The rest of December passed quickly other than Kelly and Maddie fighting over everything. They seemed to fight over everything from the lights in the room at night to clothes Maddie wore if they weren't her own or ones Tony bought her. Then Kelly started wanting more clothes that Tony knew she didn't need. When he pointed this out she had a melt down.
"I hate you." Tony wasn't completely surprised by her outburst.
"Kel I don't..."
"Yes you do. You always take her side and don't care what happens to me."
"No I don't and yes I do. What's going on?" Kelly was crying out of control nothing Tony ever saw before and he didn't know what to do. He tried to go to her and she pulled away.
"I wish I had died instead of mommy in the car accident then you wouldn't have to deal with me anymore." Kelly ran upstairs before Tony could even think about what was happening. He was stunned and Maddie and Jimmy were staring at him.
"Tony … I'm sorry I didn't mean to..." Tony takes a deep breath.
"It's okay Maddie it's not your fault. Do you two want to go to the park? Or …?" Jimmy's lip was trembling.
"Can I go to mommy's house?"
"Sure Jimmy I'll call her. Do you want to go too for a little bit Maddie?" She nods so Tony calls Camille telling her that Kelly was having a meltdown and asked if she could pick them up. Charlie was running errands and Tony wanted all three kids out of the house. Camille quickly goes over while the kids got ready and Tony packed Nellie's diaper bag. Kelly was crying on Gibbs' bed and Tony felt helpless.
"Is she okay?"
"She told me she wishes she died with her mom. She thinks I don't want her here because I said she doesn't need new clothes right now and I'm taking Maddie's side. I don't know where this came from." Camille froze and Tony knew they weren't telling him something. "What do you know?
"She didn't tell you what Joann told her?"
"No just that she blamed her for Nellie rolling over but that's all that was said. Has she contacted her? Why didn't she say anything?" Maddie shakes her head.
"Mrs. Fielding told her that she was useless and she should've died instead of Shannon. It was like she wasn't herself that day. I've known Mrs. Fielding since we were real little and she's never been mean like that. That's why Kelly ran off but she didn't want to make you more mad." Tony groans and Camille sighs.
"She doesn't want to hurt you Tony or make you upset. She loves you but I think if she's saying that it hurt her more than we know. It's not easy to be 10 and to hear you should be dead." Tony nods taking a deep breath as Charlie comes home.
"Hey guys, where's everyone going?"
"Your mom's taking the kids for a couple of hours." Charlie looks around for Kelly.
"Where's Kelly?"
"She's upstairs in dad's room. Would you mind going with them? I need to talk to Kelly and sort this out with her."
"Is everything okay?" Tony shakes his head close to tears from anger at Joann to frustration that Kelly actually felt this way.
"Come on Maddie and Jimmy let's go to the house. Charlie can join us in a little bit." Charlie knew it was bad and sat down next to him.
"Tony, what happened? Why does everyone look scared when I got home? Is Kelly okay?"
"Joann didn't just hit Kelly last week … she told her that Kelly should've died instead of her mom." Charlie was shocked and Tony got choked up. "I told her we couldn't go clothes shopping and she went off. She said that I'm always taking Maddie's side and she wishes she had died instead of Shannon."
"What did you say?"
"I didn't know what to say I was too stunned. Jimmy wanted to go to your mom's and then I found out what Joann said. I wondered how she could hit her granddaughter but then to tell her that … what the hell is wrong with Joann?"
"I don't know but that's … where's Kelly now?"
"Crying on dad's bed and I don't even know what to do for her? How could she think I would want her dead or that dad would? Dad would've been devastated if he lost her."
"You need to talk to her and maybe take her to Stillwater. She needs help and I don't have the first clue where to start." Tony wipes his eyes trying not to break down.
"I'm going to talk to Tom Baker at the teen center. They have bereavement groups for the teens. Maybe he can recommend something. Mostly they're for parents who lost the other partner or who lost their kid but he has to know something or somewhere to go."
"What do you want to do?"
"Help her so she stops hurting. Hug her until she knows how much I love her and want her here. Joann said something that should've never been thought much less said and I could hurt her for it. I wish I could go hurt her because she hurt Kelly and I feel helpless."
"What do you need me to do?"
"I don't know right now but I think going to Stillwater is a good idea for a few days anyway. Get away and talk deal with things on our own."
"Are you going to stay there until Christmas?"
"No, I don't think so. The winter formal is next week and if Kelly's up to going then we'll be back for it. We can always shop for her dress in Stillwater." Tony hears a noise and sees Kelly on the stairs. "Kelly I love you and I wish I knew how to help you but I don't."
"Do you really?"
"What?" Kelly wipes her eyes.
"Love me?" Tony joins her on the stairs.
"Kelly how can you ask that? Of course I love you and I don't know what my life would be without you in it."
"You and daddy would be happy together." Charlie grabs his bag.
"I'm going to let you guys talk. Call me if you need anything."
"Thanks Charlie." Charlie leaves and Tony turns to Kelly and can see pain in her eyes. "Kelly, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have met dad. If I hadn't saved your life something I don't regret and never will then I wouldn't have come here. I wouldn't have Nellie, I wouldn't have you … I'd probably be with Nonie and Poppy or away at some boarding school. I don't regret anything."
"You tell Nellie that you love her. When Jimmy asks you if you love him you say of course you do."
"I never say it out loud though. I didn't since Mama died. I don't tell Josh that and he's my brother but I guess I should tell you that more. I thought I showed it but..."
