" Felix, you're not well."
Felix stopped walking and turned to face his sister. He knew it was coming. Serena was easily to deflect, she always had been, but Sophia was much different. She wasn't going to be appeased with a hug. " Sophia…"
She stopped as well, and looked at him with real concern.
He didn't even know what to say. " This… Do you know… I don't even know what to say anymore." The worst thing was that he wanted to talk to Sophia, but at the same time he couldn't. She was a captain, and duty bound to report anything he told her. Not that she would, he knew without even having to consider it that she had volunteered her ship so that she could make sure he was alive, and not in real trouble. That was Sophia, who had always relished being the big sister to everyone. But family, and protecting family goes both ways, he thought harshly. It was his problem, and Sophia had a family of her own now, and the last thing his family needed was two of them going down for what he had done.
" You don't have to tell me," Sophia said. She encircled her arm around his and began leading him to his quarters. " I have about an hour before I have to take Ambassador Troi to the Galactica, so we're going to talk a little bit and try to catch up. By the way, you know what Mom said when she and Dad first saw the message you sent?"
" That I seemed a little drugged?" Felix shrugged. " I'm pretty positive that Dr. Crusher gave me something." The truth was that he had been hyper and almost hysterical from the moment he realized just what the CAP was reporting until twenty four hours later, when he was on the Enterprise.
" No… that you looked good." Sophia smiled as she opened the door to his quarters.
" Really?" He wondered.
She sat down on the small couch and gestured for him to join her. " Come on, you know Mom."
" She told you to say that I looked good." It was an easy guess, and for a moment he dropped his guard and smiled. It had always been their joke, playing at translating their mother's comments. " So what did she really say?"
Sophia grinned. " He looks so thin!" she said, doing a remarkable imitation of their mother. " So thin and tired! Sophia, you and Serena had better make sure he gets some rest, you know how he is…" She chuckled. " There was more, but honestly I think she was too happy to notice that you looked really disconnected. Dad noticed, by the way. After he got done running around town with bottles of wine making everyone toast to his son the returning hero, he called me up and said to make sure you got looked at." She looked at him, her expression growing more serious. She took his hand. " And that brings me back to my first point. I love you, Felix, and you look sick. I've read some of the reports. You're lucky to be alive, little brother."
"There's a lot of people dead because of the decisions I made. A lot." It felt like a relief to say it. Even if he did feel ashamed.
Sophia pulled him into a hug. " Listen to me," she said softly. " Does all this blame make any of those people less dead? And how many of those people in that fleet would be dead if it wasn't for you?"
" It's not… it's not as simple as that." Because he had been a fool and had thought that the stupid election and New Caprica was more important than wanting to go home. But he had been foolishly naïve, thinking he was doing the right thing for the colonial people. That it was wrong for him to keep them moving for his own selfish desires when there was a planet they could settle on and the majority truly wanted that. He had reported the fraud because he had thought Gauis Baltar had genuinely wanted to build a new world for the colonies… and he didn't want to be selfish and keep everyone moving toward a goal…. On a quest that he thought would kill them all. He had been wrong, badly wrong.
" When it comes to lives, it never is." Sophia said after a moment. She looked down at his hand, at the wrist monitor. Which was embarrassing and humiliating. She touched it and then looked at him intently. " You're worried about the prime directive violations. You're trying to protect me by not talking to me about it. And… you're protecting the colonials. So, I'm not going to ask, and frankly Felix, unless that scrap heap has some secret phaser banks no one is talking about, it can't be that bad." She let go of the monitor and poked him playfully. " You didn't even pretend to be a god, and you had the perfect opportunity. What would Grandpa think? You don't even have hot young priestesses running after you, hoping to please you. Although Dee is nice."
After a moment he laughed. It was a family joke, not one that they shared with outsiders. It wasn't even something they kidded about in front of their parents. " I'll have to leave it to one of the nieces and nephews to restore the family honor." He chuckled again. " But trust me, some of the colonials are so angry with me, I really doubt anyone is going to build a temple to me any time soon."
" Well, on the one hand, these people actually believe in Grandpa. On the down side, I heard there's nothing to eat but processed algae." Sophia shrugged. " So sure, they worship you but without the sacrificial fatted lambs and calves, the feasts in the grand hall would be a little sad."
" When you're there, insist on the dark green ration bars. Those are the best ones. But yes, I think Grandpa would have been a little disappointed in the offerings." He laughed again. " You know… these people don't even eat lamb." He knew that would get Sophia to smile. His mother and father both had a fondness for traditional Greek and Italian cooking and with Greek food, that meant a lot of lamb. He and Sophia were the farthest apart in age and yet it always seemed like it was the two of them battling over the last lamb chop at family dinners.
