Lost in the Dark

By E.M. Megs

Chapter 34 – In the Mind

The nights following their engagement party, Haruhi was required to wear her enchanted pin at all times since her grandmother was still hanging around. Since Haruhi was also having problems going to Pait to visit Fuyumi and plan the wedding, Fuyumi was around more often as well.

Between avoiding the Witch and running around with Fuyumi, Haruhi felt like she was running more and more ragged all the time. After a couple weeks, Kyoya decided to put an end to it. He opened the door when Fuyumi knocked and shook his head, a stern look on his face. His fiance was asleep. "But Kyoya!"

"No, Fuyumi. She needs to rest," he said as firmly as he could, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep it up for long.

"Then you're coming instead," she replied brightly.

"No I am not. I have work to get done."

"Kyoya, I need one of your opinions and if you insist that Haruhi needs rest, you are the only viable option."

The young man sighed irritably and stepped out of the room, shutting the door carefully behind him. "What do you need?" he muttered reluctantly. Fuyumi squealed excitedly and, grabbing his arm, dragged him off.

~o~

The thing Fuyumi had needed was an opinion on the dress design. Apparently she had asked the designer to combine a traditional Narian outline with small Kiran and Moradian flairs to reflect both Haruhi's upbringing and the values of the family she was marrying into. She didn't exactly know how to combine all the different elements though. Moradians didn't use veils and Kirans more often than not used tiaras with a small veil on back to cover the hair.

Kyoya looked over the different options. "Ranka would murder me if he knew that I was looking at the dress before the wedding," he muttered. Fuyumi glanced at him from the side and giggled a little.

"She has that much influence on you, eh?"

"Moradians think it's bad luck for the groom to see the dress or the bride before the wedding. Ironically Kirans are similarly minded. So Tamaki would be just as likely to kill me."

"I doubt anything bad will come from it."

"Only as long as they don't find out. She needs a full veil, so make a tiara like Kiran tradition with a veil that wraps all the way around to cover her face as well as her hair."

Fuyumi giggled again and then said, "The other problem will be the color. I know we prefer red dresses for good luck but Kiran culture dictates white and Mora always liked natural colors like earthy greens and sky blue."

Kyoya sighed. "Red should be the main color. Layer the other colors into it. If the dress flairs into different colors at the waist then it'll suit her well enough."

"Okay. Sleeves and neckline?"

He scowled at his sister and sniped, "Does it really matter?"

"How much skin do you want her to show?"

"I don't care," he said a bit scathingly. "Whatever looks best on her."

"You really have no opinion?"

"Really."

"Alright then. I was thinking half sleeves off the shoulder."

"Fine."

"Red bodice and skirt with strips of blue and green in the creases. White trim."

"Perfect."

"Any other opinions?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Fuyumi, why do you insist that I must have an opinion on what Haruhi is going to be wearing?"

Fuyumi froze in place for a moment and then she stood straighter. "You just... You don't seem to care about anything to do with the wedding, Kyoya... You've left everything to her before now. Why?"

He regarded his sister carefully before answering, knowing that the slightest harshness in his voice would set her off. "If I start caring about the details of the wedding... Then I might start caring about the wedding as a whole. I might start caring for her more than I should."

She smiled sympathetically. "I think it's a little bit late for that Ulelit Uherbro."

Kyoya swallowed and offered a slight smile. "She doesn't know that though," he stated quietly. He then heaved another sigh and asked, "Was that all you required of me?" She nodded and he let himself back out to return to his room.

~o~

Several weeks after the decisions about the dress, Kyoya returned from having sent Tamaki a draft of a treaty for him to tear apart on the Kiran side. They were close. So close to finding the perfect compromise. He was almost positive that this would be the last time he'd have to run something by the Kiran Prince. He entered the room and found Haruhi looking around frantically with her sword shaking in her hand.

"Haruhi?" he said cautiously, startling her into spinning toward him. But she looked more than startled, she looked terrified. "What's wrong?" He took a step forward only to jump back when she swung her sword at him. "Haruhi, what happened?"

"Where am I?" Kyoya's gut dropped as the question fell from her lips. No. It was too soon for this to start.

"Haruhi... What happened?"

"How do you know my name?" she demanded, waving her sword again as if to emphasize her question.

"You told me."

"I haven't told anyone that name. Who are you?"

