Harry Potter and the Final Chapter

By

Lewis M. Brooks, III

Chapter 34 – Letting People Down

In the Hospital Wing, Luna and Colleen sat on the cot. For a few minutes after Ginny and Hugo left, they didn't really know what to say. Finally, Luna broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, Colleen," said Luna sadly. "I should have been there for you and your Mum this summer. I didn't know about your Dad until today…but that isn't an excuse. If I wasn't so engrossed in running the Quibbler all the time, maybe I would have sent an owl once in a while."

"It's not all your fault, Aunt Luna," said Colleen. "My Mum never wrote you either. She could have told you about my Dad, but she didn't. Mum always kept to herself a lot, but completely since Dad died. She kept so much to herself, no one noticed she was dead for four months."

Luna could see tears forming in Colleen's eyes again and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry," whispered Luna. "Don't worry, I'm going to take care of you, and I know the Potters and Weasleys well enough to know, that when you have one of them as a friend, you have them all."

They broke apart and sat silently for a minute. Luna decided she needed to lighten the conversation a little bit. "So, Colleen, you and Hugo seem to be awfully close," said Luna with a smile.

Colleen blushed. "Well, I knew him years ago, but we kind of didn't get along," said Colleen. "It's only been a few days. He's so sweet and he makes me laugh. He's a great listener." Colleen's smile vanished. "I just realized we've never even gone on a date."

"Oh," said Luna, "I assumed he was your boyfriend."

"I don't know," said Colleen. "Hugo has never called me his girlfriend. I was kind of hoping to be though."

"You know, he seems to be really sensitive to everything you are going through," said Luna. "He might be reluctant to ask you for a while. I think you should bring it up."

"I can't do that," said Colleen, shocked that her aunt would even suggest such a thing. "It took me two months to get up the nerve to tell him who I was, and I was only able to do that because I went by myself to the Yule Ball and felt completely pathetic." Colleen paused. "So what am I supposed to do now?"

"Well, I am your guardian now, so in the summer you will live with me," said Luna. "As far as school goes, Professor Potter already said you could move into Gryffindor Tower for the remained of the year and be sorted in the fall. However, with Headmaster Krum's approval, Professor Potter said you could be sorted now, and officially become a Hogwarts student. It is possible though that you could end up in another house. That won't matter to the Potters and Weasleys though. I was in Ravenclaw while they were all in Gryffindor, but we were all friends."

Colleen thought for a moment. It would be so nice to officially start at Hogwarts. She was a little nervous about being in another house, but if Aunt Luna said it wouldn't matter to the Potters and Weasleys what house she was in, then she would have to take the chance.

"I would like to start Hogwarts," said Colleen. "If that's all right?"

Luna smiled. "Of course it is," said Luna. "We thought you might. Professor Potter said that tomorrow after breakfast, we would have a special sorting ceremony in the Headmistress's office. Normally they do it in the Great Hall, but she thought you might not want to stand up in front of the whole school right now."

"I appreciate it," said Colleen.

There was something else Ginny had discussed with her on there way to the Hospital Wing, but Luna wasn't sure how Colleen would react.

"There is something else," said Luna. "I know we really don't know each other at all, and that's not your fault. I would really like to get to know you. Professor Potter said I could stay at Hogwarts until the end of the school year. That would give us some time to get to know each other. Would you like me to stay?"

"I would like that," said Colleen. "What about the Quibbler?"

"Oh, don't worry about that," said Luna. "I have plenty of employees, and I can write my articles from here. Besides, you're far more important."

Colleen hugged her aunt. Even though she didn't know her well, she could tell how much she cared.

Ginny climbed through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor Common Room. She had to smile as she thought of all the great memories she had of being in this room when she was a student. The room was nearly deserted being the Christmas Holiday. A few students were playing Exploding Snap in the corner, and a few others were talking on the couch.

Ginny headed up the stairs to Albus's dorm room. She knocked on the door but got no response. The door was locked. She knew Carly was alone, so she drew her wand. "Alohomora," said Ginny. The lock disengaged, and Ginny slowly opened the door. She could hear Carly sobbing softly.

"Carly," said Ginny. When she didn't respond Ginny went over and sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Carly into a hug and gently rocked her back and fourth. "Al said you were asleep."

