A/N: Thank you again for all your reviews :) I really hope you like this chapter.. I personally had a great time writing the last part.. I guess you'll see why in a moment ;)
Jade was sitting in the library next to Blaise on a Tuesday afternoon. Now that February had arrived she slowly had to start revising for her N.E.W.T. exams if she wanted to receive good grades. The amount of material she had to go through simply was immense. At least she wasn't alone as Blaise, being the loyal friend he was, kept her company as he did his homework for Professor Vector's class.
And so they sat in silence for the entire rest of the afternoon and would only talk to each other in hushed voices from time to time. Jade was just going through her notes from last year as she heard excited giggling from around an isle of bookshelves and as she turned her head up she saw Ginny's ex-boyfriend Michael Corner emerge, pulling a smiling girl after him by her hand. It was Chloé.
Jade threw a furtive look over at Blaise, but he showed no sign of reaction. His talk with Chloé had gone more than bad. Jade knew that he had tried to open up his heart to her, but it wasn't enough; she had shot him down. And in Blaise's eyes this was pretty much unforgivable. And so he dipped his quill into the pot of ink with a casual movement and resumed his work without even blinking as the blonde girl came closer towards them. Jade noticed how the smile dropped from Chloé's pouty lips as she saw the two of them sitting there. She let go of Michael's hand now and whispered something into his ear before she walked out of sight alone.
"I think she's going out with him now." Jade whispered, stating the obvious.
"I heard. I think he was after her for quite some time." Blaise mumbled, still looking down upon his piece of parchment. Now that Chloé was out of sight Jade could see that he wasn't really as indifferent as he pretended to be. Imperceptible for anyone but her, his body seemed unusual tense.
"I'm sorry, Blaise." she said in a soft voice.
"Don't be. I guess she wasn't who I thought she was after all."
Jade knew, as did Blaise, that Chloé was exactly who he thought she was. But Jade also was sure that the girl needed more from Blaise than one apology and after that simple resignation. She needed him to fight for her. But Blaise wouldn't. He had so many issues with trusting people and letting them in that he'd rather let her walk away from him than open up further. He'd only need more time to realize that.
Jade sighed and looked around in the library. The Ravenclaw boys sat at a table over in a corner; Roger winked at her and Jade forced a smile. Even though they were technically on good terms, Jade hadn't really warmed up to him again. It was just that every time she saw him, she had this uncomfortable feeling and she knew that she was avoiding him. She just couldn't bring herself to enjoy his company anymore. She was actually wondering why she even liked him in the first place. And it made her feel bad.
"Jade?" Blaise's voice stirred her up from her reverie. "Could you hand me that book over there?"
"Sure." she mumbled and leaned across the table to fetch it for him. As she moved to reach it over she looked at her best friend and a weird thought crossed her mind.
"Blaise, I think we should do the Unbreakable Vow." she said suddenly.
He shot her a quizzical look as he flipped through the pages of the book. "On what?"
"On the fact that we never ever kiss each other." She said, sounding dead serious. Blaise took a quick glance over at the Ravenclaw table and smirked, but shook his head. "Oh, I wouldn't do that."
Jade shot him one shocked wide-eyed look, making him laugh a little. Then the dark boy put the book down on the table and leaned back in his chair. "You know, I see us two together in about... eighty years... when we finally realize that all we got left is each other. We might share a few kisses then."
"If I'm that old I don't need to kiss anyone anymore.." Jade muttered. She looked at Roger again; he was currently winking at yet another girl. She groaned inwardly. "We should take the Oath!"
Blaise only shrugged now and turned back to his book. "I guess we could." This answer satisfied Jade and she turned her eyes back onto her own notes. But Blaise's words just wouldn't leave her mind now. A moment later her head turned up again. "Do you really think we'll end up like that?"
"I only think I will." He said darkly as the chandeliers inside the library sprang into life. It was getting dark outside.
"It would be a wasted life."
But Blaise shook his head. "Nah, it wouldn't. It's not wasted if you got someone you care about. No matter who it is."
His words made her smile and then another thought popped up in her head. "I think we shouldn't wait until we're ninety-six."
Again his dark eyes met hers, this time he looked a little surprised. "Meaning?"
"I just think that if we reach our forties and still are alone, we should marry." She smiled one of her biggest smiles at him and this time he really laughed out loud. Jade looked affronted at his reaction. "You don't want to marry me?"
"Oh, I'd marry you in a second." He chuckled, only sounding half-serious. "But I don't think you of all people will wind up alone."
"But if I did.." she started, but he interrupted her. "What makes you so afraid of that? You're too young. Sixteen. And there are so many guys.." Then Blaise hesitated, he had seen the look on Jade's face. "Ah, I understand." He said silently and nodded his head, more to himself. "So you'd rather marry your best friend than ever try to fall in love with someone else?"
Jade looked a little sheepish now; Blaise had got her.. just like he always did. She just couldn't imagine to ever let a boy, who wasn't Draco, get closer to her. She didn't want to be touched by another one.. or kissed.. or go even further with them...
"What if it never stops, Blaise?" She asked him. And even though her question was slightly taken out of the context, Blaise's look told her that he understood what she was asking. They always did that, talking to each other as if the other one could read their mind. And more often than not, it really worked.
"Don't waste your time with these thoughts, Jade. Just live your life. Things will happen or they won't. But I'm sure everything will work out in the end."
She smiled at him and rolled up her parchment. "I told Hermione I'd meet her up in the Tower at six. I think I need to get going now. See you at breakfast tomorrow, Blaise."
The boy only nodded curtly and then resumed his homework. Jade grabbed her bag, brought a few books back to their shelves and then left the library. Quickly she made her way up to the Gryffindor Tower, taking one of those hidden passageways that would get her there quicker. She was just emerging from behind a door pretending to be a bookshelf on fifth floor and turned into the corridor ahead as Moaning Myrtle came floating out of the wall.
Half an hour later Jade stood in front of the tapestry of the dancing Banshees on sixth-floor, Myrtle was still right behind her. She took a deep breath, braced herself and then pushed the tapestry to the side. For a moment she hesitated, but then she knocked on the door and opened it slowly. Excitement and nervousness shot up in her, making her feel fidgety.
Draco was pacing the room along the window side as she entered. As she closed the door behind her again, she couldn't help but feel a slight panic rise inside her. She had no idea what was about to happen now and somehow she felt scared. A part of her had known that this was coming, but now that it was there it had come so fast. Finally she was here, completely alone with him and he was about to tell her everything. For a moment her hand rested on the door handle, her back was still turned towards him. But then she turned around and saw him standing in the middle of the room, looking back at her, and for a moment that was all they did.
Then he spoke. "I didn't think you'd come." His voice sounded deeper than usual and a little hoarse. Jade did not know what to answer to this. Now that she finally stood in front of him, her mind was oddly blank as if all the questions and thoughts had just be wiped off it. She only wanted to hear what he had to say.
Slowly she made her way further into the room, looking at him observantly but remaining silent.
"I'm glad you did though..." Draco added and watched as she made her way past him and sat down on an armchair by the fireplace. She turned her head and stared into the fire, waiting for the moment when he'd speak again. There was a very weird tension lingering in the room. Both of them knew that their conversation was balancing on a knifes' edge. This would either bring them closer together again.. or this would be the last conversation, they ever shared.
The crackling of the fire and Draco's steps were the only noises that could be heard as he followed her and sat down onto the couch. Jade heard him take a deep breath and cast a swift look at his face; he looked horrible. His face was paler than it had ever been and the dark circles under his slightly bloodshot eyes stood out distinctly. The skin on his face looked thin and transparent, like parchment. And he even looked skinnier than she remembered him to be; probably because he wasn't playing Quidditch anymore and not attending the meals in the Great Hall regularly. As he sat down and turned to look at her, the light of the fire made him look even gaunter; somehow his Adam's apple had become more prominent.
His face had lost this distinct chubbiness of youth; he looked a lot older now and more masculine. His jaw-line had become a little stronger and his hair looked tousled as if he had run his hands through it a lot tonight. And even though he looked like he had just got out of a war, there was something new about him that drew her in. She felt slightly reminded of the vampire from Slughorn's party as she looked at him. They had the same foreboding aura about them.. well, and they both looked slightly dead.. And even though it was disturbing, it attracted her.
And then he began to speak and as Jade listened, she looked deeply into his eyes; they were stormy grey.
"Jade.. I don't even know where to begin. I know I owe you an explanation. And I want to apologize. I do not have an excuse for anything I did to you over the last few months. I wish I had some noble reason to have acted the way I did. But I haven't.. It was just pure selfishness.. I thought it would be easier for me to fulfil the task, which was given to me, if you weren't around. If I just shut you out of my life. You always were the one person, who stirred my conscience. And I just thought that if you weren't there anymore, I could just carry on without those nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. You know my aunt taught me Occlumency over the summer and somehow I did not only shut my thoughts and feelings off from the world, but also from myself.." he took a deep breath to steady himself and seeing that Jade had apparently nothing to say to this, he went on
"But leaving you was probably the dumbest idea I ever had in my life...I wanted to break down the moment you walked away from me.. It probably was the worst feeling, I ever felt; but still I tried to pull through with it. And now I can't do this anymore and neither do I want to.. I no longer have the strength to stay away from you. Before I knew you, I really had nobody to turn to. And now you're gone.. you're no longer by my side. It makes me want to give up.."
He lowered his head and rested it in his hands, his elbows propped up on his knees. "I feel like scum for doing this to you.."
Automatically she folded her arms in front of her chest and thought for a moment about what he had said. She shook her head absentmindedly; so he had really done this to her just because he wanted to make it easier for him, hadn't he? He could have talked to her and explained, but no, he had obviously been too much of a coward to do that. It hurt Jade more than she had expected to hear this; this reason didn't justify the pain she had been through. He could have done this in another way, but the fact that he chose this one really showed what an arrogant ass he was. He had ripped her heart into pieces only because he didn't have the guts to face her. He had ruined everything they had, everything they were.
And now he came crawling back to her, expecting her to forgive him and be there for him. She shot him a look that conveyed all the disdain she felt at the moment and saw how his face fell as his eyes met hers.
"Jade, I made a mistake.."
And now Jade nodded. People made mistakes.. And to his defence: not every sixteen year old boy had to fulfil some dark task for You-Know-Who in order to save the lives of the ones he loved. She knew she was much too forgiving a nature than to leave him right now. It was obvious that he needed her. And there had been a time when she really had loved him very much.. But still she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to trust him again.
"I don't even know what to say right now." were the only words she could muster at first. Then she said "You know, Draco. What you did really hurt me. You weren't just any boy to me. I gave it all up for you. And all I got was a slap in the face." Bitterness and hurt were mixed in her voice and even though she had feared that she might cry as soon as she spoke, she didn't feel like crying right now. She would not show how weak she really was in front of him. "And all those last months you treated me as if I was completely at your disposal. You showed no respect for me. I mean seriously, you kiss me, take Parkinson to your bed the same night and then take my potion? I will never let myself be treated that way again!"
Draco stood up now and made his way over to her chair, looking agitated. "Jade, I heard about the rumours Pansy has been telling in the castle.. They are lies! All of them. I never touched her. I never would. I swear that night of the Christmas Party, she came to my bed when I was asleep. I got the shock of my life when I saw her lying next to me the next morning. I know she claims that something happened, but there was nothing!"
She looked into his eyes, but she could not tell if he was saying the truth. And so she decided to say something, she knew would hurt him. "Draco, I don't even think that that is my business anymore. Not after everything. You can bed as many slutty girls as you want.. Just don't kiss me right before you do it, please."
That sentence had certainly hit home. He looked as if she had slapped him, but gulped it down. "I just wanted to tell you.. I feel, it sullied our memory.. I really fucked it up this time, didn't I?"
Jade stood up now, too, and looked into his eyes again, those deep stormy grey eyes, she had missed so much. It felt as if they had just broken up. Not that they had been together, but somehow her words echoed in her mind as if they had been final. And the moment she looked into his eyes, she knew that it had been her own hurt that had made her say those words. She didn't mean them. She never wanted him to kiss any other girl, only her. And she only wanted him. Of course he was her business. He was so much more than that to her.
Her breathing became shaky as she lost herself in his eyes. He took a step nearer now and Jade turned her head up a little further to look at him. "Nothing happened?" she whispered.
He shook his head. "Nothing happened. I would never do that."
She closed her eyes and nodded. "I believe you." Then she opened her eyes again and saw that he had come a little closer still. "I need more time." She said.
"Of course." He answered. His face was very near hers now; she reached out and stroked some of his hair out of his eyes. They looked at each other and Jade couldn't help but feel her heart beat faster again. It was a moment between them and then it passed. Jade drew her hand back again.
After a moment she said, very silently. "You look tired, Draco. You should get some sleep."
And just as she wanted to step around him, he caught her hand in his. "Don't..." but he didn't let go. The close proximity to him made her feel quivery. The impact of his touch was greater than she had expected it. She looked down at their hands. And for the first time in a long time she did not want to cry.
She felt as if she had a full body-bind charm on her as Draco moved in closer. He pulled her hand up now and rested it on his chest.
"I lied." he whispered "Back then when I said, I didn't..when I said, you were wrong.. I lied." and Jade knew what he meant. Did he still love her?
She looked up at him again and even though there was a part of her that wanted nothing more than to give in and let him kiss her, there was something else that was holding her back. She pulled her hand away from him; it felt too soon for him to be touching her like this. She really did need more time to think about everything. There was no answer, she could give him right now.
She saw in his eyes that he understood. "I'll wait for you, Jade. Like I promised I would."
She nodded and then, without saying another word, she turned away from him and made her way to the door. Before she closed it behind her, she looked at him once more and somehow her heart ached as she saw him standing there without her. She wanted to be with him, but she couldn't right now. It just wasn't that easy. And so she pulled the door shut and walked away.
During the next days Jade neither confided in Hermione nor in Blaise; somehow she wanted to keep her conversation with Draco to herself. She didn't want to hear anyone else's opinion on this, before she had formed her own. But at the moment her mind still was too much of a mess to know what she really wanted. Draco wanted her back, that much was clear. But did she want him back, too? She had always thought she would. But now she wasn't so sure anymore. All those thoughts simply scared her.
And so it was only a few days later when the first Saturday of February arrived and with that the time for their first Apparition class. And as Jade walked into the Common Room that morning, the sixth-years were all chatting excitedly about what was likely to happen today. She made her way over to Harry and Hermione, who had been waiting for her. Surprisingly Ron joined their group, too. He rubbed the palms of his hands together.
"So – Apparition." He said, grinning. "Should be a laugh, eh?"
"Well, actually," Hermione retorted, her voice sounding poisonous. "It is quite dangerous. You could splinch yourself; separate a few of your body parts, you know. Maybe you could even get rid of that mouth ulcer of yours... Oh wait, that was Lav-Lav, wasn't it?"
Ron looked thunderstruck for a second, then the tips of his ears turned bright red and he stormed off, grabbing Lavender, who was standing over in a group of her friends, and vanishing with her through the portrait hole.
"Erm.. Hermione, that really was a little mean." Jade said timidly.
"Oh, you think so, Jade? Well, thank you for your opinion!" And then she threw her bushy hair over her shoulder and stalked off in a huff. Jade's facial expression resembled Ron's a great deal in that moment. Hermione had never lashed out at her like that.
"Oh, don't worry, Jade." Harry mumbled, patting her back. "She's been like that ever since I outshone her in Potions with a bezoar as an antidote... I'll go after her."
And then the boy left, too, and Jade started wandering through the corridors of the castle alone. And she was just rounding a corner as she walked straight into yet another bickering couple.
"Oh, you know what? Forget it!" An angry girl's voice hissed and then there was a swirl of red hair through the air and Ginny Weasley stormed off in a similar fashion as her older brother had just done in front of Hermione.
"What...?" Dean was saying, looking momentarily flabbergasted, but Ginny didn't even look back and vanished down the corridor.
"Did you two fight again?" Jade asked as she approached him, already knowing the answer.
"By now the question really is when the two of us are not fighting. Seriously, what is the point in having a relationship if all you ever do is jump each other's throats? I mean, I could deal with this when there still were times when we'd make up in between all the fighting." Dean told her as they walked down to the Great Hall side by side. "But ever since Christmas it keeps getting worse. You know, I used to admire Ginny for her fierceness and outspokenness, but I'm really coming to realize that she simply is a bloody pighead. The day Ginevra Weasley will admit that she was wrong about something, hell will freeze over."
He took a deep breath and Jade realized that he had been waiting for a long time to tell someone these thoughts of his.
"I know when I talk like this I must sound like a really bad boyfriend. But it's hard to be wrong all the time.. Everything is my fault."
"No, Dean." Jade said, feeling pity for the boy once more. "It's nobody's fault." She had to bite down on her tongue to refrain from telling him to break up with Ginny. But she could see that Dean really cared about the girl. They had reached the large double doors of the Great Hall by now and before they entered Dean turned towards Jade once more.
"Thank you for listening to me, Jade. I know it must be a little weird for you, being friends with Ginny and all. But you really are a good listener." he grinned at her and she smiled back at him.
"Any time, Dean." She said kindly. He let out a little chuckle and clapped his hand on her shoulder. As they entered the Great Hall Jade noticed that a silvery pair of grey eyes had been watching their interaction. Draco stood tall in between his group of cronies, his arms crossed in front of his chest and a frown on his face. It appeared as if Crabbe was talking to him and after one derogatory look at Dean he turned around again.
Jade followed her fellow Gryffindor house mate further into the Hall. The charmed ceiling was a stormy dark blue and shredded clouds were moving fast as the rain pattered heavily against the glass windows. The large tables had disappeared and the four Heads of Houses were standing at the front of the Hall, joined by a particular frail looking Ministry wizard. Apparently this was their Apparition Instructor. All the students had gathered in front of the teachers as they called for quiet; Jade stood on her toes to get another look at the wizard, who introduced himself as Wilkie Twycross now.
Dean turned around to look at her. "Come, get in front so you can see more." He said and pulled her up right in front of him. Jade could see now that Twycross looked oddly colourless... maybe it was a side-effect of excessive apparition.. Right in that moment Professor McGonagall's sharp voice interrupted Twycross in his speech. "Malfoy, be quiet and pay attention!"
Jade turned around to see Draco, who was standing much closer to her than she remembered him standing. He was still talking to Crabbe and took a step away from the other boy now. They looked as if they had been having an argument.
"I would like each of you to place yourselves now so that you have a clear five feet of space in front of you." Twycross was saying after a small explanation about the basics of apparition.
Dean, who was still standing right behind her, took hold of her shoulders now and pushed her a little to the front, then he himself took a few steps backwards. There was a dull thud and Jade turned around; Dean had walked backwards and right into Draco, who was sneering at him.
"I'd suggest you move further along, Thomas." He said silently; this slightly dangerous tone was still in his voice. Dean wasn't looking for a fight, so he just shrugged and moved to stand next to Draco begrudgingly.
"Thank you," said Twycross after a minute of scrambling and jostling within the Hall. "Now then.. " And with a wave of his wand ancient-looking wooden hoops appeared on the floor in front of them. He explained that they were supposed to apparate directly into them and after a moment it finally was time for their first try.
'Destination, Determination, Deliberation.' Jade repeated Twycross' words in her head and then she spun gracefully on her heel. But nothing happened. She looked around the Hall and saw that Neville was lying flat on his back and Ernie Macmillan was jumping into his hoop in a mid-air pirouette, making Dean bark out in laughter. Draco was still right behind her and she could feel his gaze upon her.
For the next hour the students continued spinning around, but nothing more spectacular than Susan Bones splinching her leg off happened. All the spinning slowly made Jade feel dizzy and as she turned around on her heel for what felt like the 301st time, she accidentally kicked against her hoop on the floor and sent it flying a few feet away from her. As she bent down low to pull it back into place she heard a rustling movement behind her, followed by the sound of a body crashing to the ground.
Quickly she turned around to see what had happened. Dean was lying spread-eagled on the floor, picking himself up slowly again. His eyes turned on Draco now, who was smirking in a suspiciously smug way. As the Slytherin noticed Dean's eyes upon him, he raised one of his brows in a challenging manner.
"Must've stumbled." Dean muttered a second later and pushed himself up from the floor. Jade shot Draco a scrutinizing look. Had he just hexed Dean? Or had the boy really tripped over his own feet?
Right in that moment Twycross ended their lesson and as the hoops vanished from the Hall, Jade was still looking into Draco's eyes. He already looked a little better by now, not as tired anymore, but still there was this certain something about him that hadn't been there before. And as the other students started leaving the Great Hall, she slowly walked up to him. It was as if something invisible drew her closer to him and as she brushed past him, she gave him a certain look, she knew he wouldn't be able to forget so soon. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw his body turn as he looked after her... and she couldn't resist giving him her best strut.
As Jade followed the other students, she realized that this was something new between them.. This heavy tension hadn't been there before.. Not before they had slept together. Oh Merlin.. She knew what it was now.
She turned to look over her shoulder. Draco was still standing there looking after her, his grey eyes flicked up to her face again. Jade bit down upon her lip once more as this very distinct hot feeling started building up inside her. Images were flying through her mind as she turned her head back around and left the Great Hall.
She needed some chocolate or something..
Over the next week Jade saw Draco more often than usual. He turned up for the meals again and even though they only ever saw each other from across the distance, each time they did her heart sped up. And this certain lasciviousness, she felt back then in the Great Hall, still wouldn't leave her. She had never thought she'd ever feel this needy, but here she was. She really wanted him badly. But then again she knew that sleeping with him would probably be the dumbest thing she could do right now.. But he simply had never looked more gorgeous than at the moment..
But the thought of sleeping with him quickly remembered her of what had happened the last time they had done it. And all the hurt she had gone through back then. She felt torn between her past and her future, between what had happened and what could happen. Once again she realized that it just wasn't as simple as she would have liked. Of course she wanted him, but the decision whether or not to get back together with him just could not be made quickly. It implied so much.
And as the week wore on her nights were getting more and more sleepless. Her thoughts kept her awake and as the weekend arrived and Friday slowly turned into Saturday Jade couldn't sleep at all. She had known that this night might probably get worse.. After midnight it was officially the 14th of February.. It was that day again. Restlessly she turned around and around again in her bed and crossed that point where it didn't even feel cosy anymore. Sometimes she would fall asleep for half an hour, have a weird dream and wake up again, only feeling more restless. Slowly she got fed up with herself and as her eyes travelled around the bedroom, she noticed her cape hanging over her trunk; the moonlight glimmered upon it. Weirdly enough she hadn't noticed it lying there for the whole time and suddenly it gave her an idea. She wanted to get out of here. As noiselessly as she could, she stood up from her bed and pulled over some fresh clothes. It was probably very cold outside and so she pulled over her cape and layered a thick winter cloak above it, then she made her way out of the dormitory.
As she passed the portrait of the Fat Lady, she could hear her silent snoring. Apparently everybody in this school could sleep happily tonight except her; she hoped for Filch and Mrs Norris to be vast asleep as well. She didn't think she would really get into major trouble to be out at this time, but it still would be annoying to run into either of them.
As she passed a large clock somewhere in the castle she could see that it was about five o'clock already, but as it was February the sky outside was still completely dark and only the moon illuminated the grounds of Hogwarts. As Jade finally reached the huge double doors of the Entrance Hall, she realized that there had been one massive flaw in her plan: they were locked.
She groaned silently. Of course they were locked. Hogwarts wouldn't be one of the safest places in the country if it let its doors stay open during the night. Quickly she thought about her options and remembered a little balcony only a few stairs and corridors away from the Entrance Hall. As she reached the door leading to it a moment later, it was locked as well. But this time she had more luck.
"Alohomora." She whispered, tapping the door knob, and the lock clicked distinctly. As she stepped out on the balcony, she looked down to the grounds. She wasn't that high up, after all she was just on first floor. So she concentrated hard and drew elegant small circles in the air with her wand; a rope ladder appeared, leading down the facade of the castle. As a Quidditch player Jade wasn't afraid of heights at all and quickly she made it down the ladder and let it dissolve into thin air again as soon as she had set foot on solid ground.
She was somewhere near the greenhouses now and as she turned to look across the grounds, she inhaled the cold, fresh air of the early morning. A thick fog lay over the grass and Jade could see now that it was full moon. She walked over the damp grass, enjoying the silence of the night and taking in the spooky view of the black lake, which was apparently the source of all this mist. She sat down somewhere along the edge of it and leaned against one of the large beech trees.
Somehow the calmness around her started to set her mind at ease. It had been buzzing with thoughts about Draco lately and she just had no idea how to deal with everything. She knew what her heart wanted, but her mind was holding her back, afraid that she might get hurt again. Somehow the idea of getting back together with him scared her. They just had no real perspective together; she would finish school in a few months and he would stay here.. or who knew where he would be. Even if they really were in love, it still would hurt her if they got separated. So wasn't it more prudent to protect herself from even more heartache by just staying friends with him? And if they really were meant to be together, wouldn't fate somehow find a way to bring her back to him in the end?
Jade liked to think about things that way; that if it really was meant to be, it would happen. But then again, weren't there times when you just had to take fate into your own hands? She let out a moan as her thoughts started to run in circles again.
In the end it was a simple question: was she willing to take a second leap, to put her heart on the line a second time? Or was she a burnt child and too afraid of risking it?
She almost was tempted to look for a daisy and play a little game of 'He loves me – He loves me not', but seeing that it was February she probably wouldn't have that much luck with finding one. Then a sound ripped through the silence of the night; it only was the crackling of a few twigs on the ground behind her. But Jade reacted instantly, drew out her wand and pointed it behind her.
Her senses hadn't betrayed her, a tall figure approached her with slow strides; blonde hair was gleaming in the light of the moon.
Jade lowered her wand and looked at him, her heart started beating faster. A shaky breath escaped her lips, fogging up in the cold morning air.
"You shouldn't be alone out here. It's dangerous." He spoke softly to her and Jade rose from her spot on the ground. She didn't know why, but suddenly she knew exactly what the right decision was.
"I couldn't sleep." She said silently as Draco came nearer still.
"Me neither." He answered. Jade took a few steps towards him now. The light of the moon made his fair skin glow and he looked very handsome as he turned his grey eyes to look down at her.
"Draco, I.. " she started, but then she didn't even know where to begin. She looked into his eyes and knew that he would be able to sense her feelings.
He closed the empty space between them now and carefully took her face into both of his hands. Then he moved and slowly kissed her forehead.. her temples.. her cheeks..
And as salty tears started to roll down her face, he kissed them away, too. Little sobs escaped her mouth now, each one stabbing a hole into his heart. And he pulled her towards his chest, as close as he could. The girl cried for a long time and Draco held her in his arms, stroking her tenderly and placing little kisses on her soft hair. He drowned himself in that sweet smell of hers and felt deep emotions well up inside him. He knew he had broken her heart and he knew he hadn't been there for her, when he should have been. But still, she was here now, in his arms; even though he didn't even deserve her.
As he felt her small body shiver slightly, he shortly let go of her, buttoned up his coat and engulfed her inside it, closer to his own warm body. She shouldn't be cold; she should never be cold if he could help it. And she shouldn't be sad. He had never felt this huge need to take care of someone like he wanted to take care of her in that moment. From now on he wanted to protect her from harm; like he had seen his father do with his mother. He wanted to devote everything to her; his own life if needed. There was no limit on how far he would go for her. He was scared of the sudden strength of these emotions, but he embraced them. He had never felt this emotional and even sniffed a little, hoping she wouldn't notice.
But her deep brown eyes turned up towards him now, the tears still clinging to her lashes. She even looked incredibly beautiful when she was crying. Draco smiled at her in his arms. A real man could show some emotions sometimes, couldn't he? And he leaned down and rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. Even though he wanted to kiss her, he was afraid that it was too soon for her, that she still needed more time. And she should have as much time as she needed; he would be waiting for her.
She still was sniffing quietly and Draco nuzzled his nose against her soft cheek. One of her hands, which had been resting on his chest, moved up now and cupped his jaw-line, holding him to her. Draco felt himself react strongly to her touch and had to keep himself from kissing her lips; so he kissed her neck instead.
But apparently that scared her away a little, as she inclined her head so he couldn't reach her neck anymore and drew her hand back from his face again.
"I'm sorry." He said, but she only shook her head. Then the tears came again; how he hated to see her cry. "Jade, please don't cry. Please."
She nodded her pretty little head and then snuggled against his chest again.
"I know I broke your heart.. Please let me make it right again." He whispered now, hugging her close to him. She didn't react, but Draco hoped that her tears had ebbed away now.
For a moment he thought he could stand here like this forever and just hold her in his arms. It was the only thing, which could make him happy. He had never felt like this and he was sure that she was the only one, who could make him feel this way. She really was the one for him. And he truly did love her. He had thought that he loved her for quite some time, but then again he had never felt as strongly for her as in this moment. He hadn't had much experience with love, but maybe it could grow in time. He was sure that if it grew even larger, he would certainly burst from it.
As those strange thoughts shot through his head, he realized that the sky had turned much lighter. How long had they been standing here like this? Apparently Jade realized it, too, and raised her head up to the sky. As Draco looked down on her perfectly full, pink lips it was very hard for him not to lean in and kiss her. He really ached for it.
"Jade, I.." he started and her bright eyes turned on him now; he lost himself completely in them. "..I want you to know... Jade, I love you."
Whoa, he really had said it out loud. He felt as if he had made a giant leap of faith. He felt his own heart thump strongly in his chest as he awaited her reaction.
Her lips parted slightly as she looked back into his eyes. Her tears had long been gone and Draco could see surprise in her eyes.. and emotion.
Then slowly she snaked one of her arms around his neck and pulled him close. And then she kissed him. Her lips were as soft as ever as they caressed his own tenderly. It was just a kiss on the lips and it was over before Draco could really get over his state of sheer inner jubilation. But it was full of emotion. He knew it meant something; both of them knew it did.
Then Jade pulled back again and let her arm slide down his chest. She smiled up at him and Draco wanted nothing more than to kiss her again. But he knew that she was the one to decide how they went on; it was cruel, yet wonderful at the same time.
"I think we should get back." Those were the first words she really said to him since she started crying. Draco wondered whether he had just not realized before what a beautiful voice she had. But as the meaning of her words echoed all the way back through his mind, he dreaded the impending loss of her body in his arms.
"No... I want to keep you." He said, wrapping his arms tighter around her.
She smiled at this, but shook her head. "Then they'll see us."
"I don't care." Draco knew that he wouldn't put her in any more danger than she already was by letting people see them together. It was his own neck, which would be put on the line.
"But I do.."
"I'm already doomed anyway. It makes no difference." He shrugged, feeling the hopelessness creep up inside him again. He knew he was going to fail with this task; and then he would be on the top of the Dark Lord's list. So if he was going to die anyway or flee, leaving his family behind, he wanted to be with her as long as he could.
"Draco, don't say that. You'll find a way somehow. Just don't give up hope. After all, we are all lying in the gutter; I mean look at Harry! But some of us are still seeing the stars. You'll get out of this somehow. I know you will." Her voice sounded clear and earnest.
Draco knew that those weren't just empty phrases; this girl really believed in him. And he had never expected this to give him so much strength suddenly. He would go back to this blasted Vanishing Cabinet today and just make it work; and if it didn't, he would still give his best. If he succeeded, maybe there would really be a chance of them being together. No matter which side won, they could protect each other. She might be one of Harry Potter's best friends, but still she was a pureblood. Even if the Dark Lord reigned one day, Draco would be able to get her out of this mess. And if Potter did it, (for which, if he was completely honest with himself, he hoped for) then Jade could do the same for him. If he looked at it this way, the two of them actually had a chance of being together, which was twice as high as for a couple, who fought on the same side. He just had to do his best.
His hands came up again to hold her face and he placed another affectionate kiss on her forehead. Then he let go of her.
"You'll go first. I think they opened the Entrance Hall now. They usually do it at this time."
The girl nodded now and took a step back. She looked at him and her perfect lips formed a smile once more; then a mischievous glimmer appeared in her dark brown eyes. Quicker than Draco could even react, she approached him again, stood on the tip of her toes and gave him another kiss, nibbling on his lips a little and threading her fingers through the hair above the nape of his neck. And Merlin, even though it was as short as the first one it was much, much hotter. He had no idea how this girl could do it, but he felt ready to jump her again. She walked backwards away from him now, biting her lower lip.
"That really was mean, you know." He called after her. "I had no time to prepare."
She laughed her prettiest laugh and then turned around and walked up to the castle. Draco leaned against the beech tree and followed her with his eyes, making sure that she got up there safely. Slowly he realized that a huge grin was spread on his face; he shook his head, disbelievingly. Merlin, it really was ridiculous how much in love he was with this girl.