CHAPTER 36

The lonely walk back to Xander's chambers gave Buffy ample time to scrutinize her predicament with Xander. It didn't take her long to figure out exactly what had happened. Dawn had told Buffy that Xander had spent a lot of alone time with Julia, and Buffy knew that he was still relentlessly pursuing safety for his friends. She also knew that he would do anything it took to protect her, even if it meant marrying someone else.

Buffy realized that when Xander asked her if it was a threat, she'd gone about the whole situation all wrong. Practically, she wasn't threatening him with leaving but threatening him that if he married Julia Domna and became Roman Emperor, he would pay with his life. But she thought angrily, why had Julia stared at him so seductively. If she had asked Xander about that, she probably would have found out that maybe he and Julia had shared some intimate moments together.

But just because Buffy understood why Xander had reacted as he did didn't mean she forgave him for the rash decision he made. She never would have jumped to a conclusion of that nature without consulting him. She thought that they had built a more solid relationship than that. She had believed that Xander was her soul mate, not just another one of her boyfriends. And as someone who had helped kill the Praetorian Guard leaders, he ought to have trusted her enough at least to tell her what he was planning to do. If he had cared about her, he would have given that to her. He would have given her the chance to deal with the sticky situation she was placed in.

Buffy took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. If Xander didn't trust her as a girlfriend, she didn't see how he could trust her as someone else's husband. And that probably meant he didn't really love her.

Buffy hurried along the palace as she turned the final corner that led to a nice little courtyard where she enjoyed resting on the benches. She had no doubt Xander would eventually come to his senses and figure out what he had done. He had a stubborn streak that almost matched hers, but he would realize that his image as being protector of his friends just didn't ring true in light of the fact that he was now going to be a target for assassins, hence, making his friends as well. He might even apologize to her. But Buffy did not feel she'd be able to forgive him for him not trusting her. Julia and him would have a wonderful marriage. Well, she thought spitefully, he had ruined his chances for him and her to be together.

Unfortunately, he had also ruined hers.

Which was why, when Buffy finally scurried towards the benches and went towards one of them, it was all she could do to fight back her tears before they exploded like a flood. She threw herself on a bench, thoroughly soaking the bench within seconds.

She cried with great, big, wrenching sobs that shook her entire body and wrung out her soul. She was oblivious to the noise she was making, nor did she notice Dawn's tenative taps on her shoulder were making. A piece of her heart had been ripped out that evening, and Buffy was mourning its loss. Never again would she trust her judgment when it came to men. And the most agonizing part of it was, she knew that she still loved him. Xander had, in a way, betrayed her, and still she loved him.

She was furious.

And so, when Dawn finally turned her over so she could be sitting straight, her eyes still red-rummed and bloodshot, she immediately quit crying. She was seething.

"Buffy, what on earth are you doing?" Dawn burst out, quickly sitting beside her on the bench. "Are you all right?" She took her by the shoulders, scanning her features intently. "It's Xander isn't it?"

Buffy looked away. Dawn's concern for her well-being diffused most of the explosive anger that possessed her. "Yes."

"It's about him and Julia, isn't it?" Dawn surmised. "What an idiot. Any fool could tell he had done something with Julia."

"I guess he's the biggest fool of all, then," Buffy tried to joke. "Because it surely didn't know it himself." She stood up and crossed the courtyard for a minute before turning back to her sister. "I'm really sorry, Dawn. I know having a threesome with Xander and Willow must have been rough on you. Looking back at it, I don't know why I did it. He doesn't deserve it." Buffy let out a harsh little laugh. "He's slept with every woman imaginable. Except you of course. At least I hope he hasn't..."

Dawn stared at her in amazement.

"Of course he hasn't," Buffy continued wryly. "Frankly I think I'd laugh if he made a move on you. Damn, who does he think he is?"

