Not You Again

Chapter 35- The Four Lettered Word

A/N: Giant shoutout to everyone who reviewed and alerted and favorited and cried and smiled and whatever else after reading the last chapter! THANK YOU, you don't know how much it means to me… On with the story then… : )

"Jacob!" I exclaimed, frustrated, as I made my way by him. I couldn't believe he'd just kissed me and Damon had seen it. He must have thought I was such a slut.

"I don't regret it, Bonnie. I had to try," He cried, following me, and touching my arm, gently looking into my eyes with his light green ones.

I shot him a firm look, swatting his arm again. "Never do that again," I ordered, though my voice was still shaky. And then I ran past him out of the room, intent on following Damon and explaining what had happened. I just hoped he'd listen.

I was about to sprint up the stairs when I heard someone calling my name. I turned to find Nathalie sitting at the dining table, a bunch of papers scattered around her. She waved me over with a slight smile.

I put a smile on my face and hurried over to her, "Hi Nathalie. How are you now?" I asked, sympathy coloring my voice.

Nathalie sighed, "I'm better now than I was before, if that's anything. I had the bath like you said and it did clear my thoughts and now everything's set. The funeral's tomorrow evening at Guiseppe's regular Catholic church preceding it the burial and everything else," She ran a hand through her hair, closing her eyes for a second.

I smiled, "Then calm down. Everything's going to be fine," I said, with a slight smile. I remembered what I wanted to do for Guiseppe, "Have you ordered flowers for the funeral yet?"

Nathalie opened her eyes and shook her head, her eyes widening, "Mon dieu , I completely forgot. I have to call Michael quickly before he gets back," She picked up her cell phone briskly.

"Can I suggest something?" I asked, quietly, as she started dialing the number.

She looked up at me with questioning eyes. "Yes?" She asked, as she put the phone to her ear.

"Um, can you get white roses? We could place them on his casket at the funeral," I suggested, "I know how much he likes them,"

Nathalie watched me for a few seconds then nodded, "That's a great idea… I'll tell Michael to order some," She smiled at me then, a sad wistful smile and I knew that she understood why I'd picked those flowers.

"No problem. I'm going to go check up on Damon, if you'll excuse me…" I trailed off, already starting towards the stairs.

"Bonnie, attends-toi! (Wait) I wanted to tell you merci… I think that you're a great influence on this family… without your positivity and voice of reason, I think that I would have broken down with stress. I owe you so much gratitude, Bonnie," She said, bringing the phone down for a second and looking at me with a thankful look.

My heart swelled at her words. "You don't owe me anything, Nathalie," I promised her, "And I'm happy that I was of help," I spoke from my heart, her compliments warming me from top to bottom. I noted that the Old me was never positive or there for others and no matter what Trevor said, I liked the new me better than the old me. Way more.

Nathalie smiled at me and then picked her phone up. I took this as my cue to leave, gently turning on my heel and running up the stairs. I was panting by the time I reached the top and my stomach throbbed painfully. I really needed to get to New York and see Dr. Fell again. I remembered that I hadn't taken my medication and vowed that I would after I cleared things up with Damon.

I walked over to his room, knocking on the door before I got cold feet about everything. He needed to know that I hadn't kissed Jacob because I liked him or anything; Jacob had kissed me. And I needed to know where we stood. Were we friends now again or were we still fighting? Did he care or did he not give a damn about me anymore? All were intriguing questions.

I got no reply like before. I knocked again and still no reply. I sighed, deciding to try the door. If it was locked, I'd just go to my room and take my medicine and then maybe have an early night. It'd been a long and emotional day and I needed some rest before tomorrow which would be even more draining. I tried the doorknob and the door slid open easily. I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

"Damon?" I called, as I entered the room, letting the door slam behind me. I listened for anything but I couldn't hear the TV or even the shower running. I walked further into the room but his bed was empty too. I looked around, wondering where he could possibly be. Maybe he'd gone to Stefan and Elena's room. I knew that Stefan had gone with the people who'd come to pick Guiseppe's body up to get it ready for the burial but maybe he'd gone to talk to Elena…

"Damon?" I tried again, in a louder voice.

I heard his reply almost immediately. "Bonnie?" There was a pause, "I'm out on the balcony,"

My stomach sank and I thought about how ironic that was because of our previous conversation or more like argument. Nonetheless, I started towards the balcony, sliding the French doors open and stepping out. Damon was leaning against the railing, peering down at the swimming pool. He looked way better than he had before his little nap. He still looked sad but at least he didn't look dead anymore.

"Hi," I said, making my way over to him. I stood by him looking out at the view. My heart pounded as I thought of how much of a Déjà vu this was. We were back on the balcony, watching the view. Damon would propose to me any second and we'd fight and then wreck our relationship. But I knew that wouldn't happen again. Damon was smart even though he liked to pretend otherwise. He didn't make mistakes twice. My stomach sank at that thought because a crazy little part of me wanted him to propose again and for me to agree at once. I pushed it away as Damon turned to look at me, a strange look on his face.

"Hey," He replied, awkwardly, and we just stood there for a couple of seconds.

My stomach churned and I didn't know whether to cut to the chase or start with some small talk. I decided, out of cowardice, to go for the latter. "So you weren't there at dinner," I commented, dumbly, but hopefully it was enough to get him talking.

Damon ran a hand through his hair, "Yeah, I was sleeping," He spoke in a detached, emotionless voice and I felt a sadness sweep over me because that meant he was still upset.

"You look better now," I commented, studying his face for a couple of seconds. It was almost dusk but I could still make out his glimmering aquamarine eyes, lush pink lips which were usually smirking but were now empty of any emotion, and his killer jaw which made me weak in the knees.

"What?" My words caught him off guard and he shot me a genuinely perplexed look. At least it was better than being all blasé…

I almost smiled at his confusion. "Before you took a nap, you looked…lifeless and exhausted… have you not been sleeping?" I asked, concern clear in my voice.

Damon sighed, "It doesn't make a difference…" He trailed off, turning back to the garden and tracing his hands across the railing.

I leaned against the railing, making out the swimming pool with the lights and the deck chairs that Elena and I usually lounged on by the pool. I slid my hand across the railing and naturally found his hand. Our fingers lingered for a couple of seconds, touching and needing that touch, before Damon pulled back.

All was silent for a few seconds until I broke it, sick of all the tension.

"He kissed me, okay, Damon? I didn't kiss him back… I shoved him off but all you saw was us kissing and I promise I'd never kiss him because I don't like him…" I was blabbering because I was nervous but Damon kept his eyes locked on the garden, away from mine, unfazed by my words.

"I don't care who you kiss, Bonnie," He muttered, but even I could sense the dishonesty in his words.

"Liar," I snorted before I got a serious look on my face, "Stop saying you don't care. If you didn't give a fuck about me, you wouldn't have stormed off, you wouldn't be acting all cold and weird and so unDamon-like and you wouldn't be speaking in that tone that assures me that you're freaking lying," I concluded, surely.

Damon gritted his teeth and balled his hands up into fists before he pounded on the railing. He turned to me violently, an angry look on his face. "I hate how you can read me so easily…" He snapped, a moment later. "I can't hide anything," His tone was oozing with antagonism.

"You don't need to hide from me, Damon," I responded, calmly. I knew he was emotionally drained because of our fight and his father's death, especially the second, so I let him take out his anger out on me even though usually I wouldn't have taken his shit. "You need a friend…and we're more than that… I know you got upset about Jacob kissing me, but it wasn't me who kissed him; you've got to believe me,"

Damon was silent, slouching a few steps away from me, staring out into nothingness. He wringed his hands together and then leaned back over the railing, an unreadable expression on his face. I waited for him to speak and every single second he didn't, I got more annoyed.

"Dammit!" I burst out, irked. "Say something,"

Damon turned to me, "What do you want me to say, Bonnie?" He spoke my name with venom and I flinched, "Do you want me to say that it killed me when I saw you kissing Jacob because it wasn't me? Do you want me to say how much it wounds me every time you say that that baby is Klaus's and not mine? Have you ever thought to think how I feel that the woman I love might be carrying someone else's child?" He burst out and my jaw dropped as he went on. "Do you know how it feels to constantly think that I'm not good enough for you because I'm not him? Because I'm not perfect? No?" He went on, his words fueled with passion and I felt tears come to my eyes at his rant.

I was about to speak when Damon shook his head. "But those aren't the things that wounded me the most… The thing that killed me was that I hurt you with my words, I walked away, leaving you crying and for that, I've been beating myself up ever since it happened," He trailed off, "I don't know what I'll do if you never forgive me,"

"I forgive you, Damon," I cut into his words, my voice shaky because of his confessions. I felt myself shiver and Damon looked at me in amazement then a frown crossed his lips again.

"That's why I feel I'm not good enough… because you're too darn good for me…You're gorgeous, smart, proficient and with a giant heart. You forgive even though you shouldn't…" He ended, his eyes staring down at me with intensity.

"Because I care about you, Damon," I put in, "So much. And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that you couldn't measure up. I'm not perfect, Damon," I snorted, "In fact, I'm far from it… you're acting like I'm such an angel when in fact I'm flawed…" He looked at me about to protest and I shook my head, "I know myself and I know that you know me, probably better than anyone on this whole planet does, but sometimes love makes you blind to people's flaws…" I sighed, "I'm sorry that this baby might be Klaus's and I promise you, no matter how bad a girlfriend it makes me, I pray every night that this baby is yours and mine. Made out of love and passion," I quoted him with a tiny grin.

Damon smiled back slightly before he got an austere look on his face as if he was trying to convince himself not to smile. "That night when I walked away, I went to the nearest bar and got drunk… so drunk I couldn't see… I went home with a random chick but the whole time I was with her, I couldn't stop seeing you in front of me… your gorgeous emerald eyes, your mocha colored skin, your dazzling smile… I'm addicted to you and I'm embarrassed to admit it because it's not normal,"

"It is normal, Damon," I assured him, "It's called love, the four lettered word that sends humans to their demise," I muttered, "I love you, Damon, no matter what. I know that sounds like the craziest thing ever considering I hated you back in high school but now I can't imagine a future without you, nor do I want to," I felt my cheeks warm as Damon stared at me, an unreadable expression on his face.

"I'm sick of things being awkward between us. I want us to be close again," I added, a while later, my hand working its way up to his cheek. He succumbed to my touch, closing his eyes before he opened them again to let me peer into his swirling azure pools. I stood there, suddenly feeling incredibly sick. My stomach heaved and I let go of Damon, running towards his bathroom. I flung the door open and kneeled in front of the toilet, throwing up my whole dinner into it. I could feel Damon holding my hair back as I vomited and I was glad he was there.

When I was done, I turned shakily and hurried to the sink, rinsing my mouth to rid myself of the horrible taste. Damon stood there, holding the towel out to me. I took it, wiping my mouth.

"Are you okay?" Damon asked, looking down at me worriedly.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to take the medicines my Dr. prescribed to me for the first trimester," I muttered, my head throbbing now.

Damon looked confused, "But you're crossing into the second trimester. You need new meds. I could take you now if you want. I know where the hospital is," He offered, a neutral expression on his face.

I shook my head, "I'll just go to my Doctor when we get back," I assured him, trying to shoot him a reassuring look but my stomach spasm-ed and I winced.

"Are you sure? Stefan isn't here now but when he gets back he could take a look at you. We're going home the day after tomorrow by the way. I already booked the flights for the four of us," He led me out of the bathroom.

"I'm good. Then there's no problem. I just need to take my medicine and then get some sleep," I informed him before I started towards my room, my head swimming. Damon followed me and just stood there as I picked out my pills out of my purse, gulped a few back with a bottle of water and sank down onto the bed.

"Are those all your medicines?" Damon pressed, leaning against the doorframe.

I nodded, "Yes," I muttered, "I might just take a bath and then hit the sack. I want to call Caroline too and let her know when we'll be home,"

"I'll call Caroline for you. I know how her yapping can be and it's probably not the best for your headache," He said, pulling out his phone, and I remembered how he used to date Caroline before. How long ago was that? So much had happened in the past few months… so much drama concerning my closest circle of acquaintances sometimes I could hardly believe I was the smalltown girl who'd gone to Harvard and then come to the Big Apple to work.

"Thank you," I said, because he was right. Caroline was a great friend but she could talk a little too much sometimes. "You can go to your room now if you want…" I trailed off as I started picking out some nightclothes and a pair of underwear to wear after the bath.

Damon shot me a strange look. "What if you pass out in the bath? I'll just sit here until you're done… keep the door slightly open and I'll speak to you to make sure you're okay… If you don't reply for like 2 minutes, I'll come check on you," He said, the ghost of his cheeky smirk on his lips.

"You'd better not," I grabbed my bathrobe and took my clothes with me. "Or I'll-,"

"What will you do, Bon Bon?" Damon smirked at me and my heart did a happy jump that he was joking with me again. That meant that things were on the right track for our friendship.

"I don't know, Damon," I said tiredly, "Just don't peek,"

"You wish I would," He stuck his tongue out at me as he scrolled through his phone.

I laughed drily, "You're the one who wishes," I responded, before I slunk off into the bathroom, keeping the door open enough so that Damon wouldn't yell at me because I might 'pass out' inside and die. My heart warmed at his concern for me and I was glad we were back to being kinda-friends. I still didn't know how he felt after our little talk on the balcony but I knew I'd find out sooner or later.

I ran the bath and squirted some bubble bath gel into it, listening to Damon talk to Caroline on the phone. I knew I'd have to call her myself later but that could be tomorrow morning when I wasn't so tired and didn't feel so queasy. I waited for a couple of minutes before I stripped my clothes and climbed into the bath, feeling the bubbles reach my neck and feeling completely at peace as I usually did as I bathed. I rubbed shampoo into my hair and dunked my head under the water for a few seconds before I leaned it against the edge of the bath.

"Bonnie?" Damon sang, from my bedroom. I could hear the buzz of the TV in the background so I figured he was done with Caroline.

"I'm still alive," I called, slightly amused that he was serious about this checking up on me thing. I rolled my eyes and placed my hand on my tiny baby bump. It amazed me that I was housing a whole new being inside of me and I really did feel the charm of it all. At first, I'd been hesitant about the whole thing but now I was more than psyched to become a Mom. I couldn't wait to find out who the Dad was when I got back home the day after tomorrow. I massaged my bump, closing my eyes, before I started rubbing my body with the scented lavender soap because it could help me go to bed easier.

"Hey Bon?" Damon exclaimed, and I rolled my eyes.

"Still not dead," I responded ,a smile coming to my lips.

I wondered what the baby would look like and what he or she would be like. Would they be attractive like their Dads (either Damon or Klaus) ? Would they be smart like I was? What would be their favorite color or their favorite board game? These things seemed materialistic and simple but those were the things I most wanted to know… most of all, I wanted to know if they would love me at least half as much as I would love them? I could already feel the love I felt for this tiny bump growing in my heart and I knew it would only blossom like a flower growing out of a seed. I wondered if their Dad would love them as much as they needed to..whether it be Damon and Klaus. Damon would, I was sure of that. He would make her feel like the luckiest girl/boy on this planet but I wasn't sure of Klaus.. I'd never seen him talk to children and I couldn't imagine him as a Father…

"Bon Bon?" Damon called, a few seconds later and a giggle escaped my mouth.

"Still alive and kicking," I sang to him as I continued rubbing soap onto my body. I rinsed it out then applied conditioner to my hair. My hairbrush was somewhere here, I knew. I reached around the bath and picked it up from where it had fallen on the floor. I brushed my hair, getting rid of all the knots and just relaxing because I knew tomorrow would be an incredibly long day.

The funeral itself was bound to be draining. I didn't even know what I was going to wear. I had a couple of formal dresses with me and I knew that one of them was dark colored so I guessed I could wear it. I wondered what Elena would be wearing then shrugged those superficial thoughts off. Who cared what anyone was wearing? This was Damon and Stefan's Dad's funeral…

"Bonnie?" Damon called, breaking into my thoughts.

"Uh-hmmm…. I'm still here," I added, wondering if he was smiling or what. I knew he was still torn up about his father's death and I was glad that I'd made him smile- or smirk- earlier. He deserved a little bit of happiness after all the doom and gloom of the day. I sighed, yawning, as I realized how tired I was. I felt my eyes droop and decided to climb out of the bath in case I really did drown by falling asleep in here.

I slowly hoisted my body out of the tub and wrapped my robe around myself. I dried my body as best as I could before I slipped my underwear on and then my tiny green tank top and gray sweat pants that I'd decided to use for sleepwear because they were warm and comfy, exactly what I needed after a tiring day. I brushed my teeth quickly and rinsed my mouth then gazed into the mirror for a couple of seconds. Content with what I saw, I brushed my hair, hurrying out to my room at the same time. I tugged the brush through my hair a few times before I wrapped the damp waves into a ponytail.

Damon was still sitting on the bed, though he'd turned the TV off and was just staring blankly around. He had his phone on his lap. "You're alive," He said, seriously.

"I am," I smiled, "Thanks to you staying here," I told him, feeling suddenly shy as his sky blue eyes focused on mine. I jumped onto the bed and crept under the covers.

"No problem," He responded, turning to look at me as he got up. "I have to go because Mother wants me to help her with some things for tomorrow," His expression was sullen once more.

"Okay," I replied, because I didn't know what else to say. I pulled the covers up to my chin and sighed contently. It was so comfy under the covers and I couldn't wait to catch forty winks. "Good luck with that,"

Damon nodded, before he stood there awkwardly beside the bed, obviously not knowing what to do. He then brushed my cheek and started away from me. He was by the door in seconds, "Should I flick the light off?" He asked, in a soft tone of voice, pausing by the door.

"Yes please," I replied, feeling very much like when I was a little child and my mother would turn the light off while I was all cozy in my bed. A smile came to my lips at that memory.

Seconds later the room was dark and I heard Damon's footsteps as he exited the room. He paused in front of the doorframe and I could see his silhouette against the light of the corridor outside. He paused hesitantly, "Good night, Bonnie," He spoke gently, his voice like a calming caress.

"Good night, Damon," I replied, sleepily, as he softly closed the door behind him, plunging the whole room into pitch darkness.

For a few seconds, my mind played over the events of the day. Guiseppe's not so sudden death, my conversation with Nathalie, Damon and I both crying together, unimportant matters until dinner, me helping Jacob with the dishes, Jacob kissing me, Damon seeing Jacob kissing me, me confronting Damon later then throwing up after, taking a soothing bath while Damon watched over me… my mind whirled with all that had happened. No wonder I was beat. I was asleep within seconds, dreaming of a happy future with a lovely child and a partner who loved me to bits.

A/N: So Bamon sorta reconciled? Hmmm… so tomorrow's the funeral then they're heading on back to their homes… FINALLY! Tomorrow at the funeral there will be some familiar faces (some loved, some not so loved…) so it'll be exciting… bad thing to say about a funeral lol.

What were your thoughts? Leave some love for BAMON! There will be more moments in the next chapter of course : )

I'll try to update as soon as I can : ) Maybe tomorrow?

Later!

Lily x

Disclaimer: I don't own TVD. I wish I did!