Uncanny Excalibur

Chapter 34: Nasty Goings On- Part 1

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics.

BBC Television Centre, London-

People were bustling around Studio 5 of the BBC Television centre. Zoe McCrimmon, the BBC's star chat show host, had some very special guests on her show. Zoe was interviewing the newest members of Excalibur: Lionheart, Spitfire, and Black Knight. Excalibur preferred to give Zoe their exclusives, even when she was working for the distinguished competition. The BBC had paid quite an impressive sum to tempt Zoe to come work for them.

The trio of heroes were sitting in the green room while they waited for their moment in front of the cameras. Zoe's people had paid no expense to make sure that the guests were comfortable. There was champagne and chocolate aplenty, not to mention all the cheesy snacks that they could eat.

'Mmm, I just can't get enough of these cheese things.' Dane grinned as he dug his hand into the bowl. 'I'll have to ask Meggan if we've got any.'

'This champagne isn't to be sneezed at either.' Lady Helen Thomas agreed as she poured herself another glass. 'You'd think that we'd be fobbed off with some horrible grotty stuff from the nearest offy, but the Beeb has really surpassed itself this time.'

'Are you sure you're supposed to be a lady?' Jacqueline Falsworth enquired. 'You sure don't act like one.'

'Not every lady acts all prim and proper.' Lady Helen pointed out. 'I was never the simpering sort anyway. My mum was a bit of a hippy, so my upbringing didn't really conform to all that ladylike guff. My dad was the strict one, but he was always away on business. That left my mum to bring me up as she saw fit.'

'This must have been quite a coup for the BBC.' Dane said, swiftly changing the subject. 'I mean, have they ever had superheroes appear on their chat shows?'

'I hear this Zoe person is a close personal friend of Meggan's.' Jacqueline remembered. 'Meggan told me that she once saved Zoe's life after she got caught in a bank robbery gone wrong. They became good friends after that.'

'Well, that's just lovely.' Lady Helen rolled her eyes as she downed the rest of her champagne. 'It's all bunnies and sunflowers.'

'Don't you think you've had enough champagne?' Jacqueline frowned.

'I can handle it.' Lady Helen snorted. 'It's not like I'm gonna make an exhibition of myself on live telly.'

'I think you'd better give it a rest just to make sure.' Jacqueline advised her. 'You can drink as much as you want after the show.'

A blonde-haired woman, Zoe's assistant, then poked her head around the door of the green room.

'Sorry to interrupt you…' The lady smiled sweetly. 'But we're ready for you on the studio floor.'

'Well, I guess this is our moment in the limelight.' Dane said as he got up from the comfy sofa. 'Come on, guys. Let's give the people what they want…'

A little while later-

The three heroes were now sitting in the studio in front of a live audience. Dane was an old hand at this sort of thing. It happened all the time when he was with the Avengers.

'I must say that it's a real honour to have one of the actual Avengers on the show.' Zoe grinned happily. 'No offence meant, of course.'

'Oh, none taken I can assure you.' Lady Helen rolled her eyes. The former Avenger sat back on her chair with her arms crossed, looking completely bored.

'It's great to be on your show, Zoe.' Jacqueline said, inspiring Lady Helen's pouting. 'I'm a big fan.'

'So, how did Captain Britain convince you to join Excalibur?' Zoe enquired. 'Did he put a notice in the paper?'

'I just happened to be in Cardiff when Captain Britain was recruiting for new team members.' Dane explained. 'Captain Cymru declined to join. She had to stay and take care of Cardiff.'

'I was doing some work in Liverpool when he called me up.' Jacqueline explained. 'I would tell you what it was all about, but then I'd have to kill you. It was all hush-hush and top secret.'

'I was beating up some drug dealers in Oxford.' Lady Helen shrugged. 'I got bored with fighting the same old losers, so I decided for a change.'

'Then what about Oxford?' Zoe asked. 'Aren't you leaving it undefended?'

'All the most dangerous criminals are locked up in jail.' Lady Helen said. 'I'm sure Oxford's finest can handle the rest. It's not like they need a superhero taking the credit for all their hard work.'

'What if those criminals that you apprehended end up breaking out of jail?' Zoe countered. 'Will the police be able to handle them then?'

'I don't think those criminals are in a fit enough state to break after jail.' Lady Helen smirked under her mask. 'Not after the kicking I gave them.'

Zoe's blonde-haired assistant then ran up and whispered in her boss's ear.

'Okay. I'll tell everyone.' Zoe nodded as she got up to her feet and turned to regard the audience. 'Ladies and gentlemen, there's no need top be alarmed, but my assistant has just told me that several super powered villains are causing trouble in Piccadilly Circus. I can assure you that you are perfectly safe here, so please, remain in your seats for the time being.'

'I guess that's our signal to get to work.' Dane announced as he too got to his feet.

'Shouldn't we tell Meggan and the others about this first?' Jacqueline asked. 'We don't even know who it is that's causing the trouble.'

'No need to bother them just yet.' Lady Helen responded. 'I'm sure the three of us can handle whoever it is that causing all the fuss. Now come on, what are you waiting for? Let's get to work!'

Piccadilly Circus-

Piccadilly Circus was in quite a state. There were crashed vehicles and smashed up buildings all over the place. The gang behind all the trouble was known as the Nasty Boys, sometime enemies of the X-Men. Ruckus, the leader, had the ability to absorb sound waves and send them back whence they came as a sonic scream. Gorgeous George had a tar-like body that he could stretch and shape in any way he wished. Hairbag was covered in fur and had razor-sharp claws and super-human strength. Ramrod could transmute anything made of wood or plant fibres, and often carried a wooden staff for this very reason. Finally was Slab, who could expand his body and mass to become inhumanly strong and resilient.

'Haw! To think you said this trip wuz gonna be boring!' Slab laughed as he kicked over an abandoned double-decker bus.

'There's nothing that livens up a boring vacation like a little bit of the old ultra-violence, mate.' Gorgeous George grinned as he tore a lamppost from the ground and used it like a makeshift baseball bat, smashing up the side of a nearby building.

'We shoulda come here sooner.' Ramrod agreed as he used his powers to summon plant roots from the ground to bind some hapless tourists that had gotten in the way. 'Hairbag, the collateral damage is all yours!'

'About time too.' The furry feral villain grinned as he bounded towards the captive tourists.

CHOOM!

A blast of energy hit Hairbag square in the chest, sending him crashing into a neon sign.

'What the…?' Gorgeous George blinked in confusion. 'Who's trying to be a hero?'

'That would be us!' Lionheart exclaimed as she flew down to the ground alongside her two teammates.

'I don't know who you are babe, but you're going to regret that you crossed the Nasty Boys.' Ruckus frowned.

Spitfire and the others weren't impressed in the least.

'Who the bloody hell are the Nasty Boys?' The veteran heroine blinked.

'I think they're some obscure villains the X-Men used to fight years ago.' Black Knight guessed. 'I've never heard of them either.'

'I don't matter who ain't heard of who!' Slab growled. 'We're gonna tear you to shreds!'

'You're welcome to try, ugly!' Lionheart grinned. 'So, what are you waiting for? Bring it on, you great big nancy!'

TBC…

Next: Nasty Goings On- Part 2

Will our three heroes be able to defeat the Nasty Boys? Will there be anything left of Piccadilly Circus when they do? Tune in next time to find out…