Chapter Thirty-Four: White Russians and Sunsets

I slept alone, the blankets pulled tight around me, keeping me safe. Thom hadn't returned from the diplomatic function that I had hurriedly excused myself from. It may have been in bad taste to so hastily depart, but I was sure that I couldn't face Daryan again. I simply wasn't strong enough to deal with him. And so the night found me alone, tears wet upon my cheeks, in a bed that was too large for one person alone. Once, I woke to the sound of someone undressing, but there was no movement of the bed to tell me that Thom slept with me. It seemed that I was to be alone with my dreams the whole night.

When dawn brushed her rosy fingertips across my eyes, I forgot momentarily the events of the previous day. Languidly, I stretched, reaching my arms over my head and arching my back, careful to avoid Thom…only to realize that he wasn't there. I curled in on myself, drawing my knees to my chest and burying my face in them, my entire body shaking with sobs. It was entirely foreign to be without the man I loved, even though he had only slept curled around me for such a short time.

Soon, I composed myself enough that I could slip out of the bed, my motions slow and painful. I found bruises where Daryan's fingers had dug into my skin and my lips still throbbed where he had drawn blood. I glanced at myself in the mirror, my eyes shadowed with exhaustion and my mouth turned down with unhappiness. In the reflection behind me, I saw Thom, uncomfortably arranged in the loveseat, looking just as unhappy as I, even in sleep.

I turned and walked to him, letting my fingers hover above his forehead, not daring to touch but wanting to so badly. "Thom," I whispered, letting his name upon my lips suffice for the touch I longed for. "Please, you know that I love you." My knees sank into the plush carpet as I slowly let myself down next to him. I drowsed, my head resting on the chair that he slept upon, telling myself that this was good enough for now, that I would not be closer for a while and that this was enough.

But it wasn't. I dreamed of him taking me into his arms, of whispering words so sweet to me. I yearned for the feel of his strong hands clasping mine ever so gently, careful of my delicate frame and assuring me that nothing could go wrong. I wished ever so deeply to feel his bare back pressed against me, skin touching skin, sticky in the summer heat. If only, I thought, if only I could feel his hands catch mine in the morning as we were both waking together, then I would know that everything would be fine.

I woke up with tears drying on my cheeks in the bed that was too big for one person. Again, I was alone, and Thom was nowhere to be seen. I began to wonder if I really should spend the whole day in bed. Relatively quickly, I eschewed that idea in favor of the more painful and less desirable getting out of bed and facing the world. Carefully, I pulled on each piece of the day dress, layer after layer of soft, sheer fabric whispering unintelligible words across my skin. I touched my fingers to my lips, wondering how to hide the bruises blossoming there.

Sighing, giving up on appearances and only just dressed, I wandered to the first floor of the house, looking for any sign of life. Finding nothing, I was about to give up on this torturous day when I saw the note.

Kelyrian, it read in Thom's neat script, we are to make an appearance today in court. I will tell them you were not feeling well. When I return, which should be early afternoon, I expect you to be waiting for me in the garden. I glanced at the clock and saw the appointed time was drawing near, or so I hoped. We have some matters to discuss, signed, Thom. I sniffled pathetically, retrieved a book from our suite, and went to wait outside in the warm sunshine of the afternoon.

"Kelryian?" Thom's voice was rough and hoarse. "Where are you?"

I briefly debated whether or not to answer him, then called out to him. Soon, I saw him through the leaves that screened the spot where I had been hiding. I had found the secluded spot beneath the bows of a weeping cherry tree that had been sculpted as overambitious gardeners are wont to do. I was comfortable sitting on the lush grass, a book spread across my lap.

"Kelryian…" Thom looked at a loss for words. His mouth worked as a fish's would, gaping and gaping but never making any noise.

"Yes?" I was calm for the moment, the shaking of my hands disguised by the book I held. "You said we had matters to discuss?"

He sighed. "May I sit?" I nodded as he did, not next to me but across. "Explain."

It was my turn to play the fish. Finally, I gathered myself. "What? I'm sorry, I thought this was a discussion." I could feel the tears threatening to explode like a geyser, kept back only by some great force that I couldn't fathom. I hiccupped slightly, the only sign I gave of the impending flood. "I—I…" And then it happened. Tears came with reckless abandon as my shoulders shook with uncontrollable sobs.

"Darling, Kelry, sweetheart…" Thom was by my side in an instant, his arms around my shoulders. "Oh, love, don't cry. Darling, I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm sorry." His fingertips massaged loving circles into my shoulders and back, soothing away the tears.

"I didn't, I didn't," I managed to say. "It wasn't me." I choked out the words, hiccupping on sobs between each syllable.

"Hush, I know." He rocked me back and forth in his arms, his loving embrace so very, very welcome. "Darling, let me explain." I sniffled, trying not to get snot on his shirt and failing, but I nodded slightly. "Asher…he told me he saw you….he saw you with Daryan. I'm not sure what to think of that, sweetheart, but I didn't know." His voice cracked. "You didn't, did you?"

Hiccupping all the while and gasping for air, I shuddered and told him as best I could what had happened. "He told me he was sorry and that he loved me. Then he told me that we weren't married—but we are! We are!" My voice shook with remembered terror, afraid of the thought that Thom and I weren't legally married. "And…he said that I was his and that he would take me back to Tännon with him. I don't want to go back, Thom, I can't." I buried my face in his chest, yet shaking with the fear that coursed through my veins both then and now. "I can't lose you."

"You won't, oh you won't." Thom drew me closer still, giving me the security that I craved, the love that I wanted from him. "Darling, we are together. You are mine as I am yours and that is the only way it will ever be."

And so, it seemed simple enough. Together we were, together we would be.

Later, after we had left our clothes tangled on the ground and we both had grass stains all over our skin and I had lost my place in the book that I hadn't been able to read anyway, we stretched out on the grass, naked together, the places we touched sticking together.

"Darling," Thom murmured, his voice thrumming low and pleasant in his chest where my head rested. "I love you."

"And I you, I whispered, sending cooling breaths across his stomach. Both of us spoke true as the sun set around us, evening sinking into night, with the world on fire all around us, burning with the passion of our love.

Note: Per usual, I'm sorry for the delay, but my education has quite a claim on my time. School keeps me ridiculously busy, as does working to pay for school, so writing kind of gets lost by the wayside sometimes. And I am sorry about that. I miss writing a lot.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Chapter 35 should be up shortly after Thanksgiving. If it isn't, remind me and I'll get it as soon as I possibly can! So enjoy this chapter, happy holidays and all that jazz!