Running Up That Hill
By: The Hatter Theory
Chapter 36: Like Blood From A Stone
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Inu Yasha or anything by Placebo or Kate Bush
As she walked through the fortress, she wondered if it had always been so silent. Unnatural and eerie, the quiet was far more disturbing than the looming darkness of the inner chambers. Light filtered in through broken doors and walls, but it seemed to stop short, as if the shadows had formed a wall it would not cross.
Dust and cobwebs darkened the water stained shouji screens, and her steps only served to stir both. Ignoring the tickle in her nose, she kept moving, wondering if her candle would be enough to light the darkness of the dank cellar that awaited her.
When she found it, the giant heavy door was still open, as they had left it months ago when they retrieved Miroku. The stairs led down, disappearing into the inky blackness, and her heart skipped a beat when she peered down into it.
Her heart, already beating so hard it seemed to echo in the silence, began a strange, irregular rhythm that made her gasp for air for several minutes as she contemplated the room that awaited. The organ seemed to skip beats and then try to overcompensate, beating rapidly, somehow managing to force it's way around her chest, then into her throat.
Steeling herself, she lit the candle with her flint and tucked the stones back into her sleeve, determined to get the whole thing done and over with. Inhaling deeply, one foot went in front of the other, the flame casting flickering shadows, each one seemingly alive and dancing over the walls as she began her descent.
The steps were longer than she remembered, and it felt like a small eternity before she reached the bottom. When her foot touched soft earth, she shuddered involuntarily, unable to ignore the chill that wracked her.
The candle did little good, the darkness of the cellar was absolute. Any light was swallowed, and it flickered as she held it in front of her.
"How did he keep it lit so brightly in here?" She murmured aloud, remembering the time she had spent in the pseudo dungeon. When Inu Yasha had been killed, it had been as bright as day, and there had been no candles or lanterns. So how had the hanyou kept the room so brightly lit?
Maybe...She stopped and summoned her ki, forcing it to the surface and out, imagining a glowing sphere around her body.
When her eyes opened, the room was washed in blue light, and everything laid bare. She blew out her now useless candle and advanced forward. A platform, where Naraku had sat and laughed as the writhing appendages had ripped apart the man she loved, loomed.
The bones were no longer in front of it, as she had imagined they would be. But of course they would have moved the body. No one would want to deal with a rotting corpse. But where would he have put it? Surely they wouldn't have buried it. Would the necklace even be with the bones anymore?
Feeling sick and praying that after she had passed out and been moved that Naraku hadn't absorbed the flesh, or eaten it. What would he have done with the body? Where would the necklace have gone?
Growling in frustration, she moved on light feet, hoping the object she was searching for was somewhere near the platform. The blue light was steady, and her eyes scanned the floor. Nothing.
Looking on the platform, she saw several indistinct shapes just beyond the line of light. Moving forward, the light moving with her, she looked for anything that looked like the rosary. Instead, she stepped back, realizing what was on the platform.
Bones. Hundreds, thousands, of bones, human, youkai, animal. All of them piled indiscriminately, a macabre shrine to the dead.
Moving closer, she looked for anything that could have once been an inu youkai's infrastructure, but saw nothing that would give away such an identity. But she did see something glittering strangely, reflecting the light back at her.
Beads. The rosary was within the pile of bones, and she had to get it. Shivering once, repulsed by the idea of touching the mountain of remains, she was steeling herself to touch it, her hand reaching out, when the bones themselves began to shift and move, clattering angrily as they started to form two towers, then joined, and in horror she watched as a body began to shape itself.
The mouth was speaking before the head had formed enough to give shape to eyes, and her heart sped up as it rumbled angrily down at her, the creature easily twice her height.
"You would disturb our rest," It whispered, the sound itself seeming to form from dozens of voices, all lacing into an eerie sigh.
"I have been given a task," She squeaked, awed and frightened of the monster. "I did not think-"
"You do not often think," It accused. "If you had, we would not be here. It is your fault we died. You did nothing as we suffered," It hissed.
Distress welled up in her throat, escaping as a low moan of denial as she shook her head furiously from side to side.
"I wasn't strong enough then-"
"You have always been strong enough," The whispers hissed angrily, cutting at her. "You were just lazy and selfish. You couldn't even save the one you claimed to love!"
Her composure shattered, a wail piercing the darkness as the glow around her shimmered and blinked, then puttered out like a candle starved of oxygen.
Sesshoumaru stopped, his eyes going wide as something ephemeral and yet heavy shifted and changed.
"Sesshoumaru," The voice started. He growled, silencing the voice as he tried to get a bearing on the strange feeling. Distress and pain lanced through him, but it was not his distress, was not his pain.
"Keep watch on the children," He snarled impatiently, a strange, insistent tugging echoing from the east.
"Where are you going?" Shinzuru demanded.
There was no answer. The daiyoukai, satisfied with the direction he had been given, had taken off, leaving a perturbed moth youkai gaping.
"If you had just tried to fight Naraku, we would have lived. He would have lived," The voices hissed as they circled her, tightening around her like a noose. Dizzy, she tried to drag in air, succeeding only in shallow, short pants as the voices kept up their chant, a damning mantra she couldn't shut out.
"No," She whispered furiously, trying to hold on to her sense of self. "Sesshoumaru said I wasn't ready. We had to distract the others. There was nothing we could do," She muttered, trying to convince herself more than the spirits.
"Nothing you could do? There was nothing you could do to save the innocent children murdered in the war?" The voices hissed.