"You do but I get jealous when you tell Nellie. It's silly but now with Jimmy and Maddie here I feel like I'm losing you. I lost mommy and daddy and now I'm losing you."
"Never Kel, it's me, you and Nellie against the world. Eventually Charlie and Jimmy will move out and Maddie will go live with her dad but we'll be left to fight the world." Kelly leans against him and Tony hugs her tight. "I do love you Kelly and the thought of losing you scares me."
"I miss them so much and I can't stop hurting. Gram … Joann always was mean to me but she seemed to change so daddy let her come around. Mommy didn't trust her not to hurt me whenever I was left alone with her."
"Why didn't you tell me? I was going to leave Nellie alone with her all day."
"Something's different about her. She was acting different so I hoped she'd change. Before she never watched TV but that day she just stared at the TV and didn't care what we did. It sounded like fun that we could do whatever we wanted but then she went off on me."
"That wasn't your fault and if I knew the whole story I would've called the police. I had Charlie call Aunt Camille to stay with the kids so I could look for you. I've never been so happy when he told me you were there."
"I know you guys weren't really talking but I didn't want to just take off and get in more trouble. I thought I'd be in trouble because Nellie fell and since I couldn't go to Maddie's..."
"It's okay and I'm glad you went there. Let me call Aunt Camille and check on the kids. Then we'll get some lunch and talk before going to the teen center. I know they have groups for kids my age to help them with losing parents. I hope they know where you can go."
"Why?"
"It's so you can talk about how you're feeling. Usually everyone's gone through the same thing so there's no one making fun of you or feeling bad because the same thing happened to them."
"Are you going to go to one?"
"I was going to start the single parents without partners group but I probably can use one of those too. Can I ask what started you off today? Why didn't you want to wait until Charlie came home?"
"I didn't want to go with Maddie shopping. I didn't mind waiting but you said we had to wait so you could take both of us shopping. Her dad sent her money for her dress and I shop at a thrift store. It wouldn't be the same." Tony was stunned by this. "I'm sorry Tony.
"Kel, I wouldn't take one of you shopping at a nice store and the other one at a thrift store. There's money to get you a dress for the formal in a nice store. I took the money out so we could do this."
"But I..." Kelly starts to sniffle again and Tony hugs her.
"I'm not mad I understand why you would be upset about that. Next time just tell me when you want something. I can't read minds and if something's important to you like not buying used clothes then we'll see what we can do. We can always shop in Stillwater so no one here's seen it before."
"Marcy donated that purple sweatshirt and it had her initials on the tag. Now they always tease me and that's why I wanted a new dress something different."
"That's not right and we'll take some time to fix things. Maybe even go shopping for some new clothes for you. Not today but before you go back to school so you can start off wearing the latest stuff."
"Really?"
"Yes, we'll go through your stuff and get rid of some things and then go shopping. We can shop in Stillwater too."
"Thank you Tony and I'm sorry about what I said. I just miss mommy and daddy a lot."
"I know and I miss dad a lot sometimes. Nellie looks a little like you and I want to hear about when you were little so..."
"Yeah daddy would tell me stories too sometimes." They talk some more and Tony makes an appointment at the teen center before Charlie and Maddie come back.
"Hey guys, is everything okay?" Charlie motions to Maddie who was shaking.
"I called my dad … he's going to send me a plane ticket to fly out there tonight. I know having me here is just causing problems and Kelly doesn't like having me here. That's why I never came here when mom left me."
"Maddie, that's not true." Kelly was horrified but Maddie hugs her.
"I wouldn't want someone moving in with everything else Kel. I'm not mad but you need Tony not me bugging you all the time. He wouldn't make it home in time for the formal next week and I was just waiting for that to fly out to California anyway."
"Are you sure Maddie?"
"I'm not going to take everything with me because dad said it's not even cold yet but..."
"You can leave it here and pick it up when you come back." Maddie sighs and Tony smiles. "You didn't have to leave Maddie, things aren't … we're figuring things out."
"I've been wanting to go with daddy anyway. I miss him and I wanted to stay here but it's just making me miss him more." Kelly hugs her.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you and I know what you mean about missing them."
"I know Kelly and I'm not mad. I just think I'll be happier with dad in California." They go upstairs to pack and Tony talks to Mr. Tyler who gave him the ticket information for a flight that night. All Maddie told him was she wanted to go with him and didn't want to go to the dance the next week. Tony didn't add to it but agreed to take Maddie to the airport. Then after talking with Charlie and calling Jackson they decided to drive out to Stillwater for a few days.
"Are you going to leave me there?"
"Why would I do that? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of making those appointments so we can get help?"
"Well yeah but … it's Monday."
"I changed it to when we come back after Christmas so we can spend time with Grandpa and relax. Charlie and Jimmy are going to stay with Aunt Camille and we're going to take some time."
"Okay, I'd like that." Tony packs up Nellie's Christmas dress and other things, Charlie gets Jimmy so they can pack up their things but Tony insists they can come back for more.
"How about this? Why don't the four of us come back for New Years? If you guys are in New York or here or we're in Stillwater we make sure to be back by the 30th. We'll exchange Christmas gifts and have our own New Years Eve party."
"Can I stay up late?" Tony laughs,
"Sure Jimmy and we'll get some junk food."
"Yes!" They laugh and Charlie agrees that they'll be back. They were invited to Stillwater but Charlie and Camille knew Tony and Kelly needed time to deal with everything together. Tony hoped that Joann wouldn't do anything else to make things worse for them because he would press charges the next time she tried.