Author notes: This is an entirely new chapter which was not written/posted last time, enjoy.
Severus looked at the chapter title.
"OH HELL NO!" he screamed, running down the corridor, leaping through the window and flying off into the night.
"Severus?" Professor Slughorn wondered aloud, rounding the corner into the corridor, carrying flowers, a box of chocolate cream-filled penises and a love song that he had personally written for Severus. He sighed when he saw the Severus shaped hole in the window. "Why does this always happen to me?"
"Because you're fuck ugly," Trip said.
"Also," Jayne said, "what kind of men write love songs?"
"Men whose mother's made them go to ballet classes," Trip replied.
Slughorn burst into tears.
"Oh my god, are you actually wearing eyeliner?" Jayne asked.
Slughorn nodded.
"Jayne," Trip began, "remember how you promised to kill someone for me?"
"Yes," Jayne replied, "do you want me to kill Professor Blubberhorn here?"
"No, I want you to kill Justin Finch-Fletchley, I find him incessantly annoying. I shall deal with Horace myself."
"Fair enough," Jayne said, "I'm off to the kitchens, I'm hungry."
"Bye," Trip said, staring at Slughorn menacingly.
"Oh chicken salad, you're so good, you are food, to be eaten…" Jayne sang as she merrily strolled to the kitchens.
Professor Slughorn began to quake with fear.