The accusation stung, and she had nothing to say in the face of it. Innocent children had lost their lives, all because she hadn't found a way to unlock the power that had always been sleeping within. Could she have saved those lives? Could she have stopped Inu Yasha's death? What would her life be like now if-
She stopped. Rin would not be a part of her life, none of the children would. Nor Shinzuru. Or Nanmei. Resshin. Kasai and Mizu.
Sesshoumaru.
"No!" She shouted angrily, summoning her ki and letting it reflect her rage as it sparked to life, a vivid, cold blue, the edges sparking, a small star in the cellar room.
"We tried our hardest. I have made mistakes, that I will not deny. The people that have died because I was unable to summon my own strength in time will always weigh on my conscience. But I did try, and we did succeed," She shouted at the strange bone monster, facing it down without a flicker of fear.
There was a sigh, and the bones crumpled, falling to the floor before turning to ash, then swirling into the air and seemingly out of existence. The rosary lay innocently on the platform, the beads reflecting the blue light back at her.
Warily she approached and picked them up, fingers trembling lightly. With a flash of gratitude, she was happy she didn't have to face down his bones, and hoped that they hadn't been sucked up into that grotesque monster that had vanished into thin air.
"I need to get out of here," She muttered, stuffing the beads into the pocket of her sleeve and flinching when they clattered against the flint. Taking them back out, she stared at them a moment before slipping it over her neck and tucking it into her kimono.
Shivering as the cold beads touched her skin, she turned and resolutely made her way back to the stairs.
"You have done very well so far," A voice informed her as she reached the top of the stairs. Standing on the main floor of the fortress, Harionago and Yukki-onna both watched with impassive expressions. Kagome wished for any of the others. Why were these two becoming such prevalent fixtures?
"So far?" Kagome snapped, unsure of what the spirit meant.
"It is our duty to strike at your weaknesses. You did not succumb to the whispers of doubt that live within. You did well," Yukki-onna supplied, eyes glinting strangely.
"You, you mean that was you?" Kagome demanded sharply. "You-"
"Not us, but other spirits. Your strength is not in question. Your emotional fortitude is. And you have done well," Yukki-onna finished.
Disgusted with the two spirits and feeling more than a little betrayed that she had been tricked in such a manner, she made an angry noise in her throat and stalked past them, ignoring their presence and leaving the echoing, empty fortress and gratefully stepping into the sun of late afternoon, trying to soak up what warmth it could offer.
"She is right, you know," Harionago said. Kagome turned and found she was alone with the spirit, and a cloud summarily popped into existence.
"It doesn't mean you guys had to-" She stopped, unable to find the correct word for what they had done.
"Trick you? If we had prepared you, such a test would have been pointless. You have the strength to hold the position the moon inu have held for centuries. But some question if you have the will. There are those that would exploit your hurt and shame. But you persevered."
"And what would have happened if I had failed?" Kagome demanded, already raising her cloud into the sky, eyes locked on the floating form of the beautiful ghost beside her.
"You would have been taken to the spirit world. When one does not pass a trial, they lose their lives."
"What? How could you?" Kagome exploded, so angry she didn't care that she was shaking her finger at the spirit. "Did Yuugao know about this?" She demanded hotly.
"She suspected, but it is not her place to warn you. After you return, she will be allowed to explain fully-"
"I don't want this stupid position," Kagome growled. "Let her keep it. The last thing I want to do is deal with a bunch of mercenary-"
"Though we are spirits, miko, we are still subject to certain laws. Remember that there are forces we all bow to."
The sharply worded reminder made Kagome shiver. Maybe they were right. If these 'forces' were something even Yuugao had to bow to, then what could spirits do? And her? What could she do in the face of beings powerful enough to destroy her without a second thought?
"We will guide you to the goshinboku. Perhaps it would be best if you hurry. We have never forced one that is mated through the trial," Harionago observed.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Kagome groused.
"It seems your distress signaled to your mate. He is on his way," The spirit observed dispassionately.
"He's on his way?" Kagome squeaked, suddenly realizing how bad everything could be if Sesshoumaru, knowing only that she had been scared or hurt, came and burst into the trial.
"This must be finished on your own," Harionago declared quietly, her form already fading in the light of afternoon. Kagome felt the tug directing her cloud, and started pumping her energy into it, determined to force it to fly as quickly as Sesshoumaru could. What would happen if he found her before the trial was complete? Would she be taken to the spirit world, when she was so close to finishing? She wasn't sure if she would be able to bear it.
And how would he feel? Would he be sad, or feel responsible? Or would he be glad that he was no longer saddled with a mate he didn't want?
Curling into a ball and making herself smaller, she allowed the spirits to guide her as she hid her face from the biting wind, trying to focus on the smooth texture of her kimono or the faint thrumming of her cloud pulsing in unison with her heart. Anything really, except the idea that he might be happier if she was gone.
When he found her, she was asleep beneath the goshinboku, dark rings beneath her eyes contrasting like ugly bruises against her waxy, pale flesh. A small area of overturned earth was near her, and he could smell the faint scent of his ill fated half brother emanating from her hands and shirt.
His mother, of course, was not in evidence.
Something calm, chillingly cold, settled over him, and his mind blanked as he walked forward, looking down at her, then the area that had been dug up and then covered. Silently, his hand plunged into the soft dirt and grabbed the cold glass it felt. When he pulled it back up, the dirt shaking loose from it, he almost dropped it.
Clamping down on the rage, he eyed the rosary dispassionately. Why had she bothered to find it and bury it? The answer obvious, he tasted blood in his mouth as it hit him. She still cared for the hanyou, still loved and missed him. Why else would she have gone back to the scene of her rape, for the necklace stunk of Naraku's fortress, just to find it and bury it?
Forcing himself to breathe evenly, he pushed the glass and bone beads back into the ground and covered them before turning back to her.
