'd have to be, they only just started going out a few months ago and are already engaged."

He grunted, losing interest and looking annoyed.

"I would never expect goody two shoes Lily Evans to rush into an engagement so quickly." She shrugged, watching Snape intently out of the corner of her eye.

Snape's eyes widened and he turned to Emily swiftly, his goblet falling from his hands.

"What?" He asked softly.

Emily tilted her head. "Oh, Snape, you've dropped your drink."

Snape ignored her and reached forward, grabbing her shoulders tightly, his nails digging into her flesh. "What did you say?"

"About what?" She asked innocently, ignoring her stinging shoulders.

He shook her. "About Lily!" He hissed. "You're lying. She would never choose that Gryffindor buffoon. You're trying to trick me." It sounded as if he was trying to convince himself.

"Why ever would I do that?" Emily smirked, her eyes darkening and all innocence disappearing. "Oh, Severus, don't seem so upset, James will take very good care of Evans. I think that she made the right choice, choosing James over all the other boys."

Snape's eyes filled with rage and his grip tightened. She knew she would bruise, but refused to wince or show pain. She stumbled when Snape let her go sharply, pushing her away. "Why...Why are you telling me this?" He looked pained as he asked, some of his rage being replaced with distress and pleading.

"I just wanted to see the look on your face when you realized that the thing you want most in the world is marrying the person you hate most in the world." She said evenly. "And that while your life is falling into a bottomless pit, mine is prospering despite your previous attempts to ruin it."

His rage returned full force and he looked like he was ready to lunge at her. "You...you heartless bitch."

Emily laughed. "Why thank you, I've tried so hard to become a good Slytherin. And it pleases me so much to torment you. I'll be sure to mention to Lily when I see her to send you an invite."

Snape scowled and pushed her away. He walked away quickly, sneering at anyone who looked his way. Emily smirked and took a sip of wine, her attention returning to the dance floor, searching for Regulus, who was sharing a dance with his newly married cousin. She suddenly furrowed her eyebrows.

If she's there, then where's...?

"Are you having fun tormenting my guests?"

Emily turned and smiled Lucius innocently. "Of course not, Lucius, I'm too nice of a person to torment anyone."

Lucius raised an eyebrow, his eyes glancing in the direction Snape stormed off. "Well I find that hard to believe when Severus has left in such a huff."

Emily smiled secretly. "Oh, he's just a little miffed that the girl of his dreams is with someone else and doesn't want or love him."

"Do you think so highly of yourself?" He asked sarcastically. "Are you sure you weren't just being annoying?"

Emily hummed and took another drink of her wine, not answering him. She had tortured Snape enough with what she knew; better Malfoy thought Snape loved Emily instead of loving a mudblood. The two stood in silence Emily watching the dancers and Lucius watching her. The hairs on the back of her neck rose and she shifted uncomfortably, suddenly nervous. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and saw he was still looking at her, an eyebrow raised. Emily rolled her eyes and turned to him fully.

"What?"

Lucius took her goblet from her and placed it on the table. "Come, dance with me." He gave her no time to refuse as he took her hand and led her to the dance floor.

"Will I be ambushed like the last time I danced with you?" She asked, shifting into dancing position with him, her left hand on his shoulder and her right hand in his.

"No, this is just for the joy of your company while my wife is occupied." He said smoothly, taking lead to their movements easily.

Emily rolled her eyes, following his steps just as easily, not having to look down once. "Can't even take the stick out of your ass for your own wedding reception. You should relax."

"You're so disgustingly brash Emily." He said grinning down at her. "But I suppose that's part of your charm." His face took on its cool demeanor again and looked away from her. "However, because it is my wedding reception, I can't relax, because I have a reputation to uphold. If I was to act, say, like a certain someone, my reputation as a prestigious gentleman would be ruined and I'd lose any respect I've gained as the Malfoy heir."

She let her eyes roll again and mumbled. "Prestigious gentleman my arse."