" Yeah, you know Mom is already plotting every meal you eat for the next year." Sophia said. " I don't blame her. I have this urge to stuff you with lasagna." More seriously, she went on, " You know she and Dad are finagling their way out here, and she's not going to let you get tossed in prison for saving these people."
He nodded. He knew just how big of a diplomatic mess that would cause. If there was a concern that some of the colonials might become religiously overzealous about him, it would be worse for Apollonia Gaeta, the family matriarch. She was Apollo's daughter, after all, and it was hard to ignore the reality that she was over hundred years old and looked like she was perhaps mid forties. She also had more demonstrable powers. On top of that, while retired, his mother had left Starfleet as an admiral in Starfleet Medical. He had no doubt that she would use those connections if she thought he was in danger. " I still won't tell you," he said after a moment. " I did what I did knowing full well that I was responsible for my actions under Federation law. The only reason I haven't told Captain Picard exactly what I did is because it involves some people highly placed with the colonial government…. People that need to be able to help establish the new colony, and you know that the Federation would make sure that anyone involved was removed from the government." He took a deep breath. " Believe me when I say that the last thing the Twelve Colonies needs is to be stripped of its leadership. I owe them that. I don't know if you can understand but… Underneath all the anger you're going to see, these people took me in. I owe them, and they aren't savages… they're good people who lost everything."
-Do I have to make you tell me-
It popped into his mind like a beacon. He smiled. It had been a long time. Too long. It almost hurt.
-You can't make me-
After a moment Sophia grinned. " You're right. I can't make you…. I'd have to hurt you to do it. And I think Cmdr Troi is overreacting a bit." She gripped his hand. " You're better at that than you used to be. Blocking I mean. And did I tell you that Stephen and Felicia can both do your trick with the replicator?"
It made him laugh. " Stephen has to be fourteen now… I know Mom hated it but it really impresses the girls… But Felicia? You could never do the replicator part and you're probably the best… Well, Serena could do it, and Julia…." It was a surprise though. All the scientific research had indicated that their gifts were sex linked. He was a technopath, with moderate telekinesis and mild telepathy. His sisters in contrast were significant telepaths, with mild to moderate telekinesis. Julia was the best of them. She could compete with a highly trained Betazed and she had mastered the replicator trick almost as soon as he had shown her but it tired her out. Serena had needed to practice, and practice hard, and she had to stand within five feet of the replicator in order to catch the glass before it fell. In contrast, he hadn't tried the trick in ten years and he had felt it flowing back. If he practiced, he knew it would come back completely. But Felicia? Had just been an announcement from his sister when he had been lost and she was at best nine. Serena had been fifteen when she mastered the trick. " How is that possible?"
Sophia shrugged. " I don't know. Everyone thought your talents were male talents but she's really good with locks and computers. And Serena's youngest boy is almost as gifted as Julia. The working theory is that either the gifts aren't sex linked or that Serena and I married men who have Palamas indicator genes. By the way," and he could see her move into a more clinical mode, " The colonials have Palamas indicators, don't they?"
"Yes but… how did you know that?" He shook his head. " I mean, I know it's an obvious place to go, considering their religion…."
" You're not out of practice. In fact, you're blocking everything a lot better than you used to. And your friends… They both have that feeling, like when I visit Grandma's relatives in Greece where they still marry within the village…." She considered her words. " An isolated population to begin with… What else do you know?"
" I really didn't think about it. They don't have conscious talents." As he said it, an idea suddenly began to tickle inside his mind, but he thrust it away. " In general, I think that's why they seem more emotional. It's not as easy to hide your feelings."
" I could see that. Serena did too. She likes that Major Adama." Sophia laughed again. " I know that was breakfast was awkward but she hasn't really dated since Eric died. And I like Dee… She likes you."
He could feel the flush of embarrassment. " I don't know that it's going anywhere… She just got divorced…"
" From Lee!" She chuckled and gave him another hug. " This sort of thing only happens to you, Felix. You know that, right?" She stood up. " All right… I have to get ready. I've already been warned about the possible worship issues. According to the reports, some of them actually tried to kill you, little brother."
" It was a while ago," he said easily as he stood up, " and they had their reasons." It was still difficult to even think about.
She eyed him intently. " I'm not going to make you talk about that either, Felix, but you need to talk to someone about it. Like I said before, all of this guilt you're putting yourself through isn't going to bring anyone back." She pulled him into another hug. " I'm leaving Serena here to keep an eye on you. And so she doesn't drive my crew crazy."
" And so she can play with Lee," he added with a grin. " Are you going to tell Mom I don't look so bad?"
" Yes, but that won't stop her worrying. She won't be happy until she sees you herself." Sophia stepped to the door. " Don't look so worried, Felix. You're home now."
He nodded, but it was hard to maintain the cheery façade. Sophia was worried, he could tell, and angry although she was covering it very well. She was going to pry into things and ultimately that would just make it worse.