Chapter 36 - That One Epic Food Fight...
Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I was being lazy! I would have updated earlier today, but I didn't have a chance until now.
'Professor' Dolores Umbridge was currently standing at the golden podium - something that was hardly used for something other than for the three feasts they had throughout the year. Most of the students were wishing that they had ignored the notices in the common rooms that told them to be in the Great Hall by 8 am, and just have picked up their breakfast in the kitchens.
"Hem, hem." Umbridge coughed. It was as fake as ever. "I've called all of you today to let you know about a recent update on Hogwarts. As the Headmistress, it is my duty to inform you of such matters. Starting next year, by the decree of the Minister himself, only those who can prove they are of magical blood may attend this fine establishment."
"What?!" Three-Fourths of the Hall yelled - teachers included.
"You can't do that!" Flitwick said, "This school was established a hundred years before the Ministry! The Founders agreed to the terms set by the first Minister - the Ministry can't decide anything that happens within these walls without the approval of the Headmaster or Headmistress! And this castle doesn't recognize you as the Headmistress. If it did, you wouldn't be locked out of the Headmaster's office."
"Oh Filius, don't you read the Prophet?" Umbridge asked sweetly. "Just last week, the Minister rescinded that agreement and placed Hogwarts under the Ministry's control. We decide the curriculum, the students, the teachers, and what's allowed in these hallowed halls."
Minerva huffed, "You realize how much trouble you'll be in with the Goblins? That agreement was overseen by Ragnok the First himself. If the Goblins here the Ministry has broken that agreement? Well, then we'll have a war and an uprising to deal with."
Umbridge just shot Minerva a dirty glare – obviously she didn't want that to be mentioned. "As I was saying, only those who can prove that they have wizarding parents, grandparents or ancestors," She snarled the last word, as if she despised the very thought. "Will be able to attend Hogwarts next year. You must provide a family tree provided by Gringotts Wizarding Bank. The cost is fifteen sickles for every hundred years."
And that's when she was hit in the face with mashed potatoes.
"Who threw that!" Umbridge shrieked.
"Ah – just fall asleep already, you old hag!" cried out Colin Creevy, who hurled a turkey leg at her. "FOOD FIGHT!"
It was utter pandemonium! The Slytherins were knocked out by a series of different parts of turkey, mashed potatoes, and Draco Malfoy gained a nasty concussion when Ginny Weasley hurled a bowl full of hot cheese meant for fondue – it had been introduced to the Gryffindors the year before when Beauxbatons had come for the Tri-Wizard Tournament.
The Hufflepuffs were currently showing off on just how badass they could be. Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott in particular, were dumping various puddings on Umbridge, who was also being hit with steaks, pickles, fish, and one person with particularly good aim – Zacharias Smith, managed to shove fifteen sticks of asapargus down Umbridge's throat, from his place at the middle of the table – a good thirty feet from the Staff table.
The Ravenclaws were gleefully flinging corn-on-the-cob at their Potions Professor, Snape, because he had purposely sabotaged Cho Chang's potion two hours before. "DOWN WITH THE TYRANTS!" Luna Lovegood yelled, before flinging a steak and kidney pie into Snape's face, who screamed – either with delight or due to the fact that the steak and kidney pie had just arrived.
The Slytherins had tried to stay out of the fighting. Luck, however, wasn't on their side. Eventually, Pansy Parkinson led a wave of Slytherin's 'Best' and throwing peas, cabbage, and was rapping those who got in their way on the shins with some of Hagrid's rock cakes on sticks.
And that's how it became the Epic Food Fight of 1996.
It went into 'Hogwarts, A History: The Unabridged Revised Edition' by Bathilda Bagshot.