"For example," He continued. "Those of high Pureblood society do not roll their eyes or mumble in ways that show their emotions so easily and make them look childish and unbecoming."

Emily glared up at him and purposely stepped on his foot. Lucius tripped and threw her a look, but she just smiled innocently, inwardly cackling at his ruffled expression.

They resumed their dance in silence; Emily's black skirts twirling out at every sudden twist or turn as they moved around the other dancers. Emily looked up at Lucius, studying his aristocratic looks; from his long blond hair and pointed face to the cool gray eyes and cold smirk. There was no doubt in her mind that he was to be considered the most important person in the room.

"You're staring Emily." Lucius said. "May I remind you that I am a married man?"

"Oh you've caught me. You're just such a handsome piece of man that I couldn't help myself." She said sarcastically. "Really Lucius, like I'd want you when I have Regulus. Besides, you'd never want me over Narcissa."

Lucius glanced over Emily's head at his wife, a small smile forming. "Yes, I am quite lucky aren't I?" He looked down at Emily. "I suppose I will be attending your wedding next."

"What makes you say that?" Emily asked surprised.

"Well, you and Regulus are entering your final year and I can only assume that once you graduate you'll follow Bellatrix and Narcissa's examples and marry right out of Hogwarts before you join our lord's ranks."

"Right." Emily said slowly. "Regulus and I haven't really talked about that."

"You better do so Emily, soon. The Dark Lord takes notice upon strong unions, and Regulus by then will have made a name for himself and it would benefit you more to marry him before joining."

Emily became thoughtful. "Of course. Everything is in the best interest of joining the Dark Lord."

The conversation ended after that and the two dancers parted when the song ended. Lucius smiled and bowed, thanking her for the dance. Emily nodded and they walked away from each other, headed in opposite directions. Emily watched from the garden doors as Lucius approached Narcissa, taking her hand and kissing it. Narcissa glowed and smiled at him, allowing him to lead her to the dance floor. Emily frowned and exited the ballroom.

She stepped into the garden and let out a long breath. It was very beautiful outside. It was a warm summer afternoon and the trees glowed in the sunlight. Emily stopped walking beside the flowerbed, staring down at the roses blackly. She waited, expectant.

He had followed her. She knew he would. She knew he had been watching her as she danced with Lucius. She knew it would only be more than a few minutes before he came to her. She knew her Regulus so well. She knew the familiar feeling of him wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and resting his chin on her shoulder. She knew the feeling of her lips on her skin. And she knew his voice; so well she knew when he was mad, sad, or happy.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked.

She placed her hands over his. "I needed to talk to you."

He lifted his head from her shoulder and turned her around in his arms. "What is it? Did Lucius say something?"

"No," she said. "I just want to talk to you alone."

He traced her jaw. "What's wrong?"

"I've been thinking." She said.

"Should I be worried?" He joked.

"I don't know."

His smile slowly faded. "Something's wrong."

"Yes." She nodded. "I want to leave."

"Fine, I'll go get your coat." He made to leave, but she grabbed his hands.

"No, I want to leave this." She motioned to him and to the large mansion in the background. "I suddenly realize that all of this stress, everything going on…I… I can't deal with it Regulus. I may be seventeen now but I don't want to grow up too fast. I feel so old and I'm not even finished with school yet."

"Sometimes you have to grow up faster than you want, Emily." Regulus murmured.

"Regulus." She whispered, running her thumbs over the back of his hands. "You of all people can understand," she glanced at his left arm. "The burden of growing up too fast."

"But what comes out of it will make it all worth it." He said.

"Will it?" She sighed. "When I started Hogwarts I was looking forward to the best and most fun times of my life, but it was torture. It's our last year Regulus, and there is no one there anymore to watch me every day, to expect things of me, I just want to spend this year doing… nothing."

He bowed his head. "And doing nothing involves having nothing to do with me."

