AN: i dont want to do homework end of story

Caty- still, its always nice when someone understands what youre going through. so *throws confetti at you* thank you very much! also. it depends on what you think this chapter can be.

Sone- thanks for reviewing man. you made my day

yeah i dont own captain tsubasa

Chapter 36: Loving Can Hurt

She hugged her knees tighter as she sat on her bed, letting Spirited Away play on as she watched mindlessly. It wasn't like she was going to miss anything out of it. She already watched this countless of times. She just didn't feel like actually taking it in. She had too much on her mind. Even if she did want to block it out of her mind.

It's just really upsetting, knowing that Tsubasa thought her whole dream of going to Columbia and become an author was stupid. Like, she expected it from other people, but from him? That was just a deep knife to her heart.

She tried to convince herself that he didn't mean it, that he was just influenced by his emotions to say those things. But it still meant that he thought of it like that, right?

She buried her face on behind her knees. She was not going to cry, not over something stupid like this. If Tsubasa thought that her dream was stupid, then so be it. If he couldn't accept her dreams, then maybe they should just break up. It was no use trying to stay together if they couldn't even support each other.

Was she ready to end this though? To end the most amazing thing to ever happen in her life?

"Knock, knock," she raised her head to look at her door, where her mom was peeking her head in, a place of food in her hand. "How are you doing?"

Sanae rubbed her eyes and plastered on a fake smile. "Oh you know, the usual. Just on binge watching Studio Ghibli movies."

"Ooh, can I join?" her mom asked teasingly. She raised the plate of food up. "I brought chocolate truffles."

Sanae finally managed to a small smile. "How can I say no to that?" she replied. Haruka returned the smile and sat beside her daughter on the bed, setting the plate of truffles between them. Each of them took a piece and began to eat, watching the movie silently.

"So," Haruka broke the silence a few moments after finishing her truffle. "A little birdy told me that you haven't been acting like yourself."

Who wo- damn it Ayame!

"What do you mean?" she tried to act ignorant. "I've been me this whole time. How do you even not act like yourself?"

"Don't even try Sanae," Haruka scolded lightly. "I'm your mother. Even if no one told, I can see easily that you're having problems."

"The only problems I have are math problems," she tried to play it off, reaching out for another truffle.

"Sanae," her mother said sternly. She felt her whole body freeze. Her mother rarely used that tone, and when she did Sanae knew she was serious about this.

Sighing, she pulled her arm back and hugged a pillow closer to her, letting her mother know that she was listening to her.

"It's something about Tsubasa-kun, isn't it?"

Of course, expect her mother to not beat around the bush and head straight to the point.

She wanted to deny it, but Sanae knew that whatever she did, her mother wouldn't stop until she told her the truth.

"Yes," she admitted softly.

"Relationship problems?" Her mother asked softly.

"Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know," she answered with a sigh. "It's a little complicated."

Haruka only looked at her as if asking "try me" while she crossed her arms in with a blank stare to her daughter. Sanae only sighed once more and hugged her pillow tighter.

"Tsubasa doesn't want me to go to Columbia," she finally told her.

"Well, why not?" Haruka asked in confusion. Honestly, with the way these two acted, it seemed like they were ready to support each other no matter what. Apparently that was wrong.

"I don't know," Sanae answered, the pillow muffling her voice. "He said it was a stupid idea."

"Are you sure he said that?" Haruka said, "That doesn't sound like him at all."

"It's true," Sanae said, "I heard him say it to their first year manager."

"And when was that?"

"Yesterday, when they were talking at the rooftop."

"Are you telling me that you listened in on other people's conversations?" Haruka asked with a raised eyebrow. "Really Sanae, I taught you better than that."

"What? No-" Sanae exclaimed, raising her face from the pillow to look at her mother. "It wasn't like that! Look-"

She took a deep breath.

"Tsubasa left our classroom when he heard about the whole news with the Tournament and I wanted to check up on him. You know how much he was looking for this, and just suddenly knowing that it might be cancelled would be a huge shock. I'm shocked. So I followed him, talk it out with him. I knew he was going to go to the rooftop. He liked being under open skies when he wanted to calm down, but when I came there, he was already there, talking with someone else and-" her voice suddenly faltered. "I heard him say how it was a such a stupid idea."

