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Derailed
Chapter 34: Would It Bring You Joy?
~ Catspook
You have got to be kidding me.
Cruella De Vil was at the bar. White fur coat with a red silk lining, long, black cigarette holder (not lit), and she even had the two-tone hair. "Another gin, darling," she cooed at the bartender.
Lily didn't know what to do. Teaming up would be the villain thing to do, wouldn't it? But she didn't want to. This was her revenge, and from the fur to the diamonds, everything about Cruella just screamed that she thought was better than everyone else. Lily didn't need that.
A lanky man at the bar spotted her and waved, smiling kindly. Lily didn't need that either, but between him and Cruella, she was going to have to sit next to one of them if she wanted a drink. She went with him.
"Hey," the bartender said, "Don't think I've seen you here before."
"I'm new in town."
"Oh, one of the monkeys?"
Monkeys? "Yeah. A beer. Draft. Please."
"Sure thing!"
He was way too cheerful for a dive bartender, and she wondered if he was some kind of dwarf; he had the beard for it. "I'm Will," the lanky man next to her said, sipping on his own beer.
"Starla," she said absently, hoping he'd get the hint.
"Starla?" Cruella asked, grinning eagerly.
"Marla," Lily corrected.
Cruella's crimson lips pursed into a wicked, sultry smile. "Are you sure, darling?"
"I know my own name, lady."
Cruella laughed. "A pity," she said. "If you were Starla, we could have helped one another."
"With what?"
"Well, that hardly matters if you're not her, doesn't it?"
"Whatever." The bartender set her beer on a paper coaster, and Lily reached for her wallet.
"Put that on my tab," Cruella told the bartender.
"OK," he said. She obviously made him nervous, and Lily knew a normal person would feel bad for him. She didn't. Instead, she just sized up Cruella.
She was dangerous. She exuded the kind of darkness Lily had been expecting - hoping for - from Maleficent. But she was a user too, an almost laughably transparent one. Lily wondered if it was because she was used to dealing with men who fell all over her, or if her magic just made it so easy in the Enchanted Forest that she didn't have to try.
"Nothing burns me more than watching someone get away with something; don't you agree?" she asked.
"No," Lily said, just to be contrary. Will laughed into his beer.
Cruella only smirked. "I can still smell a liar even if I've had a gin or three, darling."
"Well, that makes me want to help you," Lily said, bitingly sarcastic. Will laughed again. Cruella shot him an annoyed glare, effortlessly melting it into a charming smile - or what might have been charming if Lily was in the habit of thinking with her hormones.
"Allow me to be frank with you," Cruella said.
"OK, Frank." Will was either really easily amused or had had more beers than Cruella had had gin, because he collapsed into the bar giggling helplessly.
People were starting to stare, and Cruella pursed her lips, annoyed. Lily smiled. Maybe her life was shit, but she could still screw with someone who thought she was better than everyone just because she had diamonds and a fur coat. "How mature. And here I was hoping to have an adult conversation."
"I think you were bound for disappointment if you came here for conversation," Lily said. "Sad drunks aren't usually the best time."
"Are you sad?" she asked slyly.
Lily snorted at the obviously play. "No, but I'm starting to think you and every other villain in this town is. Ever since I got here, all I've seen is supposedly badass villains drinking cheap gin and eating pie."
"And weak beer is better, is it?"
"I'm not the one with a franchise."
"You could be."
Lily laughed. "Is that what you call being subtle?"
"It's what I call cutting to the chase. Rumplestiltskin may be an irritating midget, but he was always right about one thing: when two parties both have something the other desires, a deal can always be struck."
"And just what is it you think I want?"
She leaned in close, a devil if Lily had ever seen one. But devils were old hat by now. "Why, revenge, of course, darling," Cruella purred.
Lily nonchalantly took a sip of her beer. "And what is it you want from me? I always figured Cruella De Vil could get revenge all by herself."
"Of course I could, but what fun is it without friends? And I seem to have lost all mine."
"I can't imagine why," Lily said flatly. Cruella didn't give a rat's ass about friends. She was like a drug dealer or a sleazy grifter boyfriend (Lily had known plenty of both); she wanted something, and Lily was just a tool towards that end. Lily was sick of a lot of shit, but she was especially sick of being used.
The only possible response was to use her right back.
Cruella curled her lip and clutched at her glass, annoyed that her ploy wasn't working. Lily let her stew for a minute, then asked, "What did you have in mind?"
Cruella smiled, lighting up like a child who had just been given a lollipop at the bank. "What do you know about the Author?" she asked.
"He's a dick," Lily said truthfully.
"Oh, darling, you have no idea."
By the time the party had reached full swing, Rumplestiltskin was more than ready to leave, but he stuck it out to make Belle happy. Apparently, his ability to guess what made her happy had not improved much.
