Ch. 36.

Callie

After my dad was gone, I felt an emptiness inside me that I couldn't describe. I swallowed hard, and turned to my little sister. "Don't worry, Soph. We've waited this long. We can wait one more week. Then we'll just tell him we want him to sign the papers."

Sophia looked down, still holding the bag of sour gummi worms. "What if we don't want him to sign them?"

My eyes widened with disbelief. "What are you saying, Soph?"

She shrugged. "I feel sorry for him, Callie. He seems so sad."

"I feel sorry for him too," I admitted, remembering the way he'd looked at us when he said goodbye. "But I don't want to live with him. I'm happy here."

"So am I," she said, wistfully, twisting the cellophane bag in her hands. "But we could be a family again! I miss him so much. You think I don't remember anything about our family, but I do! I remember us and Mom and Dad. We were so happy once. Sometimes I just want that back!"

"Quiet down," I told her calmly, placing my hands on either of her shoulders. "Moms will hear you." I glanced at the kitchen doorway, where moms were cleaning up in the kitchen, then looked her in the eye. "We can't get the old days back, Sophia. I'm sorry. But it can never be the way it used to be. Things have changed too much."

"I'm tired of everything changing," she said. She was on the verge of tears, but she tried to hide it from me.

"I know you are, baby," I sighed. "I am too. But we have a new life now. We need to move on, and forget about the old days."

"I can't forget," she said in a choked voice. "I miss Daddy. I- I think I want to live with him."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing," I said. "You can't mean that, not after all we've been through. After all Stef and Lena have done for us. How could you be so ungrateful?"

Sophia's dammed up tears finally burst free. "I knew you wouldn't understand." She turned toward the back door.

"Sophia, wait!" But she already stalked out the screen door, slamming it behind her, rattling the windows. My shoulders slumped. I felt crushed.

"What is going on?" Stef said, hurrying into the living room, with Lena behind her. Their faces were full of concern. "Is Sophia okay, honey? Did something happen?"

"She's fine," I said. "I don't want to talk about it. I'm gonna go finish my homework." I headed upstairs before they could stop me.

Dinner was torture. Sophia barely said two words to anyone, and I felt just as glum. After we cleared our plates, Sophia went up to our room. Sensing she wanted to be alone, I stayed behind and did the dishes with Brandon.

"So how was your visit with you dad?" he asked, as I rinsed a dish under the faucet. "You guys didn't seem very happy after he left."

"We had a fight," I admitted. "She's just been so difficult lately. She never used to be like that, until our dad came back into the picture."

"It's her age," he told me, drying the dish with a towel and placing it in the rack. "Mariana was a pain in the ass when she was that age. Hormones, I guess. She'll outgrow it." He took another dish from me. "Didn't you ever go through a phase like that?"

I shook my head. "No. I was too busy taking care of an eight-year-old."

"That must have been tough," he said, thoughtfully. "Can I ask what the fight was about?"

I paused, my hands submerged in the soapy water. "It's our dad," I shakily admitted. "I knew seeing him was a mistake. He wants us to live with him. I don't want to, but Sophia does. Or at least she thinks she does. I don't think she's old enough to make those kinds of decisions. But she can be really stubborn when she wants to be."

"Have you told moms?" he asked.

"No," I said. "I don't want to hurt their feelings. I can handle this."

"I really think you should tell them, Cal," he insisted. "This is something they need to know."

"You think so?" I asked.

No nodded. "At the very least, they can talk some sense into her. Go talk to them. I'll finish the dishes for you."

He handed me a towel and I dried my hands. "Thanks, Brandon."

"Any time," he smiled, turning back to the sink.

I found Stef and Lena in the living room, watching TV. "Do you guys have a minute to talk?" I asked. They looked so cozy, curled up together on the couch. I almost didn't want to disturb them with my problems, but I knew I had to. Brandon was right. I needed to get everything that had happened off my chest.

"Sure, " said Stef. "We always have time for you, love."

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I don't want to bother you."

"Callie," she chuckled. "Will you get over here?" She shut off the TV and moved over, patting the cushion between them. "Come sit with us. I have the feeling you need a mama sandwich."

I nodded and sat down in the valley between them. It felt comfortable and safe, like nothing could ever hurt me. I wished I could feel that way forever.

"What's on your mind, sweetheart?" Lena asked, running her long, graceful fingers through my hair. "Mom and I have been a little worried. You girls seemed so quiet after your father left. Is everything okay?"

I shook my head, fighting back tears. "No. Its not."

I felt Stef straighten up beside me, protectively. "What is it, honey?"