He stared at her and tried to speak. He tried to make something come out of his mouth, anything. Anything that could possibly explain to her. His mouth seemed to have malfunctioned though. His limbs felt heavy and everything felt numb. Who are you? Three words struck into him more deeply than her sword ever could have. Finally he closed his eyes and slumped a bit. "I'm your fiance, Haruhi," he said softly.

"That's impossible," she whispered, "You're lying."

"Look at your left hand and tell me what that is on your finger then," he snapped. She did and the sword dropped from her hand in surprise. "You are engaged to me. We are going to be married in 3 months."

She shook her head. "Who are you?"

His exterior hardened back into place, turning him back into the man she'd first met. "Kyoya Ohtori," he said, watching her eyes widen more in horror every second. "Third Prince of the Narian Empire."

"Then I'm in-"

"The Narian Palace. In our bedroom."

"This isn't possible... I'm dreaming..."

"You're awake. Seems you can't bother yourself to remember everything we've been through, though you don't seem particularly shocked about missing one leg. That's what I would be worried about, not who I'm supposed to be marrying." He knew that sounded angry and harsh the minute that it left his mouth but dammit it was too soon for this. The parts of her brain that stored memories weren't supposed to be affected by her illness for a long time. Her brain wasn't supposed to be affected at all for months. Her more minor organs were supposed to malfunction much sooner than her brain even started. Something had to be wrong. "Witch," he growled under his breath.

Haruhi seemed to think he was still talking to her and scrambled to pick up her sword again. "Stay back!" she warned.

"Not you," he continued growling, "Your grandmother. She did this. Her presence made you sicker." Now he was furious. Haruhi didn't recognize him because her grandmother was in the castle scrambling her damn brain, accelerating her illness.

"W-What?"

He took a couple heavy breaths and said roughly, "Stay here. I'll be back." He left and went straight to the Witch's guest room. He didn't bother to knock. Luckily she wasn't in the middle of anything.

"Why, hello Kyoya!" Maia greeted him cheerfully.

"What did you do?" Kyoya demanded.

"I don't think I know what you mean?" she answered, a cute little confused look on her face.

"You know what I mean. You made her sick."

"Who?"

"Haruhi! You made her sick! What did you do to her?" he was practically roaring and he had to stop himself from grabbing the woman by the throat.

"I didn't do anything to your precious fiance, my dear, though I would have loved to be the one the claim the credit."

"Get out," Kyoya growled.

"No."

"Get out of this palace, Maia. Go home."

"You can't make me leave. I have every right to be here just as much as you do."

"Not by my book. LEAVE!"

"You can't banish me without probable cause."

He stared at her with fury boiling in his veins, about to speak when a voice from behind him stopped him cold. "Something wrong, Kyoya?"

It was his father. Of course it was. "Apparently, I am making Haruhi sick," Maia informed the King cheerfully.

Yoshio raised an eyebrow at his son. "How exactly is she doing that?" he asked coldly. Kyoya took a deep breath subtly and brushed past them both angrily. "Kyoya," his father said and he stopped without turning. "If she is so ill then it may not be wise to marry her. Especially if she is still ill from the ball."

"There will not be any wedding cancellations this time, Uherfa," Kyoya said calmly as he continued retreating.

He stood outside his bedroom door with his forehead and hands braced against it for a long time. How could he possibly explain to Haruhi what had happened? Did he even know if she would remember it later? This was the first time since Saren had died that he felt so entirely helpless. Then the door creaked a bit as it opened a crack. Kyoya stepped back quickly so that he wouldn't fall through.

"Kyoya?" Haruhi said softly, opening the door. "What are you doing just standing out in the hall?" He stared at her, a bit unable to believe her. Then all at once he wrapped her up in his arms and held her to him.

"Haruhi," he breathed as he buried his nose in her hair.

"What's gotten into you?" she mumbled. He merely let out a breathy pained laugh in response. She sighed and wrapped her arms around him, noticing that he was trembling. "Kyoya, what happened?"

"You didn't remember me," he said.

"Of course I did, don't be-" she stopped and stepped back a bit to look into his face. She noted the slight devastation and helplessness that had tinted his features and covered her mouth. "Oh my god. What happened to me?"

"Your memory storage was corrupted. Thankfully only temporarily."

"You thought you'd lost me." She didn't pose it as a question. He hesitated before nodding slowly. "Oh, Kyoya." She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him, her fingers stroking his hair gently in an attempt to comfort him. "I could never forget you for long." After a while she moved back and looked into his face. "The only way you will lose me is when I die years from now."