"I let him think I was sleeping," said Carly as she took a breath to try and calm down. "He's got enough on his mind without my crying for people who have been dead for years."

"For a moment, let's ignore the fact that you know very well that there is nothing more important to Al than you," said Ginny. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I'm all right," said Carly softly as she took another deep breath. "It's just when I heard Colleen's mother was dead. I felt just like I did when I lost my parents."

Ginny had a feeling there was more. Carly hadn't looked her in the eye once since she entered the room. "That wasn't all of it, was it?" asked Ginny.

Carly pulled back and sat propped up in the bed, looking in front of her at the blanket.

"Tell me what's wrong," said Ginny sympathetically.

Carly took another breath and let it out slowly, having finally calmed down. "Every time I hear a Death Eater has attacked someone, or killed someone…I'm afraid for Al," said Carly slowly. "I almost lost him once this year, and I am so afraid I'm still going to. I know Dad didn't give him the Sword of Gryffindor for any other reason than to face Voldemort."

"I thought that might be it," said Ginny. "We've had similar conversations before."

"I know," said Carly. "It just really got to me today. I feel like I'm letting him down by crying about it. I know he needs me to be strong. I'm just not that strong."

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," said Ginny.

The door creaked open slowly. "Carly," said Rose as she came into the room.

"Rose?" said Ginny questioningly. "When did you get back?"

"Just now," said Rose. "I flooed Mum at the Burrow to say Happy Christmas and Grandma told me what happened. We came right back. I was actually happy to get away. James and Lucy are on the way, they should be here any time."

Rose came around the other side of the bed and sat down. "What's wrong, Carly?" asked Rose concerned about how upset Carly looked. "I can go if I'm interupting."

"No Rose, that's all right," said Carly shaking her head. Carly had stopped crying and was much calmer. "I'm just having a bit of a melt down worrying about Al. When I heard about Colleen's mother…I flipped out a bit."

"Do you mean Colleen, Hugo's friend?" asked Rose. "I didn't hear about that, I just heard that Bogdan Yotov was an imposter."

Ginny and Carly told Rose all about Colleen's mother and what had happened that day.

"That's terrible," said Rose. "I'm glad all of you are all right. I'm going to go find Hugo, he must be a mess."

Rose left leaving Ginny and Carly alone.

Carly had something on her mind since two days before the first task of the Triwizard Tournament. The dream she had that night and several more times was beginning to weigh heavily on her and she didn't know what to do.

"Can I ask you something, Mum?" asked Carly after Rose had left.

"Of course," said Ginny with a smile.

"How did you know you were ready to be a mother?" asked Carly.

Carly always had a way of asking Ginny the question she least expected. Before she answered there was an obvious question she had to ask.

"Carly, are you pregnant?" asked Ginny.

Carly looked her right in the eyes. "No, Mum, I'm not," said Carly.

"All right," said Ginny with a nod. "It's a hard question to answer. I don't think anyone is ever ready. I always knew I wanted children. Even when I was a little girl, I always knew I wanted a family of my own." Ginny smiled. "I learned from the best, so I thought I could do it, but honestly, when I found out I was pregnant with James, I was happy, but I was also scared. Why do you ask?"

"Mum, what would you say if I said I was ready right now?" asked Carly. "What if I said I wanted to get pregnant now?"

For a moment, Ginny was a bit speechless. It was certainly not unheard of for unmarried couples to have children, though it was far more common in the Muggle world. There were Wizarding couples that just didn't believe in marriage. Hogwarts had a few pregnant teenagers over the years, though not many. Potions are not 100%, but they are much better than Muggle birth control options. No one could be naive enough to believe there weren't students in the school who were having sex. Somehow though, none of that seemed relevant. There was something more behind this question.

"I guess…I would want to know why?" asked Ginny, as she reached out and took Carly's hand.

"I love Al," said Carly, smiling for the first time since Ginny had come in. "I want to be his wife, and I want to be a mother. I want those things so badly that it hurts. Those are the only two things that matter to me." She paused. "I'm afraid that something is going to happen to Al, and I'll never get either of them." Carly's voice was even and calm. Her expression was blank.

Ginny had no idea what to say. Carly had obviously thought about it. Ginny knew Carly would be a wonderful mother, and had no doubt that sometime next year she was going to be a Grandmother. Would a few months really make any difference? Before she even thought of what to say, Carly spoke again.