"Let's get out of here," she muttered into his ear.
"You want to?" he asked.
She nodded, smiling impishly, and he looked over at Bae. Bae seemed pleased by the evening's developments, but had not bothered to join the party. Rumplestiltskin leaned over the tabletop, "Do you want to go home?" he asked.
"Yeah," Bae said, grabbing his coat.
On their way out, they ran into Emma on her way in. "Oh, Gold. We moved the Author. Just a precaution." Maleficent stood behind her, looking concerned. Rumplestiltskin had not missed Lily's departure earlier.
"That seems wise," he agreed. "Do you expect Lily to act soon?" Emma looked at Maleficent. Maleficent nodded. "You have my number," he said.
"Hopefully, it won't come to that, but thanks, Gold. Have a good night."
"Good night, Emma."
Belle and Maleficent shared a meaningful glance, and while Rumplestiltskin had never been one to forgive, he expected that Maleficent would be welcome in the library sooner rather than later. He would have to remain vigilant (as if he could ever be otherwise), but through his mistrust (and his curse) he could recognize more than a little of himself in the fallen fairy. But then he never much cared for himself, either (he and the good doctor had begun to discuss that - the resulting conversations were extremely uncomfortable).
Still smiling, Belle said her good nights and tugged him outside. He took her arm and they walked home. He found himself admiring the light snow that had begun to fall, and how it glittered in the glow of the streetlights. He could not allow himself to simply trust that Poseidon would deliver on his promise, but he found that he had more hope than was probably wise. Could it be over? Could they really be free?
You will never be free.
Somehow, I knew you would say that.
The house was cool inside, draughty old place that it was. Rumplestiltskin's twitched his fingers to warm it with magic, but thought better of it, glancing towards the wood stacked in the living room. "How about a fire?" he suggested.
"Sounds lovely," Belle said. "I'll make tea."
Bae helped him with the fire, giving him a hand up once it had caught. Somewhere along the line - he wasn't sure when or precisely why - Rumplestiltskin had stopped constantly using magic to reinforce his ankle. He was sure Dr. Hopper would have a lot to say about that, most of it more generous than reality. Whatever the reality was.
Unexpectedly, Bae hugged him. Here. Reality is here.
"Do you think it will last?" Bae asked as he pulled away, more a child than Rumplestiltskin had seen him in a long, long time. But weren't they all children before the gods?
"I hope so, Bae, I really do."
"OK," he said, resolute.
Rumplestiltskin cupped his cheek. "My boy. I've been so proud of your through all of this. I want you to know that."
Bae shrugged bashfully. "It's no big deal."
"It is, Bae, it really is. I've done so much wrong in my life, but you… you amaze me. Every day."
Bae reached up, his fingertips brushing the back of Rumplestiltskin's hand. "You amaze me too, Papa."
Unearned, unwarranted, but by the gods, Rumplestiltskin believed him. "Thank you, Bae."
Belle returned with the tea (hot chocolate for Bae). She giggled when Rumplestiltskin enchanted the tea table to march up to her, tapping its delicately scrolled legs smartly on the floor. "Why thank you, Mr. Table," she said, setting the tray down. Bae took his mug and, with a grin, retreated to one of the fading, pink chairs by the window.
"Thank you," Rumplestiltskin said as Belle handed him his cup and saucer. He glanced at the second chair, then at the antique bench cabinet that always looked a stiff breeze away from collapsing and was dreadfully uncomfortable to sit on. He shooed her towards the second chair and sat on the stool for his wheel instead.
He hadn't touched his wheel since Zelena. It wasn't only the memories. His wheel had brought him solace for so long, he could not bear to learn that she had taken then from him too. If he never touched it again, he would never know. But Belle would tell him to try. A brave man would try.
He sipped his tea. Bae got up and retrieved a stack of records and turned on the player. It crackled warmly, and a familiar snare and beep bass filled the rapidly warming room.
Rumplestiltskin smiled as John Lennon sang,
"Shoot me, shoot me, shoot me, shoot me
Here come old flat-top, he come grooving up slowly…*"
The song didn't make sense, but it didn't have to. In the warm light of the fire, under the uncertain hope that the destinies that had been forced on them might finally have ended, the music was pleasant, and the only memories it stirred involved afternoons and evenings spent just like this, moments of refuge with his family.
He finished his tea. He looked at the dregs in his cup. He thought it funny that some people on Earth believed that tealeaves could foretell the future. The reality of Seers was so much more gruesome, even more than he had thought for so long. He beckoned the table over and set his cup upon it. Belle smiled at him.
"…Something in the things she shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how**"
He looked from his empty hands to the wheel. She'd dusted it in the time he'd been… gone. Be brave. He summoned a basket of wool and his carders from the basement. He had some roving ready, but he needed a little more time. Coward.