"Roman Emperor, apparently," Dawn said sadly. "Which he will be soon. I'm not an psychic, Buffy. I'm sure you two will find a way to get through this." She strode over to her and pulled her into a sisterly embrace. "I'm concerned about you. That bastard hurt you. He hurt us."

Buffy nodded, feeling slightly better now that Dawn was holding her. A hug does wonders for a broken heart. "Actually, the only thing that is keeping me from crying right now is that I'm so furious with him. And," she added sheepishly, "I've cried so many tears before with him I feel like I have lost the ability to cry."

"Would you like a drink?"

"Actually... I think I would."

"Wait a moment. I'll fetch a servant." Dawn led her to the bench where Buffy dutifully sat down, and then she crossed the courtyard back to where Buffy had came from.

Willow tumbled into the courtyard.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Willow," Buffy burst out. "Were you eavesdropping?"

Willow picked herself up from the grass with as much dignity as she could muster, which wasn't much, considering she had landed on her belly. "What do you expect?" she demanded in an exasperated voice. "I saw your sadness, Buffy. But I also know you've been quite secretive lately, and you did not have the decency to tell me or Dawn where you were going earlier tonight." She glared at Buffy, planting her hands resolutely on her hips. "Did it not occur to you that we might like to know what is going on? I'm not stupid, you know. Xander and you have changed. You both have excluded me and Dawn." She frowned disdainfully. "Or at least has excluded me."

Buffy stared at her blankly throughout the tirade. "I'm sorry, Willow, but me and Xander shared some experiences that you don't understand," she replied finally.

"And we didn't? We sacrificed our well-being back in Sunnydale to come out here. Might I add we had to survive here as well." Willow said, somewhat peevishly.

"Bull," Buffy retorted. "I was hanged. I was jailed... sentenced to death! I was beaten, nearly raped! I'd say your experience pales in comparison to mine."

"Wow, your experience here has been astounding," Willow commented dryly.

"I've quite forgotten what it is we were talking about," Buffy added.

"And then!" Willow said dramatically, working herself into a fine little grouch. "And then, as I came back from having sex with you and Xander, I find Dawn crying her eyes out behind a curtain and when I tried to comfort her, your darling old man Cato stopped me and said, 'Leave her alone. You caused enough hurt to the young girl. Do be gone.'"

Buffy turned to Willow, a soft smile on her lips. "Did he really say, 'Do be gone'? That's a quite funny thing to say."

"Well I might have," Willow said defensively. "If you weren't so content sleeping with Xander and spending every moment with him. You have other friends, Buffy, you know. God, finally I can speak with you without him around."

Buffy stood up, turned to Willow, and took her hands. "I'm sorry if you felt left out, Willow. That certainly wasn't my intention. It was just that Xander had to get revenge for that woman and child. Everything has happened so fast that we forgot to include you."

"And I'm so sorry I made such a scene," Willow replied sheepishly. "But now you ought to tell me what is going on."

"About what? What happened tonight?" Buffy asked. "Rome's Emperor had his throat slashed. Rather impaled."

Willow frowned at the details. "Not that. Xander. What are you going to do?"

"Well, I feel like me and him should take a break."

Willow sank down onto the bench, pulling Buffy along with her. "What?"

"After all we've been through, he barely knows this woman and he's willing to marry her just like that. Come on," Buffy put it savagely.

"I know. That was harsh."

"I have a feeling those two did something together," Buffy said with a nod.

"It appears so. The way she looked at him... I was about to say something," Willow said incredulously.

"Actually, it's too personal to talk about right now." Buffy fidgeted slightly and then quickly added, "He's going to be Roman Emperor. I heard him say it earlier but I didn't feel like he'd have the courage."

"He said he did it for our protection. Couldn't he just wait to find out who else might be Emperor? I mean, that's how it's usually done, you know. I'm certain some other man would have gotten around to be Emperor. We were not in any danger."

"I don't know if that is his one sole reason."

"What on earth do you mean, Buffy?"