"I've really thought about this, Mum," said Carly giving Ginny's hand a squeeze. "I know I'm not terribly strong when it comes to Al being in danger. I'm not strong like Rose and Lily who I know could survive anything. When I thought Al was going to die…I had nothing left. I wanted to die. He's a part of me. I'm not whole without him."

"Carly, I hate to even think about this, but if something happened to Al, you might meet someone else someday," said Ginny.

"No, I won't," said Carly calmly. "We are meant to be together. I don't know why, I just know we are. I really have thought about this, Mum. This isn't just my thinking that if I have a child then I'll have something of Al if something happens to him. I feel like I'm supposed to get pregnant. Like there is a reason I should."

"Have you talked to Al about this?" asked Ginny.

"No," said Carly shaking her head. "I know Al. If I say I want to get pregnant now, he'll ask the same questions you have, smile, and say yes. I need to decide if it's the right thing to do first."

"What makes you think you are meant to be pregnant?" asked Ginny.

Carly closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them. "I had a dream," said Carly. "It was two nights before the first task. I've had it a few times since then. I was putting on my wedding dress and I was very pregnant. You, Grandma Weasley, Aunt Hermione, Lily, and Rose were all helping me get dressed, but you were all…sad. You weren't crying, but you weren't feeling as happy as I would expect on my wedding day." Carly paused. "I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think I was getting ready to go see Al on our wedding day. I think I was going to the graveyard." Tears began to fall from Carly's eyes, but her voice remained calm and even, and her expression never changed. "That's why I fainted when I saw Rose dead on the pitch. I thought Al was next, and I thought that the dream was going to come true. I think my dream was the future, and Albus was dead, and all of you were getting me dressed to go to the graveyard."

Carly's calm tone of voice and blank expression finally dissolved and Ginny pulled her into a hug and held her as she cried.

"Carly, I wish you had told me," said Ginny softly. "That's why you moved in with Al, isn't it? You thought if you didn't, you would never get the chance to be with him."

"In part, but it wasn't just about sex" said Carly through her tears. "It was so much more than that. I needed to be as close to him as any two people could ever be. I needed for us to belong to each other completely. I pray I'm wrong, and we will have a beautiful wedding in August, but right now, in every way that matters, as far as I am concerned, he is my husband and I am his wife."

Ginny could tell how much pain this was causing Carly. Ginny knew enough about the things that had happened to all of them over the years not to dismiss the dream completely, and it was obvious Carly had carefully considered all of this.

"It could have just be a bad dream, Carly," said Ginny trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince Carly.

"It was far too real, Mum," said Carly. "But maybe it is. I just don't think I'm willing to take that chance."

Ginny thought about it. Did it truly matter if Carly was pregnant for her wedding? Ginny certainly wasn't one to care what other people thought. She knew Carly would be a wonderful mother. Ginny also knew her Mum would throw a fit, but it wouldn't be the first time, and she would get over it. Ginny pulled Carly up and looked into her eyes.

"If you think it's the right thing to do, then you should talk to Al," said Ginny with a smile. "Just leave Grandma to me."

Carly chuckled through her sobs. "Thanks, Mum," said Carly. "I don't know what I would ever have done without you in my life."

Ginny smiled. "Scoot over," said Ginny. Carly slid over a bit and Ginny lay down next to her with her arm around her. "Get some sleep. I'll stay with you."

Carly just nodded and closed her eyes. Ginny knew a few minutes later Carly was asleep. 'Grandma', thought Ginny with a smile. Ginny thought she could get used to that. The thought that Albus might not survive all this was almost too much for her to bear. But she knew that Carly might be wrong. Ginny also knew the book said that the future could be changed, and she knew that if anyone's will was strong enough to change it, it was Albus Severus Potter's.

Sirius and Hugo entered the Room of Requirement. Sirius had already set it up for their usual family dinner room.

The whole way to the Room of Requirement, Hugo had decided he would face his fate like a man. No blubbering, no begging. He would pay for what he had done. He knew it was going to kill his mother, and that was the part that would be hardest.

Sirius and Hugo each sat on an opposite couch so they were facing each other. There were two ice-cold butterbeers on the table.

Sirius opened his, and Hugo did the same, and they each took a drink.