He shook his head a bit. There was no way she could promise that and she shouldn't even try to. "This isn't supposed to happen yet," he muttered, pulling completely away from her. "Your brain shouldn't be affected for months still. I don't understand why it's escalating. Your other organs should have started failing before your memory. Blood would be in your urine. You'd be bruising easily. Your skin would turn yellow. None of that is happening."

She drew in a sharp breath and quickly looked away. Kyoya narrowed his eyes at her. "None of that is happening yet, is it Haruhi?"

Haruhi shut her eyes and hesitantly gave a tiny nod. "I didn't want to worry you..."

"Haruhi!"

"Kyoya, you've been running yourself ragged trying to protect me!" she cried.

"If your illness is escalating I deserve to know!" he yelled back. "I'm going to marry you in two months Haruhi! I'm going to be your husband as well as your doctor. You need to tell me when this happens so I can adjust your medicine."

"But-"

"Tell me what's been happening to you."

"Kyo-"

"Tell me, Haruhi!"

She looked away from him again, feeling tears build behind her eyes because god this hurt her so much not just physically but emotionally. "I found blood in my urine a couple days ago. I bumped my knuckles a bit and it left a purple bruise an hour later. I had a fainting spell in the library yesterday. And I apparently forgot you today."

"That's it?"

"Yes," she said, choking a bit on a sob that was stuck in her throat. "I didn't mean to leave you out of the loop or hurt you." He sighed and took her by the shoulders, carefully pulling her to him. "I'm sorry, Kyoya. I didn't mean to."

Kyoya hushed her gently, stroking her hair as her head found his shoulder. "It's okay," he murmured. "It's okay, Haruhi. It's going to be okay."

"No it's not," Haruhi shot back. "God everything hurts and I'm dying. It's not going to be okay. Don't say it's going to be okay."

"You're still here. We're still here. It's okay." His hands were still trembling when they took her face in them and that's how she knew that it wasn't okay. He wasn't okay. He was scared. Scared of her dying. That in turn made her afraid of his actual feelings. Then he kissed her in a desperate sort of way, like reassuring himself that she was still there. "We'll be fine," he told her firmly when he pressed his forehead against hers. She just closed her eyes and hoped he was right.

~o~

Kyoya watched her closely over the next couple of weeks. Her memory problems did seem to be a one time deal. There was one time for about 5 minutes where she had forgotten that her mother was dead and once she thought she was in the Kiran Palace and accidentally walked into Akito's bedroom thinking it was Tamaki's. Nothing as major as forgetting him completely though.

"Sooner or later we're going to have to tell them, Haruhi," Kyoya said patiently one afternoon.

"Why worry them by saying that I'm sick when it doesn't affect the plan at all?" she retorted.

He sighed. "Normally I would agree. But this is your father and your best friends that we're talking about. Do you know how upset your father would be? Tamaki?"

"That is why we aren't telling them."

"No, Haruhi. I'm talking about when you die. If they didn't know that you were sick, if they weren't expecting it they would be so upset that I can barely stand to think about it. We need to tell them." She swallowed, unable to say that she admitted that his thinking was logical. They would be upset. Particularly if they knew nothing about her illness. "We're meeting with them in Pait in a week. If you don't tell them then I will."

And that was the end of that conversation. A week later they were in a carriage to Pait for a week long visit to his sister and supposedly Haruhi's father. The rest of the Ohtori family was completely in the dark about what they were really doing. Haruhi slept a good portion of the ride. Kyoya read up on curses, the Venefica family, and medicines to stop organ failure – of which there were few. He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose as he finished reading a portion that told him that organ failures themselves were often unstoppable because they involved highly serious illnesses. All that could prevent them was improving the general function of the organ as a whole.

He basically read that as his fiance was dying and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He was in a much worse mood after that. Luckily they arrived at the Paitet palace not long after he finished.

Instead of waking her, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her. She wasn't awfully heavy to begin with and she'd lost a lot of weight since her sickness had settled in, making it simple to carry her to the bedroom that had been made up for them.

Tamaki had beaten them there though and he was eagerly waiting. He at least had the decency to realize that his best friend was asleep and wait for Kyoya to tuck her in before he started his rambunctiousness.

"Mon ami! How have you been?"

"I've been well, thank you, Tamaki," he replied coolly. He said nothing about Haruhi. Best to give her the chance to explain herself before he spilled the bad news.

"And how is Haruhi?"