"He's ambitious, Willow," Buffy snapped. "He was so determined to get revenge for the mother and child that he went to a training camp and left me for a few weeks. I'm sure he must have had dreams of being Emperor. He interacted with two of them for Christ's sake."

Willow drew back, looking at Buffy with a skeptical glance. "You actually feel like it's that too?"

"Anyway," Buffy continued loudly, pointedly ignoring Willow's reaction. "I'm quite lonely tonight. Where is he, anyway?"

"With Julia making a speech," Willow said bluntly.

"What?" Buffy shrieked.

"My reaction precisely," Willow murmured.

"Is he crazy?"

"Look, Buffy, it's all politics. She knows the Roman people. He did it for that reason," Willow sighed. "Let's face it. She'd make a good advisor to him... at least in the beginning."

"Oh no, not an advisor," Buffy groaned. "The man's a player."

"Maybe," Willlow added. "But I know he loves you, Buffy."

"Love me? Yeah he's done a lot to prove that but just marrying someone-"

"Get over it, Buffy. I am hurt about it too. But that's part of being Emperor. If he has to marry someone else just to make him become Emperor, so be it."

Buffy shuddered. "I suddenly feel dirty. With all the blood and all. I think I should take a bath."

"Just wait until he makes his speech," Willow explained. "For all we know, the mob might hack him to death once they find out their Emperor is dead."

"Good," Buffy breathed. "He deserves to get hacked to death."

"Listen to yourself, Buffy," Willow said. "You love him, I know. Hell, I love him."

"Unless..." Buffy said thoughtfully.

"Unless what?" Willow asked sharply. "Unless you kill him yourself? God forbid he's been through enough Buffy. Cut him a break."

The mention of cutting Xander a break nearly sent a tear rolling down Buffy's cheek, but she quickly calmed herself down.

"I'm sorry Willow," Buffy apologized immediately. "I shouldn't have said that. I really didn't mean the way it sounded."

"It's all right," Willow said in a small voice, glancing over her shoulder, hoping no one had heard their little exchange. "Where did Dawn go?"

"I'm sorry," Buffy said once more.

"Don't be. I would feel the same way."

"Right!" Buffy said loudly in a sarcastic tone. "You would destroy the world."

Willow stared away from Buffy for a few moments before replying. "That was different."

Buffy and Willow leaned forward expectantly.

"I think we should give Xander some hell," Buffy said.

Willow recoiled visibly. "I don't like the sound of that."

"Oh for goodness sake, Will. I am not asking you to cast a spell on him or anything. All I'm saying is just play some practical jokes on him or something..." Buffy bit her lip as she thought carefully. "After his speech, we could do something to make him jealous. Like kiss or something."

"Why do that Buffy? I mean... cut him a break."

"I want to put him through the hell he's putting me through," Buffy said with a nod. "He's gotten his way over me all this time in Rome. I'm the slayer for crying out loud. Who is he?"

"Just don't let this go on farther than it needs to," Willow advised.

"Or another man," Buffy added. "A lot of guards around here are pretty handsome. I can take one."

"Buffy, you're good at planning things," Willow said matter-of-factly. "I am sure you'll find something. But you know... after the speech, right?"

"Of course."

"England?" Julia asked. "Are you serious? I know you're not Roman but the mob will slaughter you if you told them that you came from England."

Xander's chin rose stubbornly. "Do you know anywhere else I could say where I was from?"

"Do you know anywhere that you've been where you can say where you were born and tell stories?" she asked further.

It was mere curiosity, Xander knew. She had every appearance of a proper lady- from her expensive gown to her innocent blushes, not to mention the pair of stockings she had on.

"I wish I could... I mean to say..." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I was in Gerasa to train. Your husband came into the town and recruited me there. That's where I first met him."

Her sudden smile slanted into his heart like an arrow. "Yes! That would be splendid!"

Xander did his best to ignore the sparkle in her eyes. She didn't seem like a woman who had just lost her husband earlier that night.