"Probably should have brought firewhiskey, I'll never get any," said Hugo as he stared at the bottle in his hand. "Not where I'm going."

Sirius looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?" asked Sirius curiously. "Where are you going?"

"To Azkaban," said Hugo as casually as if he were describing the weather. "After the trial of course."

"Hugo, what in Merlin's name are you talking about?" asked Sirius confusedly.

"I used an Unforgivable Curse," said Hugo shaking his head. "That's a one way trip to Azkaban."

Sirius just stared at Hugo for a moment thinking he had lost his mind.

"Isn't that why you wanted to talk to me?" asked Hugo in a very calm voice. "Aren't the Aurors coming to arrest me?"

"Hugo, you aren't going to Azkaban," said Sirius in disbelief.

"Why not, Sirius?" asked Hugo absently. "Isn't that what I deserve? I mean…I used an Unforgivable Curse. I…I was going to murder him."

Sirius got up, moved around the table, and sat next to Hugo, putting and arm around his shoulders. It all finally made sense.

"Hugo, you are not going to Azkaban, nor do you deserve to go to Azkaban," said Sirius emphatically. "I wanted to talk to you to make sure you were all right. You almost did a terrible thing, but Uncle Harry and I understand why you did it."

"You mean…you and Uncle Harry aren't going to turn me in?" asked Hugo astonishingly. "I just assumed you would. I mean…I used an Unforgivable Curse."

"Hugo, we both love you, we're family," said Sirius. "We would never turn you in for almost doing something. We wouldn't have turned you in even if you had done it. We aren't even going to tell your parents. We just wanted to make sure you were all right."

Hugo thought about it. Since he first took Colleen in his arms in the Hospital Wing and she went to sleep, and he thought about what had happened, he had just assumed his life was over. It was much more than that though.

"But, don't I deserve it?" asked Hugo his voice becoming strained as tears began to form in his eyes. "I almost murdered him. I wanted…to kill him. I should be put away. Shouldn't I?"

Hugo covered his face with his hands. He was not given to crying very much, but he certainly was crying now.

Sirius let him cry for a few minutes, conjuring a handkerchief for him. After he calmed down, Sirius ended the silence.

"Hugo, you almost did a terrible thing," said Sirius softly. "Sometimes we make mistakes. You made a mistake. You didn't do it because you are a bad person. You aren't evil. You did it because someone you care for was in terrible pain. It wasn't right, but it wasn't done out of malice or hate. You need to be more careful not to let your emotions get the better of you, but don't you dare think it makes you a bad person. You are like your parents. You're a good person. I know you would never do something like that if you had stopped to think about it."

Hugo thought about what Sirius said. "So what am I supposed to do now, Sirius?" asked Hugo with a sigh.

"Well, first you thank God that Uncle Harry was there to stop you," said Sirius. "It was happening so fast, I didn't even have time to raise my wand. You also remember not to let it happen again, and if you ever want to talk about it, you come see me."

"You know, Sirius, you really have this whole 'The Counsel' thing down really well," said Hugo with a smile.

Sirius laughed. "Now I know you'll be all right," said Sirius. "Promise me though, if you need to talk, you'll come to me."

"I promise," said Hugo.

Just then the door to the Room of Requirement opened. "Hugo, there you are," said Rose. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"I'll be going," said Sirius. He got up and walked by Rose with a smile and then on through the doorway.

Rose came over and set next to Hugo. "Are you all right?" asked Rose concernedly. "I just heard what happened."

"I think so," said Hugo. He wasn't going to tell her what had happened. "Colleen's going to have a tough time of it though."

"Yeah, well, we will all be there for her," said Rose reassuringly. "Any friend of yours is a friend of all of ours."

"It's just that I don't know how to help her," said Hugo with a sigh. "Aunt Ginny told me to just be there for her. I feel like that's not enough."

"Sometimes that's all you can do, Hugo," said Rose sympathetically.

Hugo put his arm around Rose. "Thanks, Rose," said Hugo. "I appreciate that. Since you're supposed to be the smart one, I guess I need to listen to you."

Rose laughed. "One thing is for sure," said Rose. "Colleen couldn't have picked a better person to make her laugh."

Harry and Albus retrieved their parkas, as it was very cold outside. They walked into the Entrance Hall, just as the door opened. They saw James and Lucy coming through the door.