"Miko," He stated calmly in his normal, modulated voice.
She did not stir.
Anger, hot and poisonous, seemed to slip just beyond his control, and it was that anger that sent his youki flaring impressively, pushing against her aura. It was a demand for attention that even she, in such a deep sleep, could not ignore.
"Wha-?" She groaned, foggy eyes blinking as she looked around.
"What are you doing here?" He demanded. Immediately she looked around, as if waiting for something to jump out at them,but relaxed when she saw nothing.
"I thought Yuugao told you," Kagome murmured, standing, her form swaying unsteadily. He crushed the urge to help support her and watched her lean against the goshinboku, her pulse fluttering in her throat.
"She told me you both were going to train at her castle. Not that you would be alone," He growled, wondering why the women had insisted on lying to him. To be sure, he would not have allowed her to go to that place alone, and especially not for-for-
"Oh, I wonder why she lied," Kagome murmured sleepily.
"Perhaps it was the nature of your goal," He replied coolly. "You stink of the half breed."
She flushed angrily, her mouth opening to shout something, but she stopped suddenly, her eyes becoming wide, owl like as she stared over his shoulder.
He had noticed it as well, and a small part of him had hoped she would not.
"The well," She whispered, hand already reaching out to touch the wooden frame that was still covered in ivy. He stepped aside, watching her walk to it, her hands caressing the wood lovingly.
"Go back if you wish," He commanded dispassionately. She started, hand jerking back from the wood as if it suddenly burned.
"Go back?" She asked, eyes glistening as she looked at him.
"Yes."
"What if I can't come back?" She breathed.
"It is your decision."
She fell to her knees, not even crying out at the impact. He wondered if she even felt it. Already he could smell her blood in the air, and it pricked at his already fraying control. Her tears fell, and he watched as she fought some inner battle he couldn't begin to understand. Irrational anger surged through him, realizing that it was actually a hard choice for her, deciding whether to stay or to go. Her shoulders shook and she buried her face in her hands.
"If it is so difficult, perhaps it is best for you to go back." He knew his voice was cold and he forced every bit of emotion down, trying to deny the sudden hurt he felt. It was irrational and foolish, and if he felt such a thing, then it was best she leave.
"Sometimes you make me so mad you idiot!" She shouted at him, her voice piercing the darkness around them. "I can't believe that after everything we've been through, you'd think I'd just leave you!"
Her words soothed that strange hurt for a bare moment before the sudden wind brought the stale scent of the hanyou to him, and his eyes narrowed. Humans were fickle creatures, and he had been a fool to forget it, even for a moment.
"Look, I know you're mad about your mom lying to you, but I didn't ask her to. Inu Yasha told me this was the only way he could rest, and she knew that. Don't take it out on me," She snapped, standing and stalking past him, limping slightly as she walked away from him. "I'm not going to abandon everyone just because I miss my family. You said I'll get to see them again. I trust that."
Satisfaction warred with anger at her confession, and since it was the easier of the two to handle, he latched on to the anger.
"You did all this so the half breed could rest?" He asked. Instead of waiting for a reply, he nodded once, ignoring that her mouth was opening to say something. "The old woman is here. Perhaps you would like to visit her before you leave. I will see you at the shiro when you return." His tone was cold and final, and he gave her no time to reply before he was gone, knowing she would only see the light of his departure.
The world was a blur as he shot through the night, making his way to the castle. The night, with it's cool, crisp flavor, did not hold it's usual lure, and even the idea of hunting did not suit him. Like a shooting star, he streaked across the sky, ignoring everything as he pushed his body to it's limits, determined to reach his home posthaste.
Suppressing a sigh when the citadel came into view, he made for the inner gardens, touching down in minutes and forcing his own emotions to calm before he stepped inside. Before he had a chance, another was in the gardens with him, eyes wide.
"Hell pup, what happened?" Shinzuru demanded. Sesshoumaru said nothing, stalking past him, only to feel a hand on his shoulder.
"What happened?" Shinzuru demanded again, voice rough.
"She is fine," He said, trying to shrug the hand off. The grip only tightened, and it was only out of respect to the older youkai that he didn't rip the offending appendage off.
"I didn't ask that. I asked what happened," The mouth youkai growled.
"She went to Naraku's fortress to retrieve a token of the hanyou to bury."
"Why would she want to bury a token of Naraku's?" Shinzuru demanded.
"Not his. Inu Yasha's. His spirit told her it was the only way he could rest."
Shinzuru's hand squeezed his shoulder once before dropping away.
"Maybe she wanted to end it formally before her human wedding," The older youkai offered.
"It does not matter," He replied before walking into the shiro, leaving the older demon standing in the dark, his single good eye narrowing in speculation. The inu ignored him and the statement, meant to comfort, which only further served to scrape against the leash holding his temper.
None were in evidence as he glided calmly through the shiro, although he was pleased to see the guards flinch as he strode past them and into the family wing. Ignoring the two heads that popped out of the children's rooms, his movements were controlled, as his breathing was. Nothing would give him away. Walking past the miko's rooms, he was pleased to note the scent of her arousal had been scoured and removed.
Once he reached his own rooms and closed the door behind him, he put up a barrier and let go, the anger surging from that dark, strange place he did not often acknowledge. The air crackled with the intensity of his aura, and he moved deeper into the suite, moving to the chests that held priceless relics and scrolls, all treasures he had found value in over the centuries.
Opening one chest, he reached down and brought out the rough linen bag he had retrieved the day after she had left for her 'training'. Opening it and shaking the contents out, he stared at the two rings, eyes narrowing on the two metal circles that lay on his palm, looking inoffensive and simple.