"I can't tell you how much you helping me means to me," she said. "After what happened to Severus, I despaired that I would find anyone to replace my husband." Her smile widened, and he did his best not to bask under its glow.

"Yes, well, I wouldn't be so enthusiastic in your appreciation," he told her. "We don't know what's going to happen yet. And until we do, you should not make any assumptions. All that is certain is that you and your children will be safe. Me... who knows?"

That was an understatement. The mob of Romans would most likely throw him in jail and toss the key into the city well.

They continued along the palace halls in silence and once more he did his best to ignore her wicked smile tilting her lips. Gads, what was she doing smiling at me like that? Xander wondered.

"You offered to be Emperor to be with me, didn't you?" she offered just then.

"What, no!" he shot back. "I mean I like you... but you know I'm with Buffy. We had this talk already, you know?"

"Well it doesn't seem like she wants to be with you anymore, anyway." She laughed and took his collar of his armor, giving him a playful tug. "Besides, we need to finish what we started. 10 minutes is not enough..."

He retrieved her fingertips from her grasp, his pride once again pierced. With ease, he pricked her grip away from his armor and pushed them gently away. "Your husband was just killed. How can you be like this?"

That made Julia stop in her tracks, giving him a smug look. "I don't love him."

So she didn't love her husband. "Now please don't tell me you love me," he said sternly. "My life is complicated enough."

"And what if I did?"

"Jesus Christ."

She made an inelegant cough. "You and Buffy," she hissed, shaking her head at the notion. "If you are going to be Emperor, Xander... you have to faithfully be my wife. If you are unfaithful to me, I can find another husband willing to take your place."

"Are you serious?"

She nodded.

Xander stood back and took a long look at her. "Perhaps you need to get some sleep. You're not yourself. All of this is happening way too quickly. Shouldn't we just do all this in the morning?"

At this, she laughed again. "That's a great idea. Let's go to sleep knowing the world is without a leader."

He shrugged. "Who's going to know anyway? Let's just tell them in the morning. Honestly, you're not yourself... I'm not myself... I mean we need to cope with what happened to your husband..."

Julia shook her head and looked away. "There's too many men out there, Xander," she said softly. "Me and my children are not as safe as you say. Families have been killed along with their rulers once the ruler was killed. It could happen here too. I mean, I can list at least a hundred senators willing to become Emperor..."

What she had said made Xander pause. "You're right," he told her. "It'd just be nice... to sleep. Or relax or anything. Is that too much to ask for?"

"I'll take care of you, my dear," she replied, once again smiling.

"Ah, yes. I got enough women doing that."

She stared deep into his eyes. "I know you've been with many women, Xander. But I can promise you, I'm different."

"I know," he told her, and was rewarded with another burst of laughter, sweet and entirely filled with joy. "In fact, I find you quite unique."

They began to walk forward again and rounded a corner and as they did, they both fell to a halt at the sight before them.

A single man stood in the hallway, his hand in the air signaling them to halt. Behind him stood what appeared to be physicians instructing him to come back.

"Who is that?" Julia whispered.

"Trebonius. The other survivor."

"Oh, him!" Julia said loudly. "I wonder what he wants."

Xander frowned at her naive statement. "I'm sure he wants to know if we are okay."

"I say we go somewhere else. We don't have time to socialize with anyone."

"What? Come on. I haven't talked to him since the battle," Xander gasped.

Xander saw Julia walk away from him, expecting Xander to follow. He had no doubt that he had to follow her and that talking with Trebonius would have to be put on the back burner.

The hangman would have been a far more welcome sight for Xander at this juncture.

He smiled at Trebonius. "We'll talk later."

"What happened? Is the Emperor okay?" Trebonius called.

"He's okay..." Xander said, realizing suddenly that he was talking not about Severus, but about himself. Oh, how Trebonius would take the news. He would laugh like a hyena. Xander would know.