Emily cupped his face and made his eyes meet hers. She smiled. "No, but I think it would be best for us if we had… space. Parts of the stress are the levels of seriousness we're taking with this 're teenagers, and I've realized that as teenagers we are idiots and have no idea what we want."

"I want you." Regulus said immediately.

She placed a hand on his cheek. "And if you still feel that way after we graduate then we may be together for a long time, but if we put all our efforts on it now where will that leave us later?"

Regulus chuckled. He looked down at Emily with misty eyes. "I hate how you make so much sense when you're breaking up with me."

"I'm not, Regulus." She said softly, stroking his face. "But just by the fact that you were taking it so well proves my point. What type of teenage boy takes something like this so calmly? You need this just as much as I do. I want you to enjoy your seventh year without me as another burden on your mind."

"You're not a burden!" Regulus took both of her hands and held them tightly. "Don't… Stop thinking like that. Stop. I want to be with you, always. You're the only person I can go to; the only one who understands."

"And I will be there for you Regulus." She said earnestly, squeezing his hands back. "But all this pressure, the expectations are killing me. I want to be able to go through school like a normal teenager who has no idea what's ahead of her. I want be oblivious, or at least pretend. But all this stress is draining me and I can't stand it. I won't stand it Regulus!"

"Emily-"

"I want a career." She cut in. "I want to do something with my life, more then what you want me to do."

"Alright."

"I don't want you telling me about our bright future."

"Fine."

"…I don't want to hear about the Dark Lord. And I don't want to hear anything about joining him until the time comes and I'm ready."

"Okay."

Emily sighed and took a step forward to wrap her arms around his shoulders. "Thank you."

He hugged her back immediately. "Emily-"

"Don't." Emily whispered. "I'm going to leave now and I will see you on the train back to Hogwarts. I want you to remember Regulus, this isn't a break up."

"Then why does it feel that way?" He asked softly, his voice cracking.

"Because you can't see the good that will come out of this. One school year will be nothing compared to the rest of our lives." She said. "You'll be glad for this space."

She could feel him shake his head against her shoulder, his arms tightening around her. Emily placed her hands on his chest and pushed him back slightly, her eyes meeting his. He had tears in his eyes, to match her own. Emily smiled and kissed him lightly. Regulus returned the light pressure, closing his eyes tightly.

Emily was first to pull away and stepped out of his embrace. Her smile was sad. "This is good. A breath of fresh air for us." She took another step back. "Regulus, if I ever want to fall in love with anyone, it'd be with you."

Emily closed her eyes, her eyebrows drawn together in concentration and in the next second she was gone with a 'Pop!'

She reappeared in her living room and sat down in her couch, not even bothering to look up. She stared at the floor with a black expression as tears continued to roll down her face. Suddenly she let out a loud sob and fell sideways on the couch into a laying position.

"Are you alright?"

Emily looked up sharply. She hadn't even checked to see if anyone was in the room before she started to cry so loudly. When she saw whom it was she sat up in a flash and composed herself, but she could feel her face heating up. Lily Evan's pretty face was composed in a frown. Emily noticed Lily looked quite comfortable in the Potter living room. Sitting in the armchair by the window, a book in her lap, looking very pretty in her green sundress with her hair in a bun.

"Fine. What are you doing here Evans?" Emily asked coolly.

"Your parents invited me for lunch. I was just waiting for your mum." Lily said. "James and your dad are in the kitchen still."

"Oh." Emily murmured. "Well I bet your all just having a marvelous time. I better go upstairs before I impose on the happy family gathering. She got up and walked around the couch.

"Wait." Lily stood. "Why… Why don't you stay and join us? Your mum is just getting some photos and your dad and brother should be done with the dishes soon."

"Hmm, tempting, but no. Family gatherings are not my thing." Emily said. She made it to the top of the stairs when Lily stopped her again.

"I know we're not friends or anything, but I don't want you to feel like you have to leave because I'm here. We're going to be family after all and you can talk to me about anything." Lily said.