"Hey, Dad, Al," said James. Worry was clearly audible in his voice. "Is everyone all right? We came home as soon as we heard what happened."

"Everyone is fine, James," said Harry reassuringly. "Hi Lucy, sorry we interrupted your Christmas with your family."

"Not at all, Professor Potter," said Lucy. Lucy smiled. "My Mum was beginning to drive me a little crazy."

James suddenly looked a little uncomfortable. "Where are you two off to?" asked James, changing the subject.

"We are going for a walk," said Harry. "Why don't you come along?"

James looked at his father for a moment. He could tell from the look on his face something was wrong, and it was something serious.

"Lucy, I'll see you in bit," said James, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"All right," said Lucy with a smile.

It was cold, and the ground was covered with snow, but it was a beautiful afternoon. The sun was shining, and reflecting beautifully off the snow. On the walk down to the lake, James told them why Lucy's mother was driving her crazy. Lucy's mother kept checking her hand for a ring. The suggestion was obvious.

Albus filled James in on everything that happened, except Goyle's flight from the tower. Albus didn't know about his father torturing Goyle. They walked through the snow and stopped near the lake. It was right where Albus assumed they were going. Harry had stopped in front of the tomb of Albus Dumbledore.

"You're sure everyone is all right?" asked James. His father was so quiet that James felt something had to be wrong. "Mum is all right."

"Yes, she's fine, everyone's fine" said Harry evenly. "The reason I wanted you two to come down here is I need to tell you the rest." Harry paused. "I'm afraid I've let you both down. And I've let him down too. They didn't need to ask to whom he was referring as they stood before the tomb.

"What are you talking about, Dad?" asked James curiously. "I have never been disappointed in you, and I never could be."

Harry turned around to face his sons. "I'm sorry," said Harry. "I need…I need to tell you what I've done."

Harry told them the story, the torturing of Goyle and the throwing him from the Astronomy Tower, and how he didn't plan to save him, but thought of Professor Dumbledore, and then saved Goyle. In some ways, just telling them made it worse.

For a moment, they were all silent. Albus stood stone faced. He saw Goyle fall from the Astronomy Tower. The rest didn't come as much of a surprise given that. James was completely shocked beyond words.

"I'm supposed to be better than that," said Harry shaking his head. "I'm sorry. Your Mum says the stress of everything got to me. She says that I'm a good person who made a mistake. I don't know anymore. She might be right. What I do know is I let you down, and I had to tell you both what I did. I'm so ashamed of myself." A tear escape Harry's eye. "I let Professor Dumbledore down too, and I wish I could tell him how sorry I am. Maybe someday I'll get the chance to tell him."

Harry turned around and looked back at the tomb of Albus Dumbledore. A moment later, he felt a hand on each shoulder.

"You made a mistake, Dad," said James. "It happens. Mum's right, what's important is in the end you did the right thing."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," said Albus. He regretted being upset with his father earlier. "You're not perfect, Dad. I'm certainly not perfect. I don't think anyone is."

Even as Harry heard Albus's words, he knew he had heard the same words before. Harry had spoken those same words on this very spot twenty-five years ago. Harry remembered them as if it was yesterday, and He spoke them again, more to himself than to Albus and James.

"'You weren't perfect. I'm certainly not perfect. I don't think anyone is. We all make mistakes, and can only hope we have the chance to rectify them. Some can't be rectified. I think maybe it's how you live with those mistakes that matters most,'

James and Albus looked at each other quizzically. Harry turned around to face them. "I said that twenty-five years ago," said Harry. "I was right here, talking to Professor Dumbledore about his mistakes. I had almost forgotten what I said."

"Sounds like good advice to me," said James.

"From a very wise man," added Albus.

Harry looked from James to Albus and back to James. There was not a trace of disappointment in their faces. They knew he was human, and he made mistakes, and they were all right with that.

Harry pulled Albus and James into a hug. "Thank you," said Harry. After a few moments, they broke apart. "Why don't you two head back up to the castle? I'm going to stay here for a bit."

"Don't stay too long," said James. "It's awfully cold out here."

Albus and James headed back up to the castle, leaving Harry alone.

"Quite a pair of sons I have, Professor," said Harry with a prideful grin. His grin disappeared. "Someday I will get to tell you just how sorry I am for letting you down too."