"And?" Haruka asked patiently.

"And he began this whole rant about how there's also good colleges here in Japan -which he's not wrong about- and how I'm leaving everyone behind to go to a dumb prestigious school in America," she ended. "I'm not leaving for a dumb prestigious school. I'm leaving for a school that will help me get published easier. And I'm not leaving everyone behind. I'm only going to for a short while in order to be who I want to be, who I could be. Just like him."

Then she slumped her shoulders and released a deep breath. "Mama," she said softly. "Why does it feel like we're falling apart?"

"Oh Sunshine," Haruka said as she brought her daughter in her arms. Sanae, in a short bout of vulnerability, allowed herself to be comforted by her mother's warm embrace.

"That's what you think at first," Haruka said. "But don't give up yet. It's just your first fight. Every couple has their fights."

"But why does it feel like we're not together anymore?" Sanae asked.

"Every fight feels like that," Haruka answered, running her hand through her daughter's hair. "Fight usually happen when you guys aren't understanding each other enough. Maybe that's what's happening with the two of you. And the way it sounds like to me, Tsubasa's not telling you the whole thing on why he doesn't want you to leave."

"How can I make him tell me, when he doesn't even want to talk to me?"

"And have you tried trying to talk him?" Haruka countered.

"I did," Sanae said. "But after a week, he still didn't want to talk to me so I just-"

"Gave up?" Haruka finished for her. "Wanted him to feel the same way you do?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, see that's another problem," Haruka pointed out. "You guys are just too stubborn for your own good. And maybe at times it's a good thing, but sometimes it's not. In this case, one of you just have to swallow your pride and try to make them listen to you."

Sanae was silent for a few moments, before speaking again.

"You really think Tsubasa's not telling me something?" she asked quietly.

"I'm positive," Haruka answered. "Your father was like that too you know. He never liked saying what exactly what was on his mind, compared to me who hated not keeping my thoughts to myself."

Sanae didn't say anything, only staring at the Television that still continued to play her movie, but Haruka could see that she was thinking.

"Just think about it okay," she patted her daughter's arm. "Not every fight leads to break up. If that was the case, Your father and I wouldn't have lasted that long. If anything, your relationship would be stronger after this."

Sanae only nodded, contemplating about her mother's words.

"You and Tsubasa love each other too much, Sanae," Haruka said as she stood up. "Breaking up would destroy the both of you."

She walked towards the door, giving her daughter once last look.

"I'm heading down to the shop, okay?" she said. "And whatever happens, I'm here for you okay?"

Sanae only nodded once more, but this time she was clutching the wing charm on her neck.

He stared at the tea in front of him, acting as if he was letting it cool when in all actually he was in deep thought. Sugimoto's words kept repeating in his head, telling him to grab his phone and just call her. To finally let himself hear her voice after not hearing it for almost a month now.

But for reason, he just couldn't. His body wasn't letting him, even if his heart yearned for her.

"Your tea's really going to be cold now," he snapped out of his thoughts when he heard his mother's voice.

Natsuko sat across from him, her chin being supported by her hand. Tsubasa tried to give her a smile, but he knew it probably looked like a grimace than anything.

"You have that look again," she remarked as she took as sip from her own cup of tea.

"What look?" he played dumb, taking a sip from his tea. In his haste, he managed to burn his tongue.

"We've been over this Tsubasa," Natsuko replied as she chuckled as her son's childishness, letting his tongue cool by letting it out. "I always know when you have a problem."

Tsubasa put his tongue back in his mouth, looking down to his tea. There was steam smoke coming out of it, a sign that it still hadn't cooled off exactly.

"Is something wrong with Sanae-chan?" Natsuko tried to broach. "She hasn't been here as often as she used to. Daichi misses her."

"I-" Tsubasa began. "No? Yes? Maybe? I don't know," he sighed in defeat. "It's a little complicated."

