Chapter Thirty-Six: Carlie

"Here you go," I handed my sick note to Mr Latner, who brushed his hand over his moustache while he scanned it. A signed note from Dr Cullen rarely raised any eyebrows. On saying that I hadn't taken so much time off school before.

"Very good," he mumbled, "take a seat, Miss Cullen."

I smiled pleasantly at him before turning towards Ruth. She was practically hopping up and down for me to sit beside her; I'd heard her breathing from the front desk.

The class were gossiping in hushed tones about what illness I had caught and whether my weird family had it too. No one ever asked about them but the rumors obviously circulated regardless.

"So, where to this time?" she asked keenly, before I'd even sat down.

"South America."

She rocked unstably to the front of her seat.

"Whooh, you're family are soo cool! My mom would never take me out of school to go on holiday. You know they can fine Dr Cullen for that."

"Please don't tell anyone. I told Latner I got the flu."

"Of course. Did you stay at some big, fancy hotel on the coast?"

"Far from it. What did I miss anyway?" I added. No school gossip could compare with being attacked by strange vampires and blowing up the house.

"Nothing really." She hushed her voice. "Oh, Jaynie has been going on about a new infatuation—."

"Not James? Or Jackson, or Dexter? Or Jacob?" I added.

She paused suddenly looking a little sheepish. "You know, it's not my news to tell. Ask her at lunch."

I didn't ask Jaynie anything at lunch. She was off sick, which her younger brother, Max, said was a virus.

"Ugh, poor thing," Ruth mused, as we pulled up a seat in the canteen. "Do you think she'll be better for prom?"

Prom? I hadn't given prom a second thought for weeks.

"Oh no… it's this Thursday?"

"Yep." She stabbed her fork into a baked potato. "And guess what? I'm going with Harley." She raised her eyebrows. No surprise there. They'd walked to school together for the past five years. She talked me through how he had asked her, what lesson they were in, and what she would wear before reverting my heady stream of questions back at me.

"You know what, I don't know if I want to go," I said. "All these people… it's not really my thing."

"What are you talking about Carlie? Prom is 'everyone's thing'. Of course you're going, and if you refuse to take a guy then you're coming with me."

"What about Harley?"

"I'm sure he'd be happy with a girl on each arm," she giggled.

I returned from school puzzling over what I would say to Jacob when I called him. It caused knots in my stomach the size of grapefruits. I had left it so long, the fear of the phone call nearly outweighed my desire to speak to him. And to make matters worse, I had no one to go to stupid prom with.

Organized mess dominated the front of the white house, divided into piles of waste like small soldiers protecting their fort. I even felt pangs of guilt for the tattered remnants of books that hung pathetically on top of one of the piles. I hadn't expected to feel so lonely - at home there was always someone to talk to - but somehow their focus had been stolen by the chaos I'd caused, and that just compounded my frustration.

"Well if it isn't our little firecracker." Emmett whistled over at me, making me cringe. I glanced around identifying most of my family: mom, dad, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett.

The progress they'd made inside was remarkable. The room was cleared, and the foundations of a new floor were already in place. Bella shot over to my side taking my arm.

"Has Nahuel not come out of his room yet?" I said.

She pulled a face and shook her head. "No, he only wants to see you."

He was the last person I wanted to speak to. Besides, I didn't need any more distractions, not when I was going to head back to the cottage to call Jacob.

Two deep breaths. Dial. No answer. I tried his father's house next and this time it rung twice, then there was a click as the receiver was lifted.

"Hello?" The voice was deeper than Jacob's and hoarse.

"Erm, hi, Billy." There was a silence on the other end of the phone. "It's me, Carlie."

"Ah Carlie, it's been a while since I've heard your voice." Was he happy to hear from me? I couldn't tell. I shifted uncomfortably coiling the phone cable around my fingers.

"I was wondering if Jacob was there?"

There was another pause.

"Billy?"

"Sorry, Carlie, I'm afraid he's not here. He's gone down to the beach."

"Will you tell him I called?"

"That I will, my dear." His attentions already seemed diverted from the call.

"Thanks Billy," I said, solemnly.

"You take care. Bye now." The phone clunked down. I stared at the shiny black receiver a little disappointed. Great. All the time I had spent building myself up for the phone call and he wasn't even there.

"There you are," an accented voice said.

Nahuel was by a small stream heading my way. With my thoughts still tangled up in the frustrations of Jacob, I couldn't be bothered with Nahuel's neurosis despite being weigh-laden with shame over the blast. I offered the kind of guilty smile for ignoring him before. If he was mad at me for the blast then he seemed to have gotten over it.

He took longer than I anticipated to reach me and I didn't make any attempt to greet him.

"Are you okay?" he said.

Why had Jake not picked up the phone?

I rested against a nearby tree and let my back drag along it until I was seated on the floor. He looked down at me wearing a mixture of suspense and confusion across his face. It didn't really matter what Nahuel thought of me. All I could think about was Jacob and it was starting to burn a hole in the pit of my stomach.

"What do you do if you think you've upset someone but it wasn't your fault?" I started, not looking up. "Do you say sorry anyway, just to make peace, or do you turn it on them, make it their fault?" I knew the answer, Jacob would never apologize.