I took a shaky breath; every part of me felt shaky. "Our dad invited us to live with him. And... I think Sophia wants to go."

Stef placed her hand on my arm. "What exactly did she say?"

"She was just saying that she felt sorry for our dad," I explained. "That she misses him. She was talking about being a family again."

Stef and Lena exchanged worried glances. "Your father isn't trying to force you to go with him, is he?" Stef asked, looking me in the eye.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "But he didn't sign the papers yet. He said he wants us to think about if getting adopted is what we really want first."

"It is still what you want, isn't it, honey?" said Lena. "For us to adopt you?"

"Yes," I said. "I want to be a part of this family more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. But..." I sighed. "You know that if Sophia decides to live with him, I'll have to go with her, right? We have to stay together, even if it's not what I want. We're a package deal."

"We know, baby," Stef said softly, resting her head against mine. "We don't want you to go either, but we know you have to do what you have to do sometimes."

"But it might not even come to that," Lena reminded us, calmly. "Sophia might not really know what she wants, herself." I glanced up at her. Her deep, dark brown eyes were clouded with sadness. I knew how much Sophia meant to her, and could only imagine what she was feeling. "Her emotions were running high, and she may have just been talking in the moment. She's seemed pretty happy here."

"She is happy here," I said. "We both are."

"I know he meant well, but he was wrong to ask you to make a choice like that," Stef mussed. "Especially without us present. I don't even understand how he's thinking he can take care of you girls. From what Bill's told us, he works nights. I'm guessing he wouldn't be around all that much."

"I didn't know that," I said softly. I sighed, looking to them pleadingly, then forced myself to ask for help. "What do I do?"

"Try not to worry, honey," Lena said. "Give Sophia a chance to cool off, and mom and I will talk to her if you want us to. I have a feeling everything will work out."

I managed a small smile. Her optimism was hard not to believe in. "Thanks."

"I love you," she said planting a kiss on my forehead.

I kissed her cheek. "I love you too." I turned to hug and kiss Stef. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby," she said, pulling me closer and kissing my cheek.

The week had almost gone by, and I wasn't sure if Stef and Lena had talked to Sophia or not. If they had, Sophia hadn't said anything about it, and neither had they. Honestly though, my sister and I hadn't talked much at all since the Sunday our dad came. But I was starting to get worried, because I knew that when the week was up, dad would want to know our decision. So, on Thursday night, I decided I had to talk with Sophia myself. If moms hadn't been able to get through to her, maybe there was something I could say that would.

"Soph, are you sure you want to live with dad?" I asked, looking up from the homework that was spread out on my bed.

She shrugged, barely glancing at me. "I don't know. I just miss him so much, Callie."

"I know you do," I sighed, moving over to her bed. "But if we went to live with him, we'd be losing so much. We'd have to switch schools again... we wouldn't have this nice room, which I know you love... and you wouldn't have Mama to tuck you in at night. Mom told me dad works nights. So, he probably wouldn't have that much time for us. And if we aren't happy there, we wouldn't be able to just come back here."

"I never thought about that," she said quietly.

I reached for her hand. "Soph, I didn't want to tell you this, but I've been to dad's house."

Her eyes widened. "You have? When?"

"The day he didn't show up to see us," I explained. "I found his address and I went to find out why he didn't come."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, her voice rising.

"I didn't want you to think he only came because I told him to," I said softly. "You wanted to see him so much. I didn't want you to feel bad."

She looked down sadly. "Oh."

"He wanted to come that day. He was just afraid he'd see that we were better off without him." I brushed back a strand of her hair. "I love dad, Sophia. But I think he was right about us being better off. It wouldn't be like it is here, at dad's house."

"He lives in this small apartment," I told her. "It's really shabby inside. I don't think he makes much money. And mom said the neighborhood he lives in isn't very safe. When I was there, I could hear people fighting in the other apartments. It was scary."

"Callie," Sophia said, watching me with wide, questioning eyes. "What would our mom want us to do?"

I sighed. Why did she always have to ask such hard questions? "I don't know," I admitted. "But I think mom would have really loved Stef and Lena."

"Really?" she asked.

I nodded. "I bet they would've been friends if they'd met." I saw some of mom in both Stef and Lena. Just, little things that reminded me of her, that made me feel so at home with them. I knew it didn't make any sense, but sometimes I felt as if she'd hand-picked them for us.

I stretched out beside my little sister, tucking my arm under my head. "I think mom would just want us to be wherever we feel happy and safe. I feel that here. This is the first place I've truly felt loved and wanted since she was alive. I don't have to worry about you here. I know you're being fed and taken care of. I feel like I can finally let out this breath I've been holding all these years."