Dr. Hopper had told him to be patient with himself. It was hard. He kept his head down; he didn't want to see the expressions his family's faces. China clinked and Belle stood up. "I'll be right back." She scurried lightly up the stairs and returned with the book she'd been reading before bed. Bae got his backpack and pulled out his sketchbook.
The carding did calm him, even as the anticipation of spinning made his belly twist. When the roving was ready - more than he needed - he took his time preparing the wheel. The record reached the end of side one, and as the player flipped to side two, he heard the soft scratch of Bae's pencils and the rustle of Belle turning a page.
"Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right…***"
The wheel began to turn. No magic. No gold. No Zelena. He was home. He was safe. The wool under his hands was softer than any he'd been able to afford as a spinner - peasant, he had always been a spinner - but the motions never changed; they went back so much further than Zelena. Further than the Dark One. Even further than Bae. Losing Bae hadn't taken that from him; even then he had liked to watch the wheel.
He still did.
He didn't smile. He sighed, quiet and long. And he relaxed.
Lily whistled. "Nice place. Who'd you have to kill for it?"
Cruella laughed. "Nothing like that, darling; this is the Sorcerer's mansion."
Lily paused. Emma had told her about this place, and about the Sorcerer. The Sorcerer hadn't even wanted Lily to know what Snow White and Prince Charming had done; the Apprentice had defied him to tell her that. "Have you seen the Apprentice?" she asked.
Cruella waved dismissively. "The Sorcerer and Apprentice can't be bothered with us mere mortals." She strutted into the place like she owned it. Lily followed her in.
Lily had learned a few things so far. She'd learned Cruella wanted the Author dead. And she's learned that her first instinct had been right; Cruella didn't give a damn about Lily or about revenge on Snow White and Prince Charming. She was on her own. Just like always.
"The bedrooms are upstairs. Take whichever you like. Just not the master; that's mine."
"Of course it is."
"And do be careful what you pick up; this place is full of magic."
"Magic?"
"Of course. It is the Sorcerer's, after all." Cruella yawned dramatically. "Good night, darling."
Lily rolled her eyes as the older woman sauntered up the stairs. Could you be any less subtle? But when would she get another chance to case a place like this?
The place was huge. There was expensive crap everywhere: a silver clock, crystal light fixtures. She found the library and filled her pockets with bejeweled pens, letter openers, and a magnifying glass. She found the kitchen. Tons of fancy china; shiny, copper pans - and no food. She took a couple of the knives.
Room after fancy room. No dust. No bugs. The place should be freaking her out, but she just didn't care. The Sorcerer owed her.
She saw the light under the master bedroom door. She walked past it, up to the third floor. She found a room overlooking the clock tower. She decided it would do. She took a long bath (the fancy, claw-foot tub didn't actually have a shower). The place was fully stocked with soap and towels, but no toothbrush. No problem. She scrubbed her teeth with her finger. As far as places to crash, she could do way worse (and had).
She put her clothes back on and flopped on the bed. But she was restless. She always was. She got up again and wandered over to the large window seat. The clock above the library ticked past midnight. The witching hour.
She laughed humorlessly, then sat, pulling her knees up to her chest. She still didn't have a plan.
Zelena turned over restlessly. The Author was now a prisoner here, and Regina had not been able to resist gloating about it when she and the Savior had brought him in.
"And in case you get any ideas," Regina had said, "Rumple broke the Quill. None of you are going anywhere."
"I'm sure he told you that," Zelena had taunted.
"I saw him do it. And he gave me half. And Poseidon will be having a word with the other gods about Hades. It's over, sis."
"Hades?"
"We know he wanted you for True Love's Kiss. I don't know if he was going to use the Quill to brainwash you or give it to you as a gift, but it's gone. He's staying put. And so are you."
Zelena immediately knew which he had intended - because she would have done the same - and her blood chilled. But she would never let her sister see that. "Thanks for the update, sis. Now if you don't mind, I think I'll go to bed."
"It doesn't have to be like this," Regina had said.
"Yes," Zelena had shot back. "It really does."
It was late now. The cell was draughty, the mattress lumpy and hard. Hissing in frustration, Zelena turned again. In the faint light from the window, she saw something on the nightstand that had not been there a moment before. She sat up, peering closely.
It can't be…
She picked it up. It hummed with magic.
The Quill.
Hades?
She tightened her fist, ready to snap it, but stopped herself. This was her way out; she wasn't stupid enough to waste it.
What is he playing at?
She climbed off the bed, carefully, quietly shifting the mattress away from the wall. She placed the Quill within and pushed the mattress back. She lay back down, trailing her fingertips against the bricks that separated her from the Author.
Tomorrow's exercise hour was going to be very interesting.
*Lyrics from Come Together by the Beatles
** Lyrics from Something by the Beatles
*** Lyrics from Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles