Thank you so much for all of the reviews for the last chapter. RL prevented me from responding to them, but know I read them all!

Beta'd by texasbella

36

"Can we go to my hotel?" Edward asks.

Bella looks at him like she's about to flee again.

"Just to talk, I promise no funny business. I have a suite and I thought we could sit in the living area and talk. Maybe have room service delivered?" he says, trying to calm her fears.

She nods, and lets Edward lead her out to his waiting car.

"Thank you so much for agreeing to listen to me, Bella. I owe you so many explanations for everything. Just know how much I appreciate this," he smiles at her shyly.

Edward orders room service and they settle onto the sofa in his suite. Bella sits at the far end. Taking her hint for space between them, he sits near the other end.

There is an awkward pause before Edward speaks, "What do you know already?"

"It doesn't matter what I've heard or been told. I want to hear it from you, your version," she says firmly.

"Okay, where to start?" Edward thinks out loud. He turns his body towards hers. "First and foremost, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for eliminating you. I'm sorry for causing you any pain, embarrassment, whatever," he sighs, wanting so to touch her, "That being said, I guess I'll start at the beginning."

"After my dad passed away, my mom was in so much pain. She loved him so much, that she almost didn't want to continue without him. There were times when she told me that actually. It was terrifying to watch, because things change, people die, we get old. I kind of decided at that point that I didn't want to get married, find a partner for life. I was convinced that it would end painfully no matter how it ended. I even convinced myself that I could live my life like that. I dated occasionally, had the occasional one night stand. I made sure to keep my feelings and emotions out of it, locked away safely. But that wasn't for me, it wasn't who I am, so I stopped dating and being with women all together. I threw myself into writing music, my friends, my home, my mom." He looks up at Bella and she nods for him to keep going.

"When this opportunity for the show came up, Jasper suggested I do it. It was so out there, ya know? So unlike me, but my life was pretty boring and I needed a way to jumpstart my career. Any publicity is good publicity, right?" he smiles.

"We negotiated the contract for a while, back and forth. They didn't want to give up any control, but we were firm. I wasn't going to be a puppet," he laughs wryly. "I guess that didn't work out," he shrugs and continues. "Mike was a pain in the ass to me from the beginning with the snide comments and condescending remarks. I should have known he was going to be trouble. He made it seem like he had so much clout, authority. We finally agreed on a contract. I could send anyone home at any time, but I had to have a certain number of rose ceremonies and I had to end the show on a certain date with two women," he shakes his head.

"That sounds easy enough, but not when you have to date women you despise and keep people around just for appearance. But I signed on, knowing this, but not knowing this. I thought it would be easier," he says wistfully.

"I tried to go in open minded coming into the show, but I really didn't think I'd meet anyone special. That first night when Emmett recognized you and Alice and Rose from the club, I didn't know what to think. I certainly didn't trust any of you. God, Liz, I don't know what I would have done without Liz. Jasper told her to check you guys out. When she told me you guys were cool, it was such a relief. At the time I didn't know why it mattered so much. I thought it was the principle of the thing, lying and all, but in hindsight it wasn't that at all," he looks at Bella expectantly.

"What was it?" Bella asks quietly.

"You, it was you. When Liz said you were okay, trustworthy. I felt free, free to get to know you. I was drawn to you from the beginning. I fought it, though," he pauses. "You know, I didn't tell anyone else about my dad."

"You didn't? Why not?"

"I didn't want them to know me, any of them. I went through the motions on the show after you left, but it didn't mean anything," he takes a deep breath, "I'm getting ahead of myself."

There is a knock on the door and Edward goes to answer it. Bella's head is reeling. He'd said so much already and he hadn't even gotten to the elimination and blackmailing. She feels her defenses slipping slightly. She can tell that Edward is being honest, and it is sad to hear it all from his perspective, but she is still guarded and needs to hear more, hear it all.

They eat quietly. He asks her a few questions about teaching and the new school year. Her answers are polite and brief.

When they're done eating Edward asks, "Are you ready to hear more?" Bella nods.

"After our first one on one date," he points between them, "maybe sooner. I knew you were the only one I wanted to know, the only one I wanted to spend time with. I had a plan. You can ask Emmett and Jasper, I told them my plan about who I was going to eliminate, and when. I went into that... rose ceremony with complete confidence. Then Mike blew it out of the water. About five minutes before the ceremony he came in and layed it all on the table. He threatened you and Rose and Alice with lawsuits, and public humiliation. I knew you were a teacher, a new teacher. I couldn't let that happen to you. He wouldn't let me talk to Jaz or anyone. I had to go straight out to the ceremony and make a fast decision," he looks at Bella, his eyes pleading.

"Why didn't you even look at me?" she whispers.

He puts his head down and shakes his head, "He said if I wasn't convincing, he would go ahead with the legal actions. I couldn't look at you, Bella. I knew you would see in my eyes that I didn't want you to go, that I was miserable. So, I acted like I didn't care. I hope you believe how much it hurt me to do that," he says.

"Regardless of how you felt about me, I didn't want to hurt you and make you feel like I led you on. Or worse, make you look bad on tv. Thank god they edited our time together, deemphasizing our connection. They made it look like a natural progression for me to eliminate you. A little surprising, but not shocking, like it would have been if they'd aired all of our time together."

"The only good thing that came out of that night was that Mike is an idiot. I got him to put his threats in writing. What a douche," he laughs.

"I kept it hidden until I visited the girl's hometowns. Jazz and Liz's dad is an attorney so when I was 'meeting' her family, we had a little while with no cameras and crew, I told him the whole story, and gave him Mike's blackmail note. Right after that he started building a case against Mike, and Mary, but at that time we didn't know about Mary."

Bella nods her head, "I know. I've spoken to Aro."

"What?" Edward asks, obviously shocked.

"Around mid August I started getting calls on my cell from private and random numbers. No one left a message, until Angela. She said she wanted to talk to me, but I didn't call her back. Liz got a hold of me by waking me in the middle of the night. I was so out of it that I didn't screen my call. She's a sneaky one," Bella laughs. "Anyway, she forced a visit on us and forced me to listen to her about everything, Mike, the blackmailing, the girls," she stiffens.

"You didn't watch the show?" Edward asks, already knowing the answer.

"Nope, not even a minute. Not for lack of Rose and Alice trying to get me to though."

"Liz told me that her dad was trying to get in touch with me. No one wanted to leave messages. No paper trail, so to speak, in case Mike got wind of it before they could gather information on him. After Liz left, I decided to take his call. He wanted me to be aware of the lawsuit against Mike and ultimately Mary."

"You said there were random numbers. Did anyone else call you from the show?"

Bella shakes her head, "Not from the show, but someone else did call."

"Who?" Edward prods.

"Promise you won't be mad at her?"

Edward nods.

"Your mom bought a prepaid phone and was trying to get a hold of me," she says tentatively.

"Shit," Edward mumbles.

"Don't be mad at her. We only talked the one time, but she reminded me of who you are. I'd spent the entire time since my elimination, second guessing myself. Not trusting my judgement, my feelings, my ability to read people. She reminded me that you are a good person, who is stuck in a difficult situation. She loves you very much. She just wants you to be happy."

"Sorry about that. I didn't know she called you."

"Don't worry. She was very sweet," she says kindly as she looks up at him. "She told me a few funny stories about you. I didn't know you were such a Mama's boy."

He just shakes his head and smiles. "I'd do anything for her. They were always there for me, and my mom hasn't missed a beat since my dad died. She has been worried about me the last few years. I told her about you when I got to go home. I guess I'm not surprised she tried to help me. She's not exactly one to sit back and let things happen."

"I continued with the show, like nothing happened. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. All I could think about was you and how I let you down. Even if you didn't care for me like I care for you. I didn't want things to end that way. I kept Liz on until the end. We had to play the 'cute couple.' You're going to love this. She played all sweet and innocent, that's how we kept our 'affection' to a minimum," he explains as he laughs.

"Aro said that it was probably a lot harder for her to play that part than you," Bella giggles.

He laughs too and puts his hand on his heart, "I'm hurt by that. I'm not that bad, for a guy."

He gets serious all of a sudden. "I want to apologize again for the way I acted on the boat, with Maria. I acted like a heathen. It's not who I am, I just let my hormones get the best of me."

"I understand. She was attractive, sexy and very available," she shrugs.

"No, it's not okay. Honestly, Bella, there were only a few girls there that I found even remotely attractive. I don't know what came over me on that boat. I could blame it on a lack of sex for... years now, but truthfully, I was just a pig." He pauses for a moment like he's thinking hard about something. "I didn't have sex with any of them. I didn't do more than kiss. I didn't even want to do that. I did the minimum I could do and still keep Mike off my back, thereby keeping him off your back. He would come to me after each date and basically berate me for my lack of affection or whatever. Every time he did, he'd threaten you girls. I knew Aro was working on things, but I didn't know until after the final rose ceremony how it was going. For all I knew, they had nothing to pin on him except the blackmail note. I'm no attorney. I didn't know how good something like that is," he shrugs.

"That last night, when I was on the final date with Mary," he notices Bella wince when he says her name. "Mike made me keep her until the end. I wanted to keep Senna. Senna was nice, but so clueless. She didn't really care about me or any of this. She was the perfect one to keep until the end, because I knew I wouldn't be hurting her, but Mike made me keep Mary. I didn't know why at the time, but Liz did some snooping when Mary was gone and she found photos. Photos of Mary and Mike, in compromising positions. Thank god I never saw those," he cringes, causing Bella to laugh.

"Liz told me your last date with Mary was... interesting," Bella teases.

"Don't remind me. Did Mary tell everyone on National tv that I'm impotent?" he asks as he throws his head back on the sofa, closing his eyes.

Bella laughs even harder, "Yep, I think so."

When their laughter dies down, Bella says so quietly it's almost indecipherable, "I know you're not."

He opens his eyes and stares into hers, "No, I'm not. Especially when you're around."

She blushes and looks away.

He clears his throat to continue. "Apparently, Mike and Mary had been going at it for a while. She's the one that suspected that you three girls knew each other prior to the show and told Mike. Mike had a thing for her and wanted to keep her around. Having her stay on the show gave him access to her all the time. He promised that she would be the next Bachelorette, and she had sex with him. I guess she had a boyfriend back home, and Mike didn't want her going back to him. He didn't want her to have sex with me either. It's all very convoluted."

He continues, "She's the only one who got... handsy with me. When she realized I wasn't responding to her advances, she assumed I was impotent. I faked embarrassment and locked myself in the bedroom for the night," he shrugs like it was a simple solution.

Bella giggles. "I guess you didn't have it easy after I left."

"No, it was far from easy. In fact it was the hardest few weeks of my life, well almost. You don't know how many times I almost jumped on a plane to go to you, but I didn't know how much power Mike had. Come to find out it wasn't much, but I didn't know that. And really all he had to do was open his mouth and it could ruin you, or at minimum your career," he scoots a little closer to Bella.

"He told me that you were never coming back. That you were banned. I didn't know you were going to be at the taping until earlier today. You have no idea how happy I was when I found out, terrified, but happy," he smiles at her.

"Why were you terrified?"

"I figured you probably hated me. I thought maybe Mike cooked up some scheme to embarrass me even further on tv. I was worried that they might focus on you and make you uncomfortable. But most of all, I was scared to see you and how you looked at me. I could have easily been met with a woman who loathed me. You could have raked me over the coals, in front of everyone. But when I looked at you, I could tell you didn't hate me," he smiles, inching slightly closer to her.

She shakes her head, "No, I don't hate you. I don't trust you, but I don't hate you."

"I can deal with that," he says matter of factly. "Trust is something that is earned. I need to earn your trust. I want to earn your trust, if you will give me a chance," he looks at her earnestly.

A/N

Is Edward sufficiently groveling?

Should Bella give him another chance now or make him sweat?

Here are a few of the authors who lost stories in the ff raid of overly explicit stories.

Texasbella- www .thewriterscoffeeshop library /viewuser .php?uid=58980

JaMash- jamashfanfiction .blogspot ?zx=33fc69ec48f84348

CaraNo Drabbles- carasdrabbles .blogspot .se /2012 / 06 ?zx=ab17ca600d6927c1

SoapyMayhem- soapymayhem .blogspot 2012/ 05/ ?zx=6ac36f00fc47db91

Isabelle Masen- www .thewriterscoffeeshop library ?uid=49850

CaraNo- caranofiction .blogspot ?zx =d24e2d308380b606

Just to name a few. I'll keep posting some at the end of the remaining chapters.