"Try me," Natsuko said.

Tsubasa gave a quick glance to his mom before sighing once more.

"Sanae wants to leave Japan for college."

"And?"

Tsubasa gave his mother a confused look. "What do you mean and? Sanae's leaving Japan for college. She want to go to America. Isn't that explanation enough?"

"Not really," Natsuko answered. "I just know that Sanae-chan wants to go America for college and that for some reason you don't seem excited for it."

"Well yeah," Tsubasa replied. "She's leaving everything behind just because she this is dream. It seemed unreasonable."

"Well, you going to Brazil is reasonable?" Natsuko countered, sipping her tea calmly.

"That's different!" Tsubasa defended.

"How?" Natsuko asked sharply. "From how I see it, it almost the same as your dream, except hers meant studying to pursue her dream. What makes her dream any different from yours?"

Tsubasa shut up and looked down in shame.

"It feels like she's leaving me behind," he finally confessed.

"Oh Tsubasa," Natsuko reached across the table to hold her son's hand. Tsubasa didn't pull away from the contact, letting his mother caress his hand in comfort.

"I just-" he said. "I know how Sanae can be. She's- she's amazing Okaa-san. Whatever she does, I know she's going to do great. I know how much she's going to grow if she goes to America."

"Then what's wrong with that?" Natsuko asked him.

"Nothing!" Tsubasa exclaimed. "I would love nothing more than to see her improve and be the best she could be. It's just-" he looked at her which distraught eyes. "What if she found someone better? What if she suddenly grew tired of me? What if she doesn't love me anymore?"

Then his voice faltered even more.

"Why does it hurt, Okaa-san? Is it bad to think like this?"

Natsuko's gaze at him softened and she continued to rub his hand with her thumb.

"Loving can hurt, my little sky," she said, using the nickname she called him back when he was young. "And it's normal to feel that way. Your father felt that way too, back when I told him I wanted to get my degree in Environmental Science. We had a big fight, not unlike yours with Sanae."

"You have a degree in Environmental Science?" Tsubasa asked in surprise.

"Yup," Natsuko confirmed. "I've been working in the power plant here since we moved. I only work Tuesdays thru Thursdays though. But anyway," she cleared her throat.

"The fact is, your father and I had a long talk. We talked about our sides of the story, and I found the real reason why he didn't want me going to school. It was almost like yours you know," she chuckled. "Kodai said that he couldn't bear the thought of seeing me with someone else." Her eyes directed to the side, where a picture of them on their wedding hang, a tender look on her face. "It was very sweet, but I assured him that no one but him will hold my heart. So in the end he let me go. And as soon as I graduated, we got married and we had you."

Tsubasa followed her mother's gaze and looked at their picture thoughtfully. He always loved looking at that picture. His father, with his uniform held his mother in his arms and giving her the most tender look on he could give, as if she was his world. His mother, on the other hand, looked at him as if he was the sun itself, the reason why she was alive.

They were in love, and still are.

"Talk to her Tsubasa," Natsuko said to him. "And if this is the Sanae-chan I know, then she would understand you. Don't hold her down to the ground. Let her fly the skies with you."

Would she though?

"You and Sanae-chan love each other too much," Natsuko added. "Breaking up would destroy both of you. Just talk to her."

With one last past on his arm, Natsuko stood up and heading to the sink.

"And whatever happens, I'm here for you okay?"

Tsubasa only nodded, only staring at his tea cup. He didn't notice that he had tea steam floating upright in his tea.

He felt for the charm on his chest.

Maybe they could still work this out.

He didn't expect to find her at Hikarigaoka Park at this time. Or maybe he did. After all, it was her favorite spot at this time of the night. Their favorite spot.

He didn't know whether she knew he was there or not, he just knew that he was happy to see her there.

He felt his feet move on their own, and soon he found himself sitting beside her. Not quite close as he wanted, but close enough that their shoulders touched.

She was hugging her knees to her chest while he had his legs crossed. They sat together in silence, letting the night breeze pass by them as the they stared at the moon above them.