Emily stared down at Lily intensely. Lily stood at the bottom of the stairs, rubbing her hands together nervously. After a moment Emily smiled slightly. "Thanks, and don't worry." She turned away, her frown returning. "It's not because of you that I'm leaving."

Lily stared after the youngest Potter, her eyebrows drawn together.

"Lily dear, I found the photos." Joan called from the living room, appearing in the doorway. "Where… Oh there you are. Come dear I just found the cutest picture of James, you'll die when you see it."

"Mum!" James's voice groaned from the living room. "Please don't embarrass me in front of Lily."

Joan giggled and looped her arm through Lily's. "I can hardly believe he's an adult now. They grow up so fast." She wiped a fake tear and began to lead Lily back to the living room.

"Mrs. Potter, Emily, she-" Lily began.

"Oh, is she home? I wish she would have at least said hello before going upstairs." Joan sighed. "Oh well. Edward stop horsing around before you hurt yourself!" Joan scolded her husband.

Edward ignored her warning and shot another spell at his son. "Stop fussing woman, I'm strong enough to teach my son a lesson on who's the best dualist in this household."

"Ha, whatever you say old man." James said, wordlessly blocking the spell and sending one back. "You forget who's the Auror in training here."

"James Potter, you stop that right now before you hurt someone or break something." Lily said.

James immediately lowered his wand. "Lily, I-"

"Already whipped I see." Edward laughed and his next spell hit James directly, causing the young man to fall over in a peal of laughter, an after effect of the tickling charm. "Don't worry Lily, that weakling can't hurt me." Edward whooped, punching the air, but groaned and grabbed his hip. "Ow, my back."

Joan sighed and helped Edward to the armchair. "I told you, you were going to hurt yourself."

"Are you alright Mr. Potter?" Lily asked, ignoring her laughing fiancé.

Edward laughed. "I'm fine. It's a father's duty to make sure his son's ego doesn't get too big."

"Then we could have used you at Hogwarts Mr. Potter." Lily said with a smirk. She waved her wand and James stopped laughing. "I had to check James's ego many times."

Joan smiled. "Well, we can see that you can handle James very well. He was such a rowdy child. Here let me show you a picture of when he was a baby!" She grabbed an album off the coffee table and motioned for Lily to come closer.

"Mum," James whined. "Please don't."

"Oh hush James, I want to see." Lily said.

James pouted and took a seat on the couch, watching Lily and his mother gush over his baby pictures. Edward laughed. "You'll fit into this family nicely Lily. You're like the daughter I've always wanted."

It was silent after his statement as James and Joan stared at Edward while Lily glanced around awkwardly. The atmosphere soon became tense. Lily cleared her throat. "Ah… Thank you Mr. Potter."

Edward either didn't notice the looks he was receiving and the tension or was ignoring them. He continued to smile at the young red head. "No problem my dear, it's the truth. James couldn't have picked a better woman to carry on the Potter name."

"Edward…" Joan started.

Edward held out his hand. "Joan let me see the album, there's a picture I want Lily to see." He said.

She handed it over silently and Edward flipped through it for a moment before stopping on a particular page. "Ah, here. This is the one."

Lily moved to Edward's side and sat on the arm of the chair, looking down at the smile. She cracked a small smile and listened to Edward as he talked.

James and his mother shared a look, Joan glancing to the stairs sadly. She looked to her husband and sighed, shaking her head. She placed a hand on her chest and closed her eyes tightly.

"Mum…" James said quietly.

"I'm fine James." Joan smiled softly. "Let's just enjoy the rest of the day. We shouldn't make it any more awkward for Lily."

James nodded. "Alright."

"And don't worry about your father, he'll come around soon. He'll realize that his stupid prejudice doesn't matter." Joan said.

James smiled back. "Right, mum." Though he wasn't convinced.

The atmosphere steadily returned to normal and the four were all laughing together again while a dark figure stood at the top of the stairs, clutching the banister tightly as she looked down at the happy family gathering.

"Soon." Emily whispered. "It will all be over soon."