"Should this person know better?" He replied, sliding down into the foliage next to me. We both leaned on the same tree trunk looking out into the forest in slightly different directions.

"Yes, he should know me well enough by now."

"Ah, so it's a guy." He paused in thought, seeming interested in my dilemma. "Well, it depends on whether you see a future to the friendship, if that is all it is?"

Yes I desperately wanted a future to the friendship but it confused me at the same time. If Jacob hadn't got inside my mind, maybe my feelings wouldn't have tangled up so.

"But what if you don't know whether it'll become something more, something romantic, because you upset that person, and they reacted badly." I just wanted to see Jacob's face again. I needed to know everything was okay.

"I think I understand—," he started to say.

"But what if it could have blossomed into something more than friendship but the incident wrecked everything."

He looked over at me but I pretended to ignore it, playing with the stitching that lined my jacket. Nahuel probably wasn't the best person to be discussing this with given I'd nearly killed him in the blast, but I didn't care. It weighed so heavily on my mind and I desperately didn't want to talk about what happened in the house. Why had Jacob not picked up the phone? Was he there, standing behind Billy, signaling that he wouldn't speak to me?

"No guy would hold an incident against you if they knew your true feelings," he said. "Honestly is stronger that you can imagine. If it was me, I would be happier to know that there was hope than to carry on blindly in the dark. Shutting someone out only makes things worse. My father did that to me for years, letting anger cultivate when he could have just told me the truth. Do you not think you owe it to this person to tell them how you really feel?"

"But say the feelings were never known. Say the girl was too scared to admit her feelings, even to herself."

"Are those feeling any clearer now?"

I paused, thinking back to Jacob's face when he read my thoughts. He was so shocked, so upset. The remorse I felt resurfaced in a fresh determination. I had lied to him in the first place; that's what had started it, and by running away, I'd only let it fester, prolonging Jacob's pain. And my pain.

"I think so," I replied, looking up at Nahuel, with renewed confidence.

"Then I would say that the girl needs to tell the guy how she really feels. He would be mad to not see the bigger picture." He turned to hold my gaze; another one of those intense stares. I nodded, self-righteously.

"I have to go," I rushed, rising to my feet.

It was a long time since I'd ran the journey to La Push and on foot it took a while crossing the open moors and the dense forest that sprawled right up to the cliffs. From the distance, the campfire flames danced as they soaked up the evening air. The blaze stretched high above a small gathering.

I tore along to the cliff edge, hearing the slow swell and crash of the tide as it fell lazily onto the rocks beneath me. After hurdling the Quillayute River, I followed a small trail, which veered off to the right of the main footpath, zigzagging down the rock face.

Only at the bottom where damp sand licked at the rocks, did I suddenly feel nervous. The familiar wolf smell oozed from the beach. I had grown so accustomed to it yet now it seemed so alien. Knots of anxiety began to gather in my stomach, fluttering like butterflies in a cage too small for them. As I approached the great boulder, which guarded the base of the path, I slowed, ducking down behind it.

I couldn't run up to him in front of everyone, yet it would be equally conspicuous to flag him down from the boulders at the base of the path where I stood.

I peeked over the top to look for Jacob. Instead I saw Leah and Seth chatting to some younger boys who seemed to have grown tremendously since I had last seen them. They ate burgers and chicken wings and Leah creased up with laughter at whatever it was they had just said. For once, Leah actually appeared to be enjoying herself.

An unfamiliar giggle caught my attention. It was not unknown to me but so strangely foreign to these surroundings that it took me a second to place it. It sounded like Jaynie?

My eyes followed the chime of her voice to a calm, sheltered stretch of water that lapped the rocky shore. She wore rubber boots with her jeans tucked in, and kicked at the water, which splayed at her feet. From where I crouched it looked like she was talking to a rock, which protruded from the water's edge.

They conversed for a while; a male voice low and unintelligible responding to her chatter. Jaynie was the opposite, loud and giggly. Then she stretched a dainty hand out towards the rock. Under the mottled light of the evening sun, a muscular arm reached back. I leaned forward to get a better view. She pulled at him, drawing his body into sight; tall, dark and tanned, a light T-shirt over broad shoulders and sculpted muscles, it couldn't be…. His striking russet skin came forth from the shadows.

Jacob.

Jaynie skipped along towards the bonfire, linking her fingers with his.

I stopped breathing, lurching back in angst. He had moved on, just like that. Less than two weeks had passed, and he was laughing hand in hand with her, Jaynie Lewis. The revolt felt unbearable. It was like the breath had been stolen from me. And as I fought to catch my breath, I watched his startling physique moving alongside her with such effortless ease.

And worse, he looked even more handsome, with an elegant ease about his demeanor as his fingers casually interlinked with hers. Jacob sniffed at the air in confusion; before letting Jaynie distract him with her playful prattle. Would he know I was here? I didn't wait to find out. I continued to edge away, silently at first until my ankle caught the edge of a pile of stones. Nearby thorns tried to prick at my legs. Then I turned and ran, speeding away as fast as was inhumanly possible.

I didn't dare look back until the fire was no more than a feather on the horizon, whishing in the breeze.