Totosai had done his work well. The fang he had taken had formed a base, a pure silver that had pleased Sesshoumaru. And somehow, by some trick of his own, the blacksmith had taken the hair and used their residual energies to recreate the glow of their powers once they had joined. A vein of pure energy circled each ring, shifting with the light so it was never one color, but an iridescent paleness that shimmered every color.
Closing his hand around the rings, he growled and clenched his fist even more tightly. Each second he tried to close it harder, hearing his knuckles pop and feeling his claws digging into his flesh. His blood burned the air, and after several minutes, he opened his fist and stared down, amazed.
Despite his best efforts, the rings still lay there, unharmed. Not crushed, not broken. Not even bent. The only sign of his struggle to destroy them was the blood that smeared over their surface, marring the solid silver and shimmering hair.
Not even bothering to wipe them off, he put them back in the bag and threw it into the chest, slamming the lid shut with a satisfying bang and stalking from the room and into his own. For the first time ever, he pulled his swords from his sash and threw them carelessly on the table near his bed and the armor followed, shrugged aside just as carelessly.
Why was he so angry? He had always known she'd loved the half breed, knew that she would never stop. Mates did not have to love each other, his own parents were testament to that. But the thought of her leaving the shiro just to do something for the wretch sent his blood boiling. That she hadn't seen fit to even tell him, letting his mother do the talking and then leaving-
And the well. Her longing for her own time had cut him, although he was loathe to admit it. Was she not happy at the shiro? She had power, a position thousands of youkai women coveted, and a pack, children to look after. Why would she want to go back so badly? How could it be such a difficult decision?
Snarling, he threw his kimono across the room, dissatisfied that it didn't crash and bang when it landed, instead rustling softly to the floor.
Pacing the room, he felt like the walls were caging him in. Instincts raged against the cage he kept them locked in, and in his anger, he let them slip. Running for his balcony, he yanked the door open, not even realizing that he broke it free of it's track as he leapt into the night sky, feeling the transformation take him.
An angry howl echoed through the shiro and the citadel, and he bounded on the air, determined to burn his rage out with each lunge higher into the sky.
Shinzuru had long ago left the shiro behind and was sitting beneath Bokusenou's branches. When an angry howl pierced the night, he shuddered.
He felt the female's aura long before she came into sight. When she finally landed, barely stirring the air, he stood, shoulders shaking angrily.
"Are you happy now?" He demanded angrily, voice rough. When she said nothing, he looked at her, and was shocked by what he saw. Her eyes were bloodshot, and shadows of dark smudges beneath them contrasted against her pale skin. Her lower lip was between her teeth, and he saw that she had worried it to bleeding.
"I had no choice," Yuugao finally declared.
"How can you say that?" He roared. "How can you tell me that-"
"If she didn't take my place, the line wouldn't have just failed, the house would have fallen. There would not have been another," She explained. "It was her or no one. But she was already mated. He wasn't supposed to be there," She groaned, falling to her knees, looking small and alone. For the first time since he had met her, centuries ago, he felt a flicker of pity for the woman.
"How can you be so sure?" He demanded, sitting himself gracelessly, almost falling as much as anything.
"The oldest old ones told me. The Lady would accept no other. But he wasn't supposed to be there during her trial," Yuugao whispered, her fingers laced, hands clasped tightly in her lap.
"The Lady?"
"A Kami. She has been content to let us choose through the mating trials, but now she has chosen the miko, and I couldn't tell them," Yuugao sighed, another angry howl in the distance punctuating her sentence.
"And her trial?" Shinzuru pressed.
"She thought it was to get the token of the hanyou and bury it. I knew there was something more to it, but I couldn't warn her, it's forbidden," Yuugao sighed, looking up at the night sky. "They chose to test her emotional stability, but trying to make her feel the blame for those that died under Naraku's reign," She started.
"But none of that was her fault!" Shinzuru growled.
"I know, but if she could be swayed to believe it, she would have been considered unsuitable. She wasn't. And there was another part to it," She murmured, voice filled with guilt.
"What was it?" He demanded sharply, suddenly uneasy in the face of the inu's shame. What could have moved the inu to act, or even feel, in such a manner?
"She is not from our time. The portal that was closed to her, the spirits created the image of it, to see if she would give in to temptation and leave."
"She didn't, did she?" Shinzuru asked, panicked. Sesshoumaru had only told him the girl was fine, not that she was still in this era. What if she had left? Was that what had sent the daiyoukai's temper flaring?
"She did not," Yuugao confirmed, making him relax. "But Sesshoumaru got to her before she completed the trial. He wasn't supposed to be there. The Lady is angry," Yuugao declared. "And Sesshoumaru, he doesn't understand. He just thinks that Kagome went to do something for the memory of her first love."
Shinzuru wished for the solidity of Bokusenou's trunk behind him, because everything the inu was unloading on him had his head spinning, and he felt dizzy and nauseous. As it was, the tree was a good ten feet away, and the ground was cold and unforgiving. Despite that, the idea of just falling backwards was more inviting than he cared to admit.
"This goddess, what will she do?" He finally asked. Yuugao shook her head and shrugged helplessly.
"I don't know," She whispered. "So far she's done nothing but make her displeasure felt. That might be the extent of it. There's never been a candidate that was already mated. We didn't think about the mark calling him to her," She sighed, threading her hands through her hair.
"We?" Shinzuru asked, marveling that there was still something he didn't know. How much more could the inu have been hiding?
"The other spirits. It was Enenra that suggested they mate, and Kerakera-onna was the one to suggest forcing them into it," She admitted.
"And the trap itself?" He bit out.