"She's..." What was he supposed to say? "A bit overwhelmed by the wedding preparations and tired from our journey. But she is faring alright." Kyoya caught Fuyumi's eye from across the room and knew she had heard him. She raised an eyebrow at him. Kyoya raised one back. That seemed to be enough for Tamaki as he eagerly began leading him away to the library where Ranka was waiting to help figure out the final draft of the treaty.

~o~

The next day they were all having lunch when another memory lapse occurred. One minute she was laughing at a joke one of the twins had said and then her father had commented that she looked a bit ill and a confused glaze fell over her features.

"When did we come here, Dad?" she asked her father a bit abruptly. Kyoya froze next to her, having feared that this would happen but hoping against hope that it wouldn't. They had not yet been given the chance to inform their friends yet of her illness.

Ranka gave his daughter a strange look and a small frown. Kyoya quickly slipped his hand into her ringed left and squeezed gently. "You came with me, remember, Haruhi?" Haruhi appeared mildly alarmed for a moment and he clearly saw the message, 'Who are you?!' pass through her eyes. Thankfully, she didn't say anything though and let the moment pass.

She stared at him for a long time and finally the confused glaze fell and she nodded. "Right. Kyoya." He noticed her chest heave slightly with shorter, shallower breaths as she subtly realized that she had forgotten again. She wouldn't panic though. She was Haruhi. He squeezed her hand again and offered the smallest smile he could. The twins looked between the two of them suspiciously, scowling a little. Hunny and Mori merely grimaced a bit. They had probably already figured it out.

Ranka looked at his daughter, obviously knowing that something was off but not knowing what.

~o~

"We found these in your bedroom," the twins chimed as they set down the stack of books Kyoya had been reading on the way to Pait. Kyoya closed his eyes while Haruhi gazed over his shoulder curiously. Unfortunately they were also in the presence of Ranka, Tamaki, and the Gratweny cousins. Tamaki looked over the book titles briefly and began freaking out nearly immediately.

"You're sick aren't you?!" Tamaki yelled and Kyoya had to close his eyes to restrain himself from causing the blonde bodily harm.

When he opened his eyes again, he looked straight at Haruhi in silent question. She gave a gentle sigh and nodded at him. "I am not the one who is sick," Kyoya said softly, keeping his eyes steadily on his fiance. She looked so weary as everyone's eyes turned to her.

"Sha daementha?" Ranka breathed, breaking the silence. "Surely it's just a cold, right?" he then demanded, desperate to know the details. Haruhi slowly shook her head, unable to speak and so letting Kyoya do the talking for her.

"It's very possible that Haruhi is dying." Kyoya forced himself to not choke up on dying.

"You don't know that though, right?" Tamaki said angrily.

Kyoya rephrased, "Actually I'm 99% certain that Haruhi will eventually die of this illness."

"Then cure her," Hikaru and Kaoru stated bluntly.

"It isn't that simple," the Narian Prince said, "There isn't a cure and the illness is very... resilient."

"Shouldn't her magic just zap it?" Ranka asked, quickly turning panicked. Haruhi looked at her father and then back at him, looking entirely lost.

Kyoya sighed. "Her magic is what is making it worse," he murmured. "Her curse was triggered on her end of the deal so she is dying slowly. With no one in love with her in return, she will be the only victim of her curse. Since it was the curse, she also has no way to fight it."

Haruhi stood abruptly, startling him slightly. "I... I need air," she said by way of explanation as she strode hurriedly toward the door. Kyoya nodded, squeezing her hand on the way past.

"Yell if you need anything," he called after her before turning back to the questioning family and friends of the ill.

"You're sure she's dying?" Kaoru emphasized again.

Kyoya nodded. "I'm sure. Her curse is killing her."

"Then this is your fault," Hikaru muttered darkly. Kyoya didn't bother attempting to defend himself since he knew that any argument he could make would fall short in the Hitachiin's eyes. "She fell in love with you. You're the reason that her curse activated."

"Hikaru-" Kaoru tried to come to his defense.

"Don't, Kaoru," his brother snarled. "Haruhi is dying because of him."

"It isn't like I forced her to fall in love with me," Kyoya growled. "I have been trying to hard not to let this happen."

"Not hard enough," Hikaru snorted.

"Every day I care for her and every day I ask myself what I did wrong to allow this to happen, Hikaru. And every day I have to convince myself not to give in and love her in return. Because I will not make her worse nightmare come true and make her kill the man she loves. Do not test me, Hikaru Hitachiin. You will lose." He turned on his heel and left the five of them. Hunny looked sad but not surprised. Ranka was just devastated. He couldn't deal with this right now.

