Ch. 34 Therapy and Dreams

I've awakened in the middle of the night because of a frightening dream. More like a night terror. In my dream state, I'm being chased by someone who looks like a cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Kaitlyn Jenner. They're lumbering toward me wearing spiked heels and an outfit from the Terminator. That would be a torn black leather vest with silver buckles that hang from a few threads around the waist and a pair of banging hot black leather chaps. To add to the horror, a tight cotton pencil skirt covers the lower half of this creature's body. It's more than disturbing.

My voice attempts to call out for help but I can't get the scream out of my throat. I'm thrashing around when Christian shakes me a little. We're in bed and the clock reads 3:15am.

"Baby, it's okay. You're having a nightmare. I'm here. Don't worry." He shushes me.

My heart rate's in the workout zone. I'm covered with a thick sweat. I finally open my eyes to see my gorgeous fiancé staring into my eyes with loving concern. That calms me down like nothing else could possibly do. I sob for a minute then wrap my arms around his neck as I recover.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head back and forth.

"Let's wait until we see Dr. Flynn." I tell him this with utter conviction. He looks frustrated but agrees.

"The first thing tomorrow morning then."

I nod my head in assent. Christian kisses me gently and pulls me snugly into his arms. I fall back to sleep almost immediately.

When we awaken in the light of day, the ghosts have faded from memory. Flynn should be able to call it all back during one of our hypnotherapy sessions, if necessary. We eat breakfast quietly while thinking about our issues. I've never felt so eager to go in for a couples encounter. When the time comes, we both seem relieved.

John greets us warmly and then gestures toward the love seat in the middle of his office. When I sit down, Christian places his arm around my shoulder and tucks me under him like a young child. I feel coddled and protected. Then our therapy begins.

We update him on what happened with Kaitlyn and the Dean of Students as well as her conversations with each of us.

"I understand you had quite a nightmare recently, Ana. Can you tell us more?"

I nod and then clear my throat. When I try to speak, I choke. Both men look concerned. Finally, I manage to get something out. "I guess I felt more upset than I realized." I laugh a little then. Christian looks alarmed.

"Can you tell us what made you so upset, Anastasia?" He asks me this with the kindest expression on his face I've ever noticed. I really trust Dr. Flynn because he wants nothing but the best for the two of us as a couple. So do I.

Christian's also pulling me in and petting my back now. His touch feels heavenly. I give him my best smile. That puts him at ease as well.

"I feel really worried about what other people keep trying to do to us." I notice that my boyfriend agrees.

John nods at my statement and then looks to my fiancé.

"Me too. Especially now that this Kaitlyn person has made her moves."

"She made an official complaint about you and Jack. They'll be watching you both, probably with cameras, for the rest of your time at the university. Can you handle that?"

I shrug since being observed as I go about my graduate work doesn't bother me in the least. I've nothing to fear. In fact, the cameras will probably demonstrate nothing but the truth about the relationship between me and Jack. He's a means to an end and my employer. I need to keep him happy but there's absolutely no chemistry between us.

"No doubt. Anything else?" John seems to have anticipated my reaction.

"I could scream when I think of all the time that simply undoing all her lies will take up in the next week or so. Time that I don't seem to have."

He's watching both of us carefully and paying special attention to our physical moves now.

"My advice is this: Write your explanation down and forget about what the bureaucrats will do. That's out of your control. Just tell them the truth as you know it."

I feel my body letting go of its tension. I totally I agree with his idea. He's watching my posture.

"Is there anything else on your mind?" He's acting more like a therapist all the time. Especially with his attention to the issue of body language.

"I worry most that someone like Kaitlyn could get to Christian so easily. He said he felt sorry for her and that's why he gave her some time. That makes me wonder about how quickly anyone at all could get between us."

John indicates with an arch of his brow that it's my fiancé's time to speak.

My boyfriend sighs then and stares into my eyes for a few seconds. "You're afraid that I'll get manipulated by other women like her. Aren't you?" He turns to face me and we're eye to eye.