I touched my finger to the bridge of my nose, trying to articulate a thought that had been in the back of mind for a long time, maybe because I had too much pride to admit it. "You've got a lot of years left to be a kid, Sophia," I finally said. "You're lucky you have that. I had to grow up fast because I had to take care of you. And you know I'd do it all over again if I had to. But I'm still a kid, too. And maybe I'm selfish, but living here, I feel like I can enjoy the last little bit of my childhood that I have left. And I want that. But if you really want to go with dad, you know I'll go with you."

A tear slid down my sister's cheek, and she quickly brushed it away. "I'm so mixed up inside. I don't know what to do."

I reached out and gave her a hug. "Try to imagine your life somewhere else instead of here. See if you miss the life we have now. If you do, then maybe staying here is the right choice."

Sophia turned away from me, then. She was quiet for a long time. I went back to my own bed to finish my English homework.

Stef

I woke up in the night, feeling disturbed. I glanced at the clock, and saw that it was past midnight, the time when I made my usual rounds to check on the kids. Careful not to wake Lena, I climbed out of bed and slid my feet into my slippers and pulled my robe on, then went out into the hall. Standing still for a moment, I tuned my ears to the usual nighttime noises of the house. My ears picked up something that didn't belong, a soft rustling come from Callie and Sophia's room. I opened the door. Squinting in the light of the nightlight, I could see Callie tossing and turning in her bed.

"No," she cried, her voice barely audible. Her covers were twisted around her legs. I winced. It had been so long since she'd had a bad nightmare. I was sure stress had triggered this one.

I leaned down to look at Sophia, who was sleeping soundly, glad she hadn't been disturbed. Then I sat down on the edge of Callie's bed and stroked her hair gently. "Callie, love? Wake up," I whispered. "It's mom. You're having a nightmare." I shook her carefully. "Honey, wake up."

Callie jerked in her sleep and sat up. Her eyes were frightened and filled with tears. "Mom," she sniffled, wrapping her arms around me.

"I'm here, baby," I soothed, clutching her to my chest. "Mommy's here. You're alright now." I rocked her gently back and forth. She clung to me, digging her fingers into my back. I wondered, not for the first time, what was going on in her head. She hardly ever talked about her nightmares, and I didn't ask; I knew a lot of them were about Brian and the shooting. Most of them involved blood. But while a part of me was curious, another part of me was afraid to know. The thought that struck me then was, how would she deal with these horrors without me or Lena there to comfort her?

I hugged her a little tighter. "It's okay," I whispered, pressing my lips to her forehead. "You're safe."

Finally, her tears subsided. "Will you stay with me for a little while?" she asked, still holding onto me. "Please?"

"Of course I will, sweetheart," I promised. "I'll stay as long as you need me."

She rubbed the tip of her nose. "Thanks."

I pulled back the covers for her. "Lay down and try to relax, honey. I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere."

She laid down, and I snuggled in beside her on the small twin bed. "Do you feel a little better now?"

"Yeah," she said. "A little."

"Good," I whispered, stroking her hair. "Close your eyes now."

She did, for a few second, then opened them again. "Mom?"

Callie

My bed was shaking. In a moment of panic, I wondered if we were having an earthquake. I blinked in the early morning light, trying to make my eyes hurry up and adjust. When they did, I saw Sophia perched at my bedside, and realized she'd been shaking me, trying to wake me up.

"What is it?" I groaned, rubbing my eyes. My head ached. "Are you okay?" I looked at my clock. We didn't need to be up for school for another hour.

"I have to tell you something," Sophia said. "I couldn't wait any more for you to get up."

"What?" I asked.

"I want to stay here," she said in a quick burst. "I don't want to live with dad anymore."

"Are you sure?" I asked, now more alert.

She nodded. "I'm sure."

"What changed your mind?"

"I did what you told me," she said. "I imagined what it would be like without moms, and Brandon, and the twins. It was too hard to think about. They're our family now. And then, I saw you and mom last night."

"Oh," I said softly. Stef had left at some point, probably early morning. But I clearly remembered her holding me in the night.

"She thought I was asleep," my sister went on. "But I was only pretending. You need her so much, Callie. Making you leave would be selfish."

"Are you sure staying here is really, really what you want?" I asked. "Not just for me, but for you too?"

"Yes," she said. "I can't leave. This is my home."

Smiling, I held my arms out for Sophia. "We'll tell dad tonight."

To Be Continued