She sighed again, hands dropping back to her lap. Shrugging once, he barely heard her admission of guilt. She offered nothing but the word 'mine'. No apologies, no excuses, nothing.
"Maybe it would have been better to let the line fail," He muttered darkly, looking to the sky. He felt the pulse of raw energy rippling through the world, knew Sesshoumaru was miles off, and the power released was a mere drop in the proverbial bucket.
"No," Yuugao gasped, startled by his statement. "That can't happen. It can't," She whispered furiously, suddenly angry. "You remember Sou'unga. Do you have any idea what, who, that was before I bound the spirit to the sword?" She hissed. When he shook his head dumbly, surprised by the sudden shift in her mood, her eyes only hardened.
"It was one of Kagutushi's halflings."
"You're lying." He didn't even pause before he said it. There was no way she could be telling the truth. Nothing with that much power could be bound to a sword. Could a god even become a spirit?
"Think what you will," She snapped. "His own father killed him for his dual bloodline and didn't even care enough to do something about the spirit. The trials test our weaknesses and try to exploit them."
"And how was that supposed to test you?" He sighed, resting his palms on the ground behind him and leaning back slightly, putting his weight on his hands as he eyed her warily. This was not the youkai he had known for centuries. Not even an echo of her usual, cool indifference clung to her, and the arrogance that was as much as part of her as her own markings had vanished.
"They tried to trick me, as they did the girl. I was promised that if I did not bind him, he would be my slave and destroy all obstacles to my happiness," She admitted. He shook his head, confused.
"But binding him to the sword did the same thing, didn't it? You could have wielded Sou'unga had you chosen to." But she shook her head slightly, a denial.
"Not those kinds of obstacles. My father asked that I take his place. I never wanted to, simply because I did not want to be bound by any duty. But the aosigibi were challenging us for the title, and he was old even then. So I accepted."
The last statement was a soft sigh, and filled with centuries worth of regret.
"Now you know why there must be someone to carry out my duties. So I forced it. And now this. You are her father, even if you share no blood. I don't know what will happen, but I fear for the both of them. They will not accept my aid, not after what I've done-"
"Maybe you can explain," He cut in, suddenly feeling for a woman he had always thought to be cold and calculating. But if she spoke the truth, and by the sudden, open honesty in her demeanor he had no doubts she was, then there was more to her behavior than he had ever considered. But she was shaking her head again.
"It won't matter. Now more than ever they need to be unified, and I fear that my son's interference has made that impossible."
"He didn't know," Shinzuru sighed, a half hearted defense.
"He blames the mark, although it's the most foolish thing I've ever heard. Marks can't force something like that. As of yet, he seems unaware that he might actually feel for her," Yuugao admitted. "I had hoped-" She stopped, and shrugged again.
"Come on," Shinzuru grumbled, suddenly uncomfortable in the silence. "It's almost daybreak, and I have a feeling she'll be returning sometime today. We'll both need rest if we're going to deal with those two."
Yuugao said nothing, but stood, her knees bending slightly as she prepared to vault into the sky.
"Wait," He started, suddenly feeling awkward. Her gold eyes flashed to him and the naked hope in her eyes took him aback.
"Yes?" She finally prompted, after several tense minutes.
"For what I said before, I'm sorry," He finally muttered, finding it hard to look her in the eye. It was a strange thing, to apologize to her, but he knew, from centuries of serving beside his best friend that some things were beyond the control of youkai and human alike, and that gods, when they had a mind to, forced choices that were not choices at all.
She shook her head, and the disappointment forcing her shoulders low made him feel bad suddenly, although he didn't understand why.
"You didn't know," She murmured before launching herself into the sky, quickly becoming nothing but a pale star before disappearing into the dawn. Shaking his own head, he was preparing himself for flight when a rusty voice stopped him.
"She's got as much of a story as Kagome does," Bokusenou informed him. Shinzuru turned abruptly, wondering why the youkai had not spoken before.
"So it seems," He replied blandly.
"I have respected her wish for privacy, and I will continue to do so. But she is much like the miko taking her place."
Shinzuru snorted dismissively. "Those two couldn't be further apart than if they were the sun and moon."
"Yuugao is what Kagome could have become. Think you she started life as she is now? She has craved freedom for centuries. Just when she regains hope, it is always taken from her, and it has been such since she took her father's place. Sesshoumaru's dedication to his duties does not just come from his father," The tree spirit advised before his face shifted and changed, hiding behind the guise of regular bark.
Understanding that those were the only words he would get from the tree, he made a disgruntled noise before launching himself into the sky. Yuugao's warning and her careless comment about mating marks was eating at him, both warring for precedence in his mind. He settled on the simpler one, the mating mark. His best friend, her mate, had told him the mating mark had caused him to believe himself in love with her for a time. As far as he knew, Touga had no reason to lie, but the woman had been so blatantly open that he couldn't see her offhand comment as a falsehood.
Even before getting her with child, Touga had begun withdrawing from the inu, and after they had confirmed conception, he had left the sky fortress as if it had been hell itself. The moth youkai had always assumed it was because of Yuugao's meddling, manipulative nature. Now he wasn't so sure.
Stung that his best friend and comrade might have lied to him about something so important, and though he knew the great inu youkai had held many faults, he had never considered deceit to be one of them.
When Kagome landed in the inner gardens, she was ready for the silence, however much it disturbed her. Despite the time and weather, she had been hoping that the children would greet her. Surely Sesshoumaru at least would have felt her approaching. In her heart he was a beacon, a light I the darkness. Ever since she had been bestowed with the mating mark, she could feel him,could see him, no matter where he was. Surely he could feel her as she felt him.