Finally, we're addressing one another exclusively. Flynn's functioning as an observer to our dialogue.

"Yes, that's true, Christian. I felt threatened that you let her into my office and gave Kaitlyn time to plant those seeds of doubt in your head. That tells me that you're still quite vulnerable. How many other times will you let someone else do that?"

"That's only because she mentioned how intimate you and Jack appeared to be during your luncheon chat. When it comes to you and other men I go ballistic, Ana." He huffs and then averts his eyes from mine. He's embarrassed. "Now you know how pathetic I really am."

I realize that Dr. Flynn already knows these truths about Christian.

"You think because you have dissociation issues that I'll leave you?"

He nods his head. "I'm a high risk kind of gamble for someone as grounded as you are. Why marry someone who might change on you in a nanosecond? Someone whose two selves aren't always merged properly."

"Well. I've got news for you. I love you, in part, because of it. Besides that, I can handle both of your personalities on their own terms. It won't be your DID that sends me packing though."

"That's reassuring, I guess. But we won't really know until a few years down the line. When life gets more predictable. Maybe Edward's gruff side won't seem so charming then."

"True but I do know myself. That's how I'll always feel toward you. Gruff Edward still loves me, when push comes to shove. He knows it and so do I. Love, for me, dominates both of your personalities."

Christian nods and gives me a relieved and grateful smile then. My argument seems to have soothed and convinced him. In his heart, he knows I'm right.

John jumps into our discussion then. "Let's back up here for a minute. His split personality doesn't bother you but something else does. Just a second ago you implied something more about what could make you run, Ana. I think we should go into some depth about that. Talk to each other about it."

I like the fact that Flynn's not missing a beat. Then I turn once again to my partner.

"What I dreamed about could be related to your concern for this other woman. Like feeling sorry for Kaitlyn and spending time with her in my office. She's the enemy and you're being kind to her. Giving her power. That sends me into an absolute rage."

Christian chuckles at me and shakes his head, then. "You're jealous about my encounter with Kaitlyn, aren't you? The time I spent with her in your office?"

"Of course. I've got my own insecurities. She's pretty, bright and very needy. Given your paranoia about me and other men, she might convince you that I'm a cheat."

"Never. Talk about insecurities? You're also bright, motivated, beautiful. More than perfect for me. I can't even think of another woman when I'm with you. Trust me, I felt no attraction to her at all. "

"But you're so wealthy, successful and gorgeous. You could have any woman you want. Why go for a ordinary looking bookworm like me?"

He laughs and strokes my face. Then starts kissing my cheek. When he's done, we're both feeling a bit breathless.

"Guess I'm a fool for the many bookish types of women out there who look exactly like you. The ones with very high GPAs and smart mouths. That, along with perfect glowing skin, long dark thick hair, and sky blue eyes with long dark lashes, is quite a lot. You're beautiful."

"Keep talking to each other. Pretend I'm not here." John's excited about our dialogue now. He's smiling and looking from one to the other of us.

I perk up immediately at Christian's compliments. "Anything else?" I know I'm fishing for more goodies but I need to hear him go through the list. John might as well be invisible.

"Don't get me started on your body, Ana. I think of it often; every day when we're apart. You have the most beautiful long, slim legs. Your breasts seem to be the perfect size, as least as far as my hands and mouth go. And that ass of yours. You've got some booty going on there baby. Must be from all your walking back and forth to campus. Such great proportions overall. I love your whole package."

"I knew you were a sex fiend. It's my body that you want." The smile now covering my face cannot be contained. John's looking delighted and encouraged.

"How about you, Ana? How do you feel about Christian?"

"I think the same holds true for me. You look like a model. Your body does things to me, even before we touch, that causes my very core to burn hot for you. I also love that you're this wildly successful businessman with a tortured soul."

"Keep going you two."