"What are you doing here?" she asked quietly, breaking the silence between them.

"I could ask you the same thing," he countered. "Don't you know how dangerous it can be to be alone at this time of the night?"

"Well, you're here now aren't you? I'm not alone anymore," she argued back.

Tsubasa let himself smile at that. At least he knew that she still trusted him with her safety.

Suddenly, he felt a weight on his shoulder. He turned to her only to see her head on his shoulder as she still looked ahead of her. She then closed her eyes and released a deep breath.

"I miss you," she told him quietly. Tsubasa's eyes softened and he looked back to the moon.

"I miss you too," he replied.

They were quiet once more, letting the wind ruffle their hair.

"We need to talk, don't we?" She said, not raising her head from his shoulder.

"Yeah," he agreed.

He heard take deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling as he waited for her to speak.

"I'm not changing my mind," she finally said.

"I know," he replied.

"I still want to go to America."

"I know."

"I don't care if you think it's stupid."

"I kno- wait what?" he turned to her suddenly. How did she know she thought it was stupid?

"I heard you talking to Sugimoto-san," she replied calmly. "Yesterday at the rooftop. I wanted to see how you were because of the news about the Tournament."

"Sanae-" he began, but she was already moving, taking her head from his shoulder, and faced him.

"Say it," she said, grabbing a hold of one his hands with her own. "Just tell me what you want to say. If we're going to make this relationship work, make us work, tell me what's on your mind. I'm not a mind reader Tsubasa, I don't know what you're thinking all the time."

Tsubasa looked down to their intertwined hands and tightened his hold onto her.

"I-" he began. "I really want to support you, really do. I just- I just don't want you to leave me behind." He took a deep breath. "I understand that going to America would help you lot in being an author, I really do. I just- I just don't know what to do what will happen when you stop loving me. When you find someone better than me. That's why I don't want you to leave."

Sanae felt her heart clench at his confession. It was so sweet but at the same time a little bit stupid.

"Tsubasa, look at me," she told him softly, laying her free hand on his face to direct her to look at him. Tsubasa looked at her, his lips in a small frown. "There will never be anyone that will be able to replace you in my heart. My heart belonged to you, even before I knew I loved you. Even if I tried, you'll always me here." She led his hand to her chest, placing it on top of her heart. "Do you feel that? This heart, till it stops, will only beat for you, and only for you. No matter if I go to the other side of the world, or even just down the street, my heart and my love will be yours until the end of time."

Tsubasa looked at her intensely, before he slowly cupped her face with his hands and pressed his lips to hers. Sanae welcomed him with no qualms. She missed this, him. Feeling him and just having him beside her.

"I don't deserve you," he breathed out once they separated and leaned his forehead on hers. Sanae opened her eyes and widened them in surprise. Was Tsubasa- was Tsubasa crying?

"I really don't," he continued. "I don't know how you're willing to stay by my side, to stay by a selfish man's side. I don't deserve you Sanae."

Sanae only wrapped her arms around him, letting him bury his face on her shoulder as he tried to stop his tears from flowing.

"But I don't want you to leave me," he said.

"Shh," she comforted him. "I'm not leaving you. I'll be here," she put her hand on his chest, right where his heart was. "I'll be here and and I'm staying there, till the ends of time."

Tsubasa only clung to her tighter, burying his face on her shoulder even more.

Sanae could only hold him as tight as she could, letting him know that she wasn't leaving and she was there to stay.

End Chapter

AN: the fact that tsubasa can be vulnerable really gets me, like we dont really see him cry that mu- actually i lied, he does cry a lot in the manga. but anyway. i dunno, tsubasa realizing just how much sanae means to him is like a huge thing for me. i really believe if it wasn't for her, tsubasa wouldnt be able to function like a normal adult (tm) and man, sanae's unending support. talk about forever. but yeah, they finally talked and we found out that apparently mrs oozora is a smart lady. the one great thing about ct is that they push girl so much in the background you can do whatever you want with them, so yeah, natsuko oozora helps making the environment to be as clean as possible.

yeah, im done. thanks for reading and pls review :)