When no one greeted them, she sighed silently, helping Kaede down from her cloud. Once the miko was touching the ground, the cloud seemed to implode and popped, the same sound it made when she summoned it out of existence.
"Are ye sure I will be welcome here?" Kaede demanded quietly.
"I'm sure," Kagome assured her. The quiet was deafening, and she walked into the shiro, the older miko following silently.
Suddenly she realized she didn't even know who to talk to for a guest room to be made. The whole situation of her mating had been rushed and strange, and silently she admitted she hadn't exactly embraced her role as the new lady of the castle.
"Kagome!" A voice shouted. It echoed through the corridor, and she flinched, wondering how the taijiya had gotten the message so fast. Turning to face the owner of said voice, she forced a bright smile and prayed she wasn't showing too many teeth.
"Kaede, Kagome, when did-"
"It's a long story," Kagome muttered. And definitely not one she had not anticipated -or wanted- to repeat so soon. Kaede had listened intently and agreed to come to the shiro until the wedding after much pleading on Kagome's part.
"Kagome has had a long journey, and needs a bath and rest. Mayhap you two could catch me up on your village," Kaede told them, the request holding a steely note that turned it into nothing less than a command. Sango stopped, eyes wide and blinking while Kagome smiled brightly for the first time since being forced on her little adventure.
Already the older miko was proving to be a steady ally.
"The children have been waiting to see you," Sango began.
"I have to see about getting a room set up for Kaede, and then I'll be by before grabbing a bath," Kagome said, already walking away from the small group. They said nothing, but watched curiously as her attention shifted away and she followed the feel of her mate to his study. Ignoring etiquette, she opened the door and saw him looking blankly down at a scroll.
"Hello," She greeted. His icy eyes glanced over her before moving back to the scroll, and she resisted the urge to make an irritated noise. Something was wrong with the daiyoukai, and for the life of her she had no idea what it was.
"Sesshoumaru," She started, stopping when she saw him stiffen.
"What is it?" He asked quietly, his tone cool and frighteningly apathetic.
"I brought Kaede back with me. I- umm, I have no idea who to talk to about finding a room for her," She admitted with a blush.
"Jaken," Sesshoumaru rumbled. Kagome noticed the small imp for the first time since she'd opened the door and was surprised by his weary expression.
"I will see to it, Sesshoumaru-sama," The youkai mumbled before lethargically dragging himself from the room. Kagome watched, shocked, as he left, forgetting to even close the door behind him.
When several minutes passed in silence, he finally looked up, his expression even cooler than before.
"Well?" He prompted.
"What's wrong?" She demanded shortly, the anger and frustration of the past several days catching up with her, sparked by his indifference.
"Nothing," He replied before looking back down at the scroll.
"It doesn't seem like 'nothing'," She accused, moving closer to the low lying table, and him, wondering if the scroll had anything to do with his temper.
When he didn't even acknowledge her sudden proximity, she moved to the other side of the table and knelt next to him, hurt stabbing her heart when he stiffened.
"Sesshoumaru, please, what's wrong?" She whimpered, suddenly feeling lost.
"Nothing," He repeated, voice cold steel.
Ignoring his rigid posture, she wrapped her arms around him, her forehead resting on his shoulder. His arm pressed into her chest painfully, and she wanted to move, to find a more comfortable way to embrace him. But she felt that if she released him for even a second, he would suddenly vanish.
"What did I do?"
"Nothing."
A small sniff escaped before she could force it down, and she felt the familiar sting of tears and blinked several times, refusing to let them fall.
"I'm sorry your mother lied. I didn't know she'd lied until you showed up. She just said she skirted a few details. I didn't think she would just outright lie."
"Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded softly. She looked up and saw his eyes staring straight ahead, resolutely focused on the doorway.
"You didn't give me a chance," She accused softly. "You seemed happy to see me go."
That admission cost her more than she had thought it would. Remembering the threat of being dragged to the spirit world, she shuddered heavily, the question that had haunted her then coming back. Would he have been better off, happier, if she had been taken?
"Why did you come?" She finally asked.
He said nothing for several moments, and she was worried he wouldn't answer when he opened his mouth twice and then closed it with a decided click.
Finally, he sighed.
"I felt your anguish through the mark," He admitted.
Warmed by the thought, she squeezed him tightly and relaxed.
"They tricked me, the trial wasn't getting the beads. At least, Harionago said it wasn't. They were testing my 'emotional fortitude'," She muttered bitterly. "In the cellar, there were all these bones piled up on the platform Naraku used to sit on. The beads were in there. I reached for them and suddenly the bones, they," She stopped, and he could feel her body tensing as she relived the experience. Her anger and hurt reached him through the mark, doubling the effect of the scents that were already seeping into the air.
"They formed this- this monster. There were so many voices, and they kept telling me that if I had just tried harder, everyone would be okay, that no one would have died. That I could have saved everyone if I had just tried."
Her voice was shaking and she hated it. He could feel her own flicker of self loathing even though the memory had anguish seeping through their shared bond mixing with the unpleasant scent of her agitation.
"Trial?" He finally asked, wanting to do something, anything, to change her current mood and the cacophony of scents and second hand emotions assaulting him.
She pulled back, eyes wide, and the surprise that washed over him, both physically and ephemerally, was enough to make him want to sag in relief, although he resisted the impulse.
"You didn't know?" She murmured. He gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, not entirely pleased to be admitting such ignorance, but easily grateful enough for the reprieve his senses were allowed.
"I could kill your mother," She muttered. He snorted in response, and she giggled, finally relaxing a little and shifting her position so that she sat next to him, their shoulders touching and arms pressed together. "She told me she skirted some details. I figured it was because you wouldn't let me travel alone, much less to there." A rude noise came from the back of her throat and he fought the urge to chuckle at her easily understandable anger at his mother. "But the new head, or whatever, is supposed to undergo a trial. Because I haven't had enough. Ugh. I thought it was to go find the rosary and bury it beneath the goshinboku. They tricked me."
The last was less a statement of fact and more an accusation, and he tried not to feel the bitterness she was feeling, although his own emotions were no better.
It seemed the miko was destined to constantly confound him. Once again he felt ashamed of his actions, and the memory of his own irrational anger was enough to make him crave simpler days.
"Sesshoumaru?" She finally asked, breaking through his thoughts. When he said nothing, she barreled on, asking the question that scared her.
"Do you, I mean, when you told me to go through the well, did you mean it?"
He couldn't help flinching, even though he did his damnedest to stay completely composed. But in his own defense, it was probably the last question on earth he wanted to answer.
"Your presence would be missed," He quipped. There. Ambiguous, yet honest. Certainly vague enough to keep her from assuming, or realizing, anything.
She huffed lightly as she pulled away, her face an angry mask.
"My presence would be missed?" She demanded softly. Much too softly, especially given her current expression. When he said nothing, she growled and stood, stalking away.
"You have become too noisy as you walk," He observed dispassionately, stopping her right before she reached the door. She turned and her mouth was open to begin an angry tirade when the statement slipped out, too quick to stop. "We will train tonight."
Kagome was delighted to discover that -unlike every other door in the shiro- the door to his study slammed quite noisily.
When Kagome was rushed by her gaggle of children, she let out a breath that she'd been holding since she left. All of them were safe, happy, and healthy.
"So," Sango said as the children rushed back to their game with Jaken and the twins and their new play partner, Kohaku. Kagome knew what the slayer wanted to know, and wasn't sure how to answer.
"If I say it's a long story, can it wait till tonight?" Kagome murmured, not wanting the children to hear. "They still don't understand what happened," She added with a nod in their general direction. Sango nodded once and Nanmei giggled, then blushed as she realized how inappropriate her reaction was.
"My moods have been all over the place, forgive me. I was just thinking maybe we should gather in the bathhouse. It's the only place we'll find any kind of privacy," She added.
"You don't know my husband very well," Sango snorted, earning a guffaw from the other women.
"It's not a bad idea," Kagome mused aloud, eyes in the distance. "I was only able to take a quick bath, and a soak would do me good. I've been spoiled by my futon here. I have knots in places I forgot existed."
"Pampered life of a lady already getting to you?" Sango asked with an arched brow, narrowly avoiding a hand swatting her arm with a giggle.
"Sesshoumaru wants to train tonight though," The miko sighed, allowing her arms to collapse and her back to hit the floor. "He says I've gotten too noisy when I walk."
"You just got back!" Nanmei gasped angrily. "Well, ignore him. You're going to relax tonight." Her tone brooked no argument, not that Kagome was going to try. Ever since she'd gotten back, she'd felt as off balance as she had when she first woke in the shiro, although slightly less terrified, but only slightly. Seeing Sesshoumaru had been the emotional equivalent of a kick to the stomach. Embarrassment, shame, and most of all fear had vied for dominance, and when he'd given her an out -anger- she'd latched onto it.
But now the anger was fading and she was thinking rationally again, and with the cooling of her temper, she just felt confused and scared and soul weary.
Luckily Yuugao had not tried to make an appearance, although she'd been informed that the youkai was somewhere in the shiro. Shinzuru had seemed distracted when he told her, and each time he saw her, he looked ready to say something, although he never did. If her mind hadn't been occupied with Sesshoumaru's strange behavior and the events of the past several days, she would have asked. As it was, she was occupied, so when he sighed and shook his head, she wrote it off as stress.
"You girls go on and bathe. We'll watch the little ones," Shinzuru told them. Kagome nodded gratefully, standing and stretching only to wince when her back and knees popped.
"Hot bath, now!" Nanmei laughed, pushing Kagome in front of her playfully.
"I'll meet you guys at the bathhouse," Kagome assured, waving them off. "I need to get into a yukata and grab my stuff."
As the taijiya and former miko in training walked off, Kagome was amazed at the transition of her friends. Nanmei seemed just as happy as before, but with Sango, who seemed comfortable in the presence of the woman. In fact, as they chattered and giggled, they looked like they had been friends forever, and Kagome couldn't help but feel a degree of relief for whatever had happened while she was gone. Even the children were accepting Sango without reservation, which was another miracle.
Walking down the corridor, she opened her door and looked around. It was her room, and yet something felt off. Earlier she'd just ignored it, hurrying from her bath to meet the children. Now she paused and looked around, wondering if someone had been in her rooms.
Not a thing was out of place, and everything was accounted for.
So what was so different?
The room seemed to echo as she walked into her inner chamber and over to her wooden chests. Opening one, she took out one of the yukata on top, grateful that someone had seen fit to change out the linen ones with something warmer. When she was moving to open the chest holding her soaps, she paused and looked at the chest holding her kimono.
"No," She snapped aloud, resisting the urge to dig through it. Shaking her head, she opened the other chest and pulled one of the oiled paper packages out, not even paying attention to which bar she grabbed.
Flinching guiltily when she closed it a little harder than she intended, she turned and spun, oddly anxious and eager to leave her room behind her. Almost fleeing the family wing, she raced down the stairs and to the bathhouse.
Grateful she encountered no one on her way, she slipped in and closed the door behind her, relaxing in the scents lacing the steam and the chattering of the two women already soaking in the onsen.