He went and found Haruhi sitting in the garden watching birds play in a bird bath. "Did Hikaru blame you?" she asked as he approached, her eyes watching as one of the smaller birds beat his wings at the water, effectively spraying a larger one in the face.

"You could say," he replied, sitting next to her.

She shook her head a bit as she said, "That was why I didn't want to tell them."

"They noticed something was wrong Haruhi. Your memory lapsed right there in front of them. There was no way they wouldn't have noticed something off."

"But they blame you when you are not at fault."

Kyoya gazed at her for a long time and then nodded once in agreement. However, his mouth opened and he murmured, "I could have sent you away."

Haruhi's breath caught for a moment and then her eyes turned to meet his. "W-What?"

"I could have sent you away instead of making you a spy. Or after you tried to assassinate me. Or the minute that I realized you were falling in love with me, months ago."

"No," she tried to deny. "It wouldn't have worked."

"If I had sent you away do you think we would have gotten this close?"

"Then why didn't you?" she demanded. "If you could have, why not?"

He stared hard at her for a long moment, his face drawn expressionless. When he spoke he simply said, "Selfishness." Haruhi didn't seem to get what he meant so he elaborated. "You were a means of control. Your spy work gave me an advantage over my brothers that I couldn't pass up. Even after you tried to kill me you were an advantage." The words sounded harsh coming from his mouth. "I used you, Haruhi. Selfishly used you to get ahead of my family. That is why I didn't send you away."

It was not exactly the explanation that she expected but she was relieved that he hadn't said that he loved her. She had suspected for a while that he might but he was too logical to fall in love, it seemed. Unlike her.

"You would not be ill if I hadn't been selfish. Not if I had sent you away. Because if you were not near me, Haruhi, you wouldn't have fallen in love with me."

She shook her head. "I won't accept that." He glanced at her quizzically and she elaborated. "I won't accept your self-blame when you just said that you were being selfish. So what? It's part of your character to gauge advantages and use them. And you know just as well that I wouldn't have let you send me away once I had gotten to know you. Not once we had a chance at peace. I was either going to be killed by you or used by you. There wasn't an escape."

"I suppose that's an interesting way to look at it," Kyoya commented drily. He neglected to tell her that his selfishness was not only an attempt to use her. He would never admit that he has also gained a curiosity about her that had yet to be satisfied. He would take it to his grave despite the fact that he had just blurted it to most of their friends.

She heaved a sigh when a new voice entered the equation. "How long have you known?" Haruhi looked up in surprise to find her father standing before them, nerves obviously quite shaken and panic resounding in his eyes. Haruhi huffed under her breath and looked away from him. "Look at me, Haruhi," he demanded. When she refused he burst, "HARUHI KOTOKO FUJIOKA, LOOK AT YOUR FATHER."

The girl shook her head stubbornly. "I can't." Kyoya moved to stand but a single glare shot his way from Ranka made him sit right back down.

"Why not?" Ranka asked coolly. "Kept it from me so long that you can't look me in the eye, Haruhi?" Kyoya had never seen the red-head so angry. Then again, he'd known him less than a year. Haruhi had only seen her father this upset once and it had been the one time that she had almost gotten herself killed as a child. "And you!" Ranka exclaimed, turning on the Ohtori. Kyoya resisted the urge to sink down. "You promised me!"

"There are some things even I cannot foresee or prevent from happening, Ranka," Kyoya said as respectfully as he could.

Ranka stared for a moment then the anger in his eyes broke. "Please. Please just tell me this is a nightmare. Tell me my only daughter isn't dying."

"I wish we could," Kyoya stated softly, glancing at Haruhi's somber expression as the red-headed Moradian fell to his knees in front of her and buried his face in his daughter's knees. His shoulders wracked with sobs as Haruhi ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to comfort him.

~o~

A/N: I'm not even sorry at all. I'm not even going to pretend that I am. This was a bitch to write. Kyoya feels off to me and I can't find it in me to figure out how to fix it. Comments on his character will be accepted since I apparently am losing my touch and my mind.

Kudos to: oreobabez, Ashlyn Braere, Nessie-san, toocoolfornoschool, sisflower, Cactus2008, and Dark-Yukari. Shorter than I was expecting but okay it's been like a year.