Authours Note : Just a quick note to apologise for the delay in this next chapter. I recently uprooted my life and moved cross country for promotion and since then, I hadn't really been able to motivate myself into writing the next chapter and to be honest, I hadn't had many reviews so I wasn't sure whether I should bother continuing. But then yesterday I had 2 reviews within hours of each other and they really spurred me to get back to this and made me realise I do want to finish this fic! So a big thank you to Rosemary and Thyme21394 and LeoPiperAndyPrue for your kick up the behind! Also thank you to those who faithfully review each chapter - your encouragement keeps me coming back for more :o) Enjoy...

Chapter 36

"Roger is persistent, Ill give him that. I'm glad I finally gave in though. He is everything I should want in a partner and Grams definitely approves – a first if ever there was one."

"I can't help but compare him to Andy although I know it is unfair. After all, first love is so different to real, long lasting love…isn't it?"

"No-one understands why I am with Roger. How could they when I won't let them in to the secrets of my past? I do feel guilty sometimes but then I wonder what they would think of me if they knew I had had an abortion?"

"Roger has asked me to marry him. I don't really think I have a choice. After all, who the hell else is going to ask me? And according to Grams, I should be the first one to marry before my sisters."

"I may still love Andy but I am sensible enough to know which side my bread is buttered on, and my future lies with Roger, regardless."

"The next entry is a few months later. From what you have said in terms of timelines, I am guessing it is sometime after your grandmother died." Andy said, before returning to the pages in front of him and forcing himself to continue.

"I can't believe he hit me. Not just hit me, but beat me. How am I supposed to explain these cuts and bruises to someone else? Although it briefly crossed my mind, I know I cannot tell anyone – otherwise he will leave me and then where would I be?"

"Please God let me be a better person. Let me be a better fiancée to Roger. Maybe if I was better, he wouldn't be so angry when I mess up and he wouldn't beat me the way he does."

"I think my sisters may be starting to suspect something. They had to come and get me from the hospital again today because Roger was unreachable. I know he is probably off with some blonde bimbo – and who can blame him? I must disgust him I am so useless and so ugly. He's right – I am worthless. I just hope he never leaves me."

"He threatened to hurt my sisters if I told anyone what he had been doing to me. I don't know why I threatened to tell, it's not as if I ever would. Besides, who would care? Roger was right when he said no-one would. After all, who would care about someone as worthless as me?"

"Roger decided today that we should start trying for a baby. He says it would look strange if we didn't have children and although he doesn't particularly want to have one with me, I will have to do for the moment. It is understandable – having children with me would always mean there was a small possibility they could turn out like me and who would want a child like me? My mother didn't which is why she died, and my grandmother certainly didn't want a granddaughter like me as she constantly reminded me. Roger was right – they both died to escape me because I am so terrible."

"I can't believe it. I'm actually pregnant. Roger's reaction was...confusing. It was his idea, and I know he said he didn't particularly want one with me, but I thought his reaction would have been different. Instead, he simply said 'Fine', asked how far along I was and left for work. I don't even know if I am allowed to tell people. I'm supposed to be having dinner with my sisters tonight and I can just imagine their delight at the prospect of becoming Aunties but I'm not sure if I can tell them."

"Well that makes sense", Phoebe said.

Everyone in the room turned to look at her with a quizzical expression, including Piper.

"Don't you remember Piper? We went out for one of our monthly dinners with Prue and she was incredibly subdued. She refused to drink alcohol, even though it had become a tradition of ours to drinks margarita's on our sister's nights. We argued about it and she left early, barely saying goodbye. You must remember?"

"Well now you mention it yes I do. So you think that was the day she found out she was pregnant? But that was 6 months ago. What on earth happened to the baby?" Piper said, looking at everyone in turn.

"I caught Roger with a woman a few days ago in our bed. How could he do that to me in our home, our bed when I am carrying his child? The child that was conceived in that very bed? I know I shouldn't have but with the hormones and everything I lost my temper and screamed at the both of them. I ordered her out of the house. Roger was seething – I have never seen him this angry before. He completely forgot that I was pregnant. He caught up to me at the top of the stairs. I tried to pull away from his grasp, lost my balance and fell down the stairs. Roger must have remembered at that point about the baby because he called an ambulance and rushed me to the hospital. It was too late. I lost my baby 3 days ago and today they let me leave the hospital."

"It's strange. I know I lost my baby last week but I still haven't cried. I keep thinking it will happen when I am ready but I am still waiting. Roger is upset. He blames me of course. It was my fault for coming home early from shopping. My fault for getting upset. My fault for not being good enough that he had to look elsewhere for satisfaction. My fault for not wanting the baby enough. Maybe he's right. A part of me didn't want that baby because it was part him. Because it would never be enough to replace the one I was carrying before. The one I murdered. How can I ever hope to have a child now when I will only ever think about the first child that should have been? More importantly, how can I ever hope to have a child with Roger when the only person I want to have a child with would want nothing to do with me if he found out what I had done, what I have become……Andy. He's the only man I ever imagined being the father of my children and deep down, he's still the only one I would want."

"Since the miscarriage I have been doing a lot of thinking. I've been visiting the beach regularly for inspiration and insight. I've even been talking to Mom and the baby although they haven't answered back which I guess I should be grateful for. Roger has made me feel crazy up until now and I guess I was starting to believe that there was something wrong with me. But I know there isn't now. Surely if I was, I would have heard an answer to my questions."

"I've been thinking. I need to escape from Roger. I can't go on living like this or he is going to kill me one of these days. I wish I could tell my sisters but I don't want to put them in any danger. I know exactly what they're reactions would be if I did – Phoebe would storm out, come round here and try and beat the crap out of Roger. Piper would be the sensible one trying to reign in Phoebe's blood lust and suggesting the sensible course of action – going to the police. But I can't afford either of those options. I can't let my sisters find out about all of this. It is still my job to protect them regardless of how old they are now. I must protect them from me and from Roger at all costs."

Everyone looked at each other in silence. There was Grams again with her sense of duty. She even managed to dictate Prue's actions from beyond the grave. No-one voiced their opinion but they all silently wondered when exactly Grams had given up on protecting her eldest granddaughter and set her on the downward spiral which would lead to this point. They each silently acknowledged that there could be no doubt that the old lady had set in motion this chain of events years before, although they also knew she could have had no foresight of what was to happen. Maybe if she had, things would have turned out differently. Hindsight was incredibly poignant like that.

"The next few entries over a couple of months detail different plans to escape by the looks of it. Let me just skip ahead a bit to……here we go……there's one here from the day I saw you all in the hospital." Andy said.

"Wait a minute are you sure? How could that be in the box in our attic? Prue hasn't lived at the Manor for ages and that incident was only 10 days ago. I don't understand." Piper said, confusion etched across her brow.

"You're right Piper that is strange. But the date is right I promise you. Let's find out what is written and see if it holds any clues shall we?" Andy said, as he found the entry he had referred to and prepared to read it aloud.

As everyone prepared themselves for revelations of the recent past, they all missed the slight movement of Prue's eyes beneath her eyelids. If any had been looking closely they would have seen her eyes flickering as Prue struggled to return to the voices she could hear.

But before she had had a chance to really try, the darkness was claiming her again. Dragging her down into the depths of calm, cool nothingness. She surrendered without struggle, knowing that it would be in vain. Before she succumbed completely, her final thought was 'Soon, I promise' and then she was gone again.

And nobody had noticed her valiant struggle.