Stripping and dunking herself into a smaller tub, she made quick work of bathing, not bothering with hair that was still damp from it's previous shampooing. Once finished, she dunked herself and rinsed, then walked to the large onsen and sat herself down at the edge.
Finally she felt like she could relax. The water was almost too hot, and muscles forcibly relaxed under the heat.
"So, I've heard the story from Nanmei and Shinzuru, even Sesshoumaru. But you still haven't told me what happened," Sango prodded almost as soon as Kagome had relaxed against the rim of the big tub.
"I'm sorry. It's been a long-" She paused. Day was an understatement. So was week. Month? Months?
When was the last time she'd had a true break from all the drama?
"Day?" Sango asked.
"Year," Kagome muttered, sinking lower into the tub and exhaling, watching the bubbles rise to the surface and pop. The other women made sympathetic noises and Kagome let her whole face fall into the water before bringing it back up and dragging in a deep breath.
"Sesshoumaru's mother is going to drive me crazy."
"His mother?" Sango asked. She'd heard tell of the daiyoukai several times, but only in vague terms. And she had yet to even catch a glimpse of the elusive inu.
"She's the one that cornered us into the mating. And then the stupid trial for the new head of the House of the Moon," Kagome said, fingers making air quotations as her voice became deeply exaggerated for the title. "If I have to go through one more trial, test, challenge, or anything remotely similar, I'm going to blow my stack."
Nanmei made a noise startlingly close to a giggle and Sango snorted. Kagome pushed water at them, completely ignoring bath etiquette. Instead of it's desired effect, both women burst into giggles.
"So glad my misery is amusing," The miko grumbled dourly.
"Oh, Kagome, it's not that," Sango sighed, her giggles quieting. "It's just that you told me about those dreams, and I come here and find out you're mated to the person from those dreams, and all you do is complain about your mother in law."
At the mention of her dreams, Kagome remembered the sharp turn they had taken, and the other two women watched her face light up in a perfect imitation of an incandescent tomato.
"That's telling," Nanmei giggled. "I haven't seen a blush like that since you first mentioned them."
"Shut up," Kagome muttered, sinking even lower into the bath, effectively garbling the last half of her words.
"You know he had your room cleansed while you were gone? Kasai mentioned it. Said Sesshoumaru was having issues avoiding your door," Nanmei tried. Kagome only uttered a small cry that turned into a choking gasp when water rushed into her mouth and she coughed and spat it out.
"I hate my life," She moaned. "Everyone knows, don't they?"
"They know what, not who," Sango offered. "Although, if he's been having problems avoiding your door, you should probably just- I mean, you're mated," She offered, brows lifted.
"You are as bad as Miroku!" Kagome accused, leaning back against the rim and looking towards the ceiling, wondering if there was some sort of divination by steam trick she could use to figure out her life.
"I'm married to him," Sango snorted. "I've become a pervert in self defense."
"Ha!" Kagome quipped. "It doesn't matter anyway. I can't use our mating against him like that. It's wrong."
"If he's having issues avoiding your rooms I'm pretty sure you won't have to force anything," Nanmei added in a suggestive tone, eyebrows waggling.
"Since when are you two such perverts?" The priestess grumbled.
"I'm assuming it started with our wedding nights," Nanmei replied cheekily. "Sango?"
"Not on my wedding night," The taijiya admitted slowly. "But not long after either," She added with a blush.
Kagome eyed both women, both blushing, beautiful, pie eyed and obviously thinking about things she'd only dreamed.
"Kasai told me the same thing," She blurted before she could stop it. Oh kami in heaven, did she really just say that? This was not the twentieth century, and these were not her ultra candid friends
"He did what?" Nanmei asked, her reverie shattered by the miko's declaration.
"He told me to go to Sesshoumaru," She admitted slowly.
"Kasai said that?" Nanmei choked, surprising Kagome. The miko turned to her friend, owl eyed and suddenly very afraid.
Both women were suddenly too interested and shocked and she knew they wouldn't let it go that one of the males had made such a suggestion.
Drowning, that could save her. However, the tub did not suddenly become eight feet deeper, and she buried her face in her hands and nodded once, wondering if her blush was burning through her hands, because she felt her entire body flush with hot shame.
"When?" Nanmei asked, voice filled with almost girlish giggles.
"This isn't funny!" Kagome snapped hotly. Both women stilled and Nanmei's blue eyes widened in concern.
"I never said it was, and I'm sorry if you thought we were laughing at you."
"Have you thought about approaching him?" Nanmei asked thoughtfully.
"What?" The miko gasped. "There's no way-"
"What about a kiss?" Sango countered.
"No! You two might have happy marriages but this wasn't my choice, or his. I can't, I won't force my feelings on him, especially not under the cover of our mating. He agreed to become my mate to let me stay, how could I repay it with something like that? I'd be as bad as the bandits," She snapped.
"Miroku didn't try anything at first with me either," Sango admitted, eyes shying away from both women as she spoke. "He was afraid of hurting me, of doing something I wouldn't be okay with. I had to let him know that it was okay. He always waited for me."
"Oh. I didn't realize," Kagome whispered, anger draining from her at her friend's confession. The taijiya looked acutely embarrassed, not even able to make eye contact.
"I just don't know if I can," Kagome finally sighed. "Thank you guys for listening. It's just a really screwy situation and I really have no idea what to do," She admitted. "And doing that, I mean, it doesn't seem like it'll help, you know?" She appealed, hoping to appease her friends and sooth their egos.
"It was a pretty silly idea, wasn't it?" Nanmei giggled. Sango snorted and Kagome allowed herself to relax as the conversation turned to more mundane things, none of them having to do with her mating or upcoming wedding ceremony.