"While I love your body, every inch of it, what really seals the deal for me is how much your body likes mine. You should see yourself from my perspective. It's such a turn on to notice how eager and receptive your core instinct is for mine."

We both pause because we've sharing our most intimate thoughts. We look at John then. "Give her more details, Christian. She needs to hear everything from you."

He nods and faces me fully then.

"Take last night for instance. You were beside yourself with the need for our connection. Again and again. That's the most reassuring thing you could have done for me. No woman's ever shown that kind of intimate desire for what I have to give. I know without a doubt then how much you really love me after I see your reaction. Especially when you're calling my name. When we finish making love, I feel completely reassured about you. And us."

"Me, too, baby. I can't resist you. I adore hearing my name when we merge. It's the best thing, ever."

John jumps in then. "No doubt. Your sexual hookups are a gauge of your love. But there's another matter that we must address here. Tell Ana what's causing your other half to surface these days? Now's the time to move past that hurdle."

"I may be successful and hot, at least from your point of view, but I'm also driving you crazy with…my jealousy. Right?"

I nod because it's true. "Why are you so jealous, Christian? There's no one else but you."

"I'm afraid that you'll figure out how much easier it is to have a love affair with someone else. Someone without all this baggage. There are plenty of good looking, wealthy men out there who have intact personalities. Any of those men would be more than thrilled to marry someone with your assets. I meet them every day."

I roll my eyes then and smile sweetly. "Well, I don't. And I have no desire to know anyone other than you. It's our chemistry that makes the difference. I love you so much."

Christian's smile lights up the room like a candle. Then he bursts out laughing.

"Same here. And I have no intention of introducing you to any of those men."

"Then you'd better keep me far away from those Chamber of Commerce and charity events that you just love to attend without me. I might find a real man at one of those dinners." I'm laughing like a lunatic as I imagine myself attending one of his incredibly boring gatherings. All in the name of doing business.

Before I know it, I get smothered with kisses from the man I love more than life itself.

"Now this is a crucial moment, kids. Each of you feels insecure because you think they'll find someone else. You each believe that you're not good enough for the other. Got that?"

We both nod our heads at his insights. He's so right.

"What can you both do to build trust? That's the key to your future. There's always going to be some other person around who might threaten each of you. Let's work on a solution. Why don't you go first, Ana?"

"It doesn't matter who else is out there, for me. I'm delighted that I'm going to marry you and share your life. I've chosen you though and find that utterly amazing. No matter what your demons might be, they're part of your charm."

Christian stares into my eyes as though he's had a major breakthrough. He doesn't say much of anything at first. Then Dr. Flynn speaks up.

"What about you, Grey? Have you something to add to reassure Ana about these matters?"

"I'm definitely not looking for anyone else. I want to assure you of that forever, baby. You are everything I want and need. I won't listen to anyone like Kaitlyn in the future. Even if she has my sympathy. I won't let her get to me. You're the only one who matters. I'll shut other women down for you. Always."

My eyes light up with hope. "Me too. Maybe we should use a safe word. A word that will remind us to trust one another. What could it be?"

We both look at each other for a minute as we imagine the possibilities. That's when I have a creative rush. "Why not something like an acronym? Words can get confusing. For example, we could say the letters YTO?"

Something clicks in Christian's head as he mulls over the possibilities then light up. "Meaning: You're the One?"

"Absolutely. It's a quick reminder to each other that we've got the other one's back and their love."

That's when Flynn stands to remind us that our time is up. We leave his office feeling ten feet high and filled with hope about our relationship. We're holding hands when Christian says what we both think.

"You're the best, John. Thanks for everything you've given us today." He pats us both on the back as we leave.

"Until next time."

Then I add at last and sigh, "Now we've just got to send in our statements to the Dean and make sure that Kaitlyn gets a lesson she won't forget anytime soon."

"Piece of cake."

AN: We all know that Kaitlynn won't be easy. What should happen with her now? Please fav and follow my story. It keeps me on track with the writing. Thanks so much! You're the best.