We're on the final arc guys...! There's heartache ahead (there always is in this fic!), but we're on the home stretch, and SS Gendrya will soon be sailing off into the sunset!
Episode 36
"Growing Pains"
Gossip Spyder
OMG! OMG! OMG!
Where do I even begin to start! The Bachelor Auction just gave us one surprise after another…my mind is still reeling!
Let's start with the biggest and most obvious one – Gendry Waters is 100% the son of Robert Baratheon! If the man himself coming out and admitting it in front of everyone present at the Acorn Ballroom last night doesn't convince you, then nothing will! Of course, many keen-eyed observers have written to me in the last twelve hours saying that there were signs pointing to this conclusion all along and if we'd all just paid a little closer attention we would have made the connection sooner. I agree!
There was that leaked recording of the Tyrells speaking to Gendry, sightings of Gendry with his cousin Shireen Baratheon, then sightings of him in the company of his uncle Stannis, and those very telling arguments with half-brother Joffrey about Gendry connecting with half-sister Myrcella on social media…it all fits, and oh my goodness have you seen the articles in this morning's news and media outlets? I'll post links for those wanting to read about them…all I can say is that Gendry's life will never be the same again – anonymity be gone! Still, the question remains as to who leaked Gendry's birth certificate to the media in the first place. Perhaps, we'll never know.
I'll repeat my news from last night about Gendry's record breaking $150,000 selling price to Arya Stark, and while it is very admirable of her and her family to be donating such a huge sum of money to charity, I wonder how Arya's boyfriend Jaqen H'ghar feels about her spending her evening with another guy, especially on Valentine's Day? I'd heard that Arya and Gendry were close friends, but this might be a step too far…hmmm…it certainly makes you wonder!
In other news, the second highest selling price of the night went to Robb Stark, who was purchased by Jeyne Westerling – daughter of Gawen Westerling, CEO of the Westerling Gold Trading Ltd. In what came as a shock for many, including the guy himself, the lowest selling price for the night went to Joffrey Baratheon, who at first appeared to fail at attracting an opening bid. It could have ended very badly for him, but luckily for his chosen charity, he eventually sold to Miss Frey One (seriously, I don't know her name there are that many Frey granddaughters around!) for forty thousand dollars.
All in all, over $2 Million was raised at the auction last night, which is a fantastic outcome for all sixteen charities that were represented. Congratulations to all the winning bidders last night, I hope you had fun ladies! Bachelors, thank you for donating your time – and I'll say that some of my faith in humanity has been restored when I think of the people and children that will benefit from the generosity of everyone who contributed towards that $2 Million. Have a blessed day to you all!
The photos I took on the night have been posted in my gallery, so take a peek if you're curious and don't forget to stay tuned for more gossip, delivered to you fresh as they unfold!
Tata for now!
Gossip Spyder
Arya
Her stomach had been in knots all morning as a result of the sleepless night she'd had, coupled with the guilt that had been gnawing at her conscience from the moment Gendry's lips had touched hers.
Stop lying to yourself. Arya bit her lip. She'd had hours now to reflect on her actions, and hours to come to terms with the emotions she'd been trying to ignore for so many weeks.
She had feelings for Gendry, and this time there was no mistaking it for what it was. She was attracted to him, and her feelings went beyond friendship. What she felt for him now made the budding attraction she'd had months earlier seem like a drop in the ocean. She couldn't explain why she suddenly felt this way about him, and all she could do was think and contemplate. Perhaps she had always felt that way about him but never realized it. Perhaps there was always the potential for her to feel this way for him, but she never gave it a chance. Perhaps it was always supposed to be Gendry all along.
And then she would be overcome by guilt so intense she felt as though she was being suffocated. What about Jaqen? What have I been feeling for him all this time? Is it possible to have feelings for two guys at once? Feelings like this? The answer seemed like an obvious and overwhelming yes, but Arya was aware of the differences between her feelings for Gendry and Jaqen. All those months ago, the differences had seemed so small, almost imperceptible to her, but she couldn't ignore them now. It hurt her, coming to realize her feelings at this moment, because she also came to understand how much pain she had caused…and continued to cause the two guys who'd been nothing but upfront with her about their own feelings.
Arya looked at the clock on her table, and as though on auto-pilot, she got ready to meet Jaqen. He had texted her early that morning, and his message had filled her with dread, compounding her guilt.
"We must talk." Jaqen had written, asking her to text him back with a time and that he would pick her up when she was ready.
She knew that Jaqen was aware of how she had placed the highest winning bid in the history of the Valentine's Day Bachelor Auction on Gendry. She knew too that Jaqen was aware of how she'd spent the evening in Gendry's company. Even if Gossip Spyder hadn't broadcast it, Jaqen would have seen it posted all over social media, or printed in every newspaper in King's Landing, Braavos and Essos City. Arya knew very well what Jaqen wanted to talk about, and Arya's heartstrings were just as knotted as her stomach.
She heard the crunching of gravel outside her window when Jaqen pulled up in his Jeep. Arya gave herself a final look in her mirror, noting the shadows beneath her eyes, and took a deep breath. Jaqen deserved answers, and most of all, he deserved her honesty.
Jaqen
He had not slept. He was too tense, too wound up and his mind was far too agitated for him to sleep. Somehow, after he'd walked away from The Lion's Gate Hotel, he'd made it back to the House of Black & White in time to play their set, and even managed to go around speaking to guests for a time. However, something about his behavior must have been strange because Uncle Otto had asked Ky to see him home not long after.
Ky had known. Brea had told him about Gossip Spyder's post.
"Are you going to be okay?" had been the only question Ky had asked him.
"I will handle it," Jaqen had told his friend.
"I can't believe she'd do something–"
"She has her reasons." Jaqen had spoken over him, not wanting to hear anyone speak badly about her.
Ky had understood. "Okay, man. Call if you need anything."
Jaqen had lain on top of his bed for most of the night staring at his ceiling, seeing nothing but the unfamiliar smile that Arya had been wearing for Gendry Waters. She had looked beautiful, far lovelier than any girl he had ever met, and the sight of her as she'd walked away on the arms of someone else had felt like a thousand knives piercing his heart all at once.
The longer he had stared at the ceiling, the clearer his thoughts had become, and as the pieces of his fractured relationship with Arya began to fit together, he came to realize that he'd been trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle in the way he'd wanted it to be. He had never really seen the picture for what it was. What he'd been trying to build, was very different to the picture he now saw.
The knives in his chest had lodged deeper into his heart, and by the time he'd pulled his jeep up to the gates of Chateau Maegor he'd found it near impossible to breath. Arya looked as drawn and wan as he felt, and with barely a nod at each other he began to drive with no particular destination in mind.
Jaqen glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, seeing her fists clenched at her thighs. He wondered if events at the auction had been different, if Arya had never raised her hand, how long would he and Arya have continued to pretend that the fractures in their relationship did not exist. They were supposed to be going on a date that day, but instead they were heading towards an inevitability that he didn't want to face.
However, both of them knew that they could not avoid this conversation, and when Jaqen neared Trident's Bend, he pulled the jeep to a stop at a park beside the river. He indicated for Arya to follow him as he got out of the vehicle, and in silence they walked for a time along the picturesque path that ran beside the river. They came to a wooden platform looking out over the water, and Jaqen took a seat on a bench nearby. Arya sat beside him, yet it was a while longer before either of them spoke.
"I'm sorry, Jaqen," Arya said after a time, her voice sounding flat.
Jaqen sighed slowly, looking out over the water. "I am sorry too."
"Why are you apologizing?" she asked him, "I'm the one at fault."
"It is not as simple as that, Arya. It is not as simple as laying the blame at someone's feet."
"What are you talking about?" Arya's brows knit together in confusion. "We're sitting here having this conversation because I messed up, and I've hurt you…and I've embarrassed you on top of everything else."
"I do not care about Gossip Spyder's post," he declared. "What I care about is what happens to us now. I now finally understand what it is that frightened me so much…why I did not want to leave you here and go to New York."
"You were frightened about leaving me?"
"I was." Jaqen nodded. "I hated the thought of leaving you here, because I knew how close you already were with him. I was afraid that without me being here, you would spend more and more time with him…and I was afraid that you would eventually come to realize how you truly felt for him."
"Jaqen, I…"
"And, you did." Jaqen's voice came out low and hollow and empty. "I have known it for some time now, Arya. Even before you knew it yourself."
"How?" Arya gazed at him with bewildered eyes. "How did you see it, when I didn't?"
"The signs were always there," Jaqen replied in the same hollow tone. "Right from the start it was always a competition between him and I. That is why I fought so hard for your attention…why I tried so hard to make you look at me more than you looked at him. I knew he was your friend, and I could always see that he was special to you, and for a while I had succeeded in fooling myself that your concern for him, how his moods influenced your own, and your willingness to rush to his side the moment he needed you –even though you had chosen me– were all actions of friendship. But I cannot continue to fool myself."
"Please, don't say anymore," Arya rasped, "I know what I've done. You don't need to say anymore."
"But I do," he insisted, "because I do not think you understand how things really are as they stand right at this moment."
"Jaqen, please…"
"I saw the changes in you, even before last night." Jaqen looked down at her face. "Did you know, you smile at him in a way you never have for me?"
Arya's eyes widened at his words, and Jaqen realized that the truest face she had ever worn was the one she wore when she was around her family…and Gendry Waters.
"I don't know what I can say to you," Arya whispered.
"Just tell me that we are through," he said roughly, "because I need to hear you say it." The line of Arya's mouth thinned, and he could see that she was distressed by his request. The corner of his mouth lifted cynically. "It is too late to worry about sparing my feelings, don't you think?"
Her gaze faltered at the harshness of his tone, but she recovered, and when she spoke her voice bore the barest of trembles.
"You already know it. Why are you asking me to –?"
"Say it,"
"It's over," Arya bit out, her eyes turning away from him. "I'm so sorry, Jaqen…I never meant to hurt you."
He believed her, but at that moment her words counted for little when his heart was shattering inside his chest. Jaqen stood up and leaned heavily against the railing, staring at his reflection in the water below. He'd been through breakups before, had even written songs about it, but he now realized that he had never understood the pain…never experienced the absolute feeling of helplessness that overcame him, knowing that the girl he loved was in love with someone else.
Fate was not on their side this time. What he often chose to ignore about Fate was that she was also the bearer of unpleasant tidings. If things were meant to come to an end…they ended.
It hurt so, so much, and it was a long moment before he could bring himself to turn back around to look at her. When he did, he saw that Arya was sitting perfectly still, but because he knew her, because he'd observed her every expression from the day he'd first met her, he could see that she was splintering, splitting at the seams just as he was.
"I loved you," he heard Arya whisper. "In my own way, I know that I loved you."
Jaqen ran his hand through his hair and turned away from her again so that she wouldn't see the tears smarting at his eyes. "That is the first time you have ever said that you loved me."
"I'm so sorry…that's all I can say."
The tears did not fall, because he didn't let them. "I know…I know. For what it is worth, I felt the same for you."
"You never told me."
"But, you knew," Jaqen said softly.
Arya nodded. Jaqen regretted never having said the words to her during happier times. Even though it was in his every action, his every touch and kiss, and in the songs he'd written for her, they did not replace the significance of speaking those three little words out aloud. I love you. They were words he could not say now, not without the risk of completing falling apart.
"Why didn't you break up with me?" Arya asked him. "When you saw that I'd changed, why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I did not want what we had to end," he replied, "I chose to see only what I wanted to see, but in the end the truth refused to be ignored."
"Maybe it would have been better if we'd never –"
"Do not say it." Jaqen interrupted her. "Do not speak those words out aloud."
Maybe it would have been better if we'd never got together. He would not allow her to negate everything they'd ever experienced by even thinking about it.
"This hurts, Jaqen." Arya sobbed. "I hate that I'm making you feel like this, and it sucks, but if we never…you wouldn't…we wouldn't be like this."
"Are you saying that you and I were a mistake?" he asked her.
"Aren't we?"
"You and I were not a mistake, Arya," Jaqen said.
"Then what would you call…this?" she indicated the two of them, though she meant far more than that. She meant for him to understand that she was referring to the breaking down of what they were, what they had been.
"We were not a mistake," he said again, "we were perfect, for a time. We were laughter, and passion…tears, too. I do not care what you call us, but it is not a mistake that I came to care for you, and that you became so special to me. What you felt for me was not a mistake. Call it an experience, call it a short-lived romance…call me your first love…but we were not a mistake."
Arya wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be what you wanted me to be."
He smiled at her wistfully. She was everything he wanted her to be. He would not change a thing about her…including her heart. He had chosen to pursue her despite knowing that her heart –her affections– had been divided right from the start. To some extent he'd even been prepared for rejection when his rivalry with Gendry had been at its peak. When Arya had chosen him over Gendry, he'd been so happy he did not have words to describe it.
Arya had always been ruled by her heart, and it was because he'd admired how freely she seemed to follow her emotions that he came to love the freedom of her spirit too. Arya's heart had never belonged to him, not the way he wanted. He knew this, yet he still did not want to change that part of her which he admired the most.
She was not meant for him. Not at that moment.
In the long hours that he'd lain awake, he'd also come to understand why Arya's heart had never truly been his. Arya had loved him, she'd said as much, but her affections for him were borne from a first crush…adoration. He'd experienced many crushes of his own to know that they didn't last, and like most crushes, her crush on him had fizzled out in the wake of another. He had wanted more. He was not asking for a declaration of undying love, but he wanted far more than the adoration of a girl's first serious crush. What Arya had felt for him, was simply not enough.
He reminded himself that she was only fourteen, and he'd be nineteen in a few weeks. He'd never believed that the difference in their ages had mattered before, but now it was a fact that he couldn't ignore. Arya had only started to become aware of what her heart was capable of feeling. She wasn't ready for what he wanted.
Not yet. Not now.
"It will be a long time before I get over you," he told her.
"But, you will." Arya stated. "You're Jaqen H'ghar."
Her little statement confirmed to him what he had painfully suspected. You're Jaqen H'ghar. Arya had said that to him once before in a voice filled with awe and wonder…and adoration. Suddenly, being near her became almost unbearable, and he wanted this moment to end so that he could find someplace to lick his wounds in private.
"Let me take you home," he said, "I think we have said all that needs to be said."
Arya shook her head. "Go without me."
"I cannot just leave you here,"
"Trident's Bend is just around the corner, I can make my own way home from here."
"Arya…"
"Just go, Jaqen." Arya looked up at him, and he could see that her eyes, her doe-like eyes that had captivated him the first moment he'd looked into them, were brimming with tears. "Just go."
She was hurting too.
"I'll go," he said softly, taking a step away from her. "Goodbye, lovely girl."
"Goodbye, Jaqen."
Arya wiped at her eyes again with her knuckles, and Jaqen turned so that he wouldn't have to see anymore of her tears.
He walked away without looking back. Once inside his jeep, he checked the rearview mirror as he prepared to reverse from the parking bay and saw Arya still sitting at the bench where he'd left her. Arya was wiping at her eyes, and it hurt him to see her cry, but he steeled himself against the pain.
In the end, Fate had always intended for them to take separate paths.
Arya
She'd had no idea that she could feel this way. Her chest ached as thought her ribs were caving in around her heart, while the rest of her was numb, as thought she'd been exposed to the cold too long. She had meant it when she'd told Jaqen that she had loved him, but it was not the kind of love he wanted from her. She had realized too late, that what she felt for Jaqen was not the same as what he felt for her. The look on his face had broken her. Jaqen did not deserve the pain and anguish that she was putting him through. He deserved so much better, and she was hurting because she had failed him so miserably.
She had known that there was no way they would recover from what she'd done. She'd known that they were over before a word had even been said between them. She had not been prepared for her own heart to be broken too. Even if her love for him was different, it had been real, and so too was the pain and grief that overcame her when the reality of their break-up began to sink in. She had not expected that the loss of what she and Jaqen had shared would hit her so hard.
She'd told Jaqen to leave without her because she did not want him to see her falling apart, and she did not want to make him endure more of her company when she could tell that all he wanted was to be alone.
"Goodbye, lovely girl." Jaqen had said, and the sound of the endearment on his lips had brought fresh tears to her eyes because she would never be able to hear those words again without thinking of him.
She was still sitting in the same spot an hour after Jaqen had left, staring out over the river and listening to the sound of the water as it rushed and burbled over the rocks in its path, contemplating the utter mess she'd made of her relationships with both Gendry and Jaqen. She wondered how much pain she could have saved everyone from, if only she'd opened her eyes sooner.
Jaqen had pointed out that she smiled differently at Gendry, and that he had always been aware of how closely she'd kept Gendry in her affections. It was easy to see now that Gendry had always been in her heart, but she'd somehow been blinded from recognizing that the tenderness she felt towards him was due to far more than friendship.
Gendry, for all his outward appearance of toughness and despite growing up in King's Landing's toughest neighborhood, possessed a calm demeanor that belied his true nature. She'd thought him shy when they'd first met, and she recalled calling him stupid a few times, but she'd soon realized that he was not shy, merely reserved. He was also far from stupid, and instead he was careful with his thoughts. It was she who was always saying and doing stupid things.
Gendry was down-to-earth. He was thoughtful, hardworking and gentle. He was loyal to his family and friends and he took responsibility seriously. Just as the earth hid a core of fire, Gendry too had a hidden fire that saw him burn with a fierce fury when his passions were provoked. All of these qualities had endeared him to her, quietly and unassumingly, just like Gendry himself.
Later, when she came to learn who Gendry's father turned out to be and of how he'd spent years dealing with the uncertainty of his identity, Arya had come to suspect that Gendry's reserve came from his insecurities, and that he used it like a shield to protect himself. For years Gendry had believed he was an orphan, and before coming to live with the Motts, he'd spent five years being shifted from one foster home to another. It was understandable that as a six year old boy, living with strangers who didn't necessarily care for him, he would have developed a way to protect his thoughts and emotions. Gendry had learned to exist alone in a world of strangers, by burying that fire deep inside.
It was easy to see how Gendry's reservedness could be overshadowed by the dazzling brightness and rock-star appeal that Jaqen exuded. Arya had been fascinated by him from the moment she'd met him. His way of speaking, his undeniable musical genius and his intensity had piqued her interest and imagination. Her crush on him had formed instantaneously, and it had been so easy to be swept up into his world. Even after Gendry had confessed his feelings for her, even after that first electrifying kiss they'd shared at the Battle of The Bands, Arya had chosen Jaqen because she had not believed that her feelings for Gendry were stronger than her feelings for Jaqen.
She knew better now. Far from fading into the background, even after she'd gotten together with Jaqen, Gendry had stayed at the forefront of her thoughts, and without her realizing it she'd been reacting to his moods, being influenced by almost everything he did ever since.
Still waters ran deep. She understood these words more than she ever had before, not only because it described Gendry's true nature, but also because they described the depth of her feelings for him. The surface may be calm and placid, but beneath it the river was flowing swift, true and deep. If this river was love –if what she felt for Gendry was love– the kind of love she couldn't feel for someone else, then she was drowning in it.
Gendry had grown less reserved in the last few months, just as his confidence had grown as he'd come to terms with his true identity. His performances on stage with the Brotherhood Without Banners had benefited from it, as had his popularity with the girls. It had taken seeing him through the eyes of someone else, how Jazmine would see him to be exact, for her to realize just what had been in front of her all along.
But, am I too late?
Arya wiped at her face with her hands again. Her head was too messed up, and she was in no state of mind to analyze the expression that had been on Gendry's face after he'd broken their kiss and pulled away from her. She needed time to herself, and she needed time to think. Most of all, she needed time to heal from her first break-up.
Gendry
He looked and felt far calmer than he thought he would be. He'd woken up after three hours of sleep to find his name and face on the front page of every newspaper in King's Landing. He'd also been mentioned in a handful of papers in neighboring Essos City and Volantis City, as well as in two of the most respected newspapers in the country. He knew all of this because Gossip Spyder had thoughtfully provided links to all the websites on the blog.
The Baratheons, much like the Starks, were part of an elite assembly of old money dynasties. Their names were synonymous with names like Rothschild, Rockefeller and Vanderbilt, dynasties that had built indescribable wealth in the industrial and banking sectors, with their influence spanning decades, if not centuries. One did not always recognize their faces, but you certainly recognized their name.
Robert Baratheon admitting to fathering another illegitimate son almost eighteen years ago was counted as monumental news, because it brought about questions regarding his considerable fortune, and what portion of it Gendry was entitled to. Robert had already admitted to fathering one other son outside of his marriage to Cersei Lannister, and one article had questioned what would be left for Robert's three so-called 'legitimate' children to inherit. The article had gone on to point out that legitimacy laws of old no longer had a place in today's society, and provided that paternity is properly established as in Gendry's case, the 'illegitimate' child's rights to inheritance are not subordinate to those of any 'legitimate' children. Gendry had made a point to note that particular detail, not because he particularly wanted anymore of his father's money, but because it interested him to know that if he so wanted to make a claim, it would be his legal right to do so.
Donald Luwin had made a house call early that morning, having been foretold about Gendry's involvement in the auction. The attorney had stayed for most of the morning, coaching Tobho as he answered the phone calls that came in, and also to stand at Ellen's side when the local reporters eventually came knocking on their front door.
This time, they were ready. Everyone kept their cool, and this explained in part, why Gendry felt so calm. Pycelle & Associates in talks with Donald Luwin, had advised that Robert would be issuing a statement about Gendry later in the day and Luwin advised them that Gendry's foster-parents would also make one on his behalf. Both parties had come to an agreement about what would be released to the media. They would maintain that while Gendry's paternity had been long acknowledged, both families had opted for secrecy in order to protect their privacy and Gendry's anonymity. However, once details of Gendry's birth certificate had been made public, keeping his parentage a secret became impossible in the long run. It was agreed that the Bachelor Auction would be the perfect event for his official debut, and that Robert had given Stannis and Selyse his blessing to include Gendry in the lineup.
In was a neat and tidy story to feed the masses, and Gendry agreed that even if it wasn't entirely accurate, it was a simple way to deal with the media. Stannis had given him a brief call early in the afternoon, sounding stern as usual, but also pleased with the outcome of his plans.
"We cannot have hoped for a better result," the man said, "everything is going according to plan."
"It seems that way." Gendry agreed. "You've done your duty by me, if that's what you were hoping for."
"To you, yes." Stannis sounded weary.
"Why do I keep getting the feeling that you're keeping something from me?" Gendry demanded. "This whole plan of yours and your talk about duty and responsibility…I don't buy it, Stannis. Not entirely."
"Would you be offended if I said that you were a means to an end?"
"Offended?" Gendry's mind had whirred, thinking about everything he'd been through and realized that nothing could surprise him anymore. "You have some other, greater ultimate goal in mind, don't you? And, you needed my participation to make it work."
"I needed you to fulfill a role." Stannis stated. "At the start, all I needed was your blood."
"Well, you've got it."
"I also needed for you to be obedient."
"Haven't I been very obedient?"
"And…you've proven to be quite amusing… I also never counted on how Shireen would come to grow so attached to you. You've brought that little girl back to life, you have."
"That's touching, Stannis" Gendry said, meaning it. "Is that your way of telling me that despite setting out to use me as a pawn in your scheming, you've actually come to like me?"
"Someone should have beaten that insolence out of you when you were younger," Stannis grunted.
Gendry laughed, realizing he would never actually get Stannis to verbally admit it. "So, what is it you're really planning?"
"I can't tell you that," Stannis replied, "but if it all works out then I will also be doing my duty to my daughter, and our family name. And, who knows, there may be more benefits to you down the track."
Gendry didn't really understand what Shireen had to do with anything, but Stannis believed he still had unfinished business and Gendry was going to stay out of it. As far as he was concerned, his part was done.
"Whatever you say, Uncle Stannis."
"Hmm," Stannis grunted once more at Gendry's use of the title. "Do be mindful of Joffrey at school, will you? I heard he destroyed every room in one of the guest houses at The Red Keep after he got home last night."
"Was he that mad about me getting the highest bid at the auction?" Gendry asked sardonically.
"Among other things," Stannis answered, his tone carrying more than a note of distaste. "I'm sure you're more than familiar with that boy's temperament, but he may decide to seek you out to exact his brand of retribution for the wrongs he perceives have been done to him."
"Thanks for the heads-up."
Stannis had hung up with a clipped goodbye, and once the commotion about Gendry's public debut had quieted down around the house, he found himself alone in his room with nothing to do but dwell on his thoughts.
Arya.
For a while, he sat in front of his laptop scrolling through the photos that Gossip Spyder had posted, his eyes automatically seeking all the shots with Arya in them. It had been a huge shock to him when Arya had outbid both Jazmine and Margaery during the auction. He'd been beyond ecstatic when he'd realized that he would be spending the evening in her company, on Valentine's Day.
When he had questioned her about why she wasn't spending the evening with her boyfriend, and why she had bid such a high amount for his company, Gendry had been willing to take her answers at face value, not bothering to delve deeper into her reasons. Instead, he'd allowed himself to believe that Arya's only reason was because she wanted to be with him. So, he'd admired her and how she had looked in her translucent gown as though he had every right to. Observed her far too keenly, and let his gaze linger far longer than he ought to. He'd danced with her, holding her closer than he had to, and enjoyed seeing her laugh at her own clumsiness while he had twirled her about the dance floor.
At dinner, seated across from one another at a table set for two with the scent of roses drifting around them and candlelight casting a soft golden glow about Arya's face, he'd pretended that the trembling of her fingers against the stem of her glass, and the way she would turn her gaze whenever she felt his eyes upon her face was due to her nervousness, and being alone with him. He pretended that she was as conscious of him, as he was of her.
During the limo tour he had found himself truly having fun, and the familiar city sights had seemed new again, when he imagined them through Arya's eyes. He'd held her hand when the crowd at the Street of Lights threatened to engulf her, because it felt like the natural thing for them to do. He'd taken a couple-selfie too, and even though Ellen really did ask for pictures, he'd taken them as much for himself as they had been for his foster-mom.
At Aegon's Well he'd made a wish, a foolish and nonsensical wish, although he had never really believed in that urban legend about all those wishes coming true. He'd wished that he would somehow get the chance to kiss Arya once more, because he couldn't forget how she had tasted, and how her lips had felt beneath his…and he just had to be able to kiss her again.
He didn't question her too hard when she said she wanted to see the blacksmith's forge out of the blue. He'd jumped at the excuse to spend more time with her, in fact. Then, when he'd found himself holding Arya in his arms, looking at him with eyes full of expectation, he'd made his wish come true by kissing her. She'd tasted as sweet and her lips had felt as soft as he remembered, and for a moment he'd felt really happy…but then Arya had made a noise, and he'd realized that she wasn't kissing him back. And he could no longer keep pretending.
He'd broken the kiss, seen the anguished look on Arya's face, and questioned his actions. Arya was not his. He'd taken her home in silence, and they had shared an awkward goodbye when he'd delivered her to her front door.
"Thank you for tonight, Arya. The kids at the home will really benefit from your donation." He'd spoken, because he couldn't stand the thought of parting without saying anything.
"I'm happy to help." Arya had responded.
"Goodnight, Arya."
She'd nodded, and he'd driven away, feeling chilled to the bone despite the heat inside his car. Once he had reached home, he'd taken off the fancy suit, and lain awake for hours afterwards as he'd replayed and re-lived the night's events in his mind. He had questioned Arya's behavior, and why she had fought so hard and bid so much to spend time with him, and dutifully his brain had come up with possible answers, each more terrible than the last, and none really addressing Arya's apparent enthusiasm during the auction.
"Plans changed…things didn't work out…so here I am." Arya had said.
She was using him as a substitute while her boyfriend couldn't be with her. She was bored and needed a distraction, or the worst by far, Arya harbored feelings for him and secretly longed to be with him. In the end, nothing changed the fact that Arya was not his, and pretending even for one evening, had done him no good.
Gendry picked up his phone and scrolled through his photo gallery until he came across the picture he had taken of him and Arya. He was standing behind her in the photo, his chest pressed against her back as they'd squeezed together to fit inside the frame. Both of them were smiling, looking for all the world like a happy couple, but it was just pretend.
They had not been on a real date. Arya had paid for his time, and if not for the charity auction, they would never have been together that night. They had never been on a real date. Ever.
"Enough," Gendry rasped, speaking to himself. "It's enough."
No more pretending.
Gendry deleted the photo.
Sandor
"I'm going to slide it in now, okay?" Sandor told her. "Are you ready?"
"I'm ready," Sansa said below him.
Sandor lowered his hips slowly.
"Wait, wait!" Sansa gasped, making him pause hastily. "It's too low…higher and to the left a little."
Sandor readjusted his feet on the floor and tried again. "Is that better?"
"Yes, that's it," Sansa said encouragingly, "keep going just a little more."
"Sansa, that's as far as I can go."
"Make it fit."
"It's already a tight fit," he protested, "it'll break if I force it in."
"It's not going to break," she told him, looking up from where she was kneeling. "Push it in harder."
"Fine." Sandor gave in despite his protests and he gave another push, using more force than he was comfortable with, given the delicateness of what they were doing.
"Yes!" Sansa cried.
And Sandor felt the heavy pantry shelf slide neatly over the brackets on the wall. With a sigh of relief he released his grip on the panel of wood and took a step back to see that the floating shelf was perfectly aligned, good as new.
"Nice spotting, little bird."
"You just need to secure it with screws, right?" Sansa asked him.
He nodded. "Once it's secured all the food can go back on the shelf."
"I'll help you." Sansa offered as she stood up from the floor.
Sandor got down on the spot where Sansa had previously knelt and ducked under the newly installed shelf to screw the anchors to the shelf. His housekeeper had told him about the loose pantry shelf that morning, and once he'd inspected it he'd found that all it needed was a new bracket and anchors. He'd been at the hardware store when Sansa had called him. He'd offered to pick her up once he was done with his chore, but Sansa had volunteered to come over and help him instead. He'd agreed to it with much amusement because he would bet his Mustang that she'd never held a carpentry tool in her life.
He was right, confirming his suspicious when he'd asked her to hand him the Phillips-head screwdriver and she'd looked at him blankly. After he'd adapted his instructions, she'd proven to be an efficient assistant in the end, albeit a distracting one dressed as she was in skintight jeans and a figure hugging blouse. Sandor had made the mistake of looking in her direction as she'd bent over the toolbox on the kitchen floor to look for the spirit level he'd asked for. He'd found himself checking out the curve of her ass, thinking about what he'd been doing with that ass the night before. His fingers had tightened reflexively, forgetting about the power-drill he'd been holding, narrowly avoiding a serious mishap.
"Done." Sandor stood up and dusted his knees before again stepping back to admire his handy work, pleased with the result.
"It looks good," Sansa said, "you're quite the handyman, aren't you?"
Sandor shrugged. "Living alone, you pick up a few things. Come on, I'll clean up and put the tools away while you get the food back in the pantry, okay?"
"Sure thing,"
Sansa picked up cans of diced tomatoes and boxes of dried pasta and began to restock the pantry shelf as Sandor packed up the toolbox. By the time he'd returned from the garage and washed his hands, Sansa had completed her task too.
"Hungry?" he asked her.
"A little," she replied, "let's just get takeout from that café nearby, okay?"
"I'll get my keys."
They returned to the house a short while later carrying a paper bag filled with turkey and focaccia sandwiches, lemon cakes for Sansa, and holding giant cups of fresh juices. They ate in the living room as they habitually did, while watching a re-run of an old classic film. After they had eaten, Sansa curled herself up beside him on the couch. Sandor half expected her to start purring like the contented cat she resembled.
Less than twenty-fours had passed, and in that time his relationship with Sansa had moved to another level. Sex had never meant much to him before, but as he knew it would be, it was different with Sansa. Everything, was different with Sansa. Outwardly, nothing appeared to have changed at all, but he would bet his Mustang again that Sansa felt just as changed as he did from the experience they had shared the night before.
He felt full, though it had nothing to do with any physical hunger. He'd never felt this way before, and he had nothing to compare it to. Whatever it was, he never wanted this feeling to go away. All he knew was that he was happier than he had ever been, and she was at the center of…well, everything.
"I'm thinking about going on the pill." Sansa stated.
Sandor hastily swallowed the drink he'd just gulped and wiped his chin.
"Give a guy some warning, why don't you?" he grumbled, recovering from his shock.
"Why did that surprise you?" Sansa asked, lifting her face to look at him.
"It didn't," he rasped, "just wasn't expecting that to be the first thing you'd say. I mean, you're not usually that straight to the point."
"It's important, so I just wanted to talk about it with you."
"Um…it's your body, Sansa. I won't push you into anything you don't want to. I'm totally fine to keep using condoms."
Sansa regarded him with an approving glance. "You sound like you've already thought this through."
He shifted in his seat. "I saw the box of pills you have…months ago, when they fell out of your bag."
Her eyes widened. "You knew what they were?"
He shook his head. "I looked them up."
"Why?"
"Because I thought you might be sick."
"You worried about me, even then?"
"From day one, little bird."
Sansa squeezed his waist. "I never opened the box. It's still in my medicine cabinet."
"I'm glad you never thought of using them with him."
"He was never going to be my first," she said with some vehemence.
"He was your first kiss though."
"No, he wasn't." Sansa snorted. "And, thank the gods for that!"
Sandor frowned. "Joffrey wasn't your first kiss?"
Sansa's eyes widened when she realized her slip. "Um…"
"Who was he?" Sandor narrowed his eyes on her lips.
"Um…"
"Do I know him?"
"Well, you see…"
Yeah, it was someone he knew. Her face said as much.
"Someone from school?"
"No, it happened before we came to King's Landing."
"Didn't you go to an all-girls school up North?"
"I did."
"Was it another girl?"
"No. But, would it matter?"
"No. So, who was it?"
"Are you sure you want to know? Because I won't lie to you and I don't want you mad at me for something that happened before I met you." Sansa repeated his own words back to him.
He wasn't mad, he acknowledged. But, he was jealous.
"I want to know," he said, "so I can obliterate all memory of that punk's kiss from your mind."
Sansa sighed before giving him an answer. "It was Theon."
"Greyjoy?" Sandor growled. "How the–?"
"It was a mistake and he apologized. He was intoxicated."
"But you still prefer him over Joffrey?"
"Only because the idea of kissing Joffrey now makes my skin crawl, and the thought of him being my first kiss is just too depressing. At least with Theon, even though it was a mistake, the memory doesn't bring bile to my mouth."
"Hmm." Sandor's temper waned when faced with her reasoning. "In that case, I'll let the guy live."
Despite his jealousy, he was kind of glad that at least her first kiss had not been an unpleasant experience for her. All he remembered from his own first kiss was the taste of cheap beer and lipstick.
"You can still try though," she said.
"Try, what?"
"Try to obliterate Theon's kiss from my mind." Sansa smiled up at him. "How did you plan to do that exactly?"
Sandor chuckled, and a second later he was lowering his head down to hers. He kissed her possessively, pulling her against him and making her tilt her neck so that he could deepen their kiss, twining his tongue around hers with strokes that alternated between soft and giving, to hard and demanding.
His hands too began to stroke her, lifting the hem of her blouse so that he could feel the warm smoothness of the skin on her abdomen. His other hand curved over the rise of her ass which had so distracted him earlier. Sansa's knees parted, a clear invitation, and Sandor thought it would be rude to decline so he stroked there too, caressing her from the inside of her knee to the warm junction between her thighs. Sansa moaned when he used the pads of his fingers to rub her over her jeans, but he paused for a moment when a concerning thought came to him.
"How do you feel…you know?"
"Hmm?"
"Did I hurt you?" Sandor rubbed her again, gentler than before.
"Oh." Sansa blushed. "I'm fine, a little tender but I'm fine."
Sandor was hopeful, but he didn't want to push her. "Maybe we shouldn't."
"If it hurts, we can stop and do something else," Sansa said, deciding for both of them.
Sandor chuckled again. "Whatever you say."
He led her to his bedroom, and feeling surreal, he pushed her to the bed and began to undress her. He'd undressed her on his bed before, but never completely, and never with the knowledge that he would get to…his hand paused on the snap of her jeans.
"What is it, Sandor?" Sansa asked. "What are you thinking about?"
Sandor unzipped her jeans and swiftly pulled them down her legs. Her panties came next, and he stared for a moment between her legs, the sight of her trimmed and nearly bare exciting him more than he could have imagined. He glanced back at her face.
"Just say it," Sansa urged him.
Sandor's fingers flexed, and his voice came out rough when he spoke. "I'm about to fuck you…on my bed."
"Yeah," she nodded, "you are."
They spoke little after that, speaking only to give each other encouragement as they learned more about each other's body. His bedroom blinds were shut, but enough light made it into the room to make them both conscious of their nakedness. Sandor did have apprehensions about how his scars would appear to her in daylight, when his face would become lined with the exertions of sex, but he needn't have worried.
Sansa now saw past all that, and she had looked right into his eyes as he'd entered her body, her own eyes widening when his entire length was inside her. He was grateful for the light at that moment because he now saw details he had missed, like how much bluer her eyes became when she was aroused, in the dark confines of his car the night before.
"Does it hurt?" he asked her.
"No." Sansa smiled. "But, go slow."
He did as she asked and started to thrust his hips slowly, watching as her breath caught in her throat with his every move. She was incredibly warm around him, and with her ankles crossed behind his back, she was also unbelievably tight. Her hands were around his shoulders and he shivered when she touched a spot on his neck. Sansa's smile returned when she realized she was looking at the hickey she'd marked him with the previous night, and Sandor pushed into her just that bit harder.
Sandor wanted to try lots of things with her, but at that moment they were perfect as they were. Sansa had said that she was feeling tender, and he didn't want to risk hurting her more. They would have many more chances to experiment later. Right then, he didn't want to disrupt the mood they had going, and on his king size bed with plenty of room for him to move, missionary position had never felt more incredible.
Sansa wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head down so she could kiss him, and while he drove his body into hers, she did the same to him with her tongue. He'd never kissed anyone like this while having sex, and the connection he felt with Sansa sent blood rushing to his groin, making him harder inside her.
He soon forgot that she'd asked him to go slow, but even as his movements became rougher and bolder, there were no objections coming from Sansa. Instead, she had to break their kiss so that she could moan her approval. So encouraged, he continued eagerly. Soon he felt her unmistakably tightening around him and he began to let go of some of the control he'd been wielding over his own release.
"Are you close?" he asked for confirmation.
"Yeah…" she gasped, "I want to come together."
He was still a little way off. "I'll try."
"I'm really close."
"Then go ahead."
"Sandor…"
"Yeah?"
"When I'm on the pill, I want to do it without a condom."
"Oh…shit!"
The words she'd uttered became an image inside his head, turning them into a much more raw and explicit picture until he could clearly see himself between her pale, creamy thighs, fucking her senseless with no barrier between them...nothing separating him from her at all.
And, that's when he lost control completely.
Sansa
Sansa cried out and gripped onto his shoulders as her pleasure crashed over her, feeling Sandor's arms tighten around her as he tensed between her legs, carried away by his own climax. When his grunts had subsided, she began to giggle. Sandor pinched her butt and her giggles became a squeal.
"You're a witch," he rasped, "your red hair should have been a dead giveaway."
"Well…"
"You knew what you were doing," he said to her accusingly.
"I said the naughtiest thing I could think of."
"That was the naughtiest thing you could come up with?"
"It worked, didn't it?" she blushed again.
Sandor laughed. "Better work on your repertoire in that case. I think I like you talking dirty to me, little bird."
Sandor began to pull away from her, but as he did Sansa winced when she felt him slip from her.
"Maybe we shouldn't have done it again so soon," Sandor said, seeing her wince.
"I'll be okay," she assured him. "It's a nice kind of pain."
"Masochist, are you?"
Sansa shoved him away and stood up to begin re-dressing. However, as she walked to his bathroom feeling an ache between her legs, she decided they were going to wait a few days before they tried this again.
Her phone was ringing when they both re-emerged from his bedroom into the living room. Sansa picked it up to see Robb's name on the screen.
"Hi, Robb. What's up?"
"Hey, have you spoken with Arya today?"
"Not since this morning. Why?"
"I just got home–"
"From seeing Jeyne Westerling?"
"Yes, from seeing Jeyne." Robb's voice carried his smile. Robb had returned home the previous night totally smitten with the girl who'd won him at the auction, so much so that he'd agreed to meet her again that day. "Anyway, I just got home and I found Arya in the gym punching the boxing bag like she had a grudge against it."
"That's odd," Sansa frowned.
"Mom said that her boyfriend picked her up earlier today, but she came home on her own. When mom asked about her boyfriend, Arya replied that she didn't have one."
"What?" Sansa grew concerned.
"Mom suspects a break-up," Robb said.
Sansa sighed. Arya had been unusually subdued that morning, and Sansa had briefly thought about what Jaqen's reaction to the news of Arya and Gendry might have been, given that it was all over social media.
"Is she crying?" Sansa asked her brother.
"No," Robb replied, "but mom said she's been punching that bag for hours."
"I'll come home soon," Sansa told her brother, "I'll go and talk to her."
"I think that's a good idea." Robb agreed. "I've never seen her like this, and it would be good for her to talk to someone. She's never really had a lot of friends and frankly, I think she internalizes a lot of things."
"I'll be home soon. Give me thirty minutes."
"Sure. I'll try and get her to stop punching the bag in the meantime. I'm scared she's torn her knuckles."
"See you soon, Robb."
Sandor had deduced what the conversation was about. "Arya?"
Sansa nodded. "It seems she and Jaqen broke up."
"That's not surprising." Sandor grunted. "The guy did see his girlfriend making eyes at someone else right in front of him."
"Huh?"
"Jaqen was at the hotel last night," Sandor replied, and Sansa heard all about Jaqen being there to witness Arya walking into an elevator on Gendry's arm.
"This is terrible." Sansa shook her head. "What an absolute, sad mess."
"The little bitch sure knows how to get herself into them, that's for sure."
Sansa sighed again. "Could you take me home please?"
Sandor delivered her to her front door not long after, and offered her a piece of advice about how to approach Arya.
"I don't know if you've ever noticed, but Arya's feelings for Gendry were always there. The Faceless punk and all the hype about him probably just blinded her."
Sansa gave him a questioning glance. "How do you know this?"
"I watched her and The Bull tiptoe around each other for weeks," Sandor rasped, "it was impossible not to see it."
"You're saying that Arya liked Gendry all this time, just as he liked her?"
"Looks that way." Sandor put his car back into gear as Sansa got out of the car. "Keep that in mind when you speak to her, and maybe the little bitch won't bite you for sticking your nose into her business."
"Thanks, Sandor." Sansa shut the car door. "I'll call you later tonight."
Robb was coming out of Arya's room when Sansa reached the landing at the top of the stairs. Her brother greeted her with a nod.
"You're back."
"How is she? Did she say anything?"
Robb shook his head. "I didn't ask her anything about Jaqen. I just told her to be careful of her hands. She's torn the skin on her right hand, even though she was wearing gloves."
"What is she doing now?"
"Taking a shower and calming herself down." Robb frowned. "Arya's never been like this. Jon would know what to do if he were here."
"Are you going to tell him?"
Robb shook his head. "I think Arya's uncomfortable as it is with just us knowing. She'll probably think we're making a big deal out of it if we tell Jon. She should be the one to tell him, if she wants."
"Then, maybe I'll wait until she's had a chance to calm down before I go and talk to her."
"Okay. Then I'll see you at dinner. Father wanted to discuss something with me."
Sansa headed to her own room as Robb headed down the stairs. As she took the opportunity to shower and change her own clothes, she thought about how her relationship with her only sister had changed and evolved over the last few months. When they'd still been in the North she could never have imagined having a conversation with Arya about boys and relationships. Arya had never had that much patience for Sansa's daydreams about dating cute boys and finding a Prince Charming, while Sansa had been impatient for Arya to grow up and stop behaving like a tomboy.
Even though they had cared about each other, neither of them could ever claim to be close confidantes. But, moving to King's Landing had been a catalyst for so many events and conflicts for them both, ultimately leading them to where they were now.
They had begun confiding in each other in recent weeks, particularly after the heart to heart they'd had in Sandor's living room where each of them had gained a better understanding of the other. Sansa recalled Arya running after her when she'd had her public break-up with Joffrey, concerned for her wellbeing. Sansa could now genuinely say that she was concerned about how Arya's break-up with Jaqen was affecting her, and at the very least, even if Arya wasn't ready, Sansa wanted her to know that she was there if she wanted to talk.
It was a bit of a surprise for her then, when she came out of the bathroom to find Arya in her room, sitting on her bed with her knees drawn up to her chest.
"Hi Sansa," her sister greeted her.
"Hey," Sansa tried not to be alarmed by Arya's puffy eyes, or by the bandage on her right hand.
"Robb told you, right?" Arya glanced up at her.
Sansa nodded. "Only what little he does know."
"It's true," Arya told her, "Jaqen and I broke up."
"I'm so sorry..."
"You wanna know why we broke up?"
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to,"
"We broke up because all this time I've had feelings for Gendry, and Jaqen figured it out before I did."
"Oh, Arya…"
"I'm a horrible person, Sansa."
"What? No!"
"I am! I am!" Arya wailed. "I've been so stupid! I never think things through before I do them, and I've hurt so many people. I've really hurt the people I'm supposed to care about, and it's not only Jaqen either. I've hurt Gendry, I've hurt you…Mycah got beat up because I attacked Joffrey, and I even dragged Sandor into my mess without even thinking about his feelings."
"Arya…"
"I've been so blind, and so selfish and…and now everything I've done…every bit of hurt I've inflicted on someone else is coming back to me. Everything is my fault!"
Sansa was taken aback by the emotion in Arya's voice. Arya sounded as though she really believed what she was saying.
"Arya, you can't blame yourself for everything," Sansa said softly.
"Why not?" Arya challenged. "Every person who comes into contact with me has ended up getting hurt somehow."
"So, you think that karma is coming back to teach you a lesson?"
"Yeah," Arya laughed humorlessly. "Karma, and her sister Fate."
Sansa could see that this was going to be tricky. "Let's say, even if there was some truth in what you're thinking, what are you going to do about it?"
"Learn my lesson, obviously," Arya replied, "and stop making the mistakes I keep making."
"That's sometimes easier said than done."
"But, I have to try, right?" Arya sighed. "It was so easy for me to judge you when you were fawning over Joffrey. I mean, I couldn't understand why you couldn't see what was so obvious to me and everyone else, and I was so frustrated with you for being so blind…but it turns out that I could be just as blind too. I was just as oblivious about Gendry…about Jaqen."
"Hmm. You were right to be frustrated with me back then. Joffrey is a raging psycho after all…but, I think you're being too hard on yourself. Jaqen and Gendry are nothing at all like Joffrey… I don't blame you for not realizing your feelings sooner."
Arya cracked a tiny smile. "Okay, I phrased that incorrectly. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was likening them to Joffrey, which they definitely are not…but, you get what I mean, right?"
Sansa nodded. "I do, Arya. The hardest truths to see are often the ones that affect us the most. Sometimes we are the last to see what should have been so obvious."
"Was it obvious to you?" Arya asked. "Could you see how I felt about Gendry?"
Sansa tilted her head and told her the truth as she had seen it. "I didn't realize you felt that way about him, but I always saw that the way you looked at him and the way you smiled at him was different to how you were with Jaqen."
Arya's face fell. "Jaqen said something similar…he said he could see it right from the start, but he ignored it. It must have hurt him so much!"
"If he could see it, why did he still choose to go after you? Surely, he should have known that there was always the chance that your feelings would change?"
"I'm sure he did," Arya said sadly as her face fell further, "but he took that chance anyway. He liked me that much."
"I'm sorry this is happening to you, Arya. I really am."
"I hate the thought that my last words to Jaqen were to tell him that we were through. I hate that he's going to leave for New York and we're parting in such a terrible way."
"What would you say to him if you could speak to him now?"
"I'm not sure what I'd say…wouldn't it all be meaningless to say more?"
"If you have something to say, then you should say it," Sansa advised her, "only Jaqen can say what value it may have to him."
Arya sighed again. "Maybe you're right."
"What are you going to do about Gendry?"
Arya shook her head. "I don't know. Nothing right now, I guess. Even if I do like him, I'm not ready to be with anyone at this moment…and I don't know that Gendry still likes me, after what I've put him through."
Sansa frowned. "Did something happen between the two of you last night?"
Arya nodded briefly. "He kissed me."
"He did?" Sansa's eyes widened.
"But he looked like he regretted it so badly afterwards."
"He could be just as confused as you are?" Sansa guessed. "He probably never expected that you would bid for him, let alone win. I'm sure he must have been surprised."
"I don't know how to deal with this, Sansa." Arya admitted. "I always act like I know everything, but in reality, I don't know much at all."
"Isn't this part of growing up?" Sansa posed the question. "We make mistakes and we learn from them. It's part of developing character, or something like that. We're not supposed to have all the answers now."
Arya gave her a look. "Sandor told me something similar once."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Arya nodded. "He saw me freak out this one time, when I knew I had to make a choice, and he told me that no one would blame me for being unsure. Maybe it was obvious to Sandor back then too?"
Sansa nodded. "He suspected it."
Arya dropped her legs to the floor and studied her toes. "The two of you have more in common than I thought…anyway, do you have any advice for me?"
"The only thing I can tell you, is to be as honest with yourself as you can, and really think about what you really want after all is said and done. If there is something you can do that is within your power to try and make it happen, you should go for it. If not, then you take things day by day and deal with things as they come."
"Until the pain goes away?"
"If that may be the case,"
"Does it ever get easier?" Arya wondered. "Does it get easier to make decisions and to recognize feelings and all that when we get older?"
"Let's compare notes on that in ten years, okay?" Sansa sat next to Arya on the bed. "I'm still learning my lessons too."
Arya dragged a hand through her emerald green locks and gave her a look that conveyed so many things, but in that one look, Sansa clearly saw that her little sister had changed. Arya had become aware of how her actions affected those around her, and from the expression in her eyes Sansa saw that Arya had also just come to realize the emotions her heart could contain. Sansa had seen the changes coming little by little, but now there was no mistaking it. The fact that they were sitting there side by side having this type of conversation was proof of it.
"So," Arya said as she took a breath. "This is growing up, huh?"
"Part of it," Sansa replied, "but it's not all about pain and heartache. Growing up is about learning what makes us happy too."
"Really?"
Sansa smiled as Sandor's image came to her mind. Growing up brought with it changes, be it physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sometimes it meant pain, but at other times it meant pleasure. What she and Sandor had shared on a physical level had definitely been intense, but what they shared emotionally was infinitely far more so. She felt closer to Sandor in a way she never knew was possible to feel for another human being. This revelation to her, was far more significant than the act of physical intimacy, although that was important too.
"I know it might not be easy to see that now," Sansa told her, "but growing up isn't all bad. Trust me."
A/N
Jaqen's POV was inspired by the song 'Make It Easy On Yourself'- Hal & Bacharach. This is an old classic, and my favorite version of the song is by Dionne Warwick, but the recording by The Walker Brothers is considered by many to be the definitive version.
While the above are great, I thought they were too polished for something as raw and intimate as a breakup, so I was so happy to find this modern cover on YouTube by Sivu. Please check it out. This song had me in tears while I played it on repeat as I was writing Jaqen's POV. Copy and paste the below :)
Sivu - Make It Easy On Yourself / Mahogany x Wilderness