"Where was it," Odin asked, "that you were, in the twelve-month you were lost in the Void."
He sat high on the dais, as he sat for all their audiences.
Loki stood below, manacled, seething.
Months he had remained in the dungeons. He knew it because his mother had told him so. His own reckoning would have deemed it longer. Much longer. His body had long-since healed. He was twitching and wild and he hated.
He kept his voice low, and clipped. His despair, his fury, his pleading, had done nothing to move the AllFather. He had rather thought he'd given up on the old man over a year ago. But his heart was a tortuous thing. It betrayed him but little, these days.
"There are worlds," he answered at length, "to which any within the safeguard of Yggrdasil are blind. Even you, AllFather."
Odin gave a dry laugh, fingering his spear. "But not to clever Loki."
Anger flared in his breast. "Finding myself cast out, yes."
Odin eyed him. "And you walked amongst them, these worlds?"
Walked. Loki closed his eyes as images flashed nauseatingly behind them. Images. Memories. Dreams.
Opening his eyes, he tilted his chin. "Yes." He did not give the sensation of falling time to leave him before he moved. He would not have Odin see him thus. Weak. Not again.
"You met the Chitauri there, and you won their aid," Odin said. "The Tesseract, in exchange for Midgard. Where Loki could finally be king."
He closed his teeth on the dizzy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He summoned a thin smile. "I was raised with a rather…specific skill set, if you'll recall."
"And a respect for the life on the realms that it seems has not carried over into your adulthood."
The dizziness left him in a flush of heat. "Where was that respect, AllFather, in your many wars? Asgard was a conquering nation beneath the AllFather Bor and his son. There was no respect. There was death and carnage and a Realm Eternalrising from the bloodshed."
"You speak," Odin slammed the butt of Gungnir against the ground, "of a history you do not understand. Or were you there," he said, softer, "in your wisdom?"
Closing his eyes, Loki let the silence hang. Then he said, softly. "I, spoke out of turn, AllFather." He tipped his chin back that he might look Odin in the face. "A pity I was not better taught."
Odin's temper did not better him, as Loki had rather hoped it might. Instead, the old man looked at him, quizzically. "This is all you would say, given audience with me?"
"I did not seek it." Loki snapped.
"Then you would rather go back to your cell?"
"What hope is there for me otherwise? Patricide," he spat, "regicide, treason, genocide, treachery. What else is left for the hound that bites than a cage or an axe?"
"Leave these platitudes and tell me plainly," Odin got to his feet. "Did you commit these crimes?"
"You saw," Loki hissed. "And what you didn't see you were told by your favored son. Why would you trust the Liesmith's tongue when you refused that to his predecessor?"
I only ever wanted to be your son.
"Always you have clung to your illusions, Loki."
Loki turned his head away, breath erratic in his throat. His hands, hanging manacled and heavy before him, worked open and closed.
Finally, he heard Odin resume his place on the throne.
"I'm curious though," Loki said lowly, before Odin could break the silence, "what you would have done, had I not learned the truth."
A beat of silence passed before he heard Odin sigh.
"Would you – one day – have told me freely of my heritage?" he felt his blood heating, rushing in his veins. "Or would you merely have shipped me off to Jotunheim without explanation to bring your peace?"
"Loki, after all you have done," Odin said. He looked weary, "this is hardly of import."
"I think I have a right to know." Loki demanded.
"You have a right," Odin threw one hand down, "to the air you breathe." Then he sat back, quieter, "though it is at times like this that you make me doubt even that."
"You never wanted a second son," Loki said bitterly, "you only ever wanted a tool for your intrigues."
"If you will not trust my words to the contrary, then there is little point in my repetition of them."
Tears burned Loki's eyes though his mouth was curved like a grim smile. "There was never trust between us."
"Then there is no more that can be accomplished by our continuing discussion."
Hear in Morgan Freeman's voice "Loki is very conflicted at this time."
Sorry updates have been sketchy. I'm publishing as I write now, so updates are at the mercy of my spare time.
On the plus side, I'm now planning to extend this fic through the events of Ragnarok, and - should whatever Fates that be dictate - Infinity Wars too. We'll have to see.
In the meantime, if you want more of Loki being conflicted and shooting himself in the foot (and as a bonus want to know where Odin and Frigga's heads are through all this) read chapters 26-32 of my fic A Little More. Chapter 33 of that fic is PROBABLY my favorite thing I've written recently. HEAVY Loki/Frigga